


please keep me close (don't ever let me go)

by sobsicles



Series: Change One Thing [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (That tag is so not what you are expecting), Bonding, Casual dating, Dating out of convenience, Humor amongst a shitty situation, Idiot Bois as per usual, Imprisonment, Light D/s undertones, M/M, Mixed feelings about a Moving Mountain, Rough treatment, Supportive Clary, Valentine being a piece of shit as usual, an ankle is broken at some point, and ehhh im back yall, but its me so you know its resolved, but like in my defense, in my enimem voice: guess whos back...back again, okay maybe a bit more than just slight angst, slight angst, these two are idiots so im doing my best with what ive got, until its not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 11:44:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 121,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21074354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sobsicles/pseuds/sobsicles
Summary: Valentine decides kidnapping Jace and Simon is the way to go, leaving them imprisoned with no way out and no choice but to rely on one another.As expected, things don't exactly go to plan.Not for anyone.~~~The words are so honest, too honest, and they almost hurt to hear. Jace doesn't want them floating around in his brain, doesn't want the knowledge of Simon's side of the story. If he knows, if he has even a glimpse into the depths of Simon's feelings, he knows he might just agree with him.Plus, the fact that Simon's letting this slip, to Jace no less, only solidifies something that Jace doesn't want to acknowledge, that neither of them do. The fact that they're not going to make it out of this alive, not both of them, at least. What's the harm in being honest, this honest, if the words won't have the chance to be repeated?





	1. well, we're in it now, boys

**Author's Note:**

> hello folks. guess who's back on their bullshit again? yeah, that's right, its me. 
> 
> back at it again with another installment to this wacky series, hope y'all enjoy!

The last thing Jace remembers is the ecstasy of fangs piercing his wrist, and he thinks--just before something clips him on the head and darkness crowds in--that if he's dying, at least it's in this moment, feeling as good as he does. 

  
  


* * *

When Jace comes to, everything aches. His mouth feels full of cotton, his whole body is  _ sore,  _ and his head throbs with every inhale. There's a grunt, but it doesn't come from him, and he has to force his eyes open slowly. For a second, he doesn't know what he's even looking at--the first thing he makes sense of is wide, terrified brown eyes. 

It comes to him slowly as he scans the prone form curled up in front of him. Simon's on his side, hair a mess, blood dried all over the part of his face that isn't covered. Most of his face can't be seen, however, as he's hidden behind a fucking  _ muzzle. _

The fear in Simon's eyes makes Jace forget about any preconceived notions of their rivalry. Simon's eyes are wide, and he's keening pitifully at he stares at Jace in undeniable panic. Without much thought, Jace pushes himself up slowly, wincing at the pain that radiates through his body like waves, and he nearly stumbles as he scoots closer to Simon. He reaches out, going for the muzzle, and Simon flinches back as if expecting a hit. 

"Hey, no, shh," Jace says quietly, pausing as Simon goes still and simply stares at him. "M'just gonna take it off. Looks uncomfortable as all hell." 

Simon slowly nods and holds his head down so Jace can reach around and pull it off. His hands are tied as well, pinned together too tightly at the small of his back, and Jace silently frees his hands as soon as the muzzle slips off. Once free, Simon rubs at his jaw and stares at the dirty concrete they're sprawled out on. It's strangely peaceful, oddly enough. 

Simon clears his throat a looks up. "Thanks." 

"Don't mention it," Jace replies instantly, then peers around the cell and the bare room they're in. "You have any idea where we are?" 

"No." Simon swallows and stares at the blood flaking under his fingernails from where he was idly scratching at his chin. "After I...bit you, they knocked you out and ripped me away. I--I'm sorry about-- I didn't mean--" 

"Simon, that's not important right now. Tell me what the fuck happened," Jace says sharply. 

"Right, yeah. Valentine--he took us. You were passed out, and they put a bag over my head. They took me out and threw me in a trunk, but they took you somewhere. I have no idea  _ where,  _ but he was talking about the soul sword when they threw you in the trunk. He activated it, I know that, and I think--Jace, I think he used you to do it." 

"No, I'm the person who could destroy it. I was supposed to touch it, to deactivate it." 

Simon stares at him, lips tipping down. "Not according to him. But I--I can't be sure." 

"Fine. What happened after?" 

"You stayed passed out for the entire ride, and we rode a  _ long  _ time. I have no idea where. I tried to memorize the turns and stuff, but it didn't work. We could be in bumfuck for all I know. And when we stopped, they dragged us out the trunk, threw us in here, and just...left." 

"Valentine, too?" Jace asks warily. 

Simon nods. "He had the key. But someone's still here. I can hear them moving around outside. Might be him, but I don't-- There isn't a heartbeat."

"Great." Jace drops his head and sighs, eyes sinking closed. He takes a moment and just breathes, allowing himself a pause to adjust, then he looks back up at Simon. "And the, uh--" He gestures at his own face, jerking his chin at the muzzle. 

"They put it on before throwing me in here." Simon averts his eyes, swallowing thickly. "Valentine said that I'm just a monster who needs one, that I'm meant to be muzzled. He thought it was funny." 

"Oh," Jace mutters, staring at his own fidgeting fingers. His stomach twists. "Sorry." 

"Not your fault," Simon replies softly. 

"He's my dad," Jace tells him, an odd guilt swirling in the back of his mind, like he's responsible for the shit Valentine does. 

Simon snorts. "That's not on you. Not all family is perfect. Besides, your first instinct was to take it off, so that's the difference between you and him." 

"They hit you?" Jace forces himself to ask, not looking up from his fingers. He doesn't linger on Simon's casual approval. 

"Yeah, but I expected it." Simon shrugs quickly, a jerky movement Jace just  _ barely  _ catches out of his peripheral. "I healed, anyway." 

Again, Jace has the urge to apologize, as if any of this is his fault. He swallows the words down and finally looks up, eyeing the blood on Simon's chin. It's weird seeing his own blood painted grotesquely over Simon's face, dried and dark against slightly pale skin. The longer he looks, the more worry plagues him. He knows Valentine, knows just how fucked up he is, and it doesn't take a genius to work out just where this imprisonment can go. 

"Simon," Jace says carefully, doing his best to keep his tone perfectly neutral, "when do you think you'll get hungry again?" 

Simon's head snaps up. "What? Why? Jace, I'm not-- I  _ won't  _ bite you again, I don't care how much we enjoyed it. If you're craving--" 

"I'm  _ not,"  _ Jace cuts him off quickly, though he isn't entirely sure if that's true. "Use your fucking brain. We're locked together in a cell for an undetermined amount of time, there's no one around, and it's just us. I'm a sitting duck, and I think I'd like to know when I'll be on the menu." 

"Oh.  _ Oh."  _ Simon's eyes go wide, lips parting as he stares at Jace in horror. "You think-- Would he do that? To--to his own--" 

"He's fucking insane. You think he gives a shit? He'd let me die just to prove a point." 

"I--I won't. Jace, I swear I won't. Tonight was-- I almost  _ killed  _ you." 

Jace mulls that over, his lips twisting as he recalls the pure ecstasy he'd felt as he was bitten. In a rare moment of honesty, he says, "I would have let you."

"Shit, I'm--I'm  _ so  _ sorry. I didn't--" 

"Shut up. Just--shut up. Answer my question. How long do I have before...you get hungry again?" 

"I'm pretty full. After I--well, you know. I could probably make it a few days before I get--before I'm not myself anymore." 

"Guess we'll just have to break out by then, huh?" 

"And if we can't," Simon announces seriously, hands shaking as he scoops up the muzzle, "you'll have to use this." 

Jace stares at it, watching how it trembles in Simon's hands. He doesn't take it when Simon holds it out, his stomach squirming again. "I'm not doing that. If it gets to that point, we'll just--we'll think of something else." 

"There won't be anything else," Simon tells him forcefully, a strength in his voice betrayed only by how his hands visibly shake. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to  _ kill  _ you." 

"You won't," Jace replies flippantly, turning his gaze to the bars they're locked behind, ignoring the muzzle hanging in the air between them. "We'll figure something out. Now, shut up so I can think." 

"Jace, you have to--" 

"I don't  _ have  _ to do anything." 

"Jace," Simon insists, pushing the muzzle at Jace more seriously, eyes widening in a pleading fashion. 

"Simon," Jace snaps, "no. I'm not doing it, okay?" 

"Fine," Simon snips back, defiance taking over his face as he starts moving the muzzle back towards his face, his intentions clear. 

It's stupid, is the thing. In some part of Jace's brain, perhaps the survivalist in him, he  _ knows  _ that Simon makes even a small amount of sense. He hates it, but if it does come to that, the muzzle could be the very thing that keeps both of them alive long enough to get the fuck out of here. 

So, it's possibly the dumbest shit he's  _ ever  _ done--and that's saying something--when he leans forward without prompting and plucks the muzzle from Simon's clumsy hands. Not even thinking, an inexplicable fury tossing about in his chest, Jace flings the muzzle to the right. 

They both watch as it sails through the bars and skitters across the floor, settling well out of reach.

Jace doesn't even regret it. 

Simon, however, looks horrified. "Jace, what the everloving  _ fuck?  _ Why would you--" 

"It's not happening. Valentine's wrong, Simon. You don't need a fucking muzzle." Jace settles back down, landing on his ass and resting his arms on his bent knees. "I'm not him, and I'm not letting you do that." 

"It's not about-- I won't be able to stop! Don't you understand that? No matter how much I'll try, I won't have enough control to keep myself from ripping your throat out!" Simon explodes, hands jerking out in frustration. 

"Then so fucking be it!" Jace tosses his hands up too, anger swelling within him. "If I die, I fucking  _ die.  _ Valentine can let me get killed to prove a point, but I'll fucking die to prove mine!" 

"What  _ point  _ could possibly be worth--" 

"That he never fucking loved me in the first place!" 

Simon jerks back, the heaviness of Jace's words making his mouth snap shut, and Jace immediately wants to snatch the words right back out of the air. They're true, but he hates them all the same. Swallowing, Jace goes silent and looks away. 

Simon, for once, doesn't break the silence, letting the awkwardness stretch between them. It gets to the point that Jace can't even take it anymore. 

Quietly, he says, "And he  _ is  _ wrong. Downworlders aren't fucking monsters who need to be muzzled. This circumstance isn't the right kind of experiment. Too many variables against you. The real world isn't this, so it doesn't even count." 

"It'll count when you're dead, when I kill you." Simon's eyes sink closed and he sways as if he's even capable of being sick. "That was so  _ stupid."  _

"I guess stubbornness runs in the family," Jace says bitterly, scoffing as he stares at his shoes. 

"Much as I'd like to help you work through your family issues right now, we have more important matters to focus on. Like getting the fuck out of here, and  _ fast,  _ because the one chance we had at survival was tossed out by you on a freaking whim!" 

With that, Simon darts to his feet, moving to the bars to start yanking on them, blatantly ignoring him. Jace is used to Simon being angry with him, but this is different. This is something else, a deep-seated fury that Jace feels right to his toes. He knows he was wrong for tossing the muzzle away, even if he was trying to do good, because it's clear that Simon is more terrified of killing Jace than he is that he'll be muzzled again. 

Jace knows he should apologize, can feel the guilt making his skin tighten and crawl, but he can't force any words from his mouth. They all get clogged in his throat, making it hard to breathe. The crazy thing is, he isn't even scared of Simon, of dying. 

Not yet, at least. 

* * *

It takes little to no time at all to realize that they're stuck. The bars have no give, and no amount of working together to break out manages to even budge them. Jace even tries to pick the lock from both sides, but his fingernail isn't long enough and he doesn't have anything else. 

Simon's taken to trying to get the muzzle back. At first, he tries reaching it through the bars, but they both can see that it's too far away. Then, he slips out of his hoodie and tries to drag it in that way, and it's  _ still  _ too far. When it becomes apparent that it's out of reach, Simon makes Jace give up his leather jacket and ties it to his hoodie, tossing it through the bars over and over. The muzzle remains across the room, and Simon presses his face to the bars when he has no choice but to admit defeat. 

He looks ready to cry. 

Jace is no stranger to desperation  _ or  _ fear, so he wisely doesn't intervene with Simon's little breakdown. He silently walks the perimeter of the small cell. It's big enough that they can lay side by side, but that's all the room they've got. There's not a shower, nor a toilet, and Jace's bladder isn't pleased about it. 

The cell only takes up about a quarter of the room, but that doesn't mean anything. Outside of the cell is as bare and hopeless as inside. There's nothing on the floors or walls, only one door that must lead out, and it's ominously dim with one lightbulb casting a drab, yellow glow. 

Overall, it's pretty shit. 

When the dreadful realization that they're truly trapped settles in, they both go to their separate corners and fall silent. 

Jace doesn't mean to, but he dozes. It's not a restful nap, which makes complete sense. He dreams of Alec, but it's nothing cohesive, just snippets of moments that somehow all collaborate to equal a nightmare. When he jerks awake, his heart is racing and Alec's name falls from his lips. 

"You okay?" Simon asks cautiously. 

Jace reaches up and scrubs at his eyebrow, his head pulsing to an unpleasant beat. "What do you think? I'm pretty sure that Alec is having a  _ fit  _ right now." 

"They probably all are," Simon mutters. "Clary's probably going out of her mind." 

"They know I'm alive, at least. Alec would know if I wasn't. You, they can't be sure of, so yeah...Clary's probably losing her collective shit," Jace agrees tactlessly, too tired to soften his words. 

Simon lets his head tip back against the bar behind him, the impact making a dull thunk. "They'll find us. I know they will. Just a question of when." 

Their earlier argument suddenly joins them in the cell, taking up too much space, and Jace heaves a sigh. He knows they have to get over it before Simon actually  _ does  _ get too hungry, but he hasn't got a fucking clue about how to bridge the gap. He's wrong for what he did, and he  _ knows  _ it. 

Well, that might work. "I was wrong before," Jace says without preamble. He clears his throat. "About the muzzle, I mean. Not because I'm scared, or because you need it, but because you felt safer with it in that instance. Shouldn't have tossed it away, not if you made the decision to use it." 

"You really shouldn't have," Simon agrees, his voice cracking with distress. "It was the one thing standing between me becoming a murderer." 

"Is it murder if I'm willing?" 

"It is to me." 

Jace sighs and spits out, "Well, I'm sorry, okay? I'm just-- I've got a lot of shit that doesn't even have to do with you. Don't take it personally." 

"Kinda  _ have  _ to. It's going to get really personal when I have my fangs in your neck." 

"It's not like I won't enjoy it." 

"You shouldn't say that," Simon replies sharply, picking up his head to glare at Jace. "You're only saying shit like that because you think you're going to die. If you didn't, you'd  _ never  _ admit that." 

Jace can't help it, he snorts. "Got me all figured out, huh? And here I thought you were an idiot." 

"And here I thought you weren't as much of a dumbass as you are." 

"That's your mistake." 

"Yeah," Simon says dryly, "it really is." 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Whatever, are you over it now? Done being pissy?" 

"Only because I don't have the energy to be mad. Let me get a nap, then I'll be back to glaring." 

"Yeah, you're over it. So, I have a plan." 

"I can hear in your voice that I will not like this plan," Simon notes warily. 

"You won't, but it's all we got," Jace says simply, because it really is. "You're gonna have to eat eventually, and I'm a full-course meal. So, instead of waiting until you're starving, why not just do our best to stretch it out?" 

"You're offering to  _ feed  _ me?" Simon sputters. 

Jace quirks an eyebrow. "Well,  _ yeah.  _ Not the first time I gave you my wrist, remember?" 

"Yeah, but-- Well, you looked like Clary then. And it's just--it's different." 

"Maybe for you, but it was  _ definitely  _ me. It makes sense, Simon. It'll give us time, at least." 

"You'll get hooked on it. On  _ me,"  _ Simon whispers, like it's a dirty little secret. 

"Yeah, probably, but that's a problem for later, when we get free. I'll kick it when we get back," Jace replies with more confidence than he feels. 

Simon is silent for a moment. "You don't even like me. You're not even--" 

"Doesn't matter," Jace interrupts. "We're stuck in this together, and it's up to us to get out of it alive. Clary would kill me if you didn't make it, and Alec would stake you if I didn't." 

"So, it has nothing to do with how good it felt? You  _ cried,  _ Jace. I saw it, I saw how you looked, how Clary looked. It was--it's intense." 

"It is. And it was good, will  _ be  _ good. But, like I said, we don't have much of a choice." 

"I don't like the idea," Simon admits petulantly. 

Jace quirks a small smile. "Told you." 

"How is this my life?" Simon complains, suddenly sounding so  _ exhausted  _ that Jace's traitorous heart gives a small pang. "I never asked for any of this, you know. I just-- It wasn't supposed to be like this. I was gonna be an accountant who practised music, and maybe I'd get a record deal, maybe get married and have kids. Not even with  _ Clary,  _ just--just in general, you know? My mom would have been a great grandmother, I would have punched numbers and waited for the chance to get to my guitar, and I'd never get fucking kidnapped at all." 

"The price of loving Clary," Jace murmurs, eyes dropping to his fingers again.

"Yeah," Simon agrees. Then, his voice goes really quiet, like what he's saying is so laden with shame that the words can't exist at regular volume. "Sometimes, I hate her for it, actually. I--I've never told anyone that before, but...I think it's true. She did this to me, and I--I let her." 

"Simon," Jace says awkwardly. 

But Simon isn't listening. He's on a roll. "I was going to tell her before this, or after, I don't know. I thought that if I could just say the words, that I'm in love with her, then I'd stop being so freaking  _ lost  _ when it comes to her. Maybe she'd love me back, and I could stop hating her that small bit. Or…" Simon trails off, the words sticking in his throat for a moment, then escaping in a hollow rasp. "Or, maybe she'd tell me that I'm her best friend and nothing more, that everything she did to me,  _ for  _ me, was bred out of a love that doesn't match mine, and then-- _ then  _ I could hate her just enough to choose myself." 

The words are so honest,  _ too  _ honest, and they almost hurt to hear. Jace doesn't want them floating around in his brain, doesn't want the knowledge of Simon's side of the story. If he knows, if he has even a  _ glimpse  _ into the depths of Simon's feelings, he knows he might just agree with him. 

Loving Clary doesn't come without it's trials--that, Jace has learned firsthand. 

Plus, the fact that Simon's letting this slip, to  _ Jace  _ no less, only solidifies something that Jace doesn't want to acknowledge, that neither of them do. The fact that they're not going to make it out of this alive, not both of them, at least. What's the harm in being honest, this honest, if the words won't have the chance to be repeated? 

Jace clears his throat. "She--she really does love you, that's something I know for sure. If it's, uh,  _ in love _ is something I don't know, but you didn't see her when you died. Which, you couldn't, obviously. But she couldn't let you go, couldn't do life without you. That's--it's special, kinda like me and Alec. Isn't that enough, even if it's not...romantic?" 

Simon blinks as if he just got slapped back into his own body. He stares at Jace. "Yeah, of course. I'm not-- It's not about  _ that.  _ It's about the fact that she knows how I feel, but she won't let me off the hook. I know she knows,  _ she  _ knows that I know that she knows. It's a lot of knowing, but she goes on like confirmation either way could ruin us." 

"You feel like she's leading you on," Jace says slowly, eyebrows hiking up. 

"No, not really. It's hard to explain. You don't--you  _ never  _ knew how close we are. We're best friends first, no matter what. I love her, I always will, and that's not going to change. The being in love with her part is miniscule compared to that, and she  _ knows  _ that. But it's almost like she believes the fact that I'm in love with her is the reason I'm here, and it isn't." 

"So, why haven't you just talked to her about it?" 

"A part of me doesn't want to know. Jeez, that's why I couldn't fucking  _ stand  _ you, did you know that?" Simon asks, snorting quietly. 

"No," Jace says sarcastically, "had no idea." 

Simon chuckles quietly. "Wasn't your fault, technically. Not your fault that she had eyes. But it was more than that. She just looked at you, and there wasn't hiding what she felt for you, no matter how much she tried. I never--I didn't have that. I  _ was  _ that, only when I looked at her." 

"You were jealous." 

"Yeah. Envious. Not just of how she looked at you, but of  _ you.  _ No one's ever looked at me like  _ that.  _ The fact that it was her--the one I wanted to look at me the most--was just  _ infuriating."  _

Jace purses his lips, words he knows he probably shouldn't say dancing on his tongue. He's powerless to stop them. "Why didn't you just move on, man? I mean, _shit, _if she wasn't giving you any signs, and you weren't going to ask for one, why not just...let it go? Like, seriously, we don't have anywhere to be. Is she actually _the_ _one?" _

"I wanted her to be. So  _ badly.  _ A part of me still does. I just did it for so long that it feels like a waste to just give up on it now. If not for the Shadow World shit, I think we'd have ended up together. I was going to let it unfold naturally, you know? But everything changed, and I felt like I was losing her, and I just clung  _ harder.  _ I just...don't know anymore." 

"Well, I can't help you out when it comes to her. Trust me, my relationship with her is  _ much  _ more complicated. You've got it easy." 

Simon shoots him a flat look. "What's complicated about it? She's your sister, end of story." 

"That's the fucked up part. Its  _ should  _ be: she's my sister,  _ beginning  _ of story, but that came later. Too late. We got involved before that knowledge came about." 

"Dude, I'm not going to lie to you, it's a little  _ gross."  _

"Yeah," Jace agrees, wrinkling his nose, "I know. I dunno, I thought it would be harder than it was. I mean, it  _ sucked,  _ but the fact that it was fucked up and, as you said, gross really...helped? You know what I mean. Now, the issue lies with the fact that we had feelings before, and we don't really know how to...coexist, I guess. After everything, I didn't expect to lose her anyway, not like this. I sometimes wish we were just siblings from the start." 

"Clary's not good with the, uh, weird stuff. Well, the stuff that makes  _ her  _ feel weird, I mean. If you two can figure out how not to be weird about it, you'll be fine. Then maybe you can, I don't know, actually have a family member worth acknowledging." 

"That was a little under the belt." 

"Yeah, well, you stole my girl," Simon mutters. 

Jace snorts. "And she turned out to be my  _ sister."  _

"Touché," Simon allows, lips quirking. "That was a joke, by the way. She's not mine, or property, or whatever. So, if we do--when we get out of here, don't run and tell her I acted like she was a trophy." 

"Sure," Jace says, waving a hand carelessly. He hums and eyes Simon. "I'm gonna ask you something. Has it always been her? You never-- I mean, you didn't want to even  _ try  _ with anyone else?" 

Simon shrugs. "Had a few girlfriends, but they always caught on about how I felt for Clary. There was this girl, Maureen, but that ended  _ very  _ badly. Had a boyfriend or two, but one moved away, and the other decided he was too young to settle down. I'm not  _ fixated  _ on Clary, I just...figured we'd have something amazing. But that doesn't mean I'm going to ignore it if it happens with someone else." 

"Ah," Jace grunts, nodding simply. "Well, in that case, I can tell you this. She isn't the one. She may be someone you always love a little  _ too  _ much, but she isn't the one you'll love the most. Same for me, actually. I knew it as soon as I moved on, because if she was the one, I wouldn't have been able to. Maybe Clary's just one of those people, one that the whole world can't help but revolve around." 

"Ya know," Simon murmurs with a slightly delirious laugh, "that's more apt than you'll ever know." 

Jace just gives Simon a two-fingered salute, well aware of the truth in his words. 

* * *

Somehow, despite the situation, they fall asleep. Simon goes first, his head drooping to the side, quiet snorts sounding every now and again. Jace follows shortly after, still sore and uncomfortable.

Unceremoniously, he's woken without an inch of sympathy. With massive hands grasping him by his throat, Jace is thrown out of the open door of the cage. He barely has time to see Simon handcuffed to the bars of the cell before he's dragged off by his hair. He hears Simon's shout that's muffled around a lump of cloth stuck between his teeth, visibly impaled by fangs. Then, the one door that leads out shuts with a clang and the distinct sound of a locking mechanism slamming heavily back into place. 

To be fair, Jace fights. Oh, how he fights. Kicking, clawing, and yelling--he  _ fights.  _ However, whatever fucking  _ giant  _ that drags him down a plain hallway barely seems to notice him at all, like he's less than a bothersome gnat. Whatever it is, it's shaped like a massive man--taller than anyone Jace has ever met, broader than them too--and it has lumpy skin like muscles are trying to burst free from its skin. In the midst of his flailing, Jace can see the black veins that snake underneath the skin of the humanoid creature, but he's never seen anything like this before. 

It's clearly one of Valentine's experiments, and it's obviously enhanced in speed and strength, which does Jace absolutely  _ no  _ favors. 

There really isn't much for Jace to do but be dragged by his hair, waiting for his fate. And it isn't long before he's jerked into a room with tile on the floor. The hulking creature releases him, then slams the door with another disheartening clunking noise that tells him he's locked in. Jace breathes heavily in a heap on the floor, rubbing his tender head, and he stares around the room. 

It's a bathroom. Literally. It's...just a bathroom. 

Complete with a toilet, a shower with an actual curtain, and the tiniest bar of soap he's ever seen in his life. Well, there's no mistaking what's supposed to happen here. 

Jace doesn't waste time, not entirely sure how long he has before the Moving Mountain comes back. He quickly relieves himself, then strips and steps into the stall. It's stupidly cold, the water's like ice, but he goes through the motions anyway. Despite the fact that he's shivering when it's over, he does feel better after. There's a small shelf across the room with two new additions waiting for him, meaning that the Moving Mountain snuck in while he was showering, which is creepy on  _ so many  _ levels. 

The small tray has nothing but a clump of meat, a piece of bread, and dollop of what appears to be pea-colored...yogurt? Still, he forces himself to eat it anyway, aware that he needs to keep his strength up. It's gross, and the lone mint that sits in the last section of the tray makes his mouth taste blissfully fresh. Once done, he slips into the clothes that the Moving Mountain had gifted him with. 

Plain grey shirt, plain grey pants. 

Jace hates them. The Moving Mountain has no sense of fashion, apparently. 

He steps back into his boots and tries to pick up the tray, fully intending to try his luck at knocking the Moving Mountain upside its head. Except, of course, the tray is somehow  _ stuck _ to the shelf. Just his fucking luck--what else is new? 

He has no choice but to wait, so that's what he does. 

It feels like forever, but could be twenty minutes, before the Moving Mountain comes back. Jace has no intentions of making this easy for it, tensed and ready to fight, but it's apparently prepared for that. Without any warning whatsoever, the Moving Mountain swings a long rope through the doorway, legit fucking  _ lassoing  _ it, and before Jace knows what's happening, he's being dragged down the hall in a circle of rope that digs into his skin. 

It is, quite possibly, the most undignified that Jace has ever been in his entire life, and he's had his ass handed to him by Izzy many times, so that's really saying something. 

He knows he's back into the room with the cell--not only by remembering the door, but because there's more muffled shouting from Simon. Jace swings his head around to watch as the Moving Mountain unlocks the cells and carelessly flings Jace in, snatching the rope off him roughly in passing. Before Jace has fully hit the floor, the Moving Mountain slams the cell door shut and stomps over to the bars that Simon's handcuffed to. 

While it frees Simon, Jace takes the time to actually look at its features. They look vaguely humanesque as well, but the lumps are as vivid there too, and the black veins twine worse across its face. The eyes are milky white, no pupils at all, and it doesn't really seem to have much for lips, revealing only yellowing teeth that resembles a shark more than a human's. 

As soon as Simon's hands come down, the Moving Mountain is turning around and walking away, heavy steps echoing as he heads out. The door locks behind him, and Jace turns to Simon. 

"You okay?" Jace asks. 

Simon reaches up and pokes at a fang, grimacing. When it retracts, he huffs. "That thing nearly took a fang when it snatched the rag out my mouth.  _ Twice."  _

"Twice?" Jace blinks. "It came back in here?" 

"Yeah." Simon abruptly looks  _ very _ confused. "It fed me. Jace, it actually freaking poured blood into my mouth. I'm not sure if your theory is correct. I'm actually beginning to think that Valentine has different plans for us after all." 

Jace nods. "Yeah, I'm getting that idea too." 

"Why? Where'd it take you?" 

"To a bathroom. Got to shower, eat, change clothes. Whatever's going to happen...it involves us being alive and healthy--even at the bare minimum." 

"Great," Simon mutters. "Just fucking  _ great."  _

Jace doesn't echo the sentiment, but he doesn't really have to. Simon's got it covered. 


	2. in the long haul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what am i even doing? 
> 
> the world may never know
> 
> (and neither do i)

"You know, I think--despite everything--there's a bright side to this." 

Jace blows out a deep breath and looks to the ceiling of their prison. By the angel, Simon is grating on every single nerve in his body. He doesn't really have a sense of time here, but it feels as if Simon has been talking constantly for  _ hours.  _ He almost wishes they could go back to before, back to when they were positive they were days away from death. At least, then, they were quiet from the impending doom. 

"Tell me," Jace says flatly, "what's the bright side, Simon? What could  _ possibly  _ be bright about this?" 

"Okay, debbie downer." Simon snorts and shakes his head. "Just hear me out, alright? As far as being kidnapped goes, it could be a lot worse. At least we're not alone, and hey, maybe we could actually bond!" 

"As you pointed out at some indistinct time earlier, I don't actually like you." 

"Really?" 

"Really," Jace confirms. 

Simon frowns at him. "Why?" 

"Would you like the full list? In alphabetical order, or chronological? I'm not sure we have enough time." 

"Okay, so our first encounter wasn't the best, and we've had our...problems, but I can't be  _ that  _ bad." 

Jace arches an eyebrow. "Aren't you a little biased?" 

"Nah, I know my faults." Simon flashes him a quick grin, something boyish that doesn't really fit in their current setting. "I think I'm mostly a likeable guy. Seriously, I think we could have been friends if we met somewhere naturally; no Clary, no death...just us. We would have been great." 

Jace tilts his head and says, "Nah." 

"Again, why not?" 

"We just don't...mesh." 

Simon claps his hands together and sits forward, watching Jace expectantly. "Okay, fine, give me the list. Chronologically, please." 

"We fought the first time we met. I realized upon meeting you that you were annoying, that you didn't know when to shut up, that you weren't as funny as you thought you were, and you didn't know how to leave well enough alone." 

"Gonna pause you there. We talked about the fighting thing, right? Bygones, and all that. I can be annoying, sure, but everyone is in their own way. I do talk a lot, that's true, but only when I'm scared or really passionate about something--which tends to be most of the time. I  _ am  _ funny, whereas you won't even let yourself laugh. And trust me, I tried to mind my own business, but I have a crippling sense of loyalty that has me by the balls. Next." 

Jace's eyebrows crawl up his forehead, a traitorous smile trying valiantly to curl the corners of his lips up. "Seriously? We're doing this?" 

"Yup." Simon bobs his head and waves his hands in a  _ hurry up  _ motion. "Keep going." 

"Alright, you asked for it. I'll cut you some slack. You have perseverance, I'll give you that, and I can respect it. But you're also a dork, so--" 

"Everyone's a bit of a dork, I just embrace it." 

"Okay, fine. You're always getting into trouble." 

"Ah, yes, a major flaw. That, I'm aware of. But you're argument is invalid," Simon tells him seriously. 

"Wait, what?" Jace frowns. "How?" 

"Clary. She gets into more trouble than I do, yet you  _ loved  _ her. So. Next." 

"Well...okay, fair enough. You and I have nothing in common." 

"That we know of," Simon corrects, waggling a finger at him with a small grin. "It's not like we've ever sat down to compare notes. And, you know, two people don't have to have anything in common to get along. What else?" 

"You're a danger-magnet," Jace says flatly, arching an eyebrow pointedly. "Wouldn't be a problem if you actually knew how to save yourself." 

Simon purses his lips. "Okay, I'll give you that one. Well,  _ mostly.  _ You're right, I don't really know how to fight or protect myself, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to learn. Not everyone was raised in a training room. So, you can have that, but I'm calling it invalid on unfair terms. Not my fault, ya know?" 

"You died. You just...died." 

Jace averts his eyes, aware of how soft his voice had just gotten. He can feel Simon's gaze boring a hole in the side of his head, relentlessly curious. 

He doesn't know why he said that, why he allowed himself to admit it. Sure, it's  _ true,  _ but it's one piece of honesty that should be hidden away, locked up, never to see the light of day. The fact is, Simon freaking  _ died,  _ and Jace can't tie himself to that. He can't care about Simon--the one who proved once already that he can't survive this life. Jace feeling mildly responsible for his safety is bad enough; bonding with him is out of the question. 

"That's why you came to save me, isn't it? Not just for Clary, but because you genuinely didn't want me to die again. You can't handle it." 

"I  _ could,"  _ Jace argues, then instantly deflates, "but I really don't want to." 

"So, that's what it is?" Simon huffs a bitter laugh, shaking his head as he settles back against the bars yet again. "A guy dies once, and that's all he's known for. Well,  _ news flash,  _ asshole, you can't hold that against me. In case you didn't notice, I've done everything to keep from dying again ever since." 

"I can't tell," Jace snips, rolling his eyes. 

"This? This, right here?" Simon swirls a finger, gesturing to the cell they're stuck in. "This is  _ not  _ my fault. I'm just trying to live my life, Jace. And it kinda pisses me off that--well, I shouldn't have  _ less  _ support after dying once already." 

Jace pauses to stare at Simon, actually considering those words in length. He's right, much as Jace hates to admit it. Simon doesn't actually deserve to be pushed away just because he's succestable to death, no matter how much someone wants to avoid loss. Not only is that unfair, it's not actually sensible, considering that him dying once could very well be the reason he outlives them all. 

Still, the fact remains. 

"Yeah, well, you're still annoying," Jace mutters, biting back a snort when Simon perks up. 

"That sounds like you think I'm right." Without explanation, Simon grins and scoots forward, holding his hand out towards Jace. "Don't worry about the annoyance; I promise I'll grow on you, I always do." 

Jace stares at his hand. "What are you doing?" 

"Well, I think we could do with a clean slate, don't you? I mean, we had a lot of history that wasn't so great, and now we're stuck here,  _ and  _ I proved that you have no reason to dislike me. Plus, we've had our fair share of heavy moments." Simon's smile widens goofily and--horrifyingly enough--charmingly. He pushes his hand towards Jace insistently. "So, hi, my name's Simon Lewis, and it's  _ really  _ nice to meet you." 

"Absolutely not. I'm not doing this. Why are  _ you  _ doing this? You don't even like me!" 

"Well, like I said, we're kinda stuck here. I'd rather us get along. Plus, I almost killed you, so there's that. I dunno… I guess I just thought--" 

Jace glares at Simon. "I don't need your  _ pity.  _ You didn't fucking kill me, so let it go already. Go right back to hating me and move on." 

"I don't  _ hate  _ you, jeez," Simon mutters, smiling falling into a frown. "If it's any consolation, I'd be the same way if it was Alec. Well, mostly. At least you're funnier than him. But the point  _ is,  _ I'd try." 

"You're not going to let this go, are you?" Jace asks, eyeing Simon's outstretched hand warily. 

Simon's smile comes back full force. "As we've already discovered, letting go isn't really my  _ thing.  _ So, I'll just keep trying. Hi, my name is--" 

"If I shake your fucking hand, will you  _ please  _ shut up?" Jace interrupts, reaching up to punch the bridge of his nose in exasperation. If there's a tinge of fondness that he's currently hiding by doing so...well, Simon's none the wiser. 

"I'll do you one better." Simon scoots a little closer, smiling wide enough to flash a retracted fang. "If you shake my hand, I'll hum myself to sleep." 

Ah, blissful  _ silence.  _

Jace catches Simon's hand in his own, clasping it firmly and giving it a solid pump. "Hi, I'm Jace Wayland-slash-Morgenstern-slash-Lightwood, and I would really like it if you could shut the fuck up." 

Simon snorts. "Dude, you have way too many last names." 

"Tell me about it," Jace quips back dryly. 

Simon pulls away with a pleased smile, looking like the cat that got the cream, and he scoots back over to his side of the cell. True to his word, Simon begins humming a soft tune that somehow lulls Jace into a sleepy state as well. 

When he drifts off, Simon's still humming. 

* * *

Jace wakes to screaming. It's not his own. 

He jolts up instantly, scanning the cell for Simon, finding only empty space. The scream echoes in his ears, already tapering off, and distantly, it picks back up again. It's definitely Simon, definitely far off, and  _ definitely  _ about to give Jace a heart attack. 

He can't do anything. 

Jace has no choice but to listen, unable to get out of the fucking cage he's forced into. Restless, angry, and above all else... _ worried,  _ he paces the length of the cell and flinches every time Simon screams. He tries yelling, tries beating against the bars, but no one comes, and Simon's screams don't stop. 

Until, quite abruptly, they do. 

The silence is so stark and harrowing that Jace can barely focus over the sound of his heavy heartbeat in his ears. It takes him a moment to realize that he's  _ scared,  _ that he's stunned into stillness with fear. He can't see anything, can't hear any clues, and he has no way of knowing if Simon is even alive. 

Jace stands frozen by the cell door, watching the only entry point to the room like a hawk, holding his breath as he listens for  _ anything.  _

It feels like an eternity before the door bangs open and the Moving Mountain comes stalking in the room with a limp form over his shoulder. Jace immediately prepares himself to fight, but he doesn't really get the chance. The Moving Mountain opens the door long enough to hoist Simon up and  _ toss  _ him at Jace, then shuts the door before leaving the way he came. Jace just barely manages to catch most of Simon's deadweight, stumbling as he lowers him to floor with wide eyes. 

Simon looks dead. 

_ Wait, don't be fucking stupid,  _ Jace thinks harshly,  _ he always looks dead.  _

The thing about trying to figure out if Simon is genuinely dead, as opposed to not-really-dead, is that it's next to impossible. He isn't breathing, but Simon doesn't technically need to breathe. Looking for a pulse is just a waste of time. There's really no way to tell if he's alive or not, so he has no choice but to wait. Yet again. 

Jace is getting really tired of the waiting game. 

He waits, and waits, and  _ waits.  _ Nothing, not even a twitch. Simon doesn't give any sign that he's ever going to move again, but Jace refuses to look away. He can't be dead,  _ can't be,  _ not again. Clary would kill him, he'd never forgive himself, and shit...loathe as he was to admit it, he's actually sort of thankful to have Simon in this shit with him. 

Jace tries to imagine how he'd explain it. How he'd have to tell Clary that he failed to save him this time. How Simon must've suffered, if his screams were anything to go by. How he'd have to hold her while she sobbed yet again. How he'd have to admit that he slept through Simon being taken. How he'd have to walk around feeling like shit for the rest of his life, aware that all he'd done was  _ nothing.  _

"Ouch." 

Jace releases the first full breath since he woke, nearly falling over from the intensity of his relief. He has to take a moment to just  _ breathe  _ as he watches Simon push himself up on his elbows, one hand reaching up to cradle his head. Then, the relief turns shaky, making Jace's entire frame tremble. Fear morphs into anger, rocking him so solid that he feels seconds from being sick. 

"Fuck.  _ Fuck."  _ Jace slowly hobbles towards Simon, his knees protesting the concrete floor. "Why didn't you--where did you  _ go?  _ I didn't-- Don't  _ ever  _ do that again, Simon! Never again, you understand me?"

Simon blinks at him blankly, tear tracks still visible against his cheeks. "Well, it's not like I had a choice. You okay? You look--" 

"Are you seriously asking me if  _ I'm  _ okay?" Jace blurts, baffled. "What did it do to you? I could-- Simon, I could hear you screaming your head off." 

"Really? Are you...sure?" Simon frowns and sits up fully, swiveling to face Jace. "Nothing happened to me. I mean, that thing roughed me up and knocked me out, but it's  _ you  _ I'm worried about!" 

Jace rears back in shock. "Me? What the fuck does that mean? When I woke up, you were  _ gone.  _ All I heard was you screaming, then the Moving Mountain brought you here looking dead all over again." 

"No, it injected you with something, Jace. I saw it. I was asleep, but I woke up to it sticking a needle into your throat. I tried to stop it, but whatever the fuck that thing is just dragged me out." 

"So, you weren't hurt at all?" 

Simon grimaces. "That's not exactly the case. The big guy isn't exactly gentle, but I'm more worried about  _ you.  _ Come here, lemme see your neck." 

Jace heaves a sigh and knee-hobbles closer to Simon, watching him get on his knees as well. He takes a moment to consider the irony of offering his neck to a vampire, but that's only mildly amusing, at best. Simon doesn't seem to think it strange, focused fully on pressing the back of his hand to Jace's chin. He tilts Jace's face towards the left and leans in, frowning as he examines his neck. 

"See anything?" Jace asks flatly. 

"No," Simon mutters, pulling back with a sigh. He flicks his gaze to Jace's. "It doesn't look as if you were injected at all. There's no irritation? Doesn't feel weird, or tender, or burn at all?" 

"No." Jace rubs at his neck warily, waiting for any sign of change, but there isn't any. "And you're  _ sure  _ that you weren't tortured?" 

"Trust me, I'd have noticed." Simon snorts and flops back down, releasing a deep sigh. "So, you got stuck with a needle full of whatever, and you heard me screaming bloody murder, except the worst I got was some roughening up. Well, looks to me like we've got a mystery to solve, gang." 

Jace shoots him an odd look. "What the fuck are you talking about? Look, this isn't some  _ joke.  _ Valentine is known for his experiments, so anything could be flowing through my veins right now. Simon, whatever you do,  _ don't  _ bite me." 

"You think he poisoned you?" 

"With him, we can't rule it out." 

"Do you--are you  _ okay?  _ Not feeling sick, or weak, or, or--" Simon snaps his mouth closed when Jace waves a hand, but the worry doesn't bleed from his face. 

"I'm fine, for now. We'll just have to be more careful. No sleeping by the bars anymore, and we should take shifts, if we can." 

"It would help if we knew the freaking _ time.  _ I never know when that thing is coming back." 

"You can hear it, right?" Jace asks hopefully. 

Simon's lips flatten into a displeased line. "It doesn't have a heartbeat, and I can only hear it when it is being loud. Dunno if you noticed, but despite its size, it can sneak around nearly silently." 

"Yeah," Jace says, "I noticed." 

"So...what? We curl up in the middle, sleep in turns, and try to fight our way out of here when it comes back? Jace, I don't think we  _ can  _ fight it." 

"I know what you mean. I've never encountered anything like that before; it's like a living tank. But there has to be a way it can die, or be stopped, at least. Maybe we can trap it in here." 

"Ehh, like you said, I'm not the best at fighting. I mean, I'll help, but...ya know," Simon mumbles, looking faintly ashamed. 

Jace swivels his head to face Simon fully. "We'll figure it out. You're better than you think, okay? Being a vampire has some advantages. Speed, for one. If you get the chance, you need to  _ run _ , Simon." 

"What? I'm not--I won't just leave you here," Simon argues defiantly, eyebrows crumbling. 

"You will. You  _ have  _ to, you understand? Get out, get the others. I'll be fine." 

"You'll be killed the moment I run and we both know it. I'm  _ not  _ leaving you behind."

Jace inhales deeply and lets it out slowly, trying to keep calm. "I appreciate that, I really do, but this isn't some fucking game. You see the opportunity, you fucking take it, and I mean it." 

"No," Simon snaps, threading his fingers together and squeezing them so his already pale skin turns eerily white. "I'm not doing it, I'm just not. We leave together, or we don't leave at all." 

"Simon--" 

_ "No."  _

Jace doesn't reply for a long, uncomfortable moment. Simon's clearly not budging. On one hand, it's an honorable gesture, but on the  _ other,  _ it's fucking stupid. Jace  _ wants  _ Simon to run, to get out, to be the one who lives if it's a choice between them. As stubborn as Simon is being, it doesn't seem to be an option. But Jace doesn't think he can change his mind, either. Which...that fucking sucks. 

The silence stretches for an unnecessary amount of time; they're at an impasse. 

Whatever, they'll have to revisit it later. For now, it is smart to get into the center of the cell and keep anyone from reaching them from the outside. Wordlessly, Jace pushes to his feet without sparing Simon a glance, moving the space in the cell where no one could grab him without entering. Since he's pretty sure they're in a spat, he doesn't invite Simon to join him. But since it's important that Simon joins him, he doesn't comment when Simon moves over to sit beside him, less than a foot away. 

Jace knows that they're both pissed off, exhausted from the adrenaline of fear and worry, but he's also not mature enough to apologize this time. 

Because  _ this time,  _ Simon's the one being an idiot. 

* * *

"What's your favorite color?" 

"Fuck off." 

Okay, to be fair, Jace doesn't like waking up. It's the whole  _ 'rediscovering how to be alive'  _ thing, and frankly, it's not fun. How some people wake up in a good mood, he'll never understand. And someone asking him things before he remembers that he actually has to exist? Yeah, it makes him a little crabby. 

"Huh," Simon notes, "you're not a morning person, then. Good to know, I guess." 

"It's morning?" Jace grumbles, cracking open an eye and staring around blearily. "How d'you know?" 

"I don't, actually. It's just a saying." 

"Oh." 

"So…" Simon trails off, peering over at him with shifty eyes, his fingers twisting at a random string dangling from his well-worn hoodie. 

Jace sits up, stretching and recalibrating his limbs. At least he feels rested. "So?" he echoes, scowling at his obviously nervous cellmate. 

"Favorite color?" Simon tries again. 

Without missing a beat, Jace replies, "Fuck.  _ Off."  _

"Okay, I'm sorry. I don't really think I was wrong, or whatever, or not any more wrong than you were about the muzzle, but like-- Yeah, you know what, I  _ am  _ sorry, but only because it was important to you. I'm still not going to run, and you can't change my mind,  _ and  _ I don't think it's fair to stay upset with me when I forgave you about the muzzle. But," Simon intones, speech slowing from rapid-fire to softer sincerity, "I am sorry." 

Jace sighs. "Brown." 

"Brown?" Simon blinks rapidly, genuinely surprised by that. "Wait, really? Why?" 

Jace doesn't answer for a moment, toying with the idea of brushing it off. He looks around the cell and the room surrounding it. Still a dull, grey room with a cell through the back half, and the low-lit lightbulb is as yellow as ever--meaning, not very. He's beginning to hate the sight of it; he finds himself missing the Institute, the sky...hell, even  _ trees.  _

"Jace?" Simon prods gently, watching him with a cautious frown. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I mean, brown is nice, I guess. My favorite color is purple. Mostly because it was the color of my very first guitar that my dad got me. I--I broke it within a year, but he wasn't even mad. He just repurposed it; he took the body of it and had it shaped into the Star of David to hang on my wall. Well, it did until...until he died, then it was buried with him, which was my choice 'cause that's what I chose, and it was pretty small, so...yeah." 

Jace doesn't really know what to say to that. He doesn't think there  _ is  _ anything to say. But if Simon's telling personal shit, Jace figures he can divulge a little himself, even if only to make it less awkward. Jace  _ hates  _ awkwardness. 

"I had a falcon once," Jace murmurs, reaching down to fiddle with the straps on his boots, not looking up as he speaks. "It was black and brown, but the tawny feathers were the softest. Maybe not, but I was young enough to think so. And then, the Lightwoods took me in. Izzy and Alec have brown eyes, and mine are...not, so I always wanted brown eyes too." 

Simon leans over and knocks his shoulder into Jace's, lip curling up. "That's kinda cute, actually. I mean, having a pet falcon is pretty badass, but wanting brown eyes is sweet." 

"Just wanted to be a part of the family," Jace says, shrugging as casually as possible. "I always thought brown eyes were pretty; Alec and Izzy's are." 

"But your eyes are cool as hell, dude," Simon replies easily, shooting him an odd look. "It's definitely a conversation starter, that's for sure." 

"The grass is greener, and all that," Jace mutters, waving a hand as if he can bat away the moment. 

Simon hums. "Ya know,  _ my  _ eyes are brown. Does that mean my eyes are pretty too?" 

"Unfortunately, yes," Jace says flatly. 

"Oh, really?" Simon brightens visibly, looking so utterly pleased that Jace snorts. "No, hey, don't laugh at me. Brown-eyed people don't get enough love. I think this is the first time _anyone _has told me that my eyes are pretty. This is a momentous occasion, okay? Stop _laughing, _I'm serious!" 

Jace rolls his eyes, working to stop chuckling, even if Simon looks pleased by that too. "Shut up. Whatever, why are you asking me my favorite color, anyway?" 

"Just curious. I didn't know, plus we started over and all, so why not, right? Ask me something." 

"I don't want to know anything." 

"Well, I mean in the general sense. Like...favorite season, favorite hobby,  _ that  _ stuff," Simon instructs, staring at Jace with meticulous expectation, making it very clear that this is something he won't be letting go. True to form, he needles, "Come  _ on…"  _

"Okay, fine." Jace heaves a sigh and turns on his side, placing his cheek in his hand as he stares up at Simon curiously. "You like music. Why? When did you start doing it?" 

Simon looks surprised that Jace is actually going along with it, but pleasantly so. "I started when I was pretty young. Music was always something my dad and I bonded over together. It also helps keep me focused, ya know? Helps with anxiety and shit, gets me out of my own head, that kinda thing." 

"So, you've been doing it for most of your life," Jace surmises, "yet you still suck at it." 

"Oh, fuck  _ you,"  _ Simon blurts, a bark of laughter sounding out like it's unwilling. He reaches over and shoves Jace's shoulder, displacing him. "You're such an asshole. I'm mediocre at the very  _ least."  _

Jace snorts. "Yeah, okay, I'll give you that." 

Simon beams. "Thank you." 

A comfortable silence settles around them. It's so strange, is the thing. Though they're not in immediate peril, they're both aware that this is a dire situation. This is the farthest thing from a vacation, and they're certainly not  _ friends,  _ but even Jace knows that they can't stay in constant fear--not if they take their sanity into account. 

Jace hadn't realized until now that a lot of his issues with Simon aren't that...well,  _ fair.  _ He does know how to shut up, but it's obvious that he only does it when he wants to. And--rare as it is--he isn't  _ constantly  _ annoying. 

Overall, it could be a lot worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I do so enjoy them. 
> 
> Ta! 
> 
> -SOBS


	3. now this is fucking weird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mention this because I'm a mess, but I will be posting every Wednesday and Sunday! 
> 
> Light warning for a broken ankle this chap. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Without any warning, the Moving Mountain comes in. It doesn't even seem to care that they've migrated to the center of the cage. Without preamble, and with a strange hiss, it opens the cell door enough to toss that stupid lasso with frightening accuracy. Jace and Simon try to avoid it, naturally, but it hooks around Jace's ankle. 

Jace gets dragged out with Simon shouting his name and trying to hold him by the hands. That doesn't seem to perturb the Moving Mountain, either. It simply yanks Jace so roughly that his ankle gives a sickening crack, and Simon lets go with his mouth dropping open in horror. 

It hurts, but any snapped ankle would. Jace curses up a storm as he's yanked out the cell, out of the room, and down the hall. The Moving Mountain is careless to his pain, not stopping to give him reprieve, just tugging him right to the bathroom yet again. And when it has Jace fully inside, it snatches the rope back and leaves Jace lying alone on the floor. 

"Well, fuck," Jace snaps, pushing himself up to examine his ankle. 

The state of it makes him want to punch something. On top of the painful throb in the area, his ankle is already swelling as light bruises start to form. He immediately removes his boots to give it some breathing room, hoping that will help. 

It does not. 

His ankle is definitely broken. That's not even a question. Fortunately, he's no regular human, so the wound will heal faster. Not fast  _ enough,  _ however. It could take a week or three, depending on how bad the fracture is, and the process won't be painless. And he'll have to stay off it. 

So, there goes at least most of his options of getting the fuck out of here. And  _ now,  _ he's going to have a bitch of a time getting a shower and changing his clothes. That's not even including the most likely less-than-pleasant trip  _ back  _ to his cell. 

All of it goes as horribly as expected. Jace struggles through the shower, doing his best not to lean on his injured foot. The frigid water helps, at least. It soothes the pain a bit--only a bit--and it's good for injuries, a fact he's learned over the years. Getting to the food is a task, but he manages by hobbling along the wall. He leans back by the shelf, his fucked up ankle held in the air as he eats the nasty food he's provided with. Then, he has to get into a new set of equally bland, grey clothes. 

He's just barely managed to get dressed with mild complications--putting his boot back on is a struggle, and he has to leave it loose--when the Moving Mountain bangs his way back in. 

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait!" Jace bellows, still holding himself up against the wall. 

The Moving Mountain doesn't seem like it'll actually stop, that stupid rope in its hands, but it does pause for a moment. It grunts at Jace. 

"You fucked up my ankle," Jace grits out, jerking a hand at the visibly wounded area. "I can't freaking walk, and you'll make it worse if you drag me through the hall." 

It just stares at him with milky white eyes. 

Jace sighs and points at his ankle, then jabs a finger at the rope. "No. Bad.  _ Hurts."  _

The Moving Mountain starts back towards him, and all Jace can think is  _ oh, fuck.  _ But something Jace did must have made sense, because it just reaches out and grabs him by his arms. Jace stares down at the massive hands that drape over most of his upper arms and shoulders, then curses sharply when it hauls him up like he weighs nothing. 

Just...picks him up by his fucking  _ arms.  _

Jace hadn't felt this small in a long time. It grips him so strongly that all he can do is dangle in its grasp, feeling as if his bones are grinding together. His ankle is unharmed, at least. The worst part? Simon gets a glimpse of it as he's brought back to the cell, carelessly thrown right at Simon like nothing more than a broken rag doll. 

Simon manages to catch him, mostly. His ankle goes unharmed again, a thing Jace is thankful for, and he grinds his teeth as Simon helps him settle on the floor gingerly. Taking one look at the injury, Simon grimaces like he can feel it too. 

"Jeez, that looks terrible," Simon mumbles. 

Jace blows out a deep breath. "Well, that's because it  _ is.  _ Hurts as bad as it looks too. Next time, do me a favor and let  _ me  _ go." 

"I was just-- I didn't mean to--" 

"I know, just… Just don't try your strength against it. Trust me, we'll lose every time." 

"I'm sorry," Simon says, biting his lip. "At least you got to get clean and eat. I mean, that  _ is  _ what happened, right? Because it came and fed me again. Even cleaned my face this time." 

Jace eyes Simon closely. "Yeah, I can see that." He'd been politely not mentioning the faint stain of blood on his face from before. "And yes, I showered and ate. Could do with a fucking toothbrush, though." 

Simon wrinkles his nose. "You're telling me. Hey, how long do you think we've been here?" 

"Well, it can't be more than a week. The body shuts down after three days without water. I've had two showers so far, which is where I get to drink my water. You get hungry every three days or so, right? Not ravenous, just...hungry, and you haven't gotten to that point yet. So, my guess? Three days, at least. Six, at most." 

"And we haven't seen Valentine at all." 

"We...have not," Jace agrees slowly, a wrinkle forming between his eyebrows. "Maybe he checks in? That thing doesn't seem to talk much, but it understands what we say, or to an extent it does. I don't know, but what I'm sure of is...the longer we go without seeing Valentine, the  _ better."  _

"Yeah," Simon murmurs, frowning. "Well, unless he's keeping the others preoccupied. They can't very well find us if they're busy with him." 

Jace sighs and lets his eyes sink closed. "We're priority, Simon, I promise you that. They won't stop looking, no matter what." 

"I hope you're right," Simon says quietly. 

"Usually am," Jace mumbles. 

Simon hums. "You're dead on your feet. Uh,  _ foot.  _ Get some sleep, Jace. I'll keep watch." 

Jace is far too tired to argue. He manages a small grunt, eyes feeling too heavy to open. "Yeah, 'kay." 

"Goodnight, Jace," Simon whispers, then starts softly humming a tune that Jace is slowly becoming accustomed to. 

He's asleep within seconds. 

* * *

Jace isn't exactly the comforting  _ type,  _ but there are moments that he rises to the occasion. 

Case in point,  _ this.  _

When Simon wakes with a hoarse shout in the middle of Jace's shift, he doesn't really know what to do, not at first. His automatic instinct is to give Simon privacy and pretend he has no idea about the emotional vulnerability that's beside him. But Simon scrambles up, panting, and he still looks half-asleep. 

"Hey," Jace says quietly, doing his best not to startle him. Without much thought, he slides over and presses the side of his knee into Simon's, just a firm weight pressed against his. "You're okay, it was just a nightmare. You good?" 

Simon lets out a shuddering breath and reaches up to cover his face with both hands, shoulders hunched. He isn't crying, but he's so stiff that Jace fears he might shatter if he tries to move. They both stay that way for a long moment, Simon tense and silent, Jace pressing his leg up against Simon's in some attempt of comfort. Awkward as it may be, at least he's  _ trying.  _

"Shit," Simon groans weakly, dropping his hands and staring at some point in the distance with a worrying blankness in his gaze. 

Jace clears his throat. "Wanna, uh, talk about it?" 

"What do you think?" Simon mutters blandly, tone lacking the bite to make the words as harsh on the delivery. "Why, do you enjoy rehashing the shit you have nightmares about to a guy who barely tolerates you? Funnily enough, I doubt that." 

"Alright, I guess I deserve that," Jace says with a heavy sigh. "You don't have to, I'm just offering."

"Thanks," Simon replies flatly, "but I'm fine." 

Jace doesn't really know what else to say, so he fiddles with his fingers and tries not to drown in the uncomfortable atmosphere. It doesn't really work, and soon, he feels as if he's suffocating from it. Simon doesn't seem to notice, and if he does, he clearly doesn't give a fuck about it. 

Well, Jace can't take it, so he says, "If you need--" 

"I don't," Simon cuts him off sharply. 

"Okay." Jace fiddles with his fingers some more, mind not providing any help on how to make this situation better. Silence isn't really doing the trick, so he takes a leaf from Simon's book and begins to ramble. "You know, you say I barely tolerate you, but that's not exactly true. I mean, when I said we don't mesh, I  _ meant it.  _ You're awkward as hell, and I can't  _ stand  _ awkward moments--they make me feel like I'm being choked, and not in the fun way. But I still interact with you, so that's more than  _ tolerating _ you." 

Simon inhales deeply and lets it out. "Didn't really need to know about your choking kink, Jace."

"You're deflecting," Jace notes, lips twitching at Simon's automatic sarcasm. "And maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ I was a little wrong about you. Don't tell anyone I said that, or I'll never speak to you again." 

"Right, because  _ that's  _ a threat," Simon mutters, eyes rolling. He looks up, focusing on Jace. "Wrong how?" 

Jace straightens up, knocking his knee into Simon's gently, refusing to jostle his aching ankle. "I always thought you were the epitome of awkward. You talked too much, or too little, or about things you didn't understand. You flail around a lot in a frankly jerky way that's basically the exact opposite of Magnus' luxurious movement. But, after all of this, I can actually admit that you're not as bad as I assumed. I mean, it's still bad, but it's not  _ that  _ off-putting. An easy medium of awkwardness, if you will. Too much to be endearing, but not enough to be devastating, you know?" 

"And I always thought you were the epitome of an asshole," Simon retorts, lip curling up just slightly. The sight of it makes Jace feel a bit better. 

"And?" Jace presses. 

Simon's smile curls up more. "Oh, I was right, you definitely are."

Jace reaches over and cuffs Simon over the head, tsking in disapproval. "Fuck you, I'm not  _ that  _ bad." 

"Nah," Simon agrees, humming softly when Jace swipes his hand back over his head, lightly stroking his hair. "I'll give you that. You're actually mostly okay. Too layered to be just a prick, but not nice enough to be misunderstood." 

"I'll take it," Jace murmurs distractedly, watching Simon's expression slowly dissolve into peaceful contentment as he continues running his hand over Simon's hair before dragging back down in a loop. 

"You gonna keep petting my hair?" Simon asks, opening one eye to peer at Jace. 

"You're not complaining," Jace says defensively, bristling at Simon's teasing smile. 

Simon shrugs and practically turns into a limp noodle, dropping his head to Jace's shoulder and leaning most of his weight on him. "Feels nice, so I don't have anything to complain about. Besides, I just had a nightmare about killing everyone I love, so let me have this." 

"Figured it was helping," Jace mumbles, feeling awkward all over again, but it's not so dreadful this time. Simon's more at ease, at least. 

He knows it would be kinda messed up if he stopped  _ now,  _ so he continues running his palm back and forth over Simon's hair. It's strangely soothing, and Simon's weight against his side makes him relax for reasons he can't identify. A comfort thing, most likely. And Simon looks so utterly blissed out that Jace finds the calm reaching out to wrap him up too. 

So, yeah, he's not the best at comforting, not usually. But he figures he manages well enough now. He even lets Simon fall asleep again, leaning against him, without complaint. 

It's not even awkward. 

* * *

It carries on like that for awhile, not a hiccup in the system. Jace's ankle gets worse before it slowly starts getting better. He gets to shower, eat, and change six more times. Simon--much to his relief--gets that same privilege thrice, though he eats as many times as Jace does. They're both in grey clothes, both settled into the center of the cell, and neither one of them have a clue what the fuck is going on. 

It's disorienting, is the thing. 

They have no sense of time. No sunshine, no moonlight, no clock. They sleep when they're tired, taking turns to keep watch. They get fed in a regular patterns, Jace gets his accommodations more often than Simon does, and they don't see Valentine at all. 

Outside of his ankle, Jace thinks the worst part of this situation is boredom. He's restless, itching to get out, to  _ do  _ something. Simon's in the same state, if not worse. He can't seem to ever be still and he talks more and more as time passes, like his brain might actually implode if he isn't doing something, even if it is just endlessly talking about whatever crosses his mind. He sings a lot too, which is better--Jace won't actually admit it, but still. 

With nothing else to do, they talk to each other. Usually, it's just light subjects. Funny stories Simon has from his years before the Shadow World ever sucked him in. Anecdotes Jace has locked away when he needs a smile, mostly about his antics with Izzy and Alec in their younger years. Or, sometimes, they just talk about what the others are doing in that moment, but that usually gets depressing, so they don't linger on it long. 

They spend a good chunk of their time just trying to work out  _ why  _ they're in the situation they're in. Why Valentine hasn't been around, why they're being mostly taken care of, why nothing has happened. They bounce theories back and forth between them like playing tennis, trying to chip away at whatever plan Valentine must have. It doesn't work, but they do try. 

And then, there are moments where things get heavy. It's inevitable, Jace knows. Stuck in a situation like this, nowhere to go, relying on each other...it can't really be helped. 

Simon's really bad about it. He gets really sad sometimes and it makes him introspective. He'll talk softly, letting out things that Jace is pretty sure he's only admitting to because he thinks he's going to die. They're secrets, mostly. Secrets about how he feels, about Clary, about being a vampire, even about small things that don't really seem to  _ need  _ secrecy--things like the fact that Simon used to pretend to be sick to avoid school when his mom went on a bender, just so he could take care of her. 

Jace learns things about Simon that he really wishes he hadn't. And not because they're bad, or gross, or horrifying. No, he wishes he could forget them because it makes Jace sympathize with him, understand him, like him...and above all else, know him.

Jace  _ knows  _ him.

It's lying if he tries to deny that he's not just as bad. Sometimes, he just gets swept up in the moment. Things get so somber, so daunting, and he lets out his own secrets, possibly for the same reasons as Simon. Other times, he talks about things he probably wouldn't simply  _ because  _ he doesn't want Simon to do it alone,  _ because  _ it keeps things from being awkward,  _ because  _ it always seems to make Simon feel better. And, as much as he tries to avoid it, he lets things slip just because he wants to, because it feels good.

It's nice to be known. Every single part, just laid out for someone else, and they give the same in return. 

And they fight. Oh, how they  _ fight.  _ Arguments that shut down quickly, or stretch out to unbearable limits. Screaming matches that leaves Jace's skin hot and itching with anger and pent up frustration. Hissed insults that settle between them heavily, words too harsh to just be swept away. Silent treatments, bickering, and one notable time, a shoving war that descended into huffs of annoyance. 

But they can't avoid each other, can't just up and walk away. The most they can do is turn their backs to each other and stay silent. They do that a lot, but it never really lasts. They break the tension with a question, or a joke, or a few snippy words that eventually taper off into calm conversation. Their apologies don't deserve to even be called that, as they rarely actually say sorry.

They're stubborn, but somehow, they find common ground. Weirder things have happened. 

Such as…the Moving Mountain. 

That's just... _ strange.  _ There isn't another word for it, Jace knows. The Moving Mountain is as rough as ever, and it still doesn't talk, but it does  _ listen.  _

The first time it came into the room and just  _ stood  _ there, they both went silent and still, waiting. When it became clear that it wasn't going to do anything but observe them, Simon slowly started talking to it. The weird part is...it tilted its head and just  _ listened?  _

It never replies, or emotes, but it does listen. When Jace asks not to be yanked around by the rope, it starts tying his hands together and leading him out, going patiently slow as he hobbles. When Simon asks for the muzzle to be removed from the room, it takes it out. When Jace and Simon talk amongst themselves, it comes closer to the cage and looks between them, colorless eyes flicking between each of them as they speak. 

It's just... _ odd.  _

All in all, Jace knows one thing for sure. Everything about this situation could be a lot worse. 

And he's right. 

He's so very right, as it turns out. 


	4. and there's the other shoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to clarify that some stuff that's discussed in this chapter is pretty important and many of the things that's said actually happen to people in the real world. 
> 
> We're all weird, and that's so lovely ❤

"I'm still worried about you getting injected."

Jace stares up at the ceiling of their prison, chest expanding slowly before sinking in as he dispels all the air from his lungs. He remembers a lesson from training, a way to retain calm, even if he gets nervous. Relaxed breathing; in through the nose, pause for three to five seconds, out through the mouth as calmly as possible. It's supposed to be noted easily by what part of the body is moving with his breathing--chest is a sign that he's not relaxed, but from the abdomen suggests that he is. 

Jace is ninety-five percent sure he hasn't breathed in a relaxed fashion since Simon's fangs pierced his wrist. In that moment, his stomach had swelled like a balloon as he felt as relaxed as he ever would. 

"Don't you think  _ I'm  _ worried?" 

"You're not exactly acting like it," Simon mutters warily, moving his knee to the side to knock into Jace's. "I'm pretty sure it's a priority." 

Jace tilts his head to the side, looking first at Simon, then at his ankle with a pointed expression. "Yeah, because I'm in any position to do something about it right now. Maybe it wasn't anything." 

Simon arches an eyebrow. "You were injected with G- who knows what, and you think it wasn't anything? Jace, come on, don't be stupid."

"Says the idiot," Jace replies sharply. 

"Don't call me that." Simon turns his head away, leaving Jace access to only the side of his face, unable to miss the bitter twist of his lips. 

"Well, maybe don't be an idiot, and I wouldn't--" 

"Jace, seriously, don't fucking call me that." 

There's a pause as Jace snaps his mouth closed, the seriousness of Simon's tone reverberating in the dome of his skull. He sighs. "Fine, I'm sorry. I won't call you an idiot again." 

"Good. Don't." 

"Can I...ask why?" 

Simon looks at him with most  _ 'how fucking stupid do you have to be'  _ expression that Jace has ever laid eyes on, and he's Alec's parabatai, so that's really saying something. And yeah, okay, that makes sense. No one  _ wants  _ to be called an idiot, but still. 

"Right, lemme just  _ allow  _ myself to--" 

"No, that's not what I meant. You seem especially averse to that word, so what happened?" 

"I'm not… Look, I know I seem super nerdy and smart, but that's just--that's  _ stereotyping.  _ Do you really wanna know what kid I was in school?" Simon sits up, expression turning into determination, like he's steadfast in explaining this. "I'm smart, okay? Really smart. My mind just doesn't-- It's not like most people's. It goes so fast, doesn't focus, and constantly hyper-fixates. You wanna know why I was gonna be an accountant? Because I was  _ quick  _ at math, not because I was great at it." 

"Simon," Jace says slowly, "I'm not  _ actually--"  _

"No, I was that weird kid in school. I was the one who doodles and daydreams, and teacher's never called on me to read because it took me forever to get through a paragraph." Simon doesn't appear to be slowing down, his speech gaining in speed and intensity as he stares out at the bars that keep them trapped together. "I talked too fast, or too much, and had zero brain-to-mouth filter, which--when you're surrounded by terrifying peers who judge you for every little thing--was basically social suicide. It didn't  _ matter  _ that music was the only thing that I ever felt connected to and could do without ever getting bored with it. No, it only mattered that I was like a bumblebee buzzing around, bumping into shit mindlessly, and looking like a dumbass as I tried my best. Everyone thought I was a fucking  _ idiot,  _ and so did I… But I'm not."

Simon looks like he's about to start ranting again, so Jace reaches out and grasps his shoulder, making him jump slightly. "Hey, I'm not-- I don't mean anything by it, you know that, right? I don't actually think you're an idiot; it's more of a generalization to explain your, uh, fumbling." 

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what they all were doing, just trying to slap a sticker of what the hell my  _ fumbling  _ was. You wanna know what it is? It's called ADHD and anxiety, Jace. That doesn't make me an  _ idiot;  _ it just makes me different." Simon's lip curls up in blatant anger. "Which, to most people, is basically the same thing, I guess." 

"Okay." Jace drops his hand and nods, watching Simon scowl at the floor. "Okay, I was wrong. It's something that bothers you, and it isn't exactly  _ good  _ to do, so I won't do it again." 

Simon reaches down and fiddles with his shoelace, heaving a sigh. "Sorry I jumped down your throat like that. It's just--well, you're basically the poster guy for all the people who ever shit on me in school. I mean, Clary was always there for me, and she never cared about me being a paranoid, flailing mess, but she wasn't my entire life either." 

"I don't care that you're a paranoid, flailing mess either, Simon," Jace muses softly, offering a quick smile when Simon looks over at him in slight surprise. "Seriously, I don't. In fact, I don't really care that you're literally who you are. Because that's all there is to it, man. You are you, and not everybody will like it, but as long as you're cool with it, then who gives a fuck?" 

Simon stares at him. "Is that what you do? Just like yourself enough to care that others might not?" 

"Well, I mean, in some ways...yeah. In others, not so much." Jace huffs a short laugh. "It's complicated. Got a lot of issues of my own." 

"I could never understand," Simon murmurs, focusing on his bent knees, wrapping his arms around them and curling into himself. "I thought that everyone was just faking when I was really young. Just assumed that everyone was different like I was, or in their own ways. And when you're that young, it's not so bad. But when you grow up and everyone's trying to fit in, expect that's impossible for you, it just feels like the whole world is playing a prank on you. Calling you an idiot to hide that they're all as weird as you." 

"Kinda true, I suppose," Jace tells him, humming slightly when Simon lays his head over on his knees and gazes at him. "Yeah, you'd be surprised the shit you see people do when you're invisible. Everyone's got the shit they're weird about, Simon. Take Alec for example, right? He acts tough and tried to pretend he was this good soldier that he was taught to be, but really...he's just a guy who loves bows and arrows, was just brave enough to fall in love with the High Warlock of Brooklyn, and still has to sing his ABC's to know what letter comes after G." 

Simon snorts. "You're fucking joking me." 

"I'm not," Jace assures him, lips twitching. "And Izzy? Dude, all these men think she's just some object of sex, or this badass chick that they want to be pushed around by just to say that they were. But really? She loves science to a worrying degree, especially gross things like bacteria or rotting corpses, and she still has all her stuffed animals on her bed--which she genuinely feels bad for knocking off in the middle of the night." 

"Okay, that's pretty fucking funny," Simon says with a snort, lifting his head to eye Jace. "And you? I mean, you're exposing your siblings, so you might as well do the same to yourself." 

Jace purses his lips. "Okay, fine, but not many people know this, so keep it to yourself. Every time I sit down with my legs crossed, I still--only in my head, of course--think of  _ criss-cross applesauce."  _

"Wait, seriously?" Simon asks with a wide grin. 

"Sometimes, I forget which direction North, East, West, and South is. I used to struggle to say  _ cinnamon _ and still slip up sometimes. I have a sort of fixation of my own which might freak you out  _ just  _ a little, but I try to name the demons I'm fighting before I kill them.  _ Only  _ to make them seem less dangerous, though; naming them things like Bob, Tim, Sheldon, or Rudy. I also let Izzy braid my hair sometimes when she gets sad. I once tried to kiss Alec on the forehead after a really tiring battle and missed, ending up kissing him on the nose instead. We, uh, never actually talked about it." 

At this point, Simon is wheezing. With each sentence, he laughs harder and harder, clutching at his chest like he actually needs to breathe. It makes Jace want to sit here and tell every weird thing about himself, just to hear Simon nearly choke on laughter. 

"That's--that's  _ amazing.  _ Wow. Just...wow." 

"My point  _ is,"  _ Jace says quietly, making Simon's smile slowly slips away, "we're all fucking weird. And we're  _ all  _ idiots." 

Simon's smile hasn't quite disappeared yet, and it stays put. "Yeah, maybe so." 

They sit there and smile at each other, the point made. Jace realizes a little belatedly that what he just did was a bit...soft, but it's one of those moments that are too important to feel embarrassed about. 

Before the smiling can reach a worrying degree, the Moving Mountain opens the door and comes lumbering in, its stride slow. They stop smiling and turn to watch it approach the cage and stop, doing that weird watching thing again. It does this a lot, just comes in and  _ observes.  _

"Oh boy, here we go again," Jace mutters, the casual atmosphere deteriorating. 

Simon clears his throat and straightens up, focusing on it. "Hey there, big guy." 

The Moving Mountain tilts its head. 

"Simon, maybe we shouldn't be talking to the very thing that keeps us locked in here," Jace mumbles. 

"Oh, hush," Simon tuts in disapproval, flapping a hand carelessly. "I'm sure it's just Valentine's pawn. Maybe it can help. Hey! Yeah, you. Is there any chance you know what went in Jace's neck when you injected him?" 

The Moving Mountain grunts and stalks a little closer, head tilting the other way. It reaches out to touch a bar and hisses, "Sick. He sick." 

"Holy  _ fuck,  _ it can talk," Jace blurts, jolting forward with wide eyes. "Wait, I'm sick? I'm fucking _ sick?"  _

"No." The Moving Mountain doesn't have lips, so some of his words are distorted, but there's no mistaking the shake of his head. "He sick.  _ He  _ sick!" 

"Valentine," Simon guesses immediately. "You're talking about Valentine, right? He's sick? How is he sick? Where?" 

The Moving Mountain doesn't reply, but he does lift one massive hand and tap it to his temple, making his point very clear. 

"Yeah, he's sick in the head, alright," Jace agrees. 

"So, Jace is okay?" Simon asks, waiting for any reply and getting none. "Okay, that's--it's fine. Is  _ Jace  _ sick? Is he dying?" 

The Moving Mountain hisses in open distaste and slaps the bars with a sharp clang. "No! No die!" 

"Yeah, I feel ya, buddy," Jace mutters. 

Simon shoots him a flat look, then turns back to the Moving Mountain with a roll of his eyes. "So, can you tell us why you come in here and watch us? Are you observing for Valentine? To see if whatever that injection was has any effects?" 

"See. See you," it says, the words grinding and rough, not quite perfectly executed, but it's got the spirit. 

"See...us," Simon repeats slowly. "You come in here to, what, see us?" 

The Moving Mountain grunts in a vaguely positive affirmation, so they take that as a yes. 

"Why?" Jace mutters in plain confusion. 

It tilts its head again, then slowly lifts one hand and slowly moves it back and forth between them, gesturing to the both of them. Jace and Simon share a slow look of blatant disbelief. 

"Are we--do you  _ like  _ watching us?" Simon blurts out, eyes going wide. 

"Like a personal show," Jace says slowly, eyebrows crumbling together. "Oh fuck, we're your--your fucking  _ entertainment. _ Like pets!" 

"Well, that's disturbing as hell," Simon notes, looking slightly unnerved. His expression slowly turns thoughtful. "Or, I dunno, maybe it's kinda endearing? A little degrading, yeah, but it clearly  _ likes  _ us. That's gotta be a good thing, right?" 

"Simon, your optimism is  _ truly  _ relentless." 

"Well, at least  _ one of us  _ is trying to be positive!" 

"Oh, I'll fucking show you positivity. I'll have you know that I'm--" 

Neither of them seem to notice--as they get lost in bickering once again--the way that the Moving Mountain lets out a pleased rumble, closely resembling a purr, and appears to be entirely happy with the very sight of them. 

* * *

Simon's sad again. 

Jace knows this because he wakes up to him singing a soft croon that can only be described as melancholic. For a long moment, he doesn't move, just listening to Simon as he sings. Despite what he'd said, Jace actually thinks that Simon's good--either because it's all he gets to hear now, or because Simon's actually good, he doesn't know. 

"Don't you ever sing about rainbows and unicorns?" Jace grumbles as he stretches out, wincing as he carefully rolls his ankle. It's getting better, but it's not back to normal just yet. 

Simon sighs. "I think you were right." 

"Usually am." Jace sits up and scans Simon's face, noting the drawn sadness there. "What was I right about this time?" 

"I'm going to have to move on," Simon murmurs, giving absolutely  _ no  _ backstory to that statement. "I can't keep holding on forever. Maybe if I actually just...stop, I'll be happier for it." 

"Okay…" Jace draws out the word and lifts both eyebrows. "You're going to have elaborate." 

"Clary," Simon replies. 

"Ah," Jace says. "So, what made you decide this?" 

Simon gives half a shrug. "Kinda hard to cling to someone if they're not around. I miss her so much, but I don't-- It's not the same, you know? The longer we're not together, the less I want to...be  _ with  _ her. Do you know what I mean?" 

"You just want your best friend back." 

"Yeah.  _ Yeah."  _

Jace reaches out and pokes Simon's knee, making him look over. "You look so guilty, man. Stop it. If loving her isn't making you  _ happy,  _ then let yourself move on. If all she is to you is your best friend, then embrace it. Doesn't mean you wasted your time, or missed an opportunity; it just means you learned a valuable lesson." 

"I feel like being in love with her is a part of me. Like a personality trait or some shit. Simon Lewis, musician, forever anxiety-ridden vampire, in love with Clary Fray, most kidnapped." 

"Oh, please. It's never too late to change. Reinventing yourself is the  _ point  _ of living. You're supposed to evolve as a person, or else you haven't experienced a damn thing. It's what we  _ do.  _ Cut our hair, kiss a stranger, try out new styles until we find our favorite, and do the things we never thought we could. If you're not doing that, you're missing out." 

A smile lift happens at the corner of Simon's lip, and the sight of it warms Jace's chest. "Yeah?" He flicks his gaze over Jace's entire body. "So, what, you did some of that stuff?" 

Jace grins. "Eh, sorta. Never said I practiced what I preach, but I did cut my hair when I was fourteen. We don't talk about it because it was a huge mistake. Otherwise, yeah, I do some of that stuff."

"You mean to tell me that you weren't born wrapped in leather?" Simon jokes. 

Jace shrugs. "Knowing me, probably." 

"I think it would be weird to fall in love with someone else," Simon muses, pursing his lips. "It sounds like a bad idea, actually." 

"Yeah, that's a terrible idea. Try some flings; it'll change your life." 

"I'm not really a  _ fling  _ type of guy. I like relationships, dating, the whole shebang." 

Jace nods. "Yeah, okay, whatever floats your boat." 

"You don't?" 

"I mean, I  _ would  _ if there was someone I actually fell for. There was Clary, but that went to shit really quickly. Probably not my forte." 

"Oh, come on." Simon eyes him seriously, shifting around so he can lean forward. "You never had anyone like that before Clary?" 

"No, not really. I considered Alec for a split second, but decided not to get into that for a number of reasons.  _ Don't  _ tell him that, by the way," Jace says sharply, pointing at him in warning. 

The spark dies in Simon's eyes instantly. "Don't worry about that. I doubt I'll ever get the chance." 

Jace opens his mouth to protest, because he's not standing for that shit right now, but before he gets the chance, the door bangs open. He looks over, fully expecting the Moving Mountain to come in with his usual lipless grin--one that's slowly becoming less creepy, oddly enough. However, it isn't what walks through the door. 

No, Valentine does. 

"Perceptive, isn't he?" Valentine says, nodding at Simon to indicate who he's talking about. "For an abomination, you certainly have the sense to parse out that you'll soon be dead." 

Jace is on his feet in seconds, ignoring the twinge of protest his ankle gives. "So good of you to show up. I was beginning to suspect that you'd forgotten about me, but hey, no surprise there,  _ father."  _

"Oh, hush," Valentine chides lightly, shaking his head as he shuts the door and slowly approaches the cell. "I've had some errands to run. The Lightwoods and your sister say hi, by the way." 

"What did you do?" Jace grits out. 

Valentine smiles kindly. "Wouldn't you like to know? It must just drive you insane not to know what's happening outside of this prison. They could be dead for all you know." 

"Alec isn't," Jace shoots back instantly, using the only knowledge he has. 

"Oh, no, he isn't," Valentine agrees. "He may as well be, however. Losing the love of your life tends to do that to a person, and trust me, I  _ know.  _ Why he'd love that  _ Warlock,  _ I won't ever understand, but I've done him a favor." 

Simon slowly stands up and breathes out, "Magnus."

"He's a liar, Simon, don't listen to him," Jace snaps, eyes following Valentine's every move. 

"Oh, I only lie about the things that need to be lied about." Valentine slowly reaches down to his waist, his hand falling to the hilt of a sword. Agonizingly slow, he unsheathes it, revealing the Soul Sword. He stares at Jace and smiles. "For example, telling you that Clarissa is your sister was a lie." 

Jace freezes. "What?" he chokes out. 

"You  _ are  _ my son, Jace, but not biologically. A half-lie, technically." Valentine swings the sword through the air, his smile as calm as ever. "I needed you to believe that, you see. She was a distraction from your mission, the very mission I gave you." 

"I  _ loved  _ her, you sick fuck!" Jace bursts out, shoving himself forward to bang against the bars. "You're fucking lying, you--" 

"I am not, and we all  _ know  _ it," Valentine cuts in sharply, smile dropping. "The Soul Sword allows only the truth. She  _ isn't  _ your sister, you were  _ never  _ injected with demon blood, and Jocelyn isn't your mother. No, you were the one who would activate the Soul Sword, and you did." 

"No." Jace jerks back from the bars, jolting when Simon grasps his arm. "No, I--I didn't--" 

"Against your will,  _ yes,  _ but you did." Valentine frowns at him, looking faintly annoyed. "I was thwarted before it could take full effect, but many Downworlders were killed in the process. That's a win in my book." 

"You're a fucking maniac," Simon shouts, anger lacing his voice, fear making his words shake. 

"Perhaps to some," Valentine allows. He sheathes the sword again and fishes in his pocket for something, eyes never wavering from Simon. "But I didn't come here to discuss the merits of my mission. No, I figured it was time to handle  _ you."  _

"Leave him out of this," Jace growls. 

Valentine pulls out what appears to be a small remote control. "That defeats the whole purpose of taking him, doesn't it? I'm going to show you how monstrous he really is. Light is the purest thing in this world, yet he cannot survive it."

"If light was a measure of  _ monsters,  _ you'd be forced to dwell in the shadows forever," Jace spits, glaring at Valentine, even as his heart starts racing. 

"And yet." Valentine smiles a thin-lipped smirk, pointing the little remote to the ceiling and pushing a button. "We shall see who remains pure." 

Jace tilts his head back in time with Simon, listening to the sudden sound of whirring mechanics. The ceiling starts sliding backwards, revealing glass that sunlight immediately pours through. Simon releases a small sound of distress, and Jace automatically goes into motion, forgetting all about his not-father. 

"Get down!" Jace shouts.

Quickly and without warning, Jace snatches Simon in front of him and shoves him into the corner of the cell farthest from the increasing gap of sunlight. He gets to see Simon gaping at him, tears clinging to his eyelashes, but he doesn't waste time dwelling on it. Jace shoves Simon down, pushing at him until he's practically a ball in the corner, as small and tucked in as he's going to get. Then, Jace sinks down in front of him and wraps around him as much as possible. 

It's the most they've ever touched. Jace's whole torse covers most of his front, his legs are bent on either side of him, and his hands are wrapped clear around him, holding him as tight as possible. He has to knock his chin on the top of Simon's head to get him to tuck his face towards his knees, and once he's done that, Jace presses his forehead to Simon's cheek and just  _ breathes.  _

There shouldn't be any skin showing. Jace dreads the sunlight anyway. He goes still and waits, breathing heavily as his heart gallops away in his chest. Simon has one fist balled into the front of Jace's shirt, holding on for dear life, and he's trembling violently. 

"Say hello to Clarissa, she's watching," Valentine sing-songs from far too close, like he's crouching down right outside the bars they're up against. 

Jace risks a quick peek, flinching at the phone in his face. He knows that Clary is on the other side, that she's watching her best friend come face-to-face with death, her not-actual-brother doing his best to shield him. He can't hear her; maybe Valentine has the volume down. Not wanting Simon to know  _ for sure  _ that Clary's actually watching, Jace tucks his face back down and doesn't let Simon pick his head up. 

Valentine lets out a soft laugh, sound pleased in a sickening way, and Simon vibrates in Jace's arms.

The heat approaches. Jace can hear the ceiling clicking away as it slowly slides back farther and farther. A part of him aches for sunshine, but a much larger part would ache for Simon. And as he feels the warmth slowly crawl up his back, he goes tense and wills it away, subconsciously willing to live in darkness forever if it meant Simon gets to  _ live.  _

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," Jace breathes, digging his fingers into Simon and clenching his eyes closed. Sunlight kisses his hair, moving over him at a leisurely pace, and all he can do is repeat his mantra like it could actually be true. "S'okay, Simon, I got ya. It's okay, it's--" 

"Jace," Simon blurts, head popping up with surprising speed, eyes wide. 

They come nose-to-nose, eyes boring into each other, and Jace can't move. Sunshine dances across Simon's face, lighting his eyes to a truly beautiful honey undertone. His lips part like he can taste the sun, like the essence of light has quenched his thirst, and he looks so in awe that Jace is sure his heart stops at the very sight of him. 

"What?" Valentine hisses. "What!" 

Jace pays him no mind. "You're okay," he whispers, blinking slowly. "You're  _ okay."  _

Simon slowly uncurls his hand from Jace's shirt, letting it rise from the darkness trapped between their bodies. He dances his fingers in the sunshine, waving it through the air, watching the light glide over his skin harmlessly. He gives a soft laugh. With a bright grin, as bright as the first feeling of sun after so long in the dark, he reaches up and touches Jace's cheek, like he wants to feel the sun in every way possible, even from Jace's very skin. 

"No!" Valentine bellows, scrambling up from the other side of the cell. He gives the phone a harsh toss, careless as it splinters into pieces against the wall. "No.  _ No!  _ This isn't--this doesn't--" 

Simon drops his hand and starts to stand, careful like he's partially still afraid, and he helps drag Jace up, taking some of his weight. "Looks like I'm pure after all, asshole," he says forcefully, leaning towards the bars, gazing at Valentine balefully. 

Without another word, Valentine turns on his heel and stomps out, slamming the door behind him.


	5. don't go getting ahead of yourselves now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lighthearted chapter! But really just the beginning ;)

"Jace." 

"Shut up." 

_ "Jace."  _

"Shut up. Don't. Just--don't." 

Simon heaves a sigh. "You're not going to be able to reach it. Get up off the floor and--" 

"Got it!" Jace shouts, squirming back immediately. He tugs his sore arm back through the bars, holding the small piece of phone up like a trophy. "Okay, we've got to go.  _ Now."  _

Simon blinks. "Holy shit. Okay, awesome!" He darts to the door, then pauses. "Wait, what's the plan?" 

Jace hurries to the door, reaching around to shove the piece into the lock. "Well," he grunts as he wiggles it around, "we have to get out of here. Valentine is pissed that you didn't actually die, so now he's going to kill you. It's now or never." 

"Yeah, okay, great. So, uh, how exactly how are we going to do that?" Simon asks nervously. 

"We just fucking _ run.  _ We have to avoid the Moving Mountain at all costs, and if the chance prevents itself, tear Valentine's head off." Jace crouches down and grimaces as he tries the lock again. "Oh, and don't get killed in the process, please?" 

Simon huffs. "Yeah, that's definitely my goal, Jace. Hurry up, Valentine's heartbeat is slowing and--" 

"Got it," Jace says again, pausing to toss Simon a satisfied little smirk. "You never believe in me." 

"Oh, shut up, show-off," Simon mutters, rolling his eyes. "Come on, let's go." 

"No idea where  _ to  _ go, but avoiding the heartbeat is a good start," Jace whispers as they creep towards the door, oh so slowly cracking it open. 

Simon doesn't reply, but he does take the lead with a nod. Jace wishes with everything in him that he had a weapon, but all he has is a vampire with no training, a smarting ankle, and the will to survive. 

It's no surprise that it goes to shit quickly. 

Whatever building they're in has the simplest layout ever. A bathroom at one end of the hallway, a room with a cell in the middle, and the entrance at the other end. And, of course, a small office off to the left right before they get to the entrance. An office that just so happens to not have a door. An office that holds all that they wish to avoid. 

Valentine notices them immediately and scowls in open annoyance. "Seriously? Do you think I'd actually let you  _ leave?  _ Get them." 

And sure enough, the Moving Mountain comes forward from the corner of the office, hissing in a way that suggests he's very,  _ very  _ pissed off. They're too far from the door to make a run for it, so they backtrack. They get maybe two steps back before it ducks out the doorway and faces them. 

"Hey there, big guy," Simon says nervously, an anxious little laugh making its large head tilt to the side. "Sun's getting  _ real  _ low…" 

"Are you fucking joking?" Jace hisses, grabbing him by the shoulder. 

Valentine leans out the doorway, the Soul Sword held in his hand. "Kill the creature, leave the Shadowhunter alone." 

"Wait, no! Hey, no," Jace says quickly, flinging his hands up to the Moving Mountain. "Hey, no need for that, right? We've been here with you, stuck just as you are. Valentine doesn't care about you, okay? You're nothing more than his servant. I know you listen to us, so  _ listen to us."  _

The Moving Mountain tilts its head farther, but slows its steps. 

"Jace, what are you  _ doing?"  _ Simon hisses. 

Jace elbows him sharply. "Got a plan." 

Valentine scoffs. "Don't even try it. Do you think that  _ thing  _ has any intelligence? It's nothing more than my creation, meant to serve only me." 

"Do you see? He's  _ using  _ you," Jace says, still holding his hands up as it comes to a screeching halt. "We don't want to use you, or hurt you, and we  _ won't.  _ We just want to leave." 

The Moving Mountain swells as it takes in a deep breath of air. It lets out a hiss and takes another step forward. "No. No leave!" It growls, words broken around gravelly hissing. 

"Great, you pissed him off!" Simon yells, stumbling back as it starts picking up its pace. 

Jace flings his hands up higher. "Okay, okay, we won't leave! Not--not without you. How about that? Do you want to come with us?" 

The Moving Mountain stops again. 

"Get them,  _ now,"  _ Valentine orders, holding the sword up as he steps into the hall. "You  _ can't  _ leave, and if you don't kill the vampire, you can't live!" 

The Moving Mountain blinks fathomless eyes at Jace, then slowly turns around, focusing its attention on Valentine. Growling, it hisses, "Leave. I leave!" 

The reaction is immediate. For all Valentine's madness, he's scarily aware of betrayal, and he knows when he's lost one of his own. Without mercy or care, he swings the sword in a high arc, cutting through the Moving Mountain's thick neck in one fell swoop. It disintegrates pretty much instantly, revealing Valentine's placid expression. 

"No!" Simon shouts, sounding truly gutted, and weirdly enough, Jace feels the same. 

It's just instinct at having lost someone (something?) they have a strange attachment to. Without any indication of what the other is going to do, they break apart and rush Valentine from both sides. He can't defend himself from them both, and he certainly isn't faster than an angry vampire, so he doesn't really stand a chance. 

Jace rips the sword from his hand while Simon slams him against the wall forcefully. Before Valentine can so much as try and fight back, Jace has the sword tip pressed threateningly to his throat, holding him in place. The disbelief in Valentine's eyes is quite honestly enough to keep Jace going for awhile. 

"Funny, isn't it?" Jace snaps, glaring at him. "How quickly things can unravel?" 

"Over a damn  _ beast,"  _ Valentine spits, lip curling up in disgust. 

Jace just blinks at him. "Not quite." 

"You know," Simon puts in, leaning forward to pin Valentine with a righteous smirk, "Frankenstien was always known as the monster, but what people don't remember is that Frankenstein was the _doctor, _not what he created." 

"Simon, I'm sure that's actually a very fitting reference, but neither of us know what the fuck that is," Jace informs him, shaking his head. "Do me a favor and help me get him to the closest vehicle."

Simon snorts. "My pleasure." 

* * *

Valentine is heavy once he's knocked out and tied up more securely than a mummified corpse. But Jace steals his stele and activates some runes, relishing in the rush of power he hasn't felt in so long, and it's easy to chuck him in the trunk of the little car that waits right outside of the entrance. 

"Keys?" Jace asks, jingling them at Simon as he waits by the driver side. 

Simon catches them with one hand and a satisfied smile as he opens the door. He pauses before sliding in, tilting his head back towards the sky, looking endlessly pleased about the sun on his face. It's with a calm sigh that he slides into the car and starts it up. 

"I can't believe we're going home, both of us, and with  _ Valentine  _ in the trunk," Simon says as he drives them down a long, winding dirt path. 

"And the Soul Sword in the backseat," Jace puts in casually, too relieved to bite back a small smile of his own. "Any idea where we are?" 

"Not a clue. Is there a map in the glove compartment?" Simon asks. 

Jace opens it and digs through, smile growing when an outdated smartphone falls out right into his palm, as if it was meant to be. "I'll do you one better. We have  _ GPS."  _

"I fucking love modern technology." 

"So, it looks like we've got a long drive. Four hours, to be exact. You up to it?" 

Simon snorts. "Don't have much of a choice.  _ You  _ can't drive." 

"How hard can it be?" 

"Wrong answer. I'll be fine." 

Jace hums and leans the phone against the gearshift, watching the time go from  _ 3 hours 48 minutes _ to  _ 3 hours 47 minutes.  _ "I think we're both fine now." 

"Yeah," Simon agrees. "It was getting pretty bleak there for a moment. What's the date?" 

"Oh," Jace coughs out, staring at the screen of the phone as he drags the menu down to reveal the current date. "We were there for nearly three whole weeks. 19 days." 

"Jeez," Simon mumbles, grimacing. "In some ways, it felt longer. In others…" 

Jace doesn't need Simon to elaborate. He knows exactly what he means. "I wish I could call to tell them we're coming."

"Don't have Alec's number memorized?"

"Do you have  _ Clary's?"  _

Simon jolts as if he's been slapped. "Shit,  _ Clary.  _ Jace, she's not--you two can...be together." 

"I'm not so sure of that," Jace murmurs, turning to look out the window, watching the blobs of green from the trees whip past. "I messed up." 

"How? Last I checked, you and Clary were only weird because of all the, uh,  _ feelings.  _ It doesn't have to be weird anymore, right?" 

"I didn't mess up with  _ her,  _ I messed up with you." 

Simon tosses him a quick look of blatant confusion, clearly not following. "How?" 

"I know how you feel about her," Jace says softly, watching Simon's face in the reflection of the window. "Even if you are moving on, you haven't done it  _ yet.  _ And you're not just some guy who gets on my nerves anymore." He pauses, evaluating the words that just fell from his lips, then immediately works to backtrack. "I mean, you  _ are,  _ but--" 

"Holy shit, Jace Whatever-your-last-name-is actually follows bro code?" Simon leans forward and stares out the windshield. "Are pigs flying?" 

"First of all, I may not know what bro code is or what it has to do with pigs flying, but I know when I'm being mocked," Jace bitches, huffing. "Secondly, don't bring up the last name situation right now; I'm just as confused as you are." 

Simon bursts out laughing, smiling wide as his head tosses back for a brief moment. Jace feels his lips tug up in response. "Wow, Jace, you're in a really good mood, aren't you? Okay, lemme make it better. Feel free to be with Clary if you want. I was serious about moving on. And hey, I won't even make it weird." 

"I don't know," Jace says simply, because he doesn't. 

"That's fine," Simon replies calmly. "Let me know when you figure it out." 

Jace smiles at Simon's reflection in the window, not hiding it at all. "You'll be the first." 

* * *

They make it to the Institute just as the sun sets. 

Simon seems sad to see it go, but he perks up when they pull up to the curb and cut off the car. Valentine is awake, muffled shouts sounding from the back, and Jace finds gratified pleasure in hearing it. 

He sends Simon to go get everyone, not willing to leave Valentine alone at all. As Simon darts away, Jace gets out of the car and stretches, staring around at the landscape. It's all so  _ nice.  _ Even the air feels different, fuller and cleaner. He really has missed being outside, being  _ free.  _

"Jace!" 

Ah, but he's missed his family more. 

With a grin he can't contain, he ushers forward, opening his arms just as Izzy barrels into them. She cradles the back of his head, smacking a kiss on his forehead, her relief plain on her face. He lets her touch him, lets her hug him unnecessarily tight, and he inhales deeply, relaxing into the faint smell of her regular perfume. 

"Holy shit, I've missed you," Jace breathes out, smiling at her as she beams at him. 

Alec quickly takes her place, leaning in and  _ down  _ to give him a shorter--yet, no less intense--hug. He claps Jace on the side of his neck, looking as if the world just gave his poor shoulders a break. It's obvious how tired they are, how little sleep they've gotten, how acquainted with worry they've been. 

"We knew you were alive, but--but…" Alec trails off, swallowing thickly. 

Jace squeezes his shoulder. "Hey, I know. It's okay. Everything's good now." 

"I'll say," Clary says, marching forward with Simon trailing after her with a faint smile. "Jesus, you two can't do that ever again!" 

Before Jace can really defend himself or Simon, she slams into him and hugs him. He rolls his eyes at the others over her head, but indulges her dramatics. When she pulls away, she clears her throat and takes two solid steps back, averting her eyes. 

"What's wrong?" Jace asks. 

Clary frowns. "I--I saw what you did for Simon. We all did. We were watching when--well. Thank you, Jace, seriously." 

For a moment, he doesn't really understand why she's thanking him. Because--and here's the thing--he didn't do it for  _ her,  _ or for anyone, really. He'd just done it because...well, because he wanted to. For himself, in a way. Because it was the right thing to do, because Simon matters, because Jace wasn't going to just sit by and do  _ nothing.  _

It hits him then just how odd that must be. To be fair, as far as everyone knows, he doesn't actually  _ like  _ Simon. He's not so sure if that's true anymore, but he  _ is  _ sure that he doesn't have to examine that. They're free to stay away from each other again, so Jace can go on not having to think too hard about Simon. Still, he is slightly offended that she doesn't think he's the type to save someone,  _ anyone,  _ if it's the right thing to do, despite any history he may have with them. 

"Yeah, it was--yeah." Jace's gaze finds Simon's and they share a quick smile. "But enough of that. We're fine, everything is fine. In fact, things are  _ great.  _ You won't believe what gifts we brought back." 

Alec releases a weary sigh. "Unless you've brought Valentine and the Soul Sword, I don't think I have the energy to care."

"Well, as a matter of fact," Simon speaks up happily, breaking away to come stand by Jace. 

"No way," Clary breathes out, eyes going wide. 

Simon grins at her.  _ "Yes  _ way, Fray. Say hello to our little friend!" 

With that, Simon darts away to the trunk and waves them over. No one has to be told to draw their weapons; they just naturally do it. Jace opens the door to the backseat and grabs the Soul Sword, handing it to a baffled Alec. While he grips it, Simon flings open the trunk and stumbles back warily, though he doesn't actually need to. Valentine is still wrapped up tightly and looks very pissed off by that fact. 

"How did you two manage to do this while being kidnapped?" Alec asks, flicking his gaze between them in open surprise. 

Simon flaps a hand casually. "Not much to do in prison besides plan. Well,  _ that,  _ and break an ankle." 

"Not much planning, actually," Jace counters, shooting Simon a flat look. "There was a sacrificial mountain and Valentine got too cocky, that's all." 

"Yeah," Izzy mutters, "because that explains it." 

"Too soon, Jace,  _ too soon,"  _ Simon scolds. 

Jace holds up his hands. "Fair enough. It will be missed. I think?" 

"Jury's still out on that one," Simon replies with a snort, eyes crinkling as he grins. 

"Well, you've both apparently went insane," Clary says with a quiet huff of laughter. "Why don't we get Valentine handled, let you two get settled, and then head out for celebratory drinks? Everything worked out for once, and honestly, I could do with some alcohol in my life." 

"That's probably the smartest thing you've ever said, Clary," Alec murmurs, ignoring her offended huff. 

"Yeah, I'm not going to say no to that," Izzy agrees, turning to Simon and Jace expectantly. "Are you both coming? We all have so much to talk about." 

Simon nods quickly. "Yeah, I'm definitely in." 

Jace smirks. "Have you ever known me to turn down a drink? I'll be the first at the bar." 

The resounding laughter warms Jace to his core, and he looks at Simon again, sharing a secretive smile. For this one moment, every single thing feels worth it, and he can't find it in himself to regret one thing about being kidnapped in the first place. 

Simon appears to be on the same page. 


	6. this can't possibly be a bad idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit of a longer one, but very cute. 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Jace lasts two days before he has to come to terms with the fact that he actually fucking  _ misses _ Simon. 

He avoids it for as long as possible, not really sure what the feeling  _ is  _ at first, but he can only ignore it for so long. Even with being busy with Valentine and reacquainting with his family, Jace still finds time to come head-to-head with that strange, hollow yearning in the pit of his chest. It usually hits him late at night when he's supposed to be sleeping, when the mattress feels too soft after sleeping on concrete for the better part of a month, when he finds himself waiting to fall asleep to humming. 

It's a new feeling. Jace has missed people plenty, usually in the moments when he's in danger, or they are. He'd missed Izzy when she went on a week-long trip to Paris. He'd missed Alec right after their Parabatai ceremony, when the feelings were at an all-time high and so intermingled that he almost grieved when they weren't in the same room. He'd missed them, and Clary, when he'd went with Valentine the very first time. 

He's never actually  _ missed  _ someone who was perfectly safe and accessible. And he's certainly never missed  _ Simon.  _

Jace has absolutely no idea how to deal with this. 

Fortunately, he doesn't have to. 

When the third day settles into night, just as Jace is getting ready to crawl into his bed, there's a knock on the door. He heaves a deep sigh and moves to the door, fully intending to send away whoever is on the other side. He's  _ just  _ getting back into the swing of things, running on little sleep, and slowly but surely becoming less and less surprised when he opens his eyes and finds himself not locked away. All he wants to do is brush his teeth four times in a row, ice his nearly-healed ankle, and attempt to get at least a couple of hours of sleep. 

However, the moment he opens the door to reveal Simon, all of that goes out the window. That grating feeling of  _ missing  _ someone soothes itself almost immediately when Simon's face lights up with a smile he can't seem to stop. Jace, thankfully, has a bit more control--meaning he doesn't smile, but he can't conjure a scowl either. 

"Simon," Jace greets casually, leaning against the door and eyeing him curiously. "To what do I owe this displeasure? Haven't I seen enough of you to last me a couple of lifetimes?" 

Simon's smile falters. "Oh. Sorry, I was just-- Forget it. Um, I'll just--" 

Jace watches him take a step back, his eyes averted, and he inwardly groans. Outwardly, he clicks his tongue and mutters, "I was  _ joking,  _ Simon. Seriously, what's up? What trouble are you in now?" 

"None, really," Simon tells him with a nervous laugh, his fingers twiddling with the strings of yet another hoodie. It's nice not seeing him in grey, almost as nice as not having to wear it. "I mean, I can go out real quick and cause some chaos if that'll give me access to hang out with you. Because that's why I'm here, I guess, to--to just...hang out. If-- I mean, if you're feeling up to it, and you actually  _ want  _ to. But if you don't...well, you don't, and that's fine too. Just--" 

"By the Angel, get in here," Jace cuts him off, cringing at the awkward fumbling of his words. He steps back and waves a hand to the side, raising his eyebrows when Simon just stares at him. "Well?" 

"In--in there?" Simon stutters, peering cautiously into Jace's room like it's actual hell. "I was just going to suggest we go for a walk or something." 

"I'm already dressed for bed, if you hadn't noticed," Jace replies dryly, still waiting. 

Simon's eyes flick over his loose t-shirt and joggers, gaze lingering just a little too long. "Yeah, it's kinda hard to miss," he admits with a sheepish smile. 

Jace rolls his eyes. "So, if you want to  _ hang out,  _ then it's going to be in here, where I can stay comfortable. Unless...you want to wait until tomorrow." 

"No, this is fine," Simon says quickly, ducking into Jace's room without any more hesitation, eyes scanning the room curiously. 

Jace waits until Simons back is to him to release the small smile tugging insistently at his lips. He closes the door with a soft click and gets his face under control before padding over to his bed and flopping down, back against his headboard. Simon doesn't spare him a glance, slowly walking around the room to peer at all his stuff, picking up pictures to examine them, lightly tapping the training tools with obvious confusion. Jace simply watches him. 

"You missed me, didn't you?" Jace asks blandly, smirking when Simon jolts and looks at him with wide eyes. 

When Simon sees the amusement on Jace's face, his own expression melts into sheepishness. "Was I that obvious? Sorry, I just-- It's taking a little getting used to. I promise I'm not being weird on purpose." 

"It's an adjustment," Jace allows cryptically, not elaborating any further. "Let me guess, you can't sleep that much? Feel weird on an actual bed? Not used to hearing only your own breathing? Wake up expecting to be back in the cell?" 

"Yeah." Simon releases a soft sigh of relief, his shoulders drooping as he moves over to flop onto Jace's bed, sitting at the end with his back to the wall and his legs sprawled out in front of him. "G-- Shit, it's so  _ stupid.  _ I mean, I'm okay, I know I am. It's just...weird now." 

"We adapted to our situation," Jace says easily, shrugging one shoulder. "Now, we have to adapt all over again. Easier said than done, I know." 

"You struggling too?" 

"I'm fine. Just adjusting, like I said." 

Simon pauses and turns his head to the side, lips twitching as he gazes at Jace. "You missed me too, didn't you? Go on, tell me; I know you did." 

"What's to miss?" Jace retorts with an arched eyebrow. 

"Liar," Simon mumbles, shaking his head. 

"So, you came here to fish for compliments, and what, get on my nerves?" 

"That's the dream, to be honest." 

Jace snorts. "And that's it?" 

"Dunno. Depends." Simon bites his lip, looking uncertain for a moment. "Did you ever tell Clary that she's not your sister?" 

"No." 

"Are you going to?" 

"I...don't know," Jace says carefully, chewing on the words as his mind turns them over. He glances down at his duvet, lips tipping down. "There's no awkwardness anymore, so I guess all it took to solve the problem was getting kidnapped. I'm not even sure if I  _ want  _ to tell her. Doesn't matter. Valentine probably will. He wants to talk to me and her alone before being escorted to Idris." 

Simon's eyebrows raise. "And they're  _ letting  _ you?" 

"It's the only way he'll talk," Jace mutters, wrinkling his nose. "He said he'll come clean about everything, cooperate with everyone, if--and  _ only  _ if--he gets to talk to us. So, really, that's the only option." 

"Why don't you tell her before he gets the chance? That way she won't be blindsided?" 

"I don't  _ know,  _ Simon. Maybe I don't want her to fucking know, okay?" 

Simon jerks back, eyes wide. "Jeez, I was just asking, calm down. Before you bite my head off, do you mind telling me  _ why?  _ Do you even know why?" 

"No, not really," Jace admits. "That's the problem. By all means, I should  _ want  _ her to know, but I just--I don't know what will come of it." 

"Shoot your shot, man." Simon leans forward and clears his throat, staring at his intertwined fingers with a small frown. "You, uh,  _ do  _ love her, right?" 

Jace is silent for a long time, mulling over that question for the first time since he learned he was  _ allowed  _ to love her. Does he? Fuck, he doesn't even know anymore. If he does, he'd jump at the chance, wouldn't he? Yet, something continues to hold him back, like they're not really meant to be after all. 

Maybe it was screwed from the start, or maybe he just doesn't allow himself nice things. And there's a chance that he just...likes what they have now, possibly more than what they had before. This is easier, no mess, more solid. 

She's family, and that's perfect. 

Jace lets out a deep sigh and says, "I love her, probably always will, but it's not-- It isn't the same. I kinda like how it is  _ now,  _ you know? It feels less like a struggle and more like peace. I think I  _ actually  _ fucked around and moved on while I wasn't paying attention, which sounds like me." 

"Nothing wrong with that. I mean, she might be a little sad, or maybe she feels the same. But since you're on the fence, I can tell you this; I have a sneaking suspicion that she has eyes for Izzy, even if she doesn't realize it yet." 

"Wait, really?" 

Simon bobs his head. "Yeah, I think so. I mean, I can't be sure, but it seems that way to me. Could be wrong though, so don't let that stop you if you  _ do  _ want to go for it." 

"What about you?" Jace arches an eyebrow at him pointedly. "How's moving on going for you?" 

"About as well to be expected. She hugged me when I got back and I almost cried." Simon's face flickers through a variety of strange expressions very quickly, and he tilts his head. "But that could be just the best friend thing. Still confused as ever, so it looks like things are back to regular scheduled programming." 

Jace can feel his face softening, much as he tries to fight it. "Try dating, that might help." 

"Yeah, because that's such an easy thing to do. I'm not like you, Jace. I can't just flash a killer smile, bat pretty eyes, and then have people falling at my feet. It's not that simple for me," Simon scoffs. 

"We have established that you have pretty eyes, so don't give me that bullshit," Jace says firmly, relishing in the immediate smile that takes over Simon's frustration. "Come on, it's not that  _ hard.  _ I'll have you know that I don't really date, okay? I just ask people if they're interested in some fun, and if they are, we have a grand old time." 

"So, you're telling me that you, the undeniably hot Jace Whatever-your-last-name-is, have been rejected at some point?" Simon asks doubtfully. 

Jace wrinkles his nose. "I have been, yes, but never twice in the same night. It's all about knowing your targets, that's all there is to it." 

"Yeah, but I don't want a one-off. Casually dating? Yeah, that's fine, but not just  _ sex."  _

"So, just ask someone out on a date. If they say no, move on. If they say yes, well, there ya go." 

"Okay, but I'm not going to just ask a stranger out! I have to actually  _ like  _ someone," Simon explains seriously, reaching up to run his hand through his hair, clearly riled up all over again. 

Jace hums, crossing his arms over his chest and eyeing Simon. That sentence runs through his head over and over, playing on a loop that seems to have no end. An idea starts to form in the midst, like the calm in the eye of a storm, and Jace is contemplating that idea before he even knows what it is. 

"Take me on a date." 

And this is why Jace isn't a fan of awkwardness, because it  _ catches.  _ Like a communal disease, it infests those far too exposed, and Jace's immunity to it has been severely weakened. So, here he is, blurting stupid shit out without much thought, and he suddenly remembers why he and Simon don't mesh. 

"Wait, what?" 

Too late now. The words are out there, and it'd be even  _ more  _ awkward if he tries to backtrack. His only option now is to follow through. 

"Yeah, you heard me," Jace says with a lot more bravado than he feels. He holds Simon's stunned gaze. "You need to move on and want a casual date, I should probably figure out if Clary is  _ it  _ for me. We can help each other out. Plus, you like me, even if I only like you half as much.  _ And  _ I'm never going to say no to free food." 

"You're asking me to...date you?" Simon asks carefully, staring at Jace like he's grown a second head. "Out of convenience?" 

Jace shrugs. "Yeah, why not?" 

"Because it could go wrong in a lot of different ways, messing up the already shaky friendship we have going on here. Just to be clear, I want to actually  _ date  _ someone, Jace. I'm talking about going on dates, holding hands, kissing, taking pictures, all of that. You understand that, right? Because I know that's not really your thing." 

"Hey, fuck you, I know what dating is. And I'm not opposed, or whatever. Could be fun, plus it'll keep me busy. Also, don't worry about that shit. When I say casual, I mean  _ casual."  _

Simon makes a small sound of frustration. "Our definition of casual may not be the same. I want to be exclusive. No cheating." 

"I don't  _ cheat,"  _ Jace snaps, huffing in offense. 

Simon purses his lips. "And I'll want to tell people, Clary included. I don't do dirty, little secrets." 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Oh, please. I don't know what version of me you have in your head, but I'm  _ seriously  _ not that fucking bad." 

"Okay, yeah, but it could end terribly." 

"Nah. It's as simple as honesty, right? If you want to stop, or aren't enjoying yourself, or can't move on from Clary...then you just fucking  _ tell me.  _ And the same in reverse." 

"And what if one of us gets invested?" Simon challenges, waving a hand like he's just ended the whole debate. "What if one of us falls in love, but the other doesn't?" 

"A risk, yes, but that's a risk for  _ everyone  _ who dates. At least we'll go in knowing that it probably won't last and is just for fun." 

"Shit, you're actually serious." 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Well, I'm not fucking with you about it. Seriously, I am  _ not  _ that bad. And you know you can just say no, right? It'd probably be better if you did, actually." 

"Probably," Simon agrees. He chews his bottom lip and eyes Jace with a curious glint to his eyes, like he can't help but  _ wonder.  _ "So, when are you free?" 

Jace snorts. 

* * *

"Where are you going?" 

Jace glances up from his mirror and smiles at Izzy, who is grinning at him knowingly. "Got a date." 

"I can tell," Izzy says, nodding at him. "You always clean up so nice when you're getting laid." 

"Har har, you're so funny," Jace mutters, looking back in the mirror to flick his hair back into place, pleased when it stays where he wants it. "And I'm not getting  _ laid,  _ I'm actually going on a date." 

Izzy's eyebrow jump. "Oh, really? You're disbanding book club?" 

"For the time being," Jace confirms. 

"Wow, she must be great. Who is she? Do I know her?" Izzy asks, her heels clicking as she walks into his room, staring at his reflection. 

Jace turns to face her. "It's Simon." 

Izzy blinks. "Simon? Simon Lewis?  _ Our  _ Simon?" 

"Well, as of tonight, he's mine," Jace tells her playfully, "but yeah, the very same." 

To her credit, Izzy doesn't linger on shock very long. Just enough to cough and tuck away the disbelief in her eyes. "Well, good for you?" 

"Should be," Jace says. "We'll see."

"So...what happened between you two while you were imprisoned?" Izzy asks curiously. 

Jace grins at her. "Wouldn't you like to know?" 

Okay, so  _ maybe  _ he's having a little too much fun with all of this. He has to force his laughter down as he sweeps out of the room, leaving Izzy standing there, alone and visibly confused. Why Simon worried that he'd keep this quiet, he'll never know. Teasing people with it is much more fun, and more like him too. 

He stalks down the hall, heading towards the door where Simon is supposedly waiting, according to his short message. When he rounds the corner, he finds that Simon had been telling the truth, only he's not exactly alone. Alec is standing beside him, looking bored as Simon jabbers on about something, and Jace has to bite back a laugh as he approaches. 

"Oh, about time," Alec mutters as soon as he catches sight of Jace. "Simon's apparently been waiting for you, did you know?" 

Jace nods. "I did. Thanks." 

"Where are you going?" Alec asks curiously, just now looking his outfit over.

"Wherever Simon takes me," Jace replies, shrugging shamelessly. He focuses on Simon. "Where are we going?" 

"Uh, two different places," Simon says, eyes flicking between Jace and Alec warily. 

Alec arches an eyebrow. "Something for a mission?" 

"Nah," Jace tells him, "we're dating." 

Simon abruptly breaks out into a coughing fit. Alec's other eyebrow joins his first. 

"Seriously? What about book club?" 

"Disbanded for the time being." 

"Ah." Alec looks between them, expression slowly jumping between curiosity and disbelief. "So, you two are actually...going out on a date?" 

Jace nods. "Yup." 

"Simon?" Alec asks, focusing on him like he can't trust his literal parabatai's word. 

Simon smacks his chest and gives a weak nod, eyes watering. "Yeah, that's--yeah." 

"On purpose?" Alec checks. "Willingly?" 

"Yes, Alec, and the longer you stand here bothering us about it, the longer we have to wait. Can we go, or do we have to get your signature in blood as proof of your approval?" Jace snips, rolling his eyes. 

Alec snorts. "Whatever. Have fun." 

"Thanks," Jace says, reaching out to snag Simon's shoulder and literally drag him outside. 

Simon smacks his hand away, huffing and tossing him a look of betrayal. "What the hell was that?" 

"What? You said you wanted people to know!"

"Well, yes, I did, but--" 

"Why, Simon, are you  _ ashamed  _ of me?" Jace gasps, putting his hand over his heart and adopting a hurt expression. 

"Oh, fuck right the fuck off," Simon snaps, turning on his heel and walking away. "I'm just saying, some warning would be nice!" 

"Is this our first fight as a couple?" 

"You're going to be insufferable about this entire thing, aren't you?" 

Jace grins at him as he matches his pace. "Well, yeah, but I'm also going to let you kiss me whenever you want, so who's the real winner here?" 

Simon freezes on the steps as Jace continues on, not missing a beat at all. In the distance, he can see the flash of Clary's hair, resembling a flame, and he wonders how telling her would go. She'd probably be just as shocked as everyone else, if not more. A part of him wants to see her reaction, but he figures that Simon will want to talk to her about it himself. 

"Wait," Simon calls out, stumbling down the steps and rushing after Jace.  _ "Whenever  _ I want?" 

Jace looks back at him and snorts. "Wow, you're too easy. Yes, Simon, that's what I said, isn't it? You say you want a kiss right then, you get one."

"Seriously? As easy as that?" 

"We  _ are  _ dating, right? People who date kiss, don't they? I'm not saying we get naked and have our way with each other; it's just a simple kiss." 

"Jace! Simon!" 

Both of their heads snap up to see Clary waving at them from across the lawn, her smile visible despite the distance. She's technically on patrol, but it's clear that she's heading towards them. Jace lifts his hand in a casual wave and smiles. 

"Right now," Simon says. 

Jace drops his hand, head whipping around to stare at Simon. "Right now? As in,  _ right now?"  _

"That's what I said, isn't it?" 

"Well, you're stubborn as fuck, aren't you?" 

"Yep," Simon agrees without missing a beat, gaze flicking towards the steadily approaching Clary. "So, are you going to kiss me or not?" 

"You should know, Simon, I always follow through when I make promises," Jace tells him, turning to face him fully and stepping closer. "And  _ you  _ are a lot less innocent than you pretend to be." 

Simon huffs a low, nervous laugh. "Yeah, maybe, but I'm young. I'm supposed to be a little wild and make rash decisions, right?" 

"This is a bit much, even for you." 

"Maybe. Kiss me anyway." 

"Well, you asked for it." Jace shrugs and steps forward, watching Simon's eyes go wide with surprise, licking his lips in anticipation--or, more likely, a sign of how nervous he is. "You sure this is how you want to do this?" 

Simon clears his throat, throwing one more look at Clary, who isn't actually too far off now. "Yeah, why not? What could possibly go wrong?" 

"Guess we'll find out," Jace mutters.

Jace steps forward yet again, this time stopping right in front of him, and Simon's eyes somehow get even  _ wider.  _ "Holy shit, you're actually going to--" 

"Mhm," Jace confirms. 

And with that, he reaches up to cradle Simon's cheeks, leaning in without any hesitation. He gets to hear Simon's sharp inhale before their lips connect briefly, a simple press of mouths. It's a curious thing, kissing someone he never actually considered kissing before this very moment. Not  _ bad… _ just new. 

Simon goes tense for about half a second, then relaxes with a little curious hum, allowing the kiss to unfold without interference. It's a learning curve, Jace supposes, because kissing has always been easy for him. Just a simple press of mouths, perhaps some soft movement, and the more intricate parts of  _ making out  _ can come later. Still, it is a kiss, and the thing is, it's actually quite nice. 

When Jace pulls back slowly, leaving with a quick nip to Simon's bottom lip to spice things up, Simon blinks open his eyes and stares at him with furrowed brows. "Do you have to be good at everything?" 

"Yeah," Jace replies with a chuckle. "I'm pretty sure it's in my genetic makeup." 

"What the  _ fuck?"  _

And Jace is suddenly reminded that they have an audience of one. He doesn't remember forgetting Clary, but he's starkly reminded as she stalks up to them with wide eyes. She looks  _ so confused,  _ and Simon looks as stunned as she must feel, clearly just now coming to grips with what just happened. But hey, technically he brought it on himself. 

"Hey," Jace greets casually. 

"You two just--you were  _ kissing.  _ I saw it," Clary blurts out, just  _ daring  _ them to deny it. 

Jace nods, appeasing her. "Yeah, it was a thing." 

Clary looks between them. "Yes, I  _ saw.  _ Again, what the fuck? Why were you kissing?" 

"We're dating," Jace informs her, because Simon clearly isn't going to say anything. 

"You're--you're  _ dating?"  _ Clary sputters, head swiveling so she can focus the intensity of her gaze on Simon. "Really? And you didn't tell me?" 

"Uh," Simon says. "Well, it's...really new." 

Jace hums in agreement. "Yeah, that's actually true. We're going on our first date right now." 

"So. Okay, wow. That's-- I mean, I guess stranger things have happened." Clary's attempt at getting her wits about her falls a little short, but she's got the spirit. She clears her throat. "So, this is because you two were alone together for so long, right? I mean, you two probably got close over time." 

Jace and Simon share a quick look. 

"You could say that," Simon answers carefully. 

Clary stares between them some more, her head tipping to the side as she considers them. "Well, whatever makes you happy, I guess. I sure as hell didn't see it coming, but it's kinda... _ cute?"  _

"Cute?" Simon mutters, frowning slightly. 

"Yeah, I mean--sure." Clearing her throat again, Clary gestures over her shoulder. "I, uh, should probably get back to patrols. You two have a nice time on your...date." 

With that, she turns on her heel and walks off, shaking her head in a dazed fashion. They both watch her walk away, then exchange an uncomfortable look. 

Well...that went better than expected. 

"She's gonna be so pissed that you didn't tell her that she's not actually your sister," Simon comments quietly, wincing in sympathy. 

Jace sighs. "I know. And she's gonna be so pissed that you didn't tell her we're  _ dating."  _

Simon scoffs. "Still almost can't believe it myself." 

"Yes, because I just kiss  _ everyone  _ who asks." 

"Hey, man, I'm not telling you how to live." 

Jace snorts. "Oh, shut up. This relationship is about to end really quick if you don't actually take me out. We have a date to get to, remember?" 

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Simon mutters, rolling his eyes as he starts in the direction of his van. 

"So, what are we doing, anyway?"

"Tell me, Jace, what do you know about Laser Tag?"


	7. we're gonna be alright...maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late y'all, I apologize, but yesterday was nuts! Enjoy these two idiots being two idiots

Jace is sitting in the Institute at table with Izzy, Alec, and Clary, listening to them banter back and forth, adding his input regularly, when his phone vibrates on the table. Like vultures, the other go quiet and focus on his phone, while Jace just rolls his eyes. 

"Hello?" he answers, ignoring the others as they lean in to listen without an ounce of shame. 

"Come over," Simon says, by a way of greeting. 

Jace sighs as the others exchange looks. "Kinda busy here, Simon." 

"Busy, as in the world is ending busy, or just lamely busy?" Simon asks cautiously. 

"Just lamely busy, if you must know." 

"Okay, great. Drop whatever you're doing and get your ass over here, please and thank you." 

"Can I eat in peace?" 

"We're dating; I  am  your peace." 

"Now, who's being insufferable?" Jace mutters, rolling his eyes when Alec shakes his head. 

"Hey, fuck you,  you're  the one who started this. Now, come on, seriously. I got you gummy bears." 

"Is that supposed to entice me?" 

"Technically,  I'm  supposed to entice you," Simon retorts sarcastically. 

"Yeah, well, you suck at it." Jace watches Clary and Izzy's eyebrows both go up in sync. "What do you want, Simon?" 

"A nap, to be honest," Simon replies instantly. 

Now,  that  entices Jace. "What are you suggesting?" 

"A nap date?" 

"Is that a thing?" 

"I'm pretty sure it is, and if it  isn't,  it should be. I'll put on a movie and we can pass out for a few hours. Are you coming or not?" Simon asks with a huff. 

"Yes, dear," Jace says, lips twitching against his will as he pushes his plate back. "I'm on the way." 

Simon hums his approval. "Great, see you then." 

The phone goes dead, so Jace stuffs it into his pocket and scoots his chair back as the others watch him like a hawk. They're clearly not going to let him get out of this without some commentary, so he doesn't stand. He sighs and opens his hands, waving them pointedly, and waits. 

"So, you and Simon,  seriously?"  Alec blurts out immediately, leaning forward. 

Jace nods. "Yes. I wasn't joking three days ago when I told you, and I'm not joking now." 

"This is  so... bizarre," Clary murmurs, looking as if she got hit in the head with a blunt object. "You two used to fight over  me,  and now--now my best friend is dating my brother. What even is my life?" 

"Well, I'm stuck on the fact that Jace is actually in a  relationship.  Like a serious relationship. Dates, leaving us to go to him, kissing--if Clary's information is actually true," Izzy says playfully. 

"You and Simon kissed?" Alec blurts, nose wrinkling. 

"Yes, Alec, that's a thing that boyfriends do, last I heard. If you and Magnus aren't there yet, you should probably jump on that," Jace tells him, lips spreading into a mocking grin. 

"Wow," Izzy breathes. "This is  amazing!" 

"You're all ridiculous." Jace rolls his eyes for what feels like the hundredth time and pushes to his feet, scooping up his plate. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a nap-date I'm weirdly excited about." 

"You're  napping  together?" Clary lets out a shocked laugh, her smile widening. "That's so  domestic,  and cute! Okay, this just gets better and better." 

"I hate all of you," Jace says without missing a beat, pushing his chair back in and walking away. 

"Love you too!" Izzy calls after him. 

He shoots them the bird over his shoulder as he goes, biting back a grin at their resounding laughter. 

Jace makes it to Simon's little boathouse in record time, and it isn't until he walks in that he reconsiders pretty much everything. Simon's laid up on his bed, arm propped up behind his head, eyes drooped sleepily, and he has the worst case of bedhead that Jace has ever seen. He looks so... soft.

"This is a bad idea," Jace blurts out the moment the realization strikes. 

Simon blinks up at him. "What is? Napping? Dude, we slept next to each other on concrete for the better part of a month, I think we'll be fine." 

Well, he makes a valid argument. So, when Simon pats the open spot beside him, Jace heaves a sigh and swoops down to remove his boots. His ankle no longer hurts at all, thankfully, so there's no pain to worry about when he starts over to the bed. 

"Scoot over," Jace mumbles, putting one knee on the bed and getting ready to flop face-first into the mattress the moment the space opens up. 

Simon frowns at him. "Jace, you can't sleep like  that.  Take off your jacket." 

Jace huffs, but does as he's told, letting his newer leather jacket hit the floor behind him. "Happy? Now, move the fuck over." 

"I'm not. This is  my  bed, and you have plenty of room. Just get up here and go to sleep." 

"Fine." 

"You're so dramatic when you're tired," Simon says, snorting when Jace flings himself into the open spot at his side and immediately sighs in relief. 

"Fuck off," Jace retorts sleepily, squirming until he gets fully comfortable. His entire arm rests along the line of Simon's, warm skin against cool. 

Simon chuckles. "Will you sleep better if I hum?" 

"I'll sleep better if you  shut up." 

"That's not technically a no." 

"Shut up," Jace grumbles, letting his eyes shut as he crosses one leg over the other. When Simon goes quiet, he heaves yet another sigh. "Yes, I'll sleep better if you hum. And you'll sleep like the dead if you tell anyone that, because you'll actually  be dead." 

"You're a great boyfriend," Simon tells him flatly. 

"Why did we agree to date again?" 

"Because we're a little insane." 

Jace snorts. "Yeah, fair enough." 

Simon doesn't reply, but he  does  start humming, which is much better. Jace can feel sleep closing in almost instantly, like he's got some Pavlovian response to the gentle croon of Simon's sleeping routines. It's such  bullshit.  All of it is, actually. 

But...Jace falls asleep before he can fully understand why everything he's doing with Simon is a bad idea. 

***

Talking to Valentine goes horribly, as anticipated. 

It's basically a session where Jace and Clary get to try their hand at being Valentine's personal verbal punching bag, but what else is new? He does try to sway them to  his  side, and he fails. As usual. 

Jace does ask one pressing question on his mind, however. Leaning forward, he peers at Valentine and quietly murmurs, "I was injected with something, but nothing ever came of it. What was it?" 

"I'd been experimenting on a serum that puts people in a state of fear and panic." Valentine tilts his head, eyes narrowing. "Whatever did your mind conjure up to send you spiralling?" 

Turns out, the Moving Mountain was right. Valentine  is  sick in the head. 

"I heard...screaming," Jace says slowly, eyebrows furrowing. "I felt helpless." 

Valentine nods. "So, it did work. With some tweaking, the effects could last much longer." 

"You did that to your own  son?"  Clary spits, so utterly disgusted that it's impossible to miss. 

And that's pretty much where it goes to shit, because Valentine's face lights up as he slowly turns delighted eyes on Jace. "Oh, you didn't tell her?" 

"Shut up." Jace grits his teeth. "Just--just shut up." 

"Tell me what?" Clary asks warily, eyes widening. 

"I can't imagine why you wouldn't have mentioned it? After all, you wanted to be together, didn't you? Unless… Why Jace, don't you love her anymore?" 

"Jace, what's he talking about?" 

Swallowing thickly, Jace clenches his jaw and averts his eyes, but Valentine clearly finds glee in filling in Clary's missing gaps. "Oh, my child, Jace isn't truly your brother. I raised him, yes, but he's not my biological son." 

Clary inhales sharply. "What--no, that's not-- Jace, is this true?" 

"It is," Jace confirms softly, slowly raising his gaze to watch her flinch back as if she's been slapped. "He admitted it while holding the Soul Sword, when he couldn't lie." 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Clary whispers. 

"Don't you  get  it, dear Clarissa?" Valentine taunts, his smile sickeningly pleased. "He doesn't  want  you anymore. He'd rather you live in discomfort, believing that you once craved your brother, than face the chance that you might actually want to try being together again." 

"No," Jace denies firmly, facing Clary's gaze head-on with a determined glint in his own eyes. "No, that's  not  it, and I swear it. I didn't tell you because I didn't know  how.  We just got on common ground again, and we seemed...happier. I didn't want to ruin it, or us." 

"You should've told me," Clary croaks, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears forming in her eyes. 

Jace nods. "I know. I'm sorry." 

Valentine laughs, maniacally pleased, and Clary looks away. Properly feeling like shit, Jace stares at his boots and waits for this to be over. 

It doesn't last much longer, fortunately. Valentine seems content with the rift he's created between them, so the process speeds up. After one great speech that's nothing more than bullshit, Valentine doesn't have much else to say.

Jace leaves before Clary does, avoiding her gaze, shame rocking him solidly to his core. He doesn't want to be here anymore, not at the Institute, not around Clary, Alec,  or  Izzy. He just wants to get away and be left alone to his own thoughts, maybe with a couple of drinks, or five.

So, he goes to the Hunter's Moon, not caring that it's only half past one in the afternoon, not feeling an ounce of shame when he walks in and immediately makes a beeline for the bar. Maia isn't working at the moment, but he's pretty sure her shift will start soon. Maybe he can be carting a full buzz by then, that way he won't care as much when she verbally kicks him in the balls--not that he doesn't deserve it. 

The bartender passes him his drink and quickly walks away, like most people do when they see the scowl he doesn't have any control over. 

Simon is not most people. 

Meaning, he--of course--walks in before Jace can even take one swallow of his drink and  immediately  recognizes him. Seeing as they're technically dating, that makes perfect sense, but the moment Simon sidles up next to him, Jace wishes that they weren't on speaking terms at all. 

"I take it the talk with Valentine didn't go as smoothly as you hoped?" Simon asks knowingly, sitting on the stool next to Jace, their elbows knocking as he adjusts himself. 

"Nope" Jace replies in a clipped tone. 

Simon is silent for a beat, then he releases a quiet sigh. "Clary found out, didn't she?" 

"Yep." 

"I'm not going to say I told you so, but--" 

"Simon," Jace cuts him off sharply, head whipping to the side so he can pin Simon with a glare, letting him know just how serious this is. "Look, I didn't call you here, okay? So, just leave me the fuck alone."

"I didn't know you'd be here," Simon retorts in offense, eyebrows dipping in annoyance. "I'm just here to see how Maia is doing. Not my fault that you came here to drown your sorrows." 

"Fuck you." 

"Oh, stop  whining.  You're literally dwelling for no reason! Clary will come around, she always does, so take the metaphorical tail out from between your legs. It's  really  not that serious." 

Jace twists fully in his seat, leaning forward to get in Simon's face. "Listen here, you little--" 

"Right now," Simon interrupts. 

Jace goes still, disbelief briefly displacing the anger flowing through him. "What?" 

"You heard me." Simon tilts his chin up, but there's a nervousness in his gaze.  "Right. Now." 

Jace exhales deeply through his nose, jaw ticking to the side as he grits his teeth. Fine.  Fine,  if that's what Simon wants, he'll fucking give it to him. Without any tenderness, Jace shoves forward past the short distance between their faces, slamming his lips into Simon's without finesse. It's harsh, Jace knows that, and there's nothing attractive about the anger that he relays through the contact. 

Simon pulls back, eyebrows furrowing, and he lifts one hand from the bar, holding Jace's cheek to keep him from moving forward again. It takes a moment for the chagrin to hit, but once it does, Jace feels his face heat from his own guilt. 

"Sorry, I just--" 

"S'okay." 

It's really not, but Simon seems sincere. He offers a gentle smile and sweeps his thumb over Jace's cheekbone softly. Oh so softly, like it's special. Jace feels his heart squeeze in his chest when Simon blinks his pretty, brown eyes innocently and leans back in slowly, catching Jace's lips with his own. This kiss is a lot calmer and the longer it stretches, the sweeter it gets. 

Before Jace knows what he's doing, his whole body unclicks as the stress and anger seeps from him abruptly. He's so surprised by it that he grunts slightly, which Simon takes as encouragement, apparently. Hesitantly, he tilts his head for a better angle and moves his lips, urging Jace's to dance in tandem--an order he follows without meaning to. 

Obviously gaining confidence, or getting caught up in the moment, or  both... Simon presses in closer and sweeps out his tongue. Jace's stomach swoops with it in sync, and it's with a sharp inhale that he tucks his head down, pulling away from Simon and averting his eyes to the bar. 

Okay, that had gotten a little intense. 

"Feel any better?" Simon asks casually, like nothing is amiss. He even smiles when Jace glances up. 

"A little." Jace clears his throat. "Thanks." 

Simon slaps the bar and stands up, holding one hand out to Jace in offering. "Come on, you don't need to drink to feel better. Come with me." 

"Where are we going?" Jace asks warily. 

"Wherever our feet take us. It'll be nice to get out and walk. Plus, I don't have to worry about my life with you hanging around." 

Simon waggles his fingers pointedly, eyebrows jumping in encouragement. Jace looks at the drink he  still  hasn't gotten even swallow of, and he lets out a deep sigh. Clamping down on his disappointment, he stands up and ignores Simon's hand, which only increases Simon's determination to hold it, because he's a stubborn fucker. Without a word, Simon drops the hand he's offering and interlocks it with one of Jace's, fingers slotting together. 

It feels...strangely  nice. 

And besides, Jace is more focused on what Simon had just said. Hand holding is a thing couples do, so he has no reason to feel like someone who fumbles through physical contact--they've  kissed,  for fuck's sake. Twice!

"Why are you worried for your life, Simon?" 

"'Cause, ya know, I'm a vampire who can hang out in the  sun.  Saying that the others are jealous is an understatement. They want to know how I did it, and I'm not sure how far they'll go to find out." Simon sounds genuinely distressed, his hand tightening around Jace's in nervousness. "But don't worry, I won't tell them." 

Jace nearly falls over. "Tell them  what?"

Simon starts tugging him from the bar, glancing around nervously. It isn't until they're outside and heading down the street at a calm space that Simon actually answers him. "Come on, Jace, it can only be one thing." 

"I'm not following." 

"Take a wild guess. It clearly wasn't something Valentine did, because he was shocked when it happened. No, I only was able to do it  after  I bit...you. But I won't tell anyone, I swear." 

"We don't know that's what caused it." 

"An educated guess. But no one will ever know. That'd put a big, red target on your neck, and I can't have my boyfriend being in mortal peril." 

Jace snorts when Simon shoots him a smile and starts swinging their hands back and forth. "Yeah, I'm  real  worried about that," he mutters dryly. 

"Well, today is all about forgetting your worries. So, whatcha wanna do?" 

"I  wanted  to drink, but you dragged me away from that, so it's on you now,  sweetie." 

Simon grins playfully. "Dude, you  so  do not want to get in a pet-name war with me. I will win every time, I promise you. And you don't  need  to drink, okay? Why don't we just...go to the park and people watch? That's always fun." 

"What is it with you and disliking drinking?" 

"I don't dislike it when it's done safely, in a good mindset, and isn't something the people I care about depend on." 

A lightbulb turns on in Jace's mind. "Ah, this is about your mom." 

Simon's light smile disappears. "Who told--oh." He slows and checks both ways before tugging Jace across the crosswalk. "I was about to ask who told you that, but then I remembered that  I  told you that. Jeez, I was really airing it out in that cell, huh?" 

"Yeah, a bit. Also, you're deflecting," Jace informs him in slight amusement. "You do that a lot."

"Maybe it's harder to talk about my trauma out in the real world," Simon mumbles. 

Jace sighs and knocks his shoulder into Simon's, squeezing his hand briefly. "Fair enough. You don't have to talk about it at all. I think I get the gist. And if it'll make you feel better...I'll stop drowning my sorrows, as you put it." 

"Thanks," Simon says, visibly perking up at Jace's promise, automatically believing him. "You know, you're actually not that bad of a boyfriend. I was expecting worse, but you've been alright." 

"Alright?  Alright?  Simon, I kiss you on  command.  I better be a little more than  alright,"  Jace tells him with a huff, watching Simon's smile stretch into that stupidly charming grin of his. 

"Yeah, well, I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Why are we dating again? It's just so strange." 

"We've been over this, it was out of convenience. You were lonely and wanted to move on, I was testing a theory and willing to be your guinea pig." 

"That sounds so horrible when you put it like that. But it's been...good, right?" Simon asks carefully. 

Jace shrugs noncommittally. "Sure. Why, do you want a review and a rating? Dating Simon, five stars." 

"Aw, I get five stars?" Simon teases, pulling Jace's hand up to his mouth and smacking a dramatic kiss to the back of his palm. 

Snorting, Jace replies, "You're so annoying. I really am a masochist if I agreed to date  you." 

"Do you think the novelty will wear off?" Simon ignores his jab, preferring to drift closer to Jace's side, laying his head on his shoulder. "I mean, we'll probably look back one day and laugh about it, about the fact that we even did it. But for now...it's actually kind of comforting to have someone, to have you. I keep waiting for that to get old, to the point where I don't really  want  the comfort of it." 

Jace can tell that Simon's being serious about this, a vulnerable opening he hasn't shown since being imprisoned, so he bites back the mocking retort his mind automatically comes up with. Instead, he drops Simon's hand to loop his arm through his, allowing Simon the chance to lean into his side as they casually stroll along. 

"It's nice to feel wanted," Jace comments quietly, looking over at Simon's peaceful expression. "It's scary to want things." 

Simon chuckles. "Too true, too true. But I guess we kinda bucked the system, didn't we? Found the loophole, if you will." 

"Yeah," Jace agrees, "that's why it's...working." 

"I never asked, but now I feel the compulsion to do so, even if it could fuck everything up. I'm self-destructive as  hell.  But I'm gonna ask anyway," Simon mutters, clamping his hand down on Jace's arm as if he might bolt, which does jack-shit for Jace's nerves at the moment. "Did you even...want this? Me? I mean, I feel like you just jumped in to do me a favor or something, like--like maybe you're not getting anything out of it." 

Jace lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh, is that all? Trust me, Simon, if didn't want to do it, I wouldn't have." 

"You sure? I'm not exactly your type. Wait, am I?" 

"Are you  trying  to get me to be rude?" 

Simon huffs and smacks Jace's arm lightly, never lifting his head from his shoulder. "Come on, I'm being serious right now." 

"Fine. You're my type enough for me to let you kiss me, right? And if I didn't think you were attractive, the idea would have never crossed my mind." 

"Shit, I wish I had recorded that." 

"I thought we were being serious." 

Simon hums happily, seeming altogether more pleased than moments before. "You know what I think?  I  think that you agreed to date me just to have an excuse to be kinda nice to me." 

"Where's the logic in that?" Jace asks, lips twitching when Simon lifts his head and tugs them to the left, heading towards the nearest park. "If I wanted to be nice to you, I just  would." 

"No, I think that you actually started to  like  me, because I'm a likeable guy--like I said--and you didn't know how to handle that.  So,  you decided to date me, knowing you'd have to be moderately kind to me in the process," Simon says with a nod. 

"Oh, is that what I did?" Jace's laughter bubbles up past his lips, and he lets it. "You're such a fucking  dork." 

"Okay, conspiracy theory time." Simon stops them and leads them to an open bench on the sidewalk, placed beneath a large tree. It's in the shade, but they can still feel the warmth of the sun when they sit side-by-side. "Maybe you liked me all along!  Maybe  you have always been pretty fond of me, but you didn't want to admit it because we had our issues before, and you had a facade to uphold." 

"Wow," Jace murmurs, lips curled up willingly, amusement like a balloon swelling in his chest, "do tell me more." 

"Conspiracy theory number two; maybe you secretly wanted to be my friend from the beginning." 

"Hard pass." 

Simon snorts. "Three. Maybe you're trying to get me to like  you,  only to steal everything I own while I'm not paying attention." 

"You'd have to own anything of value for that theory to make even a moderate amount of sense." 

"Okay, you got me there. Four. Maybe this is all your elaborate plan to get me into bed." 

Jace waggles his eyebrows. "I mean, if you're  offering…" 

"Oh, shut up," Simon cackles, flapping a hand at Jace playfully. "If that's actually true, you're doing a pretty shitty job at seducing me." 

"I don't  seduce.  People come to me." 

"I'm not  people.  Besides, I can't even imagine us having sex. That's just...weird." 

"Wow, you sure know how to make your boyfriend feel special," Jace retorts flatly. 

"What, no, come on!" Simon twists all the way around on the bench to stare at him. "Can you honestly say that you've pictured us having sex?" 

"I haven't, no, but it's  just  a couple of dicks," Jace tells him, snorting when Simon's face contorts at the phrasing. "It's not rocket science, Simon." 

"Fuck you, you know what I mean." 

"Yeah, I get it. Sex wasn't on my mind when I suggested the idea of dating." 

Simon hums, turning to face him with a curious expression. "What  was  on your mind?" 

In a rare moment of honesty, Jace turns to look at Simon and admits, "Nothing at all." 

"Oh." Simon's surprise softens into something sweet, something Jace finds comfort in seeing. "Well, that sounds about right for you." 

"Oh, yeah?" Jace challenges, leaning forward to gaze right at Simon from a closer vantage point. "What was on your mind when you agreed to it?" 

"Honestly?" Simon murmurs, like he's telling a secret, drifting forward too. "Not a fucking thing." 

"And now?" Jace breathes out, blinking slow. 

"Right now. I swear to--I swear, if you don't kiss me  right now,  I'm going to--" 

Jace indulges him, following the command effortlessly and with far too much relief, crossing the small distance between them to press his lips to Simon's. His eyes flutter shut, and he forgets every single thing that caused him strife today, forgets everything, in fact, except this one moment. 

Simon hums in approval and satisfaction, like maybe this was his plan all along--and maybe it was. Still, he seems to enjoy reaping the benefits himself; a thing that becomes clear as he scoots closer and allows the kiss to unfold slow and gentle. 

Jace has already forgotten what he was so upset about to begin with. 


	8. well, now it's not looking so great

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little bit on the shorter side, but the title says it all...
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Jace is just heading to bed when Clary comes barreling into his room with eyes wide with panic, her throat bobbing as she gasps out, "Simon, he's--" 

And Jace's heart stops for a solid twenty seconds as his brain tries to process what's happening. Not that Clary is actually providing much detail--all she can manage to convey is that Simon is in danger and they need to go  _ now.  _

It takes him no time to get back into suitable attire and head to the weapons room to finish getting ready. He knows it's bad when he sees Alec slipping his bow over his shoulder with a grim expression, a slight undertone of worry there. At first, Jace thinks the worry is for Simon, but as soon as Alec looks up and that worry deepens, Jace realizes it's for  _ him.  _ To prove that fact, Alec comes over with a carefully crafted expression of calm. 

"You okay?" Alec asks quietly, eyes flitting over Clary and Izzy as they slide into holsters and pick out their weapons. Right now, Alec's in parabatai mode, fully focused on being there for Jace. 

Jace swallows. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" 

"Jace…" Alec grimaces, his lips thinning out when it becomes clear that Jace isn't going to say anything else. "Alright, are you going to be okay out there?" 

And that's Leader Alec coming in to make sure Jace's head is screwed on straight. Again, Jace swallows and says, "Yeah...why wouldn't I be?" 

"Alright, we're good, let's go," Clary blurts in a rush, hurrying past them in a jog, her focus fully on her best friend and nothing else. 

As Izzy follows her, slipping past them, she squeezes Jace's shoulder in sympathy. 

He hasn't worked out why people are worried about him yet; he's  _ fine.  _

"Jace," Alec says softly, "are you--"

"I'm fine," Jace snaps, adjusting his gloves and forcing his expression into something more solid, no wavering or emotion allowed. 

With that, Jace marches after Clary and Izzy, ignoring Alec's sigh from behind him as he follows along. No one says a word as they head out. 

As it turns out, Simon had many reasons to be worried for his life. When they reach the back alley that Simon's cornered in, it becomes apparent that his  _ gift  _ of walking in the sun is quickly dissolving into a curse. He's surrounded in a circle of angry vampires; the sounds of their hissing loud and reverberating off the brick walls on either side. 

Clary wastes no time, simply flings a dagger through the air with all her might as Alec docks an arrow and Izzy cracks her whip. For a split second, just the barest of moments, Jace is paralyzed by the look on Simon's face--his fear melting into stunned surprise and gratified relief as he realizes that they've come to save him. Shaking the moment away, Jace pulls out his seraph blade and launches into the fray. 

The night is dark and dense, rain hanging by a thread over them, and Jace has to concentrate to see each target. Clary and Alec have already managed to separate the rogue vampires from Simon, blocking their path to him, and Jace works with Izzy to come from behind. As they cut them down, slowly but surely, the rain finally loses the battle and falls like the sky has cracked open to let loose all at once. 

In nearly no time at all, Jace's hair is dripping in his face, his leather jacket heavy on his shoulders, but he fights through it to the best of his rune-given abilities. The rain makes it more of a struggle, but they work as a unit to eradicate the angry group of vampires, spurred on by the threats they shout as they continue towards Simon with a one track mind. 

One manages to break around Clary, and Simon shouts as she shoves him against the brick wall, and Jace reacts on pure instinct. Without a thought in his mind, Jace ducks under Alec's raised elbow and jerks his blade through the vampire, her body glowing and disintegrating just as Izzy takes down the last one. 

Jace and Simon stare at each other, both panting. 

"Hi," Simon says breathlessly. 

Jace huffs a short laugh. "Hey." 

They stare at each other some more, not moving, rain pounding wildly on the concrete floor. The others finally relax and put away their weapons, but Jace barely notices, too focused on the way Simon steps forward, smile a little dopey, curly hair sticking to his forehead. He looks incredibly pale, and drenched, and  _ pretty.  _ Jace swallows. 

"Hi," Simon repeats in a low murmur, moving forward with an amused glint in his eyes. "I think right now is a great time." 

"Right now?" Jace raises both eyebrows, his heart picking up pace for seemingly no reason at all. 

Simon bobs his head. "Yeah, seems fitting. It's raining; I've always wanted to kiss in the rain. And I mean, you  _ did  _ just come rushing in to save me from danger with our badass group of friends." 

"Hey, you're the boss," Jace mutters, lips twitching as he reaches out to curl his hands into the sopping strings of Simon's hoodie and use them to guide Simon much closer. 

Close enough to kiss. 

Jace does just that, right now, as Simon had requested. Their lips briefly meet, but they immediately pull back as rain provides multiple problems they can't exactly avoid. Simon instantly looks put out by that--though, from the lack of kissing, or from the fact that kissing in the rain isn't as glamorous as its made out to be, Jace doesn't know. Heaving a sigh and rolling his eyes, Jace shoves his hair out of his face, quickly tugs his jacket off, and lifts it above their heads. Rain pellets the leather, but they're safe underneath. 

Simon grins and automatically dips back in to kiss him yet again. This time, it lasts for much longer, drawing out further than it ever has before. Jace actually mourns the fact that his hands are preoccupied with the task of keeping them dry, an itch in his palms making him wish he could reach out and  _ touch.  _ Simon, however, has no qualms about using his, and he cards his fingers into Jace's stringy, wet hair, inhaling sharply through his nose as he crowds closer, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. 

Jace doesn't realize he's groaning like a man who's been gutted until it's too late to take it back. 

They both seem content to just make out here and now, letting the kiss unfurl into something heated and fierce, Jace's arms be damned. Their friends, however...well, they can only handle so much. 

"Jace, come on," Alec mutters, sounding mildly disgusted by all of this. "Some of us actually want to go home at  _ some _ point tonight." 

Dutifully, and with some regret, Jace breaks away, ducking his head to stare at the ground as he licks his lips and swallows thickly. Shit, that gets better each time. Doesn't seem to be getting old, either. 

With a soft sigh, Simon drops his hands from Jace's hair and reaches up to grasp Jace's jacket, pulling it down and holding it out so Jace can slip back into it easily enough. After, he shoots Jace a quick smile and reaches out to grasp his hand, careless of the wet skin, threading their fingers together and swinging their palms back and forth. Jace tries to look at the others with a blank look, rolling his eyes, but considering that they all just watched him make out with Simon, his act falls a little short. 

"You okay?" Clary asks warily. 

Simon beams. "Never better." 

Clary's smile blooms with relief and she says, "Well then, let's get the hell out of this rain." 

And so they do. 

* * *

Clary corners him three days later. 

She's mostly been avoiding him so far, outside of the rescue mission they'd went on. She does it strategically, however. She goes to train when he walks into the central room, goes to her room when he goes to train, starts up a conversation with anyone else when he tries to approach her. So, Jace finally stops and waits it out. She's clever, and when she feels it's time, she'll come to him. 

And she does. 

He's training when she finally breaks the silence. Her way of doing so isn't so much as her starting a conversation as it is her grabbing a wooden staff and stepping up to the mat, tilting her chin up. He already knows how this is going to go, so he sighs and gets into position opposite of her. 

The thing about Clary is...she's good,  _ really  _ good. She has some kind of natural fucking talent that he can't really grasp. He had to work to be as good as he is, for  _ years,  _ but she's so effortlessly amazing that it can sometimes be grating. And awe-inspiring. 

In this moment, however, it's just  _ painful.  _

After the fourth time that the wood snaps against the skin of his arm, leaving a red stripe, he curses sharply and drops his. "Alright, enough of this shit. At this point, this is just Jace abuse. Say what you have to say, tear me a new one, do what you gotta do, but stop fucking  _ hitting me.  _ By the Angel, you're making me look stupid."

"Good," Clary says flatly, "now you know how I feel." 

Jace frowns. "Clary, I never--" 

"Was it because of Simon?" 

"What?" 

Clary tilts her chin up. "You heard me. Did you keep it a secret so you could be with Simon? Because I swear to  _ god,  _ if you did, I will--" 

"No, no, I swear I didn't," Jace says quickly, shaking his head rapidly. "Look, Simon has nothing to do with this--with us. I found out that you weren't my sister before he and I ever got together. I just-- I really didn't know how to tell you, okay? We were finally okay after all the awkwardness, and I just...liked how we were." 

"This is my  _ life,  _ Jace," Clary says sharply, lips twisting bitterly. "This is more than crushes and lovers; this is  _ family.  _ I thought I had-- I really believed that I had a fucking family." 

Jace swallows. "You--you do. Even if we aren't actually related, I'm still your family. Simon, Izzy, hell...even Alec. We're always your family." 

"It's not the same." Clary shakes her head and tosses the staff down. "You don't understand." 

"Bullshit," Jace snaps. "If anyone does, it's  _ me.  _ My whole life is a lie; Michael Wayland was my father, but that was Valentine, but he's not my father, and Jocelyn isn't my mother, and the Lightwoods aren't blood, and I don't  _ know  _ who my family is. Don't you think I wanted one person, just one, to be able to call my actual fucking family?" 

Clary looks up, her throat bobbing. "So, that's why? You--you wanted me to be your sister?" 

Jace grimaces, heart feeling mashed the wrong way in his chest. "No, not really. I just wanted… I don't know. I guess I just wanted Valentine to stop fucking everything up for me." 

"Yeah," Clary whispers, blinking rapidly down at her shoes. "Yeah...I get that." 

"I really am sorry," Jace murmurs. "You have to know that. I--I should have told you. Hell, even Simon said I should have, but I just--" 

Clary's head snaps up and Jace freezes. "What?" she breathes out. "Simon knew? He--he didn't…" 

"Hey, now," Jace says warily, "that's not on him, okay? It's my fault. It was my place to tell you, but I didn't. This has nothing to do with him." 

"He's my best friend!" Clary explodes, that spark of righteousness Jace is so familiar with lighting up in her gaze. "He should have told me! He tells me everything, but he--he never even… Both of you kept this from me,  _ knowing  _ how I--" 

"No," Jace interrupts firmly. "He wanted me to tell you, but he also knew it wasn't his fucking business. This was between me and you, and you  _ know  _ that." 

Clary tosses her hands up. "That doesn't matter! If roles were reversed, I would have told him because that's what best friends  _ do.  _ You would have told Alec, and Alec would have told you. Best friends, Jace, that's what I'm getting at!" 

"It wasn't his place!" Jace shouts, anger making heat skitter down his neck, heat crawling steadily into his face. 

"As what?" Clary steps forward, eyes blazing with anger. "My best friend, or your boyfriend?" 

Jace isn't sure where it comes from, but something harsh and vindictive rises in him, and he's far too late to stop it. "Just because he doesn't follow you around like a fucking puppy anymore, you feel threatened?" 

Clary rears back, eyes going wide. "Are you serious right now? Is--is this-- Are you  _ jealous?  _ You know what, Jace? Fuck you. Fuck you  _ and  _ him." 

Without another word, Clary whirls on the spot and stomps off, red ponytail bouncing from side to side from the sharpness of her stride. As the door slams behind her, Jace feels everything come crashing down as dread hits him like a sack of bricks. This is so,  _ so  _ very not good. 

"Shit," he mutters. 


	9. trouble in paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance 😂
> 
> Enjoy???

"Jace?" 

Alec's bed is nice. The sheets are cool, the pillow is firm, the comforter is warm. Jace never wants to move, and he has no plans to. He ignores Alec, fully aware that he'll be ushered out if Alec's in a pissy mood. And Jace is  _ not  _ moving right now. 

Or ever, preferably. 

Alec, however, seems to be in a good mood. Or a complacent one, at least, because he moves over to the bed beside Jace and sits on the empty side with a deep sigh. He doesn't say anything, doesn't inquire anymore, and he doesn't even move. See, this is why Jace loves him, because he doesn't  _ push.  _

"Did you and Simon have a fight?" 

Okay, so maybe he does. 

Jace picks his head up and turns to look at Alec, who's staring up at the ceiling, his hands threaded together over his stomach. He looks calm, not stressed, not like everything is falling apart. Jace envies him  _ so much.  _

"Not yet," Jace admits, pushing himself up and flipping over to stare at the ceiling with his parabatai. Solidarity feels nice. 

"What'd you do?" Alec asks. 

Or not. 

Jace grimaces. "Why does it have to be  _ me  _ who's done something?" 

"It's always you," Alec replies. 

"Yeah," Jace mutters, "that's fair." 

Alec turns to look at him. "So?" 

"Clary isn't my sister, as it turns out. Valentine admitted it in front of me and Simon while holding the Soul Sword, then he told Clary when me and her interviewed him. She came and talked to me earlier, and we got into an argument, which is when I accidentally slipped up and told her that Simon  _ also  _ knew the whole time. Since he never told her, she was really pissed off. Now, not only is she angry at me, she's also now angry at him, but he doesn't know that yet. When he  _ does  _ find out, he's gonna be pissed at  _ me,  _ and I just...I really wanna sleep for ten years." 

"Jace...you idiot." 

"Yeah," Jace agrees with a sigh. 

Alec tsks lightly. "Well, me and Magnus got into an argument too, if that'll make you feel any better. Over something  _ stupid."  _

"What was it?" 

"His fucking cats. Don't get me wrong, they're fine. But one of them thinks my pants is a personal scratching post, and Magnus sees nothing wrong with that.  _ Wear different pants, Alexander. Don't yell at my cats, Alexander. There must be a solution outside of being upset, Alexander.  _ Pffft, fucking felines." 

Jace arches an eyebrow. "You two are having  _ domestic  _ arguments; that's perfectly fine. Your relationship isn't in jeopardy because of cats, Alec." 

"You and Simon have been dating for...what now? Almost a month? If your relationship is on the rocks already, because of _Clary, _then maybe it's not meant to be," Alec suggests lightly. 

"Didn't you and Magnus almost break up, like, a lot during the first month?" Jace challenges with a frown. "Kinda hypocritical there." 

"Yeah, but it was always  _ big  _ things, and never over something as dumb as Clary." 

"You're only saying that to hide the fact that you actually like Clary now. Besides, you know how important Clary is to Simon." 

Alec raises both eyebrows and rather pettily says, "Not important enough to rat on his boyfriend and tell her the truth about her sibling status." 

Jace opens his mouth, then slowly closes it. He turns to stare at Alec. "You know, you've always been blunt, but you were never this bratty before Magnus. He's really rubbing off on you." 

"And so is his fucking cat," Alec mutters. 

"By the Angel, just ask Magnus to magic up the cat an  _ actual  _ scratching post with the same fabric of your pants and make sure to change before you go to visit him," Jace replies, rolling his eyes. 

Alec blinks. "Huh. That actually...makes sense." 

"Yeah, I'm not always useless. Okay, I fixed your problem, now you fix mine," Jace says. 

"I'm not sure if I can." Alec purses his lips and narrows his eyes at the ceiling, like a solution will be laid out above them. Sighing, he flicks his gaze to Jace. "I guess the question is if you want to fix it at all. I mean, how much do you actually care if you and Simon make it or not?" 

Jace opens his mouth to say that he cares a lot, but he snaps it shut. That shouldn't be his knee-jerk reaction. That shouldn't even be the  _ truth.  _ He isn't supposed to care that much, not about something that's borderline fake, something so casual. If it ends, then it ends, and that's it. 

He finds that he cares a lot, despite that. At least about  _ this.  _ This shouldn't be the thing that ends it. They should end it on their terms, not because of some spat with Clary. It matters, even if it doesn't matter, and that's enough for Jace to  _ want  _ to fix it. 

"It's been...good," Jace admits slowly, like he's getting his teeth pulled. "I don't want it to end because of some outside force; that just leaves room for no closure." 

Alec hums. "Alright, if you say so. That leaves you with two choices." 

"Which are?" 

"You can either let it play out and hope for the best,  _ or  _ you can go to Simon and get a head start on apologizing. Take him some flowers, say you're sorry a lot, genuinely ask for forgiveness." 

"Grovel," Jace says flatly. "You're telling  _ me  _ to grovel." 

"Sometimes, when you  _ really  _ want to be with someone, you have to make that abundantly clear, pride be damned." Alec snorts and reaches over to pat Jace's shoulder. "So, yeah, I'm saying grovel. If it really matters, you'll at least try." 

Jace sucks on his teeth and grunts. "I don't tell you this enough, so I think you forget, but you should know that I really don't like you sometimes." 

"Don't hate me because I'm right." 

"Fuck you. Why don't  _ you  _ go grovel to Magnus and leave me alone?" 

Alec snorts again. "Oh, you don't think I won't? I love him; of course I'm gonna grovel." 

"Wait, really?" Jace looks over at him in slight confusion. "Even just about his cats?" 

"Yeah," Alec says with a fond eye-roll. "Magnus is forgiving for the most part, but he really doesn't play about his cats." 

Jace chuckles. "And I thought Simon was ridiculous." 

"If Clary is to Simon what stray cats are to Magnus, take it from me, groveling is all you got." 

"Yeah, well, you can grovel all you want. I definitely will  _ not  _ be doing that." 

Alec just laughs softly. "Sure, Jace, whatever you say." 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Simon opens the door with a frown, which is definitely not a good sign, and Jace feels his stomach swoop with nerves. He can't believe he's actually doing this. He adjusts the bag on his shoulder and clears his throat, trying to smile like nothing is amiss, even as Simon continues to frown at him. 

"Jace, what are you doing here?" Simon asks, eyebrows pulling down. "You didn't call." 

Jace clears his throat again. "Didn't know I had to. Just wanted to stop by. You busy?" 

As Simon opens his mouth to answer, Jace quickly slips inside the boathouse without waiting to hear what he has to say. He's here, dammit, and if he backs out now, he'll never do this again. He hopes like hell that Simon  _ isn't  _ busy, because if he is, this is gonna be awkward as fuck. 

And because the universe hates him, it appears that Simon is actually doing something. Maia is here, just sitting on Simon's bed with a twizzler sticking out of her mouth as she sizes Jace up with narrowed eyes. Which, great, let the awkwardness begin. 

"Sure, come right on in," Simon says with a sigh, tossing Maia a tight smile before turning to look at Jace. "Everything okay?" 

Not sure where to go from here, Jace doesn't say anything for a moment, his words stuck in his throat.  _ This  _ is exactly why he doesn't grovel. "Uh," he says eloquently, doing his best to ignore Maia and just focus on his task. "Things are...things." 

Maia snorts and tosses her legs over the side of the bed, hopping up with her eyebrows raised knowingly at him. "You fucked up something, didn't you? Trust me, Simon, I know the look of a guy who's done something wrong. So, what'd you do?" 

And  _ shit.  _ This is bad. 

Simon's frown deepens. "Jace? What happened?" 

"Can I just-- Maia, please, can I have a moment with Simon alone real quick?" Jace asks in frustration, reaching up to scrub at his eyebrow. 

"Yeah, no." Maia tugs the twizzler from her mouth and grins sharply. "No way I'm missing this. Share with the class, Jace." 

"Maia," Simon says wearily, frowning even  _ more,  _ and this continues to get worse. 

Jace suddenly remembers that he still has time to play the boyfriend card--even if that seems to have an expiration date now--and so he uses it. "Hey, I just need a few moments with my boyfriend, okay? Then I'll be on my way, and you two can continue having your little sleepover." 

"Simon, if you make me leave, I will riot," Maia says, waving her twizzler around. "Come on, please don't make me miss this. It's gonna be good, I can  _ feel  _ it." 

Simon rolls his eyes. "Just a few minutes, Maia, okay? And  _ don't  _ eavesdrop from outside." 

"It's like you don't even know me at all," Maia says playfully, winking as she starts towards the door, shooting Jace the middle finger as she goes. 

Once alone, Jace feels slightly better. Only slightly, but he'll take what he can get. "Hey." 

"Hi," Simon says slowly. "What's wrong?" 

Jace is suddenly worried more than he has been this entire time. Alec never mentioned this part, never said that Jace would be standing here, feeling like he's on the edge of a cliff. This is unfairly stressful, and Jace just wishes it would go away. But it won't, so he's going to have to  _ make it.  _

He should get on that. Just come clean and start the apologies, pass Simon the blood he picked up before heading over--a thing he swore he'd never do, but desperate times and all that. He even got Simon that stupid Brooklyn snowglobe he'd been eyeing up at a shop they walked past about a week ago. It's a start, something he can work with, and he just has to get it out, just face the problem. 

Instead, he says, "Kiss me." 

Simon looks slightly uncertain, but he doesn't protest. He shifts closer and looks at Jace with furrowed brows, concern clear in his eyes. Before he leans in fully, he pauses to sniff Jace's breath, no doubt checking to make sure he hasn't gotten drunk. To be fair, Jace had  _ almost  _ considered it, but he doesn't break promises, so it didn't happen. The fact that Simon is checking means that Jace is more obvious than he means to be. 

Once sure that Jace hasn't drowned his sorrows, Simon leans in and closes his eyes, pressing his lips to Jace's. The contact is unsure, almost awkward, like they've never done this before, but that only lasts for as long as it takes for Jace to sit the bag on the floor at their feet. As soon as his hands are free, Jace reaches up to cradle Simon's face and kiss him back, taking it to a point that worry can't reach them. 

Simon makes a small sound, half-shock and half-approval, when he realizes that Jace is going to let the kiss stretch into something he never really does. They've kissed heatedly and sweetly, sure, but those have never lasted, and Jace always cuts it off before his brain can shut down fully. This time, he embraces the mindlessness of it and gives into action, parting his lips to let Simon in, groaning his approval when Simon takes the opportunity. 

Their kisses have been intense, intimate even, but they've never been  _ urgent.  _ Never have they made Jace want to curl up in the moment and never leave. Wanting to rush things along, but go as slow as possible. Like forever compacted into one second. 

Before Jace knows what he's doing, he's stumbling backwards to get his back against something firm, inviting Simon to crowd in close and pin him. Since his brain is no longer in working order, he has no control over what his hands are doing, which seem to be trying to get Simon's hoodie off without ever breaking the kiss. Distantly, he knows that's impossible, but he's giving valiant effort. 

Jace barely notices that he's going lightheaded, that he hasn't taken one breath of air for maybe a bit too long, but Simon must remember that he's human enough to need to  _ breathe,  _ because he pulls away. 

"Wh--what was that about?" Simon stutters, eyes wide as he stares at Jace, who's panting heavily. 

Jace, like the idiot he is, says, "Just wanted it to be good in case it was the last time." 

Which, that's true. Because he's not above that. 

Simon, however, looks hesitant again. Trepidation fills his expression, eyes growing hazy with undeniable wariness. "Jace, seriously, what's going on? You're being...strange."

"Fuck, I'm doing this wrong. This is why I don't  _ do  _ this to begin with," Jace snaps, annoyed with himself. He pushes himself past Simon and marches over to snatch up the bag he'd sat down. "Here, take my fucking gifts." 

"Gifts," Simon echoes, reaching out to grasp the bag to peer down into it. "You got me...blood. Oh! Hey, you also got me that snowglobe. I thought you said it was stupid to have those in places you live?" 

Jace grunts. "It  _ is,  _ but you liked it, so...I don't know." 

"Okay, so Maia was right," Simon surmised with a deep sigh, looking up at Jace with yet another frown. Because that's exactly what Jace needs right now.  _ Not.  _ "What did you do?" 

"Okay, so first, I guess I should say I'm sorry. That's how this works, right?" 

"This? What  _ is  _ this?" 

"Ya know...groveling," Jace clarifies, waving a hand as his face contorts into a grimace. 

Simon's eyebrows fly up. "Wow, you really  _ did  _ fuck up. Okay, seriously, you're freaking me out. What--" 

Before this can spiral out of control anymore, Jace interrupts him and just...dives right in. Just comes clean, lets it out, tries to convey every detail of his and Clary's argument word-for-word. He knows better than to try and paint Clary in a bad light, even if he does think she was wrong--that's besides the point, he still  _ cares _ about her. 

Simon listens without cutting in, which is a first, and his expression slowly slips into a blank mask, like he's keeping everything he  _ wants  _ to show hidden away. Even his frown is gone, and Jace thinks he'd prefer to see that, rather than the nothing he's getting at the moment. And the longer that Simon goes without saying anything, or stopping him, Jace continues to ramble and feel like shit. 

"And it's not like I was trying to, I don't know,  _ tell  _ on you or anything. I just-- It just slipped out, and then she got so angry, so  _ I  _ got angry, and now…" Jace trails off for a moment, at a loss. Groveling, as it turns out, is not his forte. "The point is, I fucked up, and I'm sorry, okay? I know that--" 

Simon holds up his hand, and Jace nearly swallows his tongue trying to shut up. He waits for something,  _ anything,  _ but Simon says nothing. In fact, Simon just turns around, walks over to his shoes, shoves his feet into them, and  _ leaves.  _

Just gone, just like that, in a blur of vampire speed, without a fucking word. 

Jace blinks around the empty room, rocked to his core with uncertainty and stunned shock. He has no fucking clue what just happened, but he's pretty sure that it's not good. He's so confused that he isn't even sure if he should leave or not. 

Before he gets the chance to decide, Maia comes walking into the room, her arms held out in the universal stance of  _ what the fuck.  _ Jace has no answers for her, so he just shrugs helplessly and sighs. 

"Jesus, Jace, what did you do?" Maia blurts. 

"I don't-- I mean, I didn't know he'd react like that. I thought he'd yell at me or something, not just...run off," Jace mutters, grimacing. 

Maia huffs. "Well, you've effectively ruined  _ my  _ night now. Who else am I going to rant to about shitty customers? I've been waiting for this all week!" 

"It's not like I  _ planned  _ this," Jace snaps, marching over to the bed to flop down with a huff. He watches Maia follow him over and sit down beside him. "I can listen to you rant, if you want."

"I think I'd rather hear about how you got dumped, actually," Maia says. 

Jace looks at her blankly. "He didn't technically dump me. He just...left." 

Maia snorts. "Oh, honey, he definitely dumped you." 

Jace isn't willing to believe that, not just yet. He and Simon had  _ agreed _ to just communicate from the beginning, so he thinks that Simon would at least let him know something. Maybe Simon's  _ going  _ to call it quits, but he hasn't yet, so Jace has however long until Simon comes back to figure out how to keep it from going to shit. 

If he even wants to. 

Does he? 

Something about the circumstance keeps Jace from wanting it to end. Not like this. Not over a stupid mishap, not just because of a slip of the tongue, not so fucking  _ soon.  _ Things have been good, strangely enough, and Jace...well, he likes how things are right now. Simon seems to as well. 

So, yeah, he does want to keep it from ending. For right now, at least. 

Maia suddenly heaves a sigh and hops up from the bed, walking over to snatch up her purse. Jace watches her gather her stuff with a frown. As she slips into her coat, a pang of guilt hits him where he can't ignore it. 

"Where are you going?" he asks.

Maia sends him a frown. "Well, I'm not going to stick around here. If Simon comes back, he's probably going to want to talk to you, so there goes my night.  _ I'm  _ going home to drink some wine, watch the Golden Girls, then sleep my entire two days off." 

"Sorry for...fucking up your night," Jace mutters, grimacing at the truth in his words. 

"It's whatever," Maia tells him, even if he's pretty sure that it isn't. "We'll just do it next week. If you  _ do  _ somehow manage to fix this, do me a favor and try not to fuck up again before me and Simon get to have our friend time, 'kay?" 

Jace nods. "Yeah, I'll do my best." 

With that, just as Simon had, Maia turns around and walks away, leaving Jace all alone. Jace is ninety-five percent sure that he should've just stayed in Alec's bed and never even entertained the idea of groveling. 

Too late now. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Simon doesn't stay gone for too long. Just a little over two hours. When he returns, he doesn't look surprised to see Jace waiting patiently for him. 

"I fixed it," Simon tells him. 

Jace looks up with a frown. "Fixed what?" 

"Clary's not angry anymore," Simon informs him, kicking off his shoes and throwing himself down on the bed beside Jace. "Well, not at me, anyway." 

"You left to go see Clary," Jace states slowly. 

Simon looks at him with a furrowed brow. "Yeah. What did you think I was doing?" 

"Well, I wouldn't fucking know, would I? You just  _ left,  _ Simon." Jace shakes his head and releases a huff of annoyance. "Dunno why I'm surprised. I mean, I should have known that you were going to her." 

"Woah," Simon blurts, sitting up straight, so he's shoulder-to-shoulder with Jace. "I don't understand why you're upset. There was a problem, so I went and fixed it. Clary's my best friend; it wouldn't have been right for me to do nothing." 

Jace scrubs his hand through his hair, frustration like a constant pulse in his mind. "I'm not saying you should have done nothing. You just didn't have to--to  _ leave  _ like that. You could've said something!" 

"I just-- I was trying to make it better, that's all. I could tell you were worried--"

"Oh, don't give me that line of bullshit!" 

Simon scowls. "It's not bullshit! You came and told me that Clary was pissed off at you  _ and  _ me, so I went to try and fix it. Because I know her better than anyone, and I know how to do that!" 

"And why didn't you say that  _ before  _ you left?" Jace snaps harshly. "Simon, I get that you're her shadow, but you can't just run off to her every single time something goes wrong! Do you know  _ why?  _ Because that leaves the rest of us fucking confused! You left Maia without a word, you left me without saying  _ shit,  _ and you'd have left anyone else who you half-ass care about to go running to her. That's not-- It isn't okay, and if you're  _ that  _ head-over-heels for her, then you need to fucking come to terms with it!" 

Simon rears back in shock, lips parting around a shape inhale. "Jace, what the hell? I--I wasn't trying to put her above anyone; I was just trying to  _ help."  _

"No, you were trying to cover your own ass," Jace barks, jolting to his feet and brushing his hair out of his face. "You know what, it's--it's fine. I don't care." 

"Where are you--no, hey!" Simon pushes himself to his feet, reaching out to grab Jace's shoulder. "Hey, you do  _ not  _ get to turn this around on me! For someone who says they don't care, you sure seem to care a lot. I don't know what has you so pissed off, but I seriously wasn't trying to play sides. I just wanted to help, but next time--" 

"Just wanted to help," Jace cuts him off, jerking his shoulder away from Simon. "Yeah, I see that. You wanted to help alright; help  _ yourself. _ No, that's fine, it doesn't matter. I'm leaving." 

"You're--you can't just--" 

"No? I can't? I mean,  _ you  _ did!" 

Simon takes a step forward. "I didn't realize that you'd be so upset about it!" 

"Yeah," Jace mutters, swallowing around a thick throat, "well, now I guess you know." 

Simon calls after him, but Jace doesn't listen. He takes a page out of Simon's book and walks away, leaving neither of them sure where they stand. 

At least Jace isn't alone in his confusion this time. 


	10. we have got to stop meeting like this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a long one, y'all. And just a few warnings for this chapter: 
> 
> Canon Typical Levels of Violence. Face-bashing...literally. Forced biting. 
> 
> Overall, though, this chapter isn't so bad. Idiot bois still being idiots, so the usual. 
> 
> Enjoy! :)

In all honesty, Jace isn't prepared for it. He's just stepping out of the bar, heading towards the Institute, when it happens. 

"Help me, please!" A girl with brown eyes and yellow hair like straw comes barreling towards him, her feet wobbling on her heels. "Please, please, help me!" 

Jace realizes belatedly that he hasn't activated the rune to keep him invisible to the mundane eye, so he prepares himself to fight under scrutiny. To his surprise, the woman slams into him, her long orange nails digging into the meat of his arms. There's tears clinging to her false eyelashes. 

"Woah, woah, easy," he says, tone stern and soft all at once. "Tell me what's wrong." 

She begins to tug on his arm. "Please, help. Come with me, please!" 

Jace doesn't think twice, though he knows he should. He follows after her stumbling gait, helping her along as she pulls him deeper into the alley. They take a few corners and she begins crying in earnest, unable to say much more than  _ help me.  _ He wants to do just that, so he fingers his seraph blade with his free hand and tries to soothe her. 

They take too many turns. Somewhere three turns back, Jace has lost his direction. Given half the chance, he wouldn't be able to find his way back. But he can hear the faint sounds of New York just behind him, cats howling in lone dumpsters in front of him, and the omnipresent weight of darkness seems to swallow him whole. He feels right at home. 

It takes him approximately ten minutes altogether to realize that he's been drugged. Under normal circumstances, any mundane drug wouldn't work on him at a regular dose, especially not with his angel blood, but this doesn't appear to be normal circumstances. His words are slurring, the alleyway tilts, and the woman's tears have stopped. 

"What did… What did you do to me?" Jace scrabbles for purchase against the chipping brick wall to his right, stomach rolling uncomfortably. 

The woman peers at him with eerily clear eyes, her smile calm. "Hey, mister, you alright there?" 

Jace is fairly certain he's going to puke. Instead, he blacks out with no warning whatsoever. 

* * *

When Jace comes to, with his stomach rolling in discomfort and his head throbbing, he finds himself face-to-face with a metal post. It's so thick that his arms wrap all the way around it and just barely touch, linked by the wrists with heavy chains, and his legs are splayed straight around the pole. He's effectively hugging a metal post against his will. 

As if things can't get any worse, there is a pair of legs resting atop his, one bent over his calves, the other thrown over his lap. And to add insult to injury, two arms loop under Jace's, one digging into his chest, the other on the opposite side. Someone's sitting directly to his left, and Jace already has a sneaking suspicion of who it is before he even looks, based entirely on the temperature of the skin he's touching. 

And sure enough, when Jace tips his head to the left with minor drums pounding in his head, he meets Simon's sheepish gaze. 

Well, it looks like nightmares do come true. 

"Fancy meeting you here," Simon says awkwardly. 

"Yeah," Jace replies flatly, "fancy that." 

Sighing, Jace averts his eyes and moves his head back around to the other side of the pole so he won't have to look at Simon any longer. The mere sight of him makes Jace want to scream, whether in a fit of anger, or out of sheer despair...he doesn't know. And the sad part about his immediate reaction? 

It's only been two days. 

Two days since Jace walked away in a fit of anger, giving no sign of what that meant--mostly because he has no idea himself. To be fair, Simon has tried to call and text, but after Jace didn't reply, he seemed to have given up. Or, maybe he stopped caring. The point is, Jace hasn't seen or heard from Simon since their argument, which was two days ago. 

It goes without saying that this is  _ not  _ how he wanted to have this conversation, but they seem to be in yet another kidnap situation, so he's going to wager a guess that they don't really have a choice. 

Sure, he can try to ignore it, but that'd just be awkward. Plus, this  _ is  _ a dangerous situation, one they'll probably need to work together to get out of. They definitely won't manage that if they're fixated on their current...issues. 

Despite knowing this, he has no idea where to begin. So, he hides his face and tries to wrack his brain for anything that will clear the air that  _ won't  _ require him to actually talk about...feelings. 

Naturally, his brain comes up with nada. 

Simon clears his throat. "So, uh, how'd they get you?" 

"Woman posed as someone in distress and poisoned me. With some coating on her fingernails, I'm guessing," Jace admits. "What about you?"

"A vampire came to my boathouse. There was a knock and I just--I opened the door, only to immediately get knocked the fuck out," Simon tells him, tipping his head around so he can look at Jace. 

"Why'd you open the door? Simon, we've talked about this; I installed a peep-hole for a reason. Always look before you unlock," Jace lectures, turning to catch Simon's gaze, frowning at him. 

Simon shrugs awkwardly as much as his restrained position will allow. "I dunno. I thought it was you." 

Whatever Jace's reply is gets stuck in his throat as he processes those mumbled words. Simon is staring at the pole with a deep intensity that's only bred from the need to avoid looking up. And so, there's the opening; they can talk about it, figure things out, move past it--to whatever they decide on. All Jace has to do is open his mouth, take the olive branch, and find out if he still has a boyfriend or not. 

Instead, Jace says, "Any idea why we're kidnapped again?" 

"Not a clue," Simon replies softly. "Though, I'm pretty sure it's me this time. I can't be sure, but I think it has to do with me being a Daylighter." 

"Great." Jace lightly taps his forehead to the pole, eyes sinking closed. "You know, you're never going to be fully safe anymore." 

"Small price to pay," Simon murmurs. 

Jace lifts his head, opens his eyes, and swallows thickly as Simon's gaze locks onto his. "Not the way I see it." 

There's a beat of silence as they both review that comment. Jace is well aware what he meant by that little slip of honesty. In his own way, he's saying that he cares about Simon, about his safety, about the longevity of his continued life. Even now, even after their fight. Jace wonders if Simon realizes that, wonders if he wants him to. 

Before either of them can even consider resolving this, or  _ trying  _ to, the door opens with a horrifying creek as the girl that drugged Jace stuck her head in, eyes flicking over them. When she sees them awake, she grins and turns her head towards the empty space behind her. 

"They're awake!" she yells. 

Not even a second later, a slim man in a sweater comes darting into the room, pushing his sleeves up as he surveys them. "It's about time." 

Jace turns to Simon with his eyebrows raised. "You let  _ him  _ knock you out?" 

Simon grimaces. "Wasn't my best moment." 

"Shut up," the man says, slowly walking closer, circling them slowly. "Do you know who I am?" 

Jace and Simon say nothing. 

"Tell 'em who you are, baby," the woman purrs, slinking in the room with her orange nails flashing. 

The man hums, but doesn't spare her a glance, too focused on walking a slow loop around his captives--which is just an intimidation tactic that Jace would scoff at if Simon didn't look just slightly intimidated by it. They've  _ really  _ got to work on Simon's approach to being kidnapped; staying constantly terrified is getting a little stale. 

"My name is Reginald; you may call me Reggie," he announces with casualness that suggests they're all friends here, even if they most definitely  _ aren't.  _ He smiles and continues walking. "That's Charity. Very charitable, that one." 

Jace snorts. "Find that a little hard to believe, but if you say so,  _ Reginald."  _

"Reggie, please," Reginald says calmly, holding up a hand when Charity hisses in distaste and moves forward in open anger. She stops in her tracks and huffs, crossing her arms as she glares at Jace. "So, I'm sure you're both wondering why you're here." 

"Nah, man," Simon says with an anxious laugh, head twisting to keep Reginald in his eyesight, "we figured we were all just hanging out. Shoulda told us, we'd have brought some wine. Or, well, wine for the humans, but we could have some good old blood bags. What's your favorite? Wait, no, let me guess! You look like an A-neg kinda guy, or--" 

Simon swallows his words with a small yelp when Reginald suddenly blurs to a stop in front of him, kneeling so they'll be eye-level. Jace very carefully doesn't react, but his muscles tense without his permission. He keeps his gaze fixated on them, even while keeping every twitch Charity gives catalogued. 

"Oh, I don't drink blood bags, Simon," Reginald says with a small smile. "I prefer it from the tap, myself. Would you like a taste? A nice drink of Charity, on the house. Trust me,  _ that  _ will surely become your new favorite." 

Charity walks over to stand behind Reginald, lingering at his shoulder, waiting for his command, and Simon swallows thickly. 

"I--I already have a favorite, thank you," Simon murmurs quickly, leaning back when Reginald slowly pushes forward, bringing their faces closer together. 

"I imagine you do." Reginald stares at Simon for a beat longer, then his gaze abruptly snaps to Jace, lips curling up at the side. "Tell me, how does he taste? I've never had Shadowhunter before." 

Simon's eyes bulge. "I don't-- I've never--" 

"Oh, baby cakes, you can't lie for  _ shit,"  _ Charity says, tossing her head back to laugh. "It's cute to watch you try, though." 

Reginald continues as if he never even stopped, quietly explaining, "I have always considered it, you know. But there's so much  _ work  _ that has to go into it. They're not like humans, not  _ easy,  _ not as quick to trust. But you… Simon, you've managed it. You made him fall in love, so he trusts you  _ wholly."  _

"You're insane," Simon notes with just a hint of hysteria, blowing out a delirious laugh. "Why can't it ever be a  _ normal  _ kidnapper?" 

Jace sighs. "Yeah, 'cause those exist," he mutters sarcastically. 

"I can see that the stakes don't seem too high for either of you," Reginald announces, abruptly popping up and moving at his same snail's pace in an arc, heading straight for Jace. "Allow me to rectify that. Here's what's going to happen." 

"Oh great, here we go," Jace says with a sigh, rolling his eyes. 

"I'm going to give you two options, Simon, and it's up to you to choose which one will happen." With a polite smile, Reginald comes to a halt behind Jace, one hand reaching out to sit on the top of Jace's head, not moving, but creepy all the same. "However, the catch is...you only have thirty seconds, or our dear Charity will make the choice for you." 

"Oooh, a  _ game,"  _ Charity gasps out, eyes brightening in genuine excitement. "I do love a game!" 

"Yay," Simon deadpans. 

"So, for example, we'll start very simple," Reginald explains calmly. "Option A: I have a taste of my human, or… Option B: I have a taste of  _ yours.  _ You have thirty seconds to decide." 

Up until this very moment, Jace has kept a brave face. He's stayed calm, he's maintained his outward reactions, and he has come across as careless as possible. But there's no hiding the way he tenses when those options come into play. He tenses under Reginald's hand, which only earns him a casual scratch at his scalp, one entirely too familiar and not even close to comforting. 

Simon is frozen in place for entirely too long. 

"Wait, I don't--" 

"Better get to pickin', sugar," Charity says, lips poking out slightly. "But please,  _ please,  _ don't pick me. He bites me so much, I might just die the next time he has a go at me!" 

Simon looks over at Jace, flinching slightly against the pole, his eyes wide. "Jace, what do I--" 

"Time's up!" Reginald announces, sounding irritatingly like a game-show host. "So, my darling, what will it be?" 

Charity hums, her lips breaking into a broad grin. She taps her chin theatrically and hums out a soft laugh. "Oh, baby, you know I can never resist a bite, and you  _ promised  _ you wouldn't taste anyone else." 

Reginald raises both eyebrows. "Isn't this the perfect occasion for an exception?" 

"Oh," Charity says slowly, "well…" 

"If he gets one taste," Jace speaks up, heart thumping wildly in his chest, "he'll  _ never  _ want you again. He'll discard you for me, and you'll never get a bite again." 

A spark of uncertainty slides into Charity's gaze. 

"Well played," Reginald says softly. "Well, my love?" 

Charity clears her throat, clearly torn between being cowed by Jace's threat and wanting to please Reginald. She bites her lip, then says, "Reggie, baby, let's let the suspense settle in. Come and get me." 

Reginald smiles. "Very well." 

He's over to her in a flash, yanking her by the hair hard enough to make her hiss in displeasure, but the moment he bites, that hiss softens into a deep sigh of relief. She sort of goes limp in his grasp, reaching back with on shaky hand to grasp weakly at his head, trying to keep him close. Jace cringes and looks over to Simon, meeting his worried gaze. 

"It's okay," Jace says softly, trying to shift to knock his elbow into Simon's. 

Simon swallows audibly. 

"Well," Reginald says with a flourish, carelessly pushing Charity away from him, letting her slump against the wall, panting and moaning. He reaches up to wipe one trail of blood from his mouth as he continues, "that was fun. While she's recovering, why I don't give you the next options?" 

"Ya know, I--I think I'm gonna pass," Simon mutters quickly. "Would You Rather  _ really  _ isn't my game, isn't anyone's game 'cause it's, ya know, stupid. Why don't we play something like--" 

"So, either  _ you  _ can bite the Shadowhunter, or…  _ I  _ can. You have thirty seconds to decide," Reginald told Simon seriously, his smile still polite. 

"Or, how about Option C? The one where  _ neither  _ of us bite him?" Simon suggests awkwardly, eyes wide as Reginald starts steadily towards Jace. "Hey, hey, I still have twenty-five seconds!" 

Reginald arches an eyebrow as he stops behind Jace, fingers making paths into his hair. "Well, seeing as Charity is out of commission, I suppose I shall be choosing for her, in the case that you don't. You have nineteen seconds left, and you should utilize them." 

"Simon," Jace says calmly, "if you let this creep bite me, I will  _ never  _ forgive you." 

Simon lets out a soft whine, nervously shuffling as much as being chained to a pole will allow. "Okay, but Jace, I haven't  _ eaten  _ in two days! I--I don't need to be biting anybody!" 

"Two-- Are you  _ crazy?"  _ Jace jerks his head from Reginald's hands to glare at Simon. "Why have you--" 

"Ten seconds," Reginald puts in quietly, sounding genuinely amused by all of this. 

"Well, it's not like you were  _ there,"  _ Simon snaps, his face screwing up with anxiety. "I just kept seeing the blood you brought me before we--well, you know, and I just  _ couldn't.  _ I was so freaking--" 

"Five," Reginald says. 

"Simon, if you don't fucking  _ decide,  _ I swear I will never talk to you again!" 

"What else is new?" 

"Simon!" Jace bellows. 

"Two," Reginald says, fisting his hand into Jace's hair, getting a grip. 

Simon looks utterly  _ terrified.  _ "What? Maybe I won't stop! What, then? How do I--" 

"I'd rather  _ die  _ with you than--" 

Reginald yanks Jace's head to the side and smiles, flashing fangs, as he says, "O--" 

"OKAY! OKAY, ME!" Simon nearly busts his head open against the pole as the words rip out of him violently, limbs flailing as he does his best to get to Jace. When Reginald freezes mere centimetres away, Simon breathes in relief and slumps forward before muttering, "I'll do it. Jeez, I'll fucking do it." 

"I see you like to play a risky game," Reginald says with a soft laugh, dropping Jace's hair and standing up. "Well, you have fifteen seconds to bite. If you wait too long, you forfeit. The clock starts...now." 

"Wait, I can't even reach him!" Simon shouts , head whipping around towards Reginald. "How am I supposed to--" 

Reginald holds up a hand. "You  _ can  _ reach him. Your teeth are very well in range of his neck." 

"But--but--" 

"Eight seconds." 

"Simon, listen to me," Jace says sharply, making Simon look over at him with wide eyes. He can tell that Simon's genuinely scared, that he's panicking a lot more than he needs to at the moment, and Jace can't let that go on. "Hey, it's okay. I need you to do something for me, okay?" 

"Five seconds." 

"Fuck off, Reginald!" 

Simon swallows thickly. "Jace, I don't know if--" 

"You can, and you  _ will.  _ Just--just a bit, just a little, no matter what I say, and--and then it's over. All you need to do is just...calm down, get your emotions under control, and have a sip. That's  _ it."  _

"I almost killed you last time. I--I don't want to kill you, Jace. I can't just--" 

"Two seconds," Reginald sing-songs. 

Jace grimaces and shoves himself to the left, craning his head to the right to reveal his neck. His heart races as he mutters, "No time, just fucking do it." 

"Jace--" 

"Simon…please." 

Reginald opens his mouth, clearly about to say  _ one, _ but Simon's already opening his mouth to reveal fangs, darting forward like a strike from a coiled snake, and burying his fangs into Jace's throat. 

Jace hasn't forgotten the gut-wrenching sensation of fangs piercing his wrist, and he  _ certainly  _ hasn't been able to erase the memories of how good it was. Still, the memory doesn't even compare to the real thing; it's just a watered-down version. This? This is  _ bliss,  _ and nothing in the world can replicate even a fraction of this ecstasy. 

He would live in this moment forever if he could.

He barely notices the tears that escape his eyes, doesn't even acknowledge the long, drawn-out moan he releases, and he has no idea that he's leaning into Simon as much as possible, doing his best to get closer, trying to prolong this. All he knows is Simon, all he cares about is Simon, and all he wants to do is stay connected this way, feeding Simon while pure euphoria is fed back to him. 

From far away, he thinks he hears a girl giggle, but he doesn't care. 

Simon apparently does, however, because he breaks away from Jace with a sharp inhale through his teeth, his chest heaving despite the fact that he has absolutely no use for his lungs. Jace feels floaty in the best way, a gentle tingle running pleasant undercurrents under his skin, and he'd like it very much if Simon would bite him again. 

"No, Jace," Simon tells him, his voice shaking. "Hey, pick your head up. Look at me. Jace?  _ Jace?"  _

"Oh, he's fine," Reginald says. "Can't you hear how strong his heart is? You probably  _ could  _ bite him once more without causing any harm." 

Jace hums in agreement, tipping his head back. 

"Jace, I know you're, like, high as a kite right now, but this  _ really  _ isn't the time to be checking out on me. I'm not gonna bite you again,  _ ever,  _ so--so come on down already," Simon mutters, jerking his shoulder to jostle Jace slightly. 

Jace grunts. "M'fine." 

He is. In fact, he's great! 

"Fuck," Simon says plainly. 

"Oh, look how happy he is!" Charity's voice drifts closer and she lets out a pleased sigh. "Can I hold him? He should be held." 

Jace would like it very much if someone would hold him, Simon preferably, but he'll take what he can get. Any contact currently feels like...well,  _ heaven.  _

"It's not me you need permission from," Reginald tells her gently. "Ask his master." 

"I'm not--" 

"Can I hold him? You should let me hold him! Oh, he'll love it so much," Charity says, on the verge of pleading, her heels clicking closer. 

_ "Don't  _ touch him," Simon spits out harshly. 

Jace feels the air from the hand jerking back from his cheek, and he lets out a huff of annoyance. His head is beginning to hurt. 

"You should care for him, you know," Reginald scolds, tutting like he's disappointed. "No matter, we can hurry this along. I'm almost positive that you understand the severity of the situation, yes?" 

Simon makes a sound of discomfort, and Jace shifts closer, his eyes fluttering.  _ "Yes,"  _ he grits out. 

"Good, then I've made my point. So, here are your next options, and remember...you only have thirty seconds." Reginald hums in approval at his own little game. "Simon, either you tell me how you've managed to achieve the ability to walk in the daylight,  _ or  _ I will kill him." 

Jace's head is now reaching peak levels of pain. 

"I--I can't do that!" Simon blurts, sounding horrified and--in Jace's opinion--too unhappy for all the biting that just occurred. "You don't  _ get  _ it. I have no idea how I got like this!" 

"Come now, surely you don't expect me to believe that," Reginald says with a derisive snort. "You must have theories, at the very least. I'm sure you'll figure it out with so much on the line. Twenty-two seconds left, Simon, and the clock is ticking."

"No, you have to listen to me, okay? You can't  _ do  _ this; you'll kill an innocent person for no reason! I--I don't know what happened," Simon stutters, his voice shaking worryingly. "All I know is that one day I couldn't walk in the sun, and the next...I could. That's  _ all,  _ though." 

Jace is ninety-five percent sure that there's something he should be saying, or doing, or  _ feeling,  _ but he can't quite grasp what it is. Everything keeps going so  _ fast,  _ not like last time when Valentine gave him time to come down from the exquisite reaction to a vampire bite  _ before _ knocking him out cold and taking him hostage. No one is giving him recovery time now, and he's left with the sensation like cotton is inside his brain. 

"Eighteen seconds," Reginald reminds them calmly, humming pleasantly. "Tick tock." 

"I'm serious, man! I'm so serious. You--you don't understand; I'd  _ never  _ put his life at risk, okay? When I say that I don't know, I mean it!" 

"What were you doing before you gained this ability? Do you remember?" 

"I was being held captive by Valentine," Simon mutters, and Jace finds himself chuckling for some reason he isn't sure of. 

Everything is just so  _ funny.  _

"And you're certain he didn't do anything to you?" 

"I...I mean, are we ever certain? Can we truly be--" 

"Twelve seconds, Simon." 

"Okay, look, I don't  _ know.  _ I just--I don't fucking know! If I did, I'd tell everyone, all the vampires! Don't you think I'd want everyone like me to feel the sun on their skin again? I know  _ exactly  _ what it was like to always live in darkness, and I wouldn't just keep the solution to that to myself!" 

Reginald hums. "Perhaps that is the case, perhaps not. You are young and stupid; you wouldn't realize that power so early on. That means you either know and can't say,  _ or  _ you don't know." He pauses for a solid two seconds. "I'm going to guess the former. Six more seconds. Five, four, th--" 

"Please, I don't  _ know.  _ I really don't know, okay? I'm sorry; I'm so sorry. I wish I could help, but--" 

"One." 

"No!" Simon bellows. 

Jace's eyes jolt open when he's jerked violently by his hair, but all he sees is the pole coming closer at a rapid pace. Then, it isn't until pain explodes around his nose and eyes that he realizes Reginald is bashing his face into the metal post with harsh force. He gets to suck in one sharp breath before his face is meeting solid, cold metal all over again. 

Well, there goes his high. 

Simon abruptly screams, and Jace is pretty sure that it has to do with the blood currently streaming down his face, but he turns out to be wrong. In a swift motion that Jace couldn't have ever seen coming, high  _ or  _ sober, Simon yanks his hands roughly from his chains--thumbs dangling awkwardly--and is a blur of movement as he twists his body to the right. 

Jace only has moment to be shocked when his face collides with the back of Simon's head because Simon has shoved himself into Jace's lap, blocking his path to the pole--not that Simon's head is any softer. But he's clearly got a plan, because he reaches back and grasps both sides of Reginald's head, tugging sharply and shouting through the pain of his broken thumbs healing. There's a high pitched squeal--which can only belong to Charity--and a soft huff of surprise from Reginald, then everything goes strangely quiet. 

All except for the dull thump of Reginald's head as it lands with a splat beside Jace's hip, disconnected grotesquely from the rest of his body. 

"Well, I'll be damned," Jace mumbles mildly. 

Charity's scream filters off, and she blinks rapidly down at Reginald's body, slowly crawling closer on her knees. "Reggie? Baby? Reggie, are you--" 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Simon grinds out in warning, rubbing his still-healing thumbs. 

Almost as soon as he's said this, Reginald's body bursts into light, disintegrating on the spot, practically slipping through Charity's fingers. She pats at the floor, her eyes wide, them she opens her mouth to release a gut-wrenching sob of horror. 

"That's unfortunate," Jace mutters. 

Simon heaves a sigh, doing his best to turn around to see Jace, and failing. "Are you still...inebriated?" 

"Still kinda woozy, yeah, but I'm going to be fine. Just--just don't bite me again," Jace replies. 

"Alright, well, this isn't over yet. Kinda need your help to get through this, so can you...ya know?" 

"Sure seems like you've got it under control." 

"Instinct," Simon whispers, averting his eyes. 

Because Jace is an asshole, kinda still fucked up from Simon's fangs, and has no idea how to comfort anyone, he says, "So, this was instinctual, huh? You could have just asked if you wanted to sit in my lap so bad, Simon." 

Simon blinks and glances down at their compromised position, his lips parting. "Shit, I--I didn't even realize!" 

"Well, I can't exactly miss it." Jace wiggles his hips slightly to prove his point. "Now, how are we getting out of here?" 

"You're  _ not!"  _ Charity screeches, standing up with blazing eyes, her orange nails digging into her own palms as she stands. "I'll--I'm gonna  _ kill  _ ya both!" 

Simon suddenly tilts his head to the side, his lips pressing into a thin line. He's clearly listening hard, eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and Jace can't seem to tear his gaze away from the gentle dip between Simon's neck and shoulder. A soft curve that's supple enough to bite; he doesn't know if it's the bite or just himself that makes him want to.

"Yeah, actually, I don't think you're going to be able to do that," Simon tells her, abruptly relaxing back into Jace with a soft sigh. "A for effort, though." 

Charity looks so offended by that statement that it's nearly comical, but nothing compares to the expression on her face when the door bursts open and Izzy comes marching in, her whip at the ready. Shortly after, Luke and Maia follow, and Charity seems to lose all confidence in one fell swoop. 

"You two couldn't stay out of trouble if you were  _ paid  _ to," Maia comments dryly, surveying the room. 

"Who are you?" Charity snaps. 

"Their saviors," Luke tells her, his eyebrows raising as he nods to Simon and Jace. "And I'm guessing you're one of the captors?" 

"She's just human; someone can encanto her," Simon says wearily, his head tipping back to fall against Jace's, his shoulders slumping forward. He lets out a quiet sigh when Jace leans into him. "But first, can you guys unlock us, please?" 

Izzy offers a harsh look towards Charity, then a terse smile to Simon, and she says, "Don't worry about it, Simon, you'll both be out of here in no time." 

Jace hums quietly and lets the top of his head rest against the back of Simon's neck, his arms aching from their position. He doesn't really mind that their wrapped around Simon, but the chains aren't too comfortable. Fortunately, his hands fall away after a moment as Izzy works to unlock them. 

Simon scrambles off him almost instantly, and Jace pushes away from the pole, his body aching. He wonders vaguely how long they've been missing, where Alec is, why Clary isn't here. The effects of the vampire bite are wearing off, thankfully, so the fuzz in his brain is slowly fading. 

"Oh Jace, your... _ face,"  _ Simon blurts, whirling around and halting in horror. 

Ya know, now that Simon mentions it, Jace's face does feel pretty weird. Oddly enough, it feels  _ full  _ and stuffy--or, more accurately, swollen. It throbs to a steady, painful beat. He reaches up to touch his cheek, groaning in disdain when pain reverberates through his entire face from the softest press. 

"Ouch," Jace mumbles. 

"Were you drugged?" Izzy asks, leaning down to help him to his feet, holding him steady when he sways. 

Jace blinks. "Yeah, yeah, I was. The girl, she drugged me to get me here, but it wore off...I think." 

Maia snorts. "Oh, it definitely hasn't worn off." 

"That--that's my fault, actually," Simon murmurs awkwardly, swallowing thickly. "I...bit him." 

Three different heads whip around to gaze at Simon with different levels of incredulity, concern, and judgement. Simon averts his eyes and looks down at his feet, arms crossing tight to his chest. 

"Not his fault," Jace says quickly, fumbling for his stele. He needs to fix his face. "They made him." 

"They?" Maia asks, her eyes scanning the room. 

Simon clears his throat. "There was a vampire. Reginald. He seemed pretty old, Magnus might've knew him, but I'd never seen him before." 

"Was?" Luke asks, eyebrows raising. 

"I, uh, killed him," Simon croaks.

Jace waves his stele over his healing rune, pleased when the pain eases slightly. "Yeah, he just twisted his head clean off; it was awesome." 

There's a brief silence that Jace does not enjoy at all, so he coughs to disrupt it, then everyone is abruptly in motion. Luke starts talking to Charity quietly, Izzy and Maia confer in whispers before breaking away from each other, and then Maia is coming right for Jace, and it hurts to smile...but he tries. She rolls her eyes, but grasps his arm and starts to lead him away. 

"Ya know," Jace says casually, with just a hint of regret, "I never did find out if he dumped me." 

Maia pats his shoulder. "I'm sure you'll work that out after you're both home and not in imminent danger." 

Jace bobs his head. "Right, priorities." 

He's led outside and told firmly not to move from the backseat of Luke's SUV, which he figures is the best thing for him to do. He waits until Maia's slipped back inside to climb out and stumble over the gravel towards the line of trees across the knee-high field of grass. He really needs to pee, so he goes off to do just that, nearly tripping every other step. 

He does his business when he finds the perfect spot, only to be immediately lost when he turns back around to head back. But hell, he's got a weapon again, he's a Shadowhunter; he'll be  _ fine.  _

Distantly, he can hear his name being called. 

Jace isn't sure how long he stumbles around the forest, touching trees and and trying to find some sense of direction, but he knows when his inebriation genuinely starts coming to a close. He comes up to a small stream and decides it's best to wait for someone to find him, because his brain is beginning to work again. 

He looks down at his reflection. 

Well, that's not...good. 

By the Angel, his face looks  _ terrible.  _ Puffy and purple, it's swollen around his nose and eyes, discolored and slightly lumpy. There's dried blood around his own mouth, because that's ironic as hell, and his nose has flakes of blood on the tip. He grimaces and dips his hands into the stream to carefully wash away the blood on his face, cringing through the pain.

He can't even imagine what he looked like  _ before  _ he used his stele. 

He uses it again, for good measure, but his stele can only do so much. It heals him, takes away the pain, but it can't fully take away the injury. It's why he still has scars, why his bones need a few weeks to heal, why bruises need a couple days to disappear. The good news, however, is that the swelling should go down in a few hours at least. 

"Jace?" 

Nearly falling off the stump, Jace whirls around to look at Simon in surprise. "Oh," he mutters, blinking slowly, "you found me." 

"Yeah, I did. Where'd you go?" 

"Had to piss." 

"Ah," Simon mumbles, wrinkling his nose as he shoves his hands into his pockets. "So, uh, do you feel any better?" 

Jace circles a finger near his head. "Coming down from the bite, if that's what you mean. I'm gonna be alright. You?" 

"Nothing happened to me," Simon says bitterly. 

"You broke your thumbs to get out of those chains, Simon. You--you killed Reginald, and you were kidnapped, and you were forced to bite me,  _ again.  _ Plenty happened to you." 

"I killed Reginald to keep him from killing you, and I'd do it again. I've been kidnapped so many times that I think I'm starting to get used to it. And--and I did bite you again, yes, but it harms  _ you  _ more than it does me. Compared to you, between your face, the bite, and everything else...nothing happened to me." 

Jace sighs. "We're not going to compare trauma, okay? We both went through hell. We're both concerned. It's fine, we're fine, we're gonna  _ be  _ fine. We just...need to go home." 

"Are we, though?" Simon bites his lip and looks down at Jace with a pinched expression. "I know we just narrowly escaped death again, but before we were taken...we weren't exactly on the best of terms." 

Now that Jace isn't depending on them to get along to survive, he doesn't really want to talk about this. Talking about it opens the door to ending it for good. And right now, Jace just wants to go home and rest up, not worry about whether he'll ever be able to kiss Simon again. If he even wants to. 

He's so  _ confused.  _

Sighing, Jace says, "Look, can we talk about this later? I just don't have the energy to deal with that, or this, or  _ you  _ right now." 

"We should talk about it. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer. And Magnus said for me to give you some time to cool off, but  _ some time  _ could be days, or weeks, or hours--I dunno. I just want to know what I'm supposed to be doing." 

Jace finds it slightly amusing that Simon goes to Magnus for advice on his relationship with Jace, while Jace goes to Alec for advice on Simon. There's a certain humorous symmetry to it that Jace appreciates, but he's not really in the laughing mood. For now, he just sighs and reaches up to touch gingerly at his tender face, wincing. 

"Simon, now's really not--" 

"Don't touch it." Simon darts over so quickly that the leaves on the ground barely rustle. He smacks Jace's hand away with a frown, dark brown eyes scanning his face. "I'll see if Magnus has a salve that can help speed up the healing process." 

Jace stares up at Simon, fixated on the dark rings of his eyes--they're unfairly mesmerizing. "I'll be fine." 

"I'll ask anyway," Simon mumbles, his gaze lifting to lock on Jace's, freezing there. They stare at each other for a moment too long, and Simon's breath punches out of him as he whispers, "What the fuck are we doing, Jace?" 

"We're just…" Jace gives up quickly, not entirely sure what's going on between them anymore, kinda wary to find out. "Maybe you were right from the beginning; maybe this was a bad idea." 

Simon swallows thickly. "Yeah," he says distractedly, undoubtedly not paying attention. "Can I…?" 

He gestures to Jace's face with both hands, holding them up uncertainly, and Jace finds himself nodding without even knowing what he's agreeing to. 

Simon gently reaches up to cradle Jace's cheeks with cool fingers, his touch feather-light. He holds Jace's gaze for a moment, then slowly leans in to place the softest of kisses on the space underneath his right eye. Jace's eyes flutter closed and he sighs softly as Simon lingers for a moment before carefully moving to the other side for yet another kiss. After a beat, Simon dips his head and kisses Jace on the mouth, a quick brushing of their dry lips, then he pulls away. 

"Simon…" Jace croaks, eyes opening slowly. 

With a trembling smile, Simon steps back and murmurs, "Let's go home, Jace." 

And without waiting for a reply, he turns around and starts leading them into the darkness between the trees. Jace bites his lip, ignores the pain in his face, and follows behind him. 


	11. let's teeter here for awhile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're all ridiculous. 
> 
> I love them.

"Again, you thought this would be a good idea,  _ why?"  _

Izzy whirls around so quickly that Jace actually takes a step back, leaning away from the force of her glare. She holds her finger up, eyes narrowed, and she points it between him and Alec in a way that frighteningly reminiscent to Maryse. Jace finds himself holding his hands up in surrender in perfect sync with Alec, just on instinct. 

"Because I  _ said so,"  _ Izzy states sharply, dropping her hand and smoothing her skirt. "Now, we're all going to have a lovely night, and if either of you get in the way of that, I will personally make sure that your lives are hell. Clear?" 

Alec sighs. "Crystal." 

"Oh, I do love a woman who takes charge," Magnus says with a broad smile as he walks up the sidewalk, umbrella tucked under his arm. 

"Magnus!" Alec's entire face lights up, his cynical stance on this whole plan gone in a split second. He moves forward, leaning down to kiss the cheek that Magnus offers. "I thought you had business." 

Magnus flaps a hand lazily. "Oh, I did, but when Izzy came to me, I...sped up the process. You know I can't miss a party, darling." 

"That makes one of us," Jace mutters. 

Izzy shoots him a scolding look, and Alec--the traitor--no longer appears to be on his side. 

"So," Magnus says, "we're just waiting on--" 

"Me."

The breath in Jace's lungs escape him all at once as Clary approaches, her red hair blowing in the wind. She's got her hands stuffed into the pockets of her jacket, heeled-boots clicking up the cracked sidewalk, and her smile is small. She doesn't look at Jace, her focus on Izzy. 

"Among others," Izzy tells her, straightening up, her smile widening. "You actually dressed up." 

Clary chuckles and holds open her jacket by her pockets, revealing a green top. "Well, you asked me to, Izzy. What was I supposed to do, say no?" 

"Thank you," Izzy murmurs. Once she's within reach of Clary, she leans forward and steals a hug, her smile as bright as ever. "You look gorgeous." 

"You truly do, my dear," Magnus compliments, waving ringed fingers at her outfit. "The effort is certainly there. Just who are you trying to impress?" 

Clary's cheeks bloom in red. "Just, ya know, doing what Izzy asked me to." 

Magnus raises both eyebrows and reaches up to rub his fingers over the shell of his ear. "Mhm, I see." 

"Anyway," Clary blurts, casting her gaze around, skipping over Jace immediately and focusing on Alec in what must be desperation. "Alec, hey, you look--you look, um, great." 

Alec glances down at himself. "I wore this last week." 

"Isn't that my shirt?" Jace mumbles, eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. 

"Is it?" Alec asks with a frown, pinching the fabric between his fingers. "I can't remember." 

"This is painful," Magnus comments lightly. 

Izzy sighs heavily. "Clary, can you just--please?" 

"Fine.  _ Fine."  _ Clary rolls her eyes skyward, lips tipping down, then flicks her gaze to Jace. She stares at him for a moment, then mutters, "Hey." 

"Wow," Jace says flatly. "Glad you got that off your chest. Could see how much of a struggle it was."

Clary scowls. "You know what, Jace, I'm--" 

"Hey! Hey, I'm here!" Simon comes barreling around the corner, nearly tripping over his own feet, not even looking up as he rushes forward. "Jeez, you wouldn't  _ believe  _ the trouble I went through to find parking. Izzy, I didn't expect to--" 

Just then, for what must be the first time, Simon glances up. His smile freezes on his face as his eyes instantly fall on Jace and Clary. The smile slips until he's just sort of gaping at them, clearly at a loss about what to say. 

"Glad you could make it," Izzy says pleasantly. 

"Oh, joy," Alec mutters. 

Magnus smacks his shoulder lightly. 

"So, uh, when--when you said party, you meant a party with...everyone," Simon stutters, clearing his throat and shifting in place. 

Izzy's smile is practically a threat on Simon's life right now. "Yes. Is that a problem?" 

"No! No, no, nope. That's--that's...just fine," Simon replies, coughing into his fist. "Hi, um, everyone." 

"This," Magnus muses, "is going to be fun." 

"It  _ is,"  _ Izzy agrees sharply, not at all playing along with Magnus' amused sarcasm. "We're all going to have a good night out, yes?" 

In unison, under the threat in her gaze, they all nod. 

There's a beat of awkward silence, and Jace spends as much of it as he can just staring at the ground. He tries to pretend that he's not surveying Simon out the corner of his eye, but he's fairly certain that he's failing. Alec keeps sending him knowing looks, at least. But Jace does try. 

Magnus was right about one thing; this  _ is  _ painful. 

Tutting in disapproval, Izzy sweeps her hand out towards the bar, then interlocks her arm through Clary's, practically dragging her inside. Magnus follows, and Alec is right at his side, both of them sharing stress-free smiles because they're not the ones in the awkward situation. Good for them. 

That leaves Jace no choice but to follow beside Simon, which is not fair. Simon doesn't handle awkward very well; he's like the mitosis of awkward, making it multiply without even meaning to. 

"Cold night out," Simon says, coughing needlessly again as they head towards the door. 

Jace sends him a blank look. "You don't feel the cold, Simon," he reminds him flatly. 

"Right, right." Simon clears his throat, then sends Jace a tight smile. "Right." 

Jace shakes his head and dips into the bar, lingering behind their crowd as Izzy talks to the hostess. Then, thankfully, they're being led through the large double doors, through the open bar full of laughter and clinking glasses, and towards another set of doors. The hostess leads them into a separate room with no other customers; there's a table to sit six in the middle, a bar with no one behind it off to the side, and another door that must lead into the kitchen by the sounds of the workers behind it. 

Izzy and Alec get to the chairs first, and Jace rushes to grab the last one open on their side. It's only after he's already sitting that he realizes his mistake. Magnus sits across from Alec, Clary takes the chair in front of Izzy, and that leaves the only open chair for Simon to be next to Clary...and opposite of Jace. 

Jace already wants to stab himself in the eye with his fork and he hasn't even ordered yet. 

"So," Simon speaks up, fiddling with his cloth napkin, throat bobbing, "how are...things?" 

"Things are fantastic," Magnus says, like he doesn't even notice the tension in the room. "I secured a  _ very  _ techy client tonight, one who's going to pay very well for services that I could do in my sleep." 

Simon perks up. "Oh, that's awesome. I, uh, kinda have good news too! You know that Cafe closer to downtown? The one with the graffiti?" 

"I do," Clary says. "They made it into a mural instead of painting over it. I tagged it, remember?" 

"Yeah, we were...what, fifteen?" Simon grins at her, eyes sparking with mirth. "I thought Luke was going to arrest you when he found the cans of spray paint." 

"Mom  _ freaked,"  _ Clary says with a snort. 

"Yeah, Jocelyn was pretty--" 

"So, the news?" Jace bursts out, his chest pinching with discomfort. 

Simon blinks. "Oh, right! Yeah, so they're giving me a solid gig--or, a temporary one at least. They need someone for the next six weeks, twice a week, only two sets. I did one and they asked me back." 

"Simon, that's amazing!" Clary explodes happily, leaning over to grasp him in a hug. 

Jace ducks his head and smiles as everyone goes about congratulating him, even Alec--though, he does so begrudgingly. There's a solid starburst of warmth in Jace's chest at the news, something flickering with pride and approval. It is good news, very good, and he's honestly happy for him. 

"You should all come and see me play!" Simon's getting more animated in his excitement, looking around hopefully. "I'll even pay for your coffee." 

"Of course," Clary agrees instantly. "We'll be there." 

"Woah, I never--" Alec coughs sharply, his leg jerking back like he'd just been kicked under the table. By the gritted smile he shoots Magnus, that's exactly what happened. "Right, whatever." 

"Oh, it'll be so much fun!" Izzy leans forward, her eyes bright with excitement. "I wonder how the mundies will like it." 

"Hopefully a lot. I'd definitely feel better with some familiar faces in the crowd." He goes quiet for a moment, then fixes his gaze on Jace. "You'll come too, right? I--I mean, you don't  _ have  _ to, but I just… I guess I'd like it if--well, if you  _ wanted  _ to, you could...um, you know--" 

"Simon," Jace says firmly, "I'll be there." 

"Oh." Simon grins. "Great. No, yeah, good." 

Clary rolls her eyes. 

Fortunately, the night takes off after that. Izzy has the whole thing set up, so it's no surprise that it's actually very nice. They have their own personal bartender, some music drifting through the room, and food on the way. Plus, there's blood on tap, so Simon gets to eat with them. Or, drink. Whatever. 

Despite the tension, they all manage to relax enough to have a good night. Clary mostly ignores Jace, caught up with talking to Izzy and Simon, laughing when Magnus regales one of his stories. Alec is a great parabatai because he spends most of the night splitting his attention between Magnus and making sure Jace has someone to talk to. Simon, for the most part, just talks  _ at  _ everyone, not getting caught up in one single conversation, but Jace isn't  _ blind.  _ He notices each time that Simon glances at him; it's a reassuringly large amount. 

Magnus goes off on a tangent about a heist he got caught up in nearly fifty years ago in Rome--he's technically still wanted. Over the entirety of the meal, he tells his story, and Jace has to admit that he gets sucked into it. 

"And you rode the horse over the rooftops?" Jace blurts out incredulously. 

Magnus spreads his hands. "Not without trouble, I assure you. Horses don't take kindly to being shot at, so you can imagine the struggle it was to jump from rooftop to rooftop with bullets raining down." 

Simon, who's equally enraptured, asks, "Did the horse live?  _ Please  _ tell me the horse lived?" 

"Oh, of course." Magnus lays his fork down on his empty plate. "It was very loyal and got me from one side of the city to the other faster than the cars that followed me. If not for that horse, I probably would have been arrested." 

"As if that would've stuck," Alec says with a snort, his smile wide and proud. 

Magnus winks at Alec. "Well, that's true. I'm not one to be chained up." 

Izzy cackles. "Unless you're in the mood to be, right?"

"Now, that's a question you'll have to ask Alec, I'm afraid," Magnus replies, lips curling up. 

Jace chuckles quietly, only to jerk in his seat when a hand reaches in front of him. The waiter gives an apologetic smile and takes his plate. 

"I didn't mean to startle you," he says. 

"Oh, it's fine," Jace says politely, sitting up so the waiter can grab another dish. "Thank you." 

The waiter smiles and blinks slow, leaning a bit too close. "It's my pleasure," he tells Jace, his voice dipping low as he insists,  _ "really."  _

"Oh...okay," Jace replies carefully. 

The waiter taps his nametag with his free hand. "My name is Victor. You let me know if you need anything. Anything at all." 

Jace nods. "Yeah, thanks, Victor." 

With that, Victor sweeps away, his hands full of dishes and his eyes not straying from Jace. When he disappears back into the kitchen, Jace focuses back on the conversation, only to find everyone staring at him. It's oddly quiet, and Jace gets the impression that he's missed something. 

"Victor seems nice," Magnus comments, lips twitching like he's laughing at some inside joke. 

"I guess," Jace says, shrugging. He fully expects the conversation to pick back up, but it stays silent, and he's not really sure what the fuck is going on. "Uh, am I missing something? What?" 

"Nothing," Simon says quickly, that one word sharp like a whip in the silence. "It's--it was nothing. Anyway, Magnus? Continue." 

And so, on it goes. 

Dessert comes out a little later. Simon orders another drink, possibly just to have something while everyone enjoys their last part of the meal. Jace is looking forward to his cheesecake, though he'd never admit it, but he can't help but sit up in anticipation when he sees it being brought out. 

Victor passes out the plates, all charm and smiles, and the last tray he hands out is for Jace. This smile, however, is a bit warmer and familiar. "For you," he tells Jace. "I hope you enjoy it." 

"Oh, I will," Jace tells him, already reaching for his fork, eyes fixated on the cheesecake. 

"A fan of cheesecake, huh?" Victor tilts his head, eyes crinkling with his laugh. "Sweet tooth?" 

Jace shrugs slightly, looking up at him. "Who doesn't like sweets? Everybody loves sweets." 

"That's true. And what else?" 

"What do you mean?" 

Victor blinks, still smiling. "What other things do you enjoy besides sweets?" 

"Oh, um." Jace freezes, not entirely sure what to tell a Warlock waiter who's probably been around long enough to have more hobbies than Jace has thoughts. He blinks rapidly and says, "Just, y'know, the usual Shadowhunter stuff." 

"No, no, what do you  _ enjoy?  _ I know what your job is, and I'm sure you're very good at it." 

"Oh, well, I do try my best." 

Victor laughs, reaching out to touch Jace's arm lightly, the golden veins beneath his skin one of the coolest Warlock marks that Jace has ever seen. His fingers linger. "So, tell me, Shadowhunter, what do you do in your free time?" 

Before Jace can answer, Victor is called away by another waiter, and he leaves with a reluctant wave. Jace picks up his fork and proceeds to try and take a bite.  _ Try  _ being the key word; he doesn't get very far because Izzy clears her throat pointedly, making him look up to find everyone staring at him. 

Simon's nearly bent a fork in half, which is really weird; he doesn't even need a fork. 

"Okay, seriously,  _ what?"  _

"Victor," Alec tells him, rolling his eyes. "Come on, even  _ I  _ noticed that." 

Jace frowns. "Noticed what?" 

"Well, besides the fact that he's angling for a hefty tip, he's also doing his best to flirt with you," Magnus informs him casually. 

"Wait, seriously?" Jace cranes his head back, eyebrows raising as he stares at the door Victor disappeared through. He blinks in surprise, processing that. "Huh." 

"Didn't you notice?" Magnus asks, emphasizing each word with the widening of his eyes, like he's trying to tell Jace something. 

Jace shrugs. "No, not really. He was just being nice. But I mean, if you say so. That checks out." 

Alec facepalms. 

"Just eat your dessert," Izzy huffs. 

The last part of the meal is thrown back into awkwardness. Jace is ninety-five percent sure that it's his fault somehow, but he can't parse out what the fuck he did. Izzy looks ready to drown herself in her wine glass, Alec shakes his head in regular intervals, Simon glares at the tabletop, and Clary glares at  _ Jace.  _ Magnus is the only one who seems to find all of this amusing, while Jace is left confused as fuck. 

Victor makes his grand return to grab plates, and this time, Jace pays attention. 

Victor is  _ definitely  _ flirting. 

Jace has no idea what to do with that. He does his best to continue on like he has no idea that he's being flirted with and a part of him despises that Magnus told him at all. And Victor is very charismatic, gathering knowledge on Jace while slipping bits and pieces of information on himself. Victor is a Warlock who's only twenty-five, who wants to be a Lawyer one day, and has an undeniably beautiful Warlock mark. 

Victor, however, is  _ way  _ off his mark. 

See, the thing is...Jace has no clue whether he's single or not. He and Simon still haven't talked, and before now, he hasn't been in the mood to. It becomes apparent by this entire situation that he's made a mistake by drawing it out. Because, while the three bent forks from Simon would suggest that he's not single, Jace has no confirmation on that. 

Jace blows out a breath of relief when Victor finally goes back into the kitchen, and he's so thankful that the night is almost over. Izzy immediately snatches that relief from him by standing up and asking the bartender to turn up the music. 

"Simon?" Izzy asks, holding out her hand. 

The eagerness in which Simon takes Izzy's hand is almost comical. They head towards the floor a few feet from the table, and Alec looks ready to crawl into a hole and die when Magnus demands they dance too. But he's not one to refuse Magnus much because he does drag himself to his feet to go stumble around awkwardly with very red cheeks. 

Which leaves Jace with Clary. 

This is fine. 

"Dance with me," Clary says abruptly, pushing to her feet and arching an eyebrow in challenge. 

Jace sighs. "Yeah, sure." 

No one's really standing too close together. Izzy and Simon are talking softly, laughing when she twirls him playfully. Magnus and Alec aren't doing much dancing; it actually looks like Magnus is trying to teach Alec how to move smoothly. Jace has no idea how Clary wants to do this, or even  _ why,  _ but she clearly has a game plan because she hooks her arms around his neck and makes them sway--it's a strange paradox with her face set in a scowl. 

Clary huffs quietly. "Look, I know you think--" 

"I'm sorry." Jace watches her mouth snap shut, her eyes flicking up to his face. "I am, okay? About not telling you that we're not related, about the things I said, about expecting Simon to keep it to himself. I know I was wrong and I'm just… I'm sorry."

"Oh, you do  _ not  _ get to do that." Clary looks even  _ more  _ angry, which makes no sense. "I was going to apologize first; that's not fair." 

Jace blinks. "Wait, what?" 

"Yeah," Clary mutters, grimacing. "I shouldn't have been so...harsh, I guess. Simon's not just my best friend; that's not his sole purpose in life. And I get why you didn't tell me. I think, if it had been me, I might've kept it to myself for awhile too." 

"I probably could have been less of an asshole about all of it," Jace suggests. 

Clary's face crinkles. "Yeah, probably." 

"And  _ you  _ could have too." 

"You got me there." 

"Are we good?" Jace asks, raising his eyebrows. 

"Yeah," Clary murmurs, "we're good." 

A knot loosens in his chest, unraveling slightly and making it a bit easier to breathe. A weight he hadn't even been aware of lifts off his chest at her easy reply, and he finds himself smiling when she relaxes in his arms and leans her head on his shoulder. They sway for a long moment in complete silence, and Jace lets his chin rest on the top of her head. 

"Well, that's the battle half-won," Jace mutters when Clary pulls back to look at him. 

"About that." Clary jerks her head in the general direction of Izzy and Simon. "I don't really know all the details, but I think you should know that I--I really like Izzy. Like...more than I liked you. So, if you're worried about me and Simon--" 

"I'm not," Jace says quickly. "I don't know if I ever was. I don't get jealous, Clary." 

Clary raises both eyebrows. "That's such bullshit." 

"It's really not." 

"You can lie to yourself if you want, even if it's incredibly unhealthy, but you can't lie to me about something I already  _ know.  _ Believe it or not, I see the way you look at him, Jace. You look at him like you looked at me, except there's no...strain. So, whatever you two are fighting about, you need to fix it." 

"We're not--" 

"Simon's not exactly subtle, Jace. I know you two have been on outs. Why?" 

Jace purses his lips in consideration, then decides that withholding information has only gotten him into trouble up to this point. "You, actually. Not--not because there's  _ feelings,  _ or jealousy, or…" 

"Or?" Clary presses. 

Jace swallows and spins them in a circle to give him more time to form an answer. But he doesn't  _ know,  _ not yet, and he has no choice but to face it head on. Speak it into existence and figure it out that way. Because, to be honest, Jace has no fucking clue why he was so upset about what Simon did. 

"It's just… I don't know. I guess I fooled myself into thinking that I was important to him. We've been kidnapped--not once, but twice now--and I figured that we'd...gotten closer." Jace grimaces at his own honesty, not pleased with how whiny that complaint comes off. "When I fucked up, I tried to fix it, but he ran off to you like I--like it didn't even matter. Maybe I don't want to live in a perpetual state of envy." 

Clary rears back, halting them, her eyes wide. "Oh, wow. You--you really love him." 

"No." Jace frowns. "No, I--" 

"Jace, you just admitted that you  _ envy  _ me. Not for anything but the bond I have with Simon. It's not an issue with me, or even an issue with him loving me as much as he does, but it's the fact that you're worried you won't get that same level of love. And you want  _ more  _ too, because you love him, because you want it in return." 

"I don't love him," Jace says firmly. He takes a deep breath and tugs them back into swaying. "I don't." 

"So, why are you so scared to break up with him?" 

"I'm not--wait, who told you--" 

Clary bites her bottom lip. "Simon  _ does  _ tell me things, you know." 

Jace's eyes widen. "He thinks I'm  _ scared  _ to--to--" 

"No, no, he just--he said that you don't want to talk about anything, or clear the air." Clary digs her nails into Jace's shoulders as he leans away. "I know you well enough to read between the lines. You're worried that if you two face this, then you'll both go your separate ways." 

"It's not like  _ that.  _ I just don't think that this little spat is a good enough reason to call it quits." 

"Okay, that's fair. But Jace...is there any reason you can think of that's good enough?" 

Jace blinks. "Well, yeah. That's easy. A good reason to call it quits is if we  _ want  _ to, Clary." 

Clary levels with him a pitying expression. "Yeah, that makes sense, except for the part where neither of you  _ want  _ to." 

Jace opens his mouth to reply, then finds no words rising to the occasion. He slowly shuts his mouth, swallowing around the lump in his throat. For all the loopholes they'd come up with, he never expected one to come back and bite him in the ass. 

_ Shit.  _

This is not good. So not good. 

No matter what Clary may believe, Jace knows for certain that he doesn't love Simon. That's one thing that he hasn't screwed up, one he has no plans to. That's an unforeseen circumstance that he has all senses tuned to, unwilling to fuck around and fall into that trap. Just because things are good, just because he and Simon are happy, does  _ not  _ mean it's love. Jace has felt love, felt it for the very girl in his arms, and this isn't that. 

Still, he doesn't know how to explain the situation to Clary in a way that will make sense. Now that he thinks about it, getting into a casual relationship with Simon to parse out their feelings for Clary was possibly the stupidest thing they could've done. She definitely won't get it, which is fair because Jace doesn't really get it himself. 

And it was  _ his  _ idea. 

"Our time's almost up," Izzy calls out, pulling Simon out of a dip that makes his hair stick up wildly. 

"Oh, thank the Angel," Alec blurts, pulling away from Magnus with a sigh of relief. 

Clary pulls back from Jace, offering him a genuine smile. "Just think about what I said." 

"Like I'll be able to do anything else," Jace replies sardonically, which earns him a snort. 

They converge in the middle, gathering their things from the table, and Jace feels a lot better when he slips into his coat. Clary no longer avoids his gaze, the tension has eased, and things are looking up. He actually starts to think that he'll get out of this night without any other problems. 

A mistake, of course. 

Victor appears out of nowhere as they're heading to the door, and Jace offers him a smile before he remembers why he should not do that. Honestly, he has way too much on his mind--between Clary and Simon--to be worrying about a flirty guy. 

"Hey, before you go," Victor says, snagging his sleeve with a shameless smile, "I just wanted to give you something. Is that okay?" 

In his head, Jace chants,  _ please be a flirtation in the form of an extra piece of cheesecake.  _ Out loud, he clears his throat and says, "Uh, sure." 

Victor holds out a napkin and winks. "Call me sometime, Shadowhunter. I think I'll be able to help you find something else you'll enjoy." 

"That won't be necessary," Simon says loudly, crossing the room in between one blink and the next, reaching out to snag the napkin from Victor's fingers. When Simon smiles, his fangs are visible to everyone. "He's got all the help he needs." 

"Oh, is that so?" Victor asks, eyebrows raising up in an obvious challenge. He reaches out to snatch the napkin back, offering it to Jace yet again. "Pardon me, Vampire, but I don't think I was talking to  _ you.  _ Maybe he needs more help than you can give him." 

Jace opens his mouth, but Simon cuts him off. "He  _ really  _ doesn't, but thanks." 

"I'm pretty sure it's  _ his  _ decision if he wants to take my number or not," Victor replies sharply, all niceties gone, just like that. 

"Um, well, actually--" 

Simon's hand darts forward and plucks the napkin from Victor's fingers yet again. "Trust me, buddy, he doesn't want it. Take a fucking hint." 

"Oh, I have been," Victor says pointedly. "All night, in fact. All signs point to him wanting it." 

Jace clears his throat. "Well, I don't--" 

"Then you can't read," Simon grinds out, jerking his hand back when Victor reaches for the napkin. "Let me help  _ you  _ out. He doesn't need more things to enjoy, or anymore hobbies,  _ or  _ your number. So--" 

"And who are you to speak for him?" Victor challenges harshly, eyes narrowing. 

And here, Simon fumbles. His fangs slide away with a little  _ snick  _ and he blinks rapidly. It looks, horrifyingly enough, as if someone has kicked his puppy. Jace doesn't like the flash of discomfort and uncertainty on his face, and he sure as hell isn't going to stand for it. 

"My boyfriend," Jace says smoothly, reaching out to take the napkin from Simon's hands, holding it out to Victor with a frown. "And he's right. I really don't want it; I have all the help and enjoyment I need." 

Victor's lips part in surprise, his eyes widening as his skin darkens with embarrassment, and Jace almost feels bad as he grabs the napkin and practically flees back into the kitchen. He doesn't really, though, if only for the little smirk on Simon's face. 

"That was incredibly entertaining," Magnus says from beside the door, laughing brightly. 

"Excuse us," Simon says distractedly, clamping his hand down on the crook of Jace's elbow, tugging him towards the door. 

Jace protests feebly, not too comfortable with being manhandled so openly, but Simon doesn't even slow down. When they slip past the rest of their group, Jace shrugs in bewilderment while they all laugh at him--great friends and family he's got, really. Simon strongarms him out the room, through the open area full of customers, and right out the front door. They step into the cool night, but Simon doesn't appear to be breaking stride. 

"Simon, what the fuck? Where are we going? Hey, where are we--" 

Jace finds out a few moments later when his back collides with the cold metal of Simon's van, parked around the corner near an alley that smells strongly of garbage. He barely has time to orient himself before Simon's hands smack against the glass of the van on either side of Jace's head. 

"Did you mean it?" 

Jace blinks. "What? Simon, what are you fucking  _ talking  _ about? Why did you drag me out here?" 

"Did you?" Simon echoes, staring at Jace with a strange intensity. "What you said to him, did you mean it? It wasn't a joke, right? You weren't just playing along so I wouldn't look like a dumbass?" 

"You always look like a--" 

"Jace, did you  _ mean it?"  _

Jace swallows thickly. "Yeah, I--yeah." 

Simon releases a shaky breath, his gaze never straying from Jace's. "We're going to talk. We are, because we need to. But for right now…  _ Right now."  _

"Right now?" Jace repeats slowly, not getting it. 

"Right now," Simon says, nodding. 

There's no mistaking what he's getting at when he shuffles closer, arms bent at the elbows, so close their noses nearly brush. Jace feels as if he's been punched right in the gut, and his chest twinges as if someone's suddenly grasped each lung in his hand with the sole intention of squeezing. He exhales slowly, tongue darting out to lick his lips, careless to the sting of the cold air. 

Simon's eyes track the moment. "Right now," he orders again, his voice the softest of whispers, and Jace s swears he can taste the words. 

He's not entirely sure when he decides to make a move, but he abruptly finds his hands raising to delve into Simon's hair, tugging his head forward to eradicate the already small space between their mouths. For a split second, they both just go still, freezing from that one touch, and then they're a flurry of movement. 

Simon's hands slide into Jace's jacket, grabbing the cloth of his shirt at his sides and yanking them close together. Jace locks his fingers into Simon's soft hair, fully intending to never let go, and tries to ignore the wounded sound that his traitorous throat lets escape. It doesn't matter, Simon likes it, and they're still kissing feverishly. That's enough, more than enough. 

Jace curls in as close as possible, letting his body do all the work. He's forgotten how good this is, and he has no recollection of why that's a bad thing--it can't be bad, it's fucking perfect. His mind is cloudy, his lips caught in tandem with Simon's, and he is the farthest from being in control that he's ever been.

It's liberating. 

Simon backs him up against the van again, with a little more force this time, wordlessly telling him to stop arching away. Jace makes a small sound of discontent when Simon breaks their kiss, but the sound dissolves into a low moan when Simon's lips latch onto the underside of his jaw. Tilting his head back, Jace blinks open his eyes and stares hazily up at the sky with no stars because Brooklyn isn't known for its light pollution for no reason. But he doesn't give a fuck about that; the sky could be on fire right now, and Jace still wouldn't care. 

Right now, his entire focus is on Simon's lips trailing towards his pulse-point, latching on and sucking like he wants to bring the blood to the surface. Jace knows that he shouldn't think it, certainly shouldn't say it, but he would let Simon bite him right here and now. The mere thought feels like a naughty secret. 

"You can," Jace chokes out, eyes fluttering closed yet again. He barely knows what he's saying. "You really can, I'll let you." 

"I know," Simon murmurs near his ear, teeth nipping gently at his earlobe. "I can, but I won't. I never will again, I swear it." 

"Okay. Yeah, okay. Just--just don't stop whatever you're doing," Jace mumbles carelessly, fingers twisting restlessly in Simon's hair. 

Simon chuckles and--like the asshole he is--does the exact opposite of what Jace has asked. "This really isn't the time or place for--" 

"I literally don't give a fuck," Jace says plainly, dropping his chin to stare at Simon. 

"Relax. Hey, just...calm down," Simon says with a soft laugh. He leans in and kisses Jace again, this time soft and slow, a gentle press of lips that eventually turns into short pecks. The mood settles itself, and Simon pulls back to smile. "Good?" 

Jace blinks, taking a deep breath. "Yeah, I'm--I'm fine. You?"

"I'm perfect," Simon chirps, and he  _ really  _ is. 

Simon is stupidly pretty at night, dark eyes nearly black, skin pale, hair utterly perfect in the exact opposite way that Jace's hair is. Tonight, here and now, he looks ethereal and otherworldly, the glint in his eyes like a fucking beacon. Jace wants to kiss him again, wants to kiss him for as long as he can get away with, but he's settled enough now to realize that's not the rational route to take. 

"They're going to be looking for us." Jace runs his thumb over Simon's temple. "We should--" 

"Yeah," Simon agrees, smiling widely as he backs up, releasing Jace. "Don't fix your hair." 

Jace frowns. "What, why not?" 

"Maybe we'll run into Victor," Simon says smugly, shrugging in self-satisfied fashion. 

"You're ridiculous, you know that?" Jace asks with a snort, shaking his head. 

"Yeah, maybe. But that's besides the point. We still need to talk, you know. Come home with me tonight? I'll drive us," Simon suggests hopefully. 

"Simon, if I go home with you tonight, I can't promise that I won't do everything in my power to have sex with you," Jace tells him bluntly. 

Simon's eyes go wide. "Shit, Jace, you can't just  _ say  _ things like that!" 

"Why?" 

"Because I'll want you to come with me  _ more."  _

"Glad we're on the same page." 

"And you call  _ me  _ ridiculous. Get your head out of the gutter, man. We really should talk." 

Jace nods. "Fine, just...not at yours. Or not tonight. You can't just slam a guy around like that, Simon. It leaves a hell of a lot more to be desired, and I mean that in the literal sense." 

Simon snorts. "Okay, fair enough. Tomorrow, we talk. I  _ mean  _ it. Promise me." 

"What are we? Five?" Jace rolls his eyes when Simon arches an eyebrow. "Okay, I promise, or whatever. Now, let's go before they think we're fucking." 

Simon shakes his head, but he also reaches out to grab Jace's hand, tugging him back towards where they left the others. And though they haven't talked everything through, Jace lets him thread their fingers together, staying connected even when they don't really need to. Not a word was exchanged, not really, but Jace has a feeling they're going to be alright. 

Call it a hunch. 


	12. how badly can one mess up a plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello fellow humans, and those reading that aren't 👀
> 
> So, you'll note that the rating went up to explicit and I've added a tag. Please look at that and be aware of the smut that is happening this chapter. 
> 
> Otherwise...enjoy ;)

"You must really love him." 

Jace freezes half-way into shrugging his way into his jacket. Izzy is looking through his closet, one hand caught on the fabric of one of Simon's hoodies. How he got that is a funny story, actually. He'd ended up at Simon's--awhile before their fight--and had forgotten his jacket,  _ so  _ Simon had just let him borrow one of his well-worn hoodies. 

It smells like Simon's cologne. 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Ha, you're so funny.  _ Just  _ because I have one of Simon's hoodies doesn't--" 

"You hung it up." Izzy turns around, crossing her arms and peering at him with a frown. "You don't even hang up  _ your  _ coat. You just throw it over the back of a chair, or wad it up and sit it on your dresser. But you hung his hoodie up." 

"So?" Jace mutters defensively. 

Izzy arches an eyebrow.  _ "So,  _ you care about it. You don't want it to get wrinkles. You hung it up in your closet because you have no intentions of giving it back. It has a place with your stuff now. It--it means something. You really love him." 

She is the second person to tell him that. 

"Izzy, guys don't think like that, okay? It's not that deep." Jace shoves his hands into his jacket pockets and frowns at her as he starts towards the door. She catches his arm, halting him. "What now?" 

"Where are you going?" Izzy asks. 

"Simon's," Jace replies, narrowing his eyes. "We have some stuff to talk about. Is that  _ okay?"  _

Izzy purses her lips. "Take him his hoodie back, since it's not that deep." 

Jace goes still, not moving for a solid ten seconds. His eyes find the hoodie hanging innocencously among his nicest shirts and jackets. It almost seems out of place--the green sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the array of black and grey. It's been there for a couple of weeks now, so he's used to it. 

"I don't have anything to prove." Jace tugs his arm from Izzy's grip a little forcefully. "I don't really get why you're suddenly stuck on this." 

"I just noticed, that's all," Izzy murmurs, her eyes softening. "And I know you, Jace. You're--you ignore your own feelings until they're too much to ignore, and then you're freaked out by the sheer force of them. I don't want you to sabotage you and Simon by accident; you two are so...happy." 

"Why don't you focus on your own relationship problems instead of fixating on mine?" Jace snaps, raising both eyebrows at her. "Don't forget, I know  _ you  _ just as well as you know me, and you're practically the queen of trying to fix other people's problems so you won't have to admit that you have some too. Think about that." 

Izzy's eyes narrow. "Maybe you're right, but that means I am too." 

Jace scoffs. "I'm not doing this with you. Whatever issues you're having with your personal love-life, you can turn your energy on that, and leave me alone. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a boyfriend to go get back." 

With a huff, Jace marches out of his room, leaving Izzy standing there with a frown marring her face. 

* * *

Jace doesn't get very far. 

"Where do you think you're going?" Alec asks, swinging around the corner and halting Jace right in his tracks. His eyebrows are doing that downward twitch of disapproval that means Jace is already fucking up somehow, but what else is new? 

"Um...Simon's?" Jace gestures vaguely at the front door that's oh so  _ close,  _ yet so far. "Is that okay with you, almighty leader, or--" 

Alec waves a hand. "Actually, it's  _ not  _ okay. You do have a job, you remember that, right?" 

"I--yes, okay. What is it? Mission?" Jace huffs a deep sigh of frustration. "I'll go handle it,  _ then  _ I'll need some time off. It's important, okay? Just give anything else that passes your desk to the new recruits, or someone, I don't care." 

Alec stares at him. The moment stretches for a long time in silence, and Jace begins to get uncomfortable. Alec just keeps  _ looking  _ at him, eyes fixated on Jace like he's never seen him before. It's unnerving to say in the least. Jace eventually can't take it and clears his throat, prompting Alec to say  _ something;  _ anything would be welcomed at this point. 

"Jace, you've  _ never  _ said those words in your entire life. In fact, you told me, and I quote,  _ 'the day I say the new recruits should go on one of my missions is the day the demons take over,'  _ and you meant it. You just  _ don't  _ willingly give up mission." 

"Well, Alec, I kind of have stuff to  _ do.  _ It's not that--"

"You really love him." Alec blinks, looking stunned by that, and he clocks in as the third person to tell him that within the last two days. 

Jace releases a heavy sigh. "By the Angel, it's not that  _ serious.  _ I just have priorities to--" 

"And when has anything come before mission?" Alec challenges, eyebrows raising. 

"You do, Izzy does, and Clary too," Jace replies sharply, crossing his arms and holding his ground. 

Alec bobs his head. "And now, Simon does too. Fun fact, out of all of us, he's the one you're in a relationship with. Call me crazy, but--" 

"Fine, you're  _ crazy,"  _ Jace cuts him off, slicing a hand through the air. "I don't know what's gotten into you or our sister, but making insane jumps to prove I love Simon is ridiculous." 

"Izzy's at a slight disadvantage, but she's rarely wrong. And you seem to forget that I'm your  _ parabatai, _ you idiot." Alec reaches down to tap the rune pointedly, eyebrows doing a different twitching thing that means he's on the verge of smacking Jace over his head. "Out of everyone, I have the insight to be making these claims. If other people are doing it, it's because you're more obvious than you think." 

"Okay, you know what, this is not that big of a deal, and I'm not going to argue about it. Just--just tell me what I have to do," Jace says firmly. 

Alec shakes his head and releases a deep breath, lips pressing into a thin line for a brief moment. "Fine.  _ Fine,  _ if you want to live in denial, it's not my job to evict you. I need you to go to Magnus' and go with him to exchange his product with his client. Be careful, the client is a bit...unstable, and that's by  _ Magnus'  _ standards." 

"Wait, you're not going?" Jace asks slowly. 

"I would, but I need to go handle a  _ different _ client that's kicking up a fuss because Magnus refused to finish a service on the terms that it's dangerously close to breaking the accords. I need to go investigate  _ that,  _ and Magnus said you should be threatening enough on your own--and if you weren't, between the two of you, he would get handled." 

"Huh. Well, that makes sense. Wait, are you going alone to investigate? That doesn't seem like a one-person kind of mission." 

Alec shrugs. "It's not; I'm taking Izzy and Clary. No offense, but they're better at discussion than you." 

Jace can't really argue with that. He's not exactly the listening type and usually the first to goad someone into fighting. No reason not to, he never loses. 

"Alright, fine. Call me if anything goes wrong." 

"You know I will. Question is, will you be too busy with Simon to answer?" 

"Oh, fuck off," Jace snaps. 

Alec snorts as he turns and leaves. 

* * *

Jace pockets his phone after texting Simon, apologizing for being late, and pauses outside the door to Magnus' loft. He waits to see if he'll get a reply, only to remember that he can leave as soon as this job gets done. Without hesitation, he knocks once sharply in warning--a farce, of course--and barges in without waiting for an answer. 

Magnus' head pops up from behind his bar, a pen sticking out of his mouth. He blinks at Jace and pulls the pen free. "Oh good, you're here. We have a few moments until the appointment. Do you mind helping me with this?" 

Jace raises both eyebrows and heads towards Magnus, leaning over the bar when Magnus ducks back down to grab little jars full of things he'd rather not know the origin of. He's not exactly sure what's being asked of him, but Magnus has helped them so many times that it'd just be rude to refuse. He pauses to check his phone again--no reply--and clears his throat when Magnus simply stares at him. 

"What, uh, do you need exactly?" Jace asks warily, wrinkling his nose at the jars. 

Magnus tsks. "Packaging. Not every part of my job is glamorous, but oh how it pays. Do me a favor, grab the box by the table." 

Jace shrugs and goes off to do that. He quietly helps Magnus with the mundane task, silently wondering why he doesn't just use his magic, but then again, it's none of his business. So, he shuts up and retrieves boxes, reluctantly helping pack away different things in various jars. Magnus, of course, doesn't do anything  _ simply;  _ he dances as he moves, every limb flowing like liquid, muttering under his breath as he divvies everything up where they're meant to go. 

Then, they're done, just like that. Magnus' face lights up and he claps his hands once in what must be a celebratory gesture. Then, he glances at his watch and smiles wider. "Well, you were very helpful, thank you. We still have ten minutes to spare. Would you like a drink?" 

"Nah, I'm good." Jace clears his throat when Magnus looks at him in surprise. "I don't drink that much anymore." 

He really doesn't. He only drinks in a party setting, never so casually, and definitely not when he's in a shitty mood. 

"You...don't?" Magnus asks slowly. 

"Well, Simon's not really a fan," Jace mutters, clearing his throat and looking to the ground. 

There's a brief pause, and Jace wants to claw his own eyes out. He knows what comes next, has already dealt with it three times--twice  _ today.  _ It's a notable shift in the air, a heavier silence full of realization, and it grates on his nerves. Sure enough, when he glances up, Magnus has an expression like a lightbulb has suddenly turned on in his mind. 

Magnus predictably says, "You really love him." 

Three strikes, you're  _ out.  _

"Why does everyone keep  _ saying  _ that? The fact that I quit drinking does not mean I love him!" Jace explodes, tossing his hands up. 

"Hey, don't yell at me because I'm honest," Magnus retorts, holding both hands up in surrender. "But you're right; quitting drinking has nothing to do with love. I mean, you could have stopped simply because you respect him and unconsciously realize that using drinking as coping isn't very healthy." 

"Wait," Jace challenges, "aren't you an alcoholic?" 

Magnus waves a hand. "We're talking about you right now, Jace." 

"Okay, so you agree?" 

"Well, by half. I was mostly noting how it was  _ him  _ that mattered enough to push you to change for the healthier. Not to mention, you've checked your phone over fifteen times in the last twenty minutes; I'll wager a guess that you're waiting on him to text you, yes?" Magnus explains smoothly. 

Jace blinks at him. "You're so lucky Alec loves you." 

Magnus beams. "Quite so. And I'm sure Simon feels the same to be a recipient of your love." 

"I'm not--it's-- I  _ don't  _ love him, okay?" Jace swallows thickly and frowns at Magnus. "I don't." 

"Well...if you're  _ sure,"  _ Magnus replies, smiling politely, though his eyes flash with mirth. "You are sure, aren't you?" 

"Yes, I'm sure. I know when I'm in love with someone, okay?" 

"Of course, because we're all so refined and self-aware enough to recognize that so clearly from the beginning. It definitely never surprises anyone." 

"You...are an asshole." 

Magnus flicks his fingers through the air. "Never denied it." He stops talking when Jace's phone pings into the room and smiles when Jace freezes as if he's just been caught. "Well, aren't you going to answer that? It could be important." 

Magnus' expression  _ dares  _ Jace to prove him right. 

Jace grits his teeth, holding position, just staring at Magnus in challenge. It could be Simon, or not, and if it is...so  _ what?  _ He's not going to rush to talk to Simon, that only makes it look worse, and he's not fucking in love. He's just  _ not;  _ he knows it. 

The phone pings again, just once more, and Jace's resolve breaks. Maybe it is important; seriously, that's why he looks. It turns out to be Simon after all, simply saying there isn't any rush and he'll be waiting for Jace to come over. Which, that's a relief. Jace doesn't want to screw up any plans he might've had for the day simply because he forgot he's a Shadowhunter with a job to do. 

When Jace looks up, Magnus looks  _ triumphant.  _

"Oh, shut up, you don't even know who it was," Jace snaps, stuffing his phone back into his pocket. 

Magnus hums. "Oh, but it's a bet I'd be willing to take. Allow me to guess. That was Simon, yes?" 

"It was, but it could have been anyone." 

"Not by the smile on your face, it couldn't." 

Jace points at him. "Stop talking. We have a job to do, don't we? Can we just...do  _ that,  _ please?" 

Magnus grins and his fingers spark as he summons a portal. "Oh, certainly. I've always been a fan of avoidance as well." 

Jace scowls and gestures to the portal, huffing as Magnus steps through with him. 

* * *

Well, that went about as good as it could have. The client had taken one look at Jace and nearly tripped over his own feet to pay Magnus. Some irrational fear of blonds, or something. 

Whatever, the point is, it worked. 

So, Jace quickly bids Magnus farewell in the shape of his middle finger, which Magnus cheerfully returns with a knowing glint in his eyes as he calls after him, "Have fun with Simon!" 

Jace checks in with Alec on the way, but doesn't get a response. For a split second, he's really worried. As adept as his family is, he can't help but want to be there with them, protecting them. But he reminds himself that Alec, Izzy, and Clary--in equal measure--would kick his ass for even thinking that. They're fine, they'll look out for each other, they'll come home, and Jace doesn't need to worry. 

He forces that concern from his mind and heads to Simon's, which only opens up the space in his mind to freak the fuck out over everyone thinking he's in love with the dork. He isn't, he definitely isn't. 

But...there is a huge difference between mass confusion and coincidence. Unfortunately for him, this particular phenomenon doesn't appear to be either of those things. In fact, it's beginning to seem like everyone knows something and he's just the last to find out--which fucking  _ sucks,  _ considering it's his own feelings that he's apparently late to. 

Jace isn't stupid enough to fall in love with Simon. It seems forever ago now, but they'd agreed to casually date and nothing more. This isn't a situation where love is welcome, and Jace sure as hell won't be the first to invite it. 

Maybe he's a little attached, he'll allow that. But, to be fair, he has a reason for all of that. Everything has been so stressful lately, he and Simon have been kidnapped together twice, and there's drama around every corner. Simon's about the only thing that feels...calm. Being with him is nice, relaxing, _comforting. _

And yet, everyone seems to look at the casual way they're having a fine time and see something that Jace just can't. If it was just Clary, he might've been able to ignore it. But it's Izzy, it's Magnus, it's even Alec--his literal parabatai, who knows him better than he knows himself. 

Jace knew when Alec fell for Magnus. He remembers feeling it. He remembers how special it had felt, how he'd accidentally cradled that feeling close before remembering that it wasn't his to hold onto. Alec loves Magnus so gently, so fiercely, and it needs to be protected, even as it protects them. Jace hasn't ever told Alec--though he's sure that he knows by now--but Jace visits that pulse of love sometimes when he's too far into his own head. He pulls it up like it's the easiest thing in the world; and as Alec's parabatai, it  _ is.  _ He has just as much access as Alec does and he exploits it, sometimes relaxing into the tender love that Alec feels for Magnus, sinking into the sheer force of it. 

Jace knows for a fact that Alec had fallen in love before he'd ever realized it. 

Jace doesn't even remember the last time that he's visited that feeling. Probably before he was kidnapped with Simon the first time, but since? Actually, now that he thinks about it…

He halts in his tracks, throat bobbing. "Oh  _ hell  _ no." 

"Excuse me?" A woman looks up from the bench that Jace has just stopped in front of. "What did you--" 

"Um, sorry. I--I wasn't talking to you," Jace replies quickly, hurrying up the street with the woman scowling after him. 

It takes him a little longer to get go Simon's, and by the time he gets there, he has a plan set in stone. This has to end, for real this time. No more casual dating, not another kiss, not even hanging out--or, at least, not  _ alone.  _ Because--and here's the thing--Jace absolutely  _ refuses  _ to fall in love with Simon. 

He's not going to do it. The others think he already has, but he's positive that's not true. What he  _ can't  _ be sure of, however, is that it won't happen while he's not paying attention. No, nope, fuck that. 

It's time for the breakup, and Jace won't let anything stop him from doing it. 

* * *

They're kissing.  _ Why  _ are they kissing? This is not the plan, this is the exact  _ opposite  _ of the plan! 

What  _ was  _ the plan?

It's a little fuzzy now, but Jace makes a valiant effort to recall how they ended up here. He arrived, Simon invited him in, they talked for a moment about nothing important. Then, Jace had opened his mouth to say something important--what it was, he has no fucking clue--and Simon had asked for a kiss, just a short one. Why Simon asked, Jace doesn't know. Why Jace had complied,  _ no one  _ will ever know, certainly not him. And then, the kiss got heated, as they do, and now they're here. 

_ Here  _ being horizontal on the bed with Simon straddling him and kissing him so thoroughly that it's a wonder that Jace can even remember his name. 

"Wait, wait," Simon suddenly blurts out, snatching up and away with a dazed look in his eyes. "We should--we need to talk, right?" 

Suddenly, Jace feels a gut-wrenching slam of worry at the mere thought of talking, but he doesn't really know  _ why.  _ Still a little foggy from the kiss, Jace decides to trust his instincts and do everything in his power to steer them away from conversation. Which makes sense; talking is usually a bad thing. 

"Nah, let's not," Jace mutters, almost fucking slurring his words. 

He surges back up to kiss Simon yet again, humming as the receding fog comes back as thick as ever, taking any sense of worry with it. Everything in his mind stops and it's up to his body to call the shots, which Jace fully agrees with; his body has never let him down before. Well, not usually. 

This, as it turns out, ends up being a  _ brilliant  _ fucking idea. Not only because they're kissing again, but because Simon sucks in a sharp breath and doesn't pull away anymore. About fucking time. 

Jace's chest heaves with effort, his lungs and heart working double time as Simon latches onto his throat, sucking  _ hard  _ but never breaking the skin. A part of Jace wants him to,  _ aches  _ for him to, but that part gets smaller by the second. Instead, an entirely different part of him--one that's undeniable due to a natural bodily response (his dick, he's thinking about his dick, why can't he fucking  _ think _ )--takes over all common sense and insists that he stop caring whether Simon will bite him or not and start fixating on whether they're going to have sex or not. 

Which...fair. 

He gets his answer startlingly quick. With a low groan, Simon breaks away to kiss Jace yet again, his hands moving from the bed to shove at Jace's shirt, trying to take it off without ever breaking their kiss. Jace makes the sacrifice and pulls away, lifting his hips and leaning up to yank at his shirt. Simon helps him with it because he's nice like that. 

"Oh my g--" 

"Shut up, just--just  _ touch me."  _

Simon's eyes bulge as he stares at Jace's torso, looking properly stunned, but he does as he's asked. His cold fingers dig into Jace's sides, pushing him back on the bed with force, and Simon looks pleased by the  _ oomph  _ that Jace releases in response. Then, Simon gets his mouth on his chest, and Jace can barely breathe, let alone make a sound. 

Jace is ultimately surprised by Simon's...confidence? Apparently, when it comes to sex, Simon doesn't have a scrap of awkwardness in his body. Even when they knock elbows, or have to reposition, or hear people yelling about Chinese food in the too-near distance...Simon simply chuckles like it's nothing to even linger on, continuing with what he's doing without an ounce of shame. 

The fact that the  _ only  _ place Simon isn't awkward at is in bed is somehow one-part  _ sexy as fuck  _ and one-part  _ endearing as shit.  _ Simon also seems to know what he's doing, so Jace is immensely pleased with that too. 

Then comes the moment where they have to figure out what they're actually doing. Jace is happy to let Simon work that out, relinquishing the power of it, and in turn, forgoing the need to be in charge. Simon, thankfully, takes to being in charge like a fish takes to water--he's right a home, amazingly enough. 

"I'm going to give you a blowjob," Simon tells him without even a  _ hint  _ of embarrassment. 

It's not posed as a question, but Jace is well aware that Simon wouldn't if he said no. That's why, when Simon's fingers land on his belt, Jace bites his bottom lip and lifts his hips up. 

Simon goes slow. Calmly and carefully strips him of first, his pants and second, his underwear. He never picks up pace, never slows down, just keeps the same speed as he gets Jace naked. He starts to lean down, settling between Jace's knees, eyes fixated on his target, but Jace reaches down and catches his shoulder. Simon blinks and looks up. 

"Are you going to stay dressed?" Jace blurts out, blinking dazedly, doing his best not to mentally will away the distance between his dick and Simon's mouth, to--as expected--no avail. 

Simon stares at Jace. "Would you feel more comfortable if I didn't?" 

For some reason, the way Simon asks that question makes Jace feel the beginnings of heat rise on his throat, blush slowly crawling towards his cheeks. It's asked so...so  _ careful,  _ and something about Simon wanting to do things that make Jace feel cared for is just...well, it's fucking enchanting, is what it is. And it leaves Jace breathless for a moment. 

But Simon raises an impatient eyebrow, and Jace scrambles to answer, "Yeah, I mean--yeah. Skin on skin is--it's nice." 

"Okay." Simon immediately picks himself up and goes about removing his clothes one article at a time, the pace the exact same as when he did this to Jace. 

Jace has always known that Simon's attractive, and that's with clothes  _ on.  _ He's got the dimples, the dark eyes, the fluffy curls of hair, the slightly broad shoulders, the slim hips, and the brightest fucking smile Jace has ever seen. He's undeniably solid and sturdy, especially after becoming a vampire, but Jace had no idea he was so…

To put it plainly, Simon's fucking  _ hot.  _

Which, ya know, makes sense in the overall scheme of things. Simon  _ would  _ be. All those times that Jace had thrown cheap shots, and here Simon is, looking fucking  _ pretty  _ and being fucking  _ enticing.  _ Nothing like Jace is, which is an entirely different allure, but no less potent. 

Honestly, who the fuck does Simon think he is? 

"You're literally perfect, what the fuck," Jace says flatly, eyes locked onto the soft V of Simon's hips as his lips tip down. 

Simon snorts. "Okay,  _ Apollo,  _ whatever you say." 

"Who's--" 

Jace swallows his words when Simon finally rids himself of his underwear, completely careless to the fact that Jace has nearly swallowed his tongue at the sight of another dick. Full disclosure, Jace has seen other dicks; this is not  _ new.  _

Simon's, however, is…

"I know." Simon glances down at his own dick, shrugging slightly. "It still works, though." 

Jace hasn't ever had sex with a male vampire before. Well, he came close, but got called away before anything could happen. This is the first time he's seeing a vampire dick, and frankly, it's...different. Pale, very pale, and lacking much pigmentation or veins, and utterly smooth--not a hair in sight. How he's even got a boner is a mystery. 

All Jace says is, "Yours is bigger than mine." 

Simon grins. "Vampirism didn't change the size, I can promise you that." 

"Is it cold?" Jace asks curiously, then immediately reaches out to wrap his hand around it. 

Simon hisses through his teeth, eyes fluttering closed, and Jace is instantly enraptured by the sight. Sure, Simon's dick is a little weird, and it's cool to the touch--not  _ cold,  _ thankfully--but Jace doesn't really care about that. He's fucked a Warlock who'd spelled his dick to change colors for laughs, which was pretty funny, actually. The point is, being with someone in any form--sexually, romantically, or platonically--isn't about what they  _ look  _ like; you're either into them, or you're not, and your body will let you know.

Jace's body is trimming with energy, a neon sign letting him know in no uncertain terms that he's very much into Simon, into his body, into the mere  _ thought  _ of what's to come. And for Jace, that's all that matters. 

Swallowing, Jace starts sliding his hand back and forth, working over the head and twisting his hand on the way down, tightening his grip somewhere new until he finds the spot that Simon likes the most. If Jace puts enough pressure just below the head of Simon's dick as he pushes his hand down, Simon will shiver all over, his head tipping back. It is, quite frankly, enough to make Jace's mouth go dry. 

"I--oh fuck. Jace, I was supposed to--oh, that's really fuckin' nice--" Simon reaches down and grips Jace's thigh, bracing himself so he can rock forward into Jace's hand, groaning low in his throat as he does. 

Jace doesn't even want to blink. "You can, you definitely can, but me first." 

Simon snaps open his eyes at that, and Jace flashes him a smile. He clearly doesn't expect Jace to sit up and scoot back, flopping over to his side and leaning forward to wrap his lips around his dick. He doesn't see it coming, but he sure as hell doesn't stop it from happening. All he does is reach down to drag his fingers into Jace's long hair, fisting a handful, and moan softly. 

Jace is okay with that. 

In fact, Jace is okay with a lot of things. He likes sex, has  _ always  _ liked sex, and there's a reason for that. It usually gives him the space to let loose. A lot of people take one look at him, at how strong he is, how in control he is, and they want to just  _ fuck him up.  _ It's an instinctual thing, possibly, or maybe Jace just knows who to look for. 

The people that look at him and want to take him apart, want to tear him down, want to take the power he has right from him. They want to top, or they pin him down, or they tell him what to do. And Jace? He fucking  _ likes  _ it. There's something freeing about putting all the control on someone else, letting them work out whether he should be choked during sex, whether he should come now or not at all, whether he gets to do something or he doesn't. 

So, Jace reaches up and presses on the back of Simon's hand, wordlessly encouraging him. Simon doesn't really need any explanation; he just uses the fistful of Jace's hair to hold him still, then rocks in and out of Jace's waiting mouth. 

Jace closes his eyes, breathes through his nose, and digs his nails into Simon's hairless thighs. 

"You're obscenely good at this," Simon states breathlessly, picking up pace. "Shit, your  _ mouth."  _

Jace groans, nose wrinkling when a gag starts up at the back of his throat. Simon doesn't slow down, doesn't stop, and he uses his free hand to brush it over Jace's cheeks, shushing him and praising him in senseless whispers. 

"I--I don't come," Simon stutters, his hips going really fast now. "I mean, I do, but--but not a lot. You won't really have to swallow. Just--oh fuck--just keep doing… You're doing so good." 

Jace opens his eyes at that, the legible praise like starburst of warmth in his chest, pride filling him without any warning whatsoever. He's insanely lightheaded, jaw aching, nose running, and yet...he's never felt so fucking  _ good.  _ Jace knows when Simon's going to come; it's hard to miss. Fangs unsheathe with their usual  _ snick,  _ but they're immediately tucked away as Simon's eyes fly open. 

They make eye contact. 

Jace has no idea what passes between them, but whatever it is...it's fucking  _ heady.  _ It pushes Simon over the edge, and Jace holds his breath as the dick currently pressing in towards the back of his throat goes very still and twitches twice. Like Simon had said, there's not much to swallow, just a lingering taste of come, and Jace coughs around the taste as Simon pulls out. His throat is raw already, but Jace doesn't really mind. 

"Yeah?" Jace asks dizzily, blinking the spots out of his vision, his head swimming. 

Simon tuts. "Fucking  _ yeah.  _ Now, stay in that current mental state. I'm about to change your life." 

Jace can't help it; he grins dazedly at the ceiling of the boat house as Simon helps him flop onto his back. He loves hearing shit like that during sex. Nine times out of ten, that means he's lucked out and found a partner that actually  _ wants  _ to be in control, someone who genuinely enjoys leaving him a bit of a mess after all's said and done. Sometimes, people don't really deliver, but Jace has a feeling Simon will. 

Simon delivers. 

For some reason, as an established fan of sex, Jace has never considered the implications of someone who doesn't need to breathe giving him a blowjob. Frankly, that's a missed opportunity. 

Like a gentleman, Simon kisses his thighs before squirming up to get head level with Jace's bobbing dick. Jace picks his head up to watch, waiting for his life to be changed, and he grunts softly when Simon lightly licks a stripe up Jace's dick. Despite Simon's external temperature being that of a person with very low circulation, especially after he hasn't fed in awhile, his  _ internal  _ temperature is exquisite. The inside of his mouth is hot and wet, and Jace clenches his fists into the sheets as Simon wraps his lips around the head, suckling gently. 

Then, without preamble, Simon swallows all of Jace's length in one fell swoop, his nose hitting the blond curls at the base of his dick. 

Jace makes a sound that resembles a wounded animal more than anything and tosses his head back, wheezing in a short breath as he gapes unseeingly up at the ceiling. There is tight, wet,  _ heat  _ encompassing all of Jace's length, like the world's best glove--one that fits mind-blowingly well. And maybe that analogy makes zero sense, but Jace can barely focus enough to keep himself breathing, so cut him some slack. This is, without a doubt, changing his life. 

Simon does that over and over, pulling off with a comical  _ pop,  _ then swallowing him down without any resistance. It short-circuits Jace's brain in two seconds flat, and the sensation is almost  _ too  _ much. His body curls in response, fists clenching the sheet so tight that it pops off the corners of the mattress, his legs shaking so hard that Simon has to hold them still. Over and over, just...deepthroating; Jace can feel the back of Simon's throat every time. 

Somehow, despite the change in position, Simon is still completely running this entire operation. He pins Jace's hips to the bed, fingers holding hard enough to bruise but never hurt, and when Jace is close to coming, Simon abruptly stops. 

"Not yet," Simon tells him. 

Jace makes a small sound. "I--I can't. I need--" 

"You can, I  _ know  _ you can. Not yet, Jace." 

"Fuck, fuck, f-- Oh fuck!" 

Simon is ruthless, bringing Jace to the brink over and over, stopping right on the precipice. Jace is so  _ gone  _ from his own head that anything could happen right now and he wouldn't care. His phone could be ringing, or the world could be ending, or he could be dying; it honestly wouldn't matter. He's so wrapped up in trying not to come, in feeling each sensation as it slams into him and builds, that he's barely aware of the shit that falls out of his own mouth. 

Each time Simon stops while Jace keens low in his throat, he praises him. "Not yet, Jace. You're doing really good. Just a bit more. Look at you, you're a fucking  _ wreck."  _

Jace is very much a wreck and he knows it. His whole body is pulled so taut that it's a wonder he doesn't shatter apart. If he opens his eyes, he goes dizzy--whether from the struggle of breathing, or the sheer amount he's feeling, he doesn't know. He gasps whatever his lungs can handle, which isn't much, only to immediately wheeze the air right back out through a tight throat. He's pretty sure his vocabulary has been reduced to curses, moans, and Simon's name. That, or pleading. 

And when everything feels like it's too much, just on the edge of painful, and Jace feels  _ brittle... _ he finds himself begging--a thing he's never been pushed to do during sex. He's not even embarrassed. Better yet, something about the begging must please Simon because this time, he doesn't stop. In fact, when Jace is close to coming, he speeds up and sinks his mouth all the way down, holding there and  _ swallowing.  _

Jace comes with a hoarse shout, eyes flying open, and his entire body rattles. His eyes sink closed as he settles, and that's it. 

That's it. 

Jace floats. 

* * *

"Hey, are you back with me?" 

Jace's entire body  _ hums.  _ He can feel his lips curling up and he laughs quietly to himself. There's a sigh--a fond noise--and then cool fingers sweep over his forehead. Jace likes that a lot. 

"You should drink something." 

That plucks at something in Jace's mind. He blinks open his eyes, coming face-to-face with Simon. For a moment, he just stares at him. But then, he takes stock of himself. Turns out, he is not on a cloud, he isn't even naked, and his mouth  _ is  _ incredibly dry. 

Jace squints at Simon. "You put on my clothes?" 

"Yeah, I didn't want you to get cold." Simon sits up slightly to reach over to the makeshift nightstand on the side, grabbing a glass of water and holding it out to Jace. "Seriously, drink this." 

"Yeah, okay," Jace agrees, pushing himself up on one elbow and complying without much thought. He drains the entire glass, heaving a deep sigh of relief as he passes the glass back. "Thanks." 

"How are you feeling?" Simon asks, eyes flicking over Jace's form in open concern. 

"I'm--I'm pretty good, actually," Jace admits, then blinks. Amazing orgasms apparently loosen his tongue; that was the  _ perfect  _ spot to throw in a playful insult. "That was...um." 

Simon snorts. "Yeah, it was. Do you have any idea what just happened to you?"

"A miracle?" Jace suggests. 

"No, we just walked a  _ very  _ thin line near BDSM territory. You've been in a kind of trance for the last half-hour," Simon explains slowly. 

Jace stares at him. "I--wait, what?" 

"Okay, so it's not-- That's not what it  _ was.  _ It just closely resembles it. It definitely wasn't subspace because that wasn't a scene, but you were definitely in a trance." Simon swallows and fiddles with the empty glass in his hands. "Why didn't you tell me that you liked those kind of things?" 

_ "What  _ kind of things?" 

"You know, what we did." 

"Simon, we just had sex," Jace says slowly, a sharp pinch starting in his chest. 

"Well, yes, we did. But you also liked being… You liked me calling the shots," Simon replies carefully, looking up to eye Jace curiously. "Does the Shadow World have the whole BDSM thing?" 

Jace rolls his eyes. "You've met Camille. What do you  _ think  _ the answer to that is? I'm not a sub, Simon, relax. That was just kinky sex that blew my mind. That's it." 

"Yeah, no, I know it wasn't that. There's a lot more to it," Simon tells him with a faint smile. "The internet is definitely helpful." 

"Well, to answer the question that's surely boring a hole in your mind right now,  _ yes,  _ I do like being submissive during sex. I'd probably make a good sub, if I'm being honest, but I've never done it. Mostly, I just let people have their way with me in bed. Thank you for that, by the way," Jace says cheerfully. 

Simon looks slightly embarrassed. "Sorry, I shouldn't have just-- I mean, you really seemed to like it, so I just...did it. And I was enjoying it. Still, I feel bad that we went that far without even talking about it." 

Jace rolls his eyes and sits up fully, stretching and groaning happily at the pleasant ache that ripples throughout his entire body. "Oh yeah, I'm going to feel that tomorrow." He catches Simon wincing in sympathy and sighs. "Look, don't worry about it. I'm  _ fine.  _ I had a great time, probably the best time I've had in awhile, or ever--just know I'll deny it if you ever tell anyone." 

Simon bobs his head and clears his throat. "Okay, well...I can't take it back  _ now.  _ Not to be presumptuous, but if we--if it happens again, we have to talk about it,  _ at least  _ have some kind of list of the do's and don'ts, and probably some kind of words that we can use to--" 

"Simon," Jace interrupts, "calm down. I'll humor you, but only if you'll shut up." 

"Good. Thank you." Simon's shoulders relax and he smiles at Jace. "I have no idea what I'm doing." 

"Yeah, that makes two of us," Jace replies, sinking down to the pillows with a sigh. "I do know that I'm sleepy as  _ fuck.  _ Can I stay over?" 

"Yeah, of course." Simon darts away from the bed and cuts out the lights, sliding back under the covers in mere seconds. "Do--do we still need to talk?" 

Jace pauses, his hand twitching when cool fingers hesitantly start tracing the veins raised beneath the skin. "Simon, after that, do you think there's really anything to talk about?" 

Simon blows out a deep breath. "I guess not. So, we made up, back to casually dating." He pushes his fingers between Jace's, threading them together. He continues, "Sounds good to me. Goodnight, Jace." 

Jace hums vaguely in response, his eyes already sinking closed. Simon's hand in his feels nice, him curling into Jace's side feels nice, and all of this is just so  _ nice.  _ He loves it. 

Jace's eyes snap open. 

Wait.  _ Wait.  _ No, no, no. What the fuck, what in the holy  _ fuck?  _ This didn't go according to plan  _ at all.  _ He was supposed to come here and break up with Simon, not have sex with him and get back  _ together.  _ This is why Jace doesn't come up with the fucking plans; he just helps carry them out! 

Falling in love with Simon had seemed an impossibility, but as Jace lays there, staring up into darkness, all fatigue chased off in the face of his panic...it suddenly feels like inevitability.

Needless to say, Jace doesn't get much sleep. 


	13. we'll go kicking and screaming the whole way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I apologize for missing Wednesday's posting, but RL got crazy. 
> 
> I will still be posting on Sunday! 
> 
> Anywho, I hope this chapter makes up for the wait ;)
> 
> Enjoy!

Simon gets kicked out. 

Well, ran off, more like. And there are a number of things that Jace would like to do about that, personally, with his fists, but Simon tells him not to worry about it. He says it doesn't matter if he's being harassed to the point that even  _ Luke  _ is telling Simon he needs to leave, to find a new place and not tell anyone; no, that's just  _ life  _ sometimes, apparently. 

Jace isn't sure what he's supposed to do in his current position as Simon's boyfriend. He wants to offer Simon a place to stay for a few nights at least, but Valentine is on trial in Idris, and there are a number of big names coming to and fro to interview various Shadowhunters and downworlders. He does offer to get him a hotel for a few nights, but Simon refuses, says he has something in the works. 

Jace meets Kyle three days later. 

It should be worth noting that he does not like Kyle.

To be fair, Jace tries to. Simon introduces them in that giddy way of his, entirely caught up in the perfectly suited apartment and very,  _ very  _ sweet deal that's just landed in his lap. Roommate to boyfriend, an altogether casual thing. Except for one thing… 

Full disclosure, Jace does  _ not  _ get jealous. 

He doesn't trust Kyle, that's all. There's something about him, something too...nice, like a scent of perfume to hide the aroma of decay. Kyle smiles too brightly, touches Simon too much, tells too many of the perfect jokes--they don't even seem scripted, but Jace would die before he believed they were original and on the spot. No one's  _ that  _ kind, or funny, or handsome...at least not without being a fraud. 

So, conclusion: Kyle isn't to be trusted. 

This, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with how Simon seems  _ enthralled  _ with his new roommate. How he laughs the loudest at Kyle's jokes, how he lets Kyle touch all he wants, how he instantly trusts Kyle right off the bat. Nothing to do with that at all. 

It's just...too good to be true. Kyle, and everything to do with him, seems handcrafted to make Simon happy and be the permanent thorn in Jace's side. 

Still, Simon  _ is  _ happy. He blathers on about how luck is finally on his side, about how it's nice to meet someone who likes music and video games and just being an all-around dork. Jace doesn't really want to take that from him, so he grits his teeth through his smiles, and he shakes Kyle's hand--if he squeezes too hard, Kyle doesn't mention it, so that's just as well. 

Simon isn't very good at being subtle. There's a video game that Kyle is inviting him to play, and it seems like Simon's entire body  _ strains  _ to say yes. 

Instead, he slowly says, "Well, I--I actually was going to head out with Jace." 

Kyle's face falls, and fucking  _ great, _ so does Simon's. 

"No, that's--it's fine." Jace smiles as reassuring as he can when Simon's gaze snaps over to him. "You should probably get settled in anyway, right? I actually have a...thing, so you--you should." 

Simon's eyebrows furrow. "Are you sure?" 

"Yeah," Jace says a little breathlessly, "of course." 

* * *

"I want to kill him." 

Clary pats his hand in consolidation, a gesture Jace can't even perceive as patronizing in his rage. Izzy sighs and picks at her jello, lips tipped down, and looks like she's doing complicated scientific equations in her head again. Alec and Magnus are listening politely to his ranting, apparently entertained by what he's saying--Magnus, in particular, perks up at the  _ killing him _ part. 

"You know," Clary tells him, waving her pencil in vague directions, "I think we can all appreciate what you're going through. I mean, who hasn't been jealous, right?" 

Jace's eyes turn to slits. "I'm  _ not  _ jealous," he spits harshly. "There's something not right about him, okay? He's--he's just...not right. Didn't you hear me? He's perfect; he's  _ literally  _ perfect for Simon." 

"I think you're selling yourself short, Jace," Magnus says, then blinks. "Well, that's a sentence I never expected to say." 

Alec snorts. He coughs to hide it when Jace turns his glare to him. 

"It's not about  _ me,"  _ Jace insists. "It's--" 

"Just some insecurity," Izzy speaks up with a forlorn sigh. "We all have them, you know. Nothing to be ashamed of." 

"I'm not insecure." Jace slams his apple down, ignoring it when it bounces across the table and lands on the floor. "Simon wouldn't. I  _ know  _ he wouldn't. There's something off about Kyle, and I'm going to find out what it is." 

"I like your tenacity," Magnus muses, eyes alight with humor. "It's adorable. Like a dog with a bone, except the bone is fake." 

"You know, maybe he's right," Izzy says, sitting her jello aside, bottom lip caught between her teeth for a brief moment. "I mean, who are we to deny a gut feeling? Just because someone seems perfect doesn't mean they  _ are.  _ Doing some digging can't hurt." 

Jace snaps and points at her. "See, this is why you're my favorite. Yes, exactly that. I just want to be sure. What kinda boyfriend would I be if I just left Simon in possible danger?" 

"You don't even know Kyle," Clary tells Izzy, looking at her oddly, eyebrows drawing together. 

Izzy clears her throat, cheeks going a little pink as she fiddles with her spoon. "Just, ya know, in general. Like I said, can't hurt." 

"Don't encourage him," Alec says, leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. "Face facts, Jace. You're head over heels for Simon, and you're  _ jealous.  _ This is simultaneously the best and weirdest thing that's ever happened, but I, for one, am willing to overlook the fact that it's  _ Simon  _ who has you so crazy just for the simple that that I get to watch." 

"You are literally the worst person," Jace snaps. 

Magnus hums in approval. "I think that's very sexy of him," he says, shrugging innocently. 

Jace ignores them. "I'm going to figure out what the fuck is wrong with Kyle, and then all of you will owe me dinner when I do." 

"Oh?" Clary challenges. "And just how are you going to do that?" 

"Well," Jace says slowly, turning his head to look at the bartender, "I happen to know someone who is scarily good at seeing through bullshit."

Maia continues to wipe down the bar, blissfully unaware of his gaze lingering on her. 

* * *

Kyle, as it turns out, is actually  _ Jordan,  _ a werewolf, Maia's ex, and working for the Praetor Lupus. 

Jace is surprised at first, because in all honesty, he hadn't seen that coming. If he's honest with himself, and he only is when he's too taken by surprise to formulate lies, then he can admit that he'd mostly been fueled by jealousy. Of course, once he's proven  _ right,  _ he feels a spike of triumph for it. 

That doesn't last long. 

Maia isn't really okay after that shocking encounter, and Jace genuinely feels bad for dragging her into it. Worse even is the  _ fury  _ that overtakes Simon. 

Simon already knows Maia's history with this guy, and after the argument that ensues, Jace can piece it together himself. For a long, drawn out moment, he considers punching Jordan right in the face. He deserves it, and no less, but it also will cause more problems that neither Maia or Simon seem emotionally stable enough to handle at this particular moment. So, he says nothing, leaning against the back of the couch with his arms crossed while Jordan tries to defend himself to no real avail. 

Then, Jordan tries to leave. 

And listen, Jace is one hundred percent on board with that. After learning what kind of guy Jordan is, he definitely wants him gone. But, on top of that, the sincerity in his voice when he says he genuinely likes Simon is far too real for Jace's comfort levels. So yeah, he's ready for him to hit the road. 

Except, Maia marches up to Jordan, shoves a finger in his face, and growls, "No, absolutely  _ not!  _ You don't get to abandon him like you did me. You're going to stay here and you're going to help him, because that's the right thing to  _ do."  _

Jace's ears begin ringing as Maia whirls around and marches out, slamming the door behind her. Simon instantly starts protesting, declaring that he doesn't need protection, especially from the likes of Jordan. Except, the thing is, he does. 

Simon isn't safe, hasn't been safe since the moment that the other vampires caught wind that he's a Daylighter. That's why he had to move in the first place; he's in  _ danger.  _ Jace can't be with him constantly, but someone who's entire job is hellbent on protecting him? Even if it  _ is  _ a shitty person, it's still something Jace wants for Simon. He'd probably make a deal with the devil if it meant that Simon would be able to be taken care of. 

"Simon," Jace says softly, making Simon's head whip around. "Maia's right. Jordan can help keep you safe, at least until the Daylighter issue gets resolved." 

Simon's mouth parts, his eyes going wide. "Are--are you freaking serious? You can't actually--" 

"I know you're upset, and I get why, but...if it means that you'll be  _ safe…"  _

"It's not the right thing to do, Jace! Don't you get that? It makes me feel all...dirty, and stuff. And I hate feeling like that. My skin crawls, and I feel guilty, and I end up apologizing  _ way  _ too--" 

"Simon, just--just do this, okay?" Jace heaves a sigh and runs his hand through his hair. "For me? For  _ Maia?  _ She's asking, I'm asking. Just...do it." 

"So, what, you want me to just carry on like my roommate hasn't been conning me this whole time? Like he's not the guy who hurt Maia? Like he doesn't make you jealous?" 

"Yes, that's  _ exactly  _ what I want you to do. When a chance like this comes across your lap, you take it, okay? He lied, but he'll make up for it by keeping you alive, or I'll kick his ass. He hurt Maia, but she'll feel better knowing that her friend is protected. He--wait. Wait, hold up, I'm  _ not  _ jealous." 

Jordan coughs into his fist. "You clearly are, mate." 

"Not talking to you, dickwad," Simon snaps, then clears his throat. "Jace, you...kinda are. Like, I'm sure you didn't realize it, but you looked ready to shove his head through a wall every time he smiled at me. Trust me, I know what jealousy looks like. I've dealt with it myself. Remember Victor?" 

"I--I'm not jealous," Jace insists, fumbling over his words as a fresh wave of embarrassment slides thick like tar through his chest. "I don't  _ get  _ jealous." 

Simon looks at him in pity. "Sure." 

Jace scoffs. "Whatever. The point is, Jordan's staying. And you don't have to be best friends, or even communicate; he just has to make sure you're alive at the end of the day. That's it." 

"I don't  _ want  _ to do this," Simon grits out, his fists balling up. "You're supposed to be on  _ my  _ side, Jace! You're my--we're together! You should support  _ me."  _

"I'm sorry," Jace replies, sounding anything but apologetic, "but when it comes down to a choice between your discomfort and your safety…" 

"That's not for you to decide!" 

"And what, I don't get a say?" 

Simon flails his hands around, clearly frustrated by this entire conversation. "No, you  _ don't.  _ It's my life, Jace, and I get to decide if I want to spend it cowering in fear!"

"You didn't last time, and look where that got you." 

"It's--it's about the right thing. Why can't you understand that? If roles were reversed--" 

_ "If  _ roles were reversed," Jace cuts in sharply, "I wouldn't need the protection!" 

Simon draws up short, eyebrows furrowing as he stares at Jace hard. His lips twist. "You know what? I don't know why I'm even discussing this with you. This  _ really  _ isn't your decision, so--so I'm going to do what's best for me." 

For a reason Jace can't decipher, he finds himself very upset by those words. Whether it's the insinuation that he doesn't know what's best for Simon, or the apparent dig at how he has no say in what goes on in Simon's life...he has no idea which. But he thinks that they both hurt, like a splinter embedding beneath the skin; the only way he can remove it is to cut it out, having to identify what makes him feel so upset in the first place. 

Jace really doesn't want to know. 

"Actually, you don't have much of a choice," Jordan speaks up, grimacing slightly. "It's not within your jurisdiction to refuse, and if you make this hard for everyone, I'll be forced to bring you in. And I'm just assuming, but I'm sure you don't want to be taken away from here and everyone you love here without a trace for some indefinite amount of time.  _ Right?"  _

Simon gapes at him. "You  _ just  _ said you would leave!" 

"No, I said I'd resign. Someone else would have been assigned to your case." Jordan shrugs shamelessly, flicking his gaze to Jace. "Either way, you're under the protection of the Praetor Lupus now." 

"Well, that's that, then," Jace snaps harshly, waving a hand at Jordan. 

Simon looks like Jace's chest feels, utterly  _ crushed.  _ He opens his mouth like he wants to argue some more, but Jace isn't in the mood to stick around and find out what he's going to say. The sharpness of the conversation, the harsh exchange, still lingers in the air. It's heavy and uncomfortable, and Jace just wants to  _ leave.  _ So, he turns around and marches out. 

Of course, he only gets as far as the sidewalk before Simon darts out behind him, shouting, "Hey!" 

"What?" Jace barks as he whirls around. 

Simon flails in the general direction of the apartment, eyes stormy with anger. "What the hell was that? I--I thought you would take my side!" 

"Yes, Jordan is a shitty person. I don't like him. That, we can agree on. But you know what else I know for certain?" Jace leans forward, raising his eyebrows in challenge, his voice dropping an octave. "You have no sense of self-preservation, even for a guy who's anxious, incapable of protecting himself, and surrounded by the horrible things in the Shadow World. You need to be protected, okay? Even if you don't think you do,  _ you do.  _ And--and your friends? They need that too.  _ I  _ need that." 

Simon bites his lip, going silent. For a long moment, he simply stares at Jace, not reacting much at all. But Jace refuses to back down; he means it, and he's found himself a hill to die on, so die on it he will. He doesn't allow himself to look too in depth at his own words, fairly certain that will only bring a sense of impending doom.  _ It's not that deep, it means nothing, it's not that deep,  _ he chants like a matra in his mind. 

"Okay," Simon finally says, swallowing thickly. "Yes, fine, I get what you're saying. And--and I'll do it, even if I don't want to. For you, I will." 

Jace's shoulders slump from the relief of that admission. "Thank you," he murmurs. 

"Can I just-- I'm going to say something, and I probably shouldn't. In fact, I know I shouldn't, but I'm gonna do that self-sabotaging thing again. I just  _ really  _ need to say it." Simon coughs slightly and shuffles closer, looking at Jace with those big, brown eyes. It's a sight that does truly unfair things to Jace's breathing patterns. "But, um, I just-- Okay, so, this doesn't really feel...casual. Us, I mean. Not--not anymore. It isn't, is it?" 

Jace's shoulder hike back up with renewed tension, landing somewhere around his ears. "I don't know where you got  _ that _ idea, but--" 

"Oh, I don't know. It's not like we've been together for a lot longer than we planned. And we definitely haven't had sex. Not to mention, we've  _ never  _ gotten jealous. Or been scared to break up. Or--" 

"You're entirely right.  _ I  _ haven't done most of those things. Sex? Yeah, that's perfectly casual. And if you planned for us not last this long, that's on you. I'm casual,  _ this  _ is casual. For me, at least. But if it's not for you, then maybe…" 

Simon arches an eyebrow. "Maybe, what?" 

Jace grits his teeth, his palms curling into fists, nails digging into his skin. He wants to finish the sentence, wants to force the words out, wants not to have to force them at all. Maybe they  _ should  _ stop; because no matter what Jace says, this blew past casual three weeks ago. 

"Why are you so  _ stubborn?"  _ Jace growls out, releasing a huff. "Why can't you just--just go with the flow? You always make waves.  _ Stop.  _ Just, for once in your life, stop screwing shit up." 

"Not my strongest attribute, unfortunately." Simon crosses his arms. "What, Jace? Do you want to end it? We can, right now, if you want. It's casual, right? So, just like that, whatever you wanna do." 

"Don't turn this on me. You're the one who brought it up, not me! If you're having  _ feelings,  _ then--" 

"So what if I am? Maybe I do."

Jace's mouth snaps shut with a click. His heart kickstarts in his chest violently, and he mulls those words over in his head. It's not a confirmation, nor is it a denial, and it's terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure. Jace feels split in half; one part of him wants to kiss Simon senseless, while the other wants to take the quickest route to get the fuck  _ away.  _

"We--we  _ agreed…"  _

"Yeah, we agreed to end it if we  _ wanted  _ to, either one of us. We never said this couldn't turn into more. In fact, we  _ both  _ said there was a risk that one of us would end up getting...invested." 

"And you did?" Jace takes a deep breath, preparing himself for the answers, torn in half with what he hopes they will be. "Simon, are you--do you have feelings for me?" 

Simon looks away, his face tilting to the side, the shadows of the night claiming one side of his face, leaving the other bathed in the warm glow of the streetlamp. Jace is enthralled with the sight, almost as much as he is by how Simon's hands shake when he shoves them in his pockets. He's nervous,  _ really  _ nervous, but he's doing his best to act like he's not. Jace has the insane urge to reach out and hold his hands steady while he gets through this. 

He refrains, of course. 

"I--I don't know," Simon murmurs, his face still pointed away. "I think I do. It has definitely evolved from what it was, like a Pokemon. Like, I'm not on the first transformation, but I'm definitely not on the last one. It's--it can't be love, not yet; there's  _ no way.  _ But I know that it… Jace, it  _ could  _ be." 

The sensation that those words cause Jace is comparable only to a wrecking ball destroying every foundation in its path. There's honesty in them, a confession, and Jace is nearly breathless with it. 

He knows what he  _ should  _ do. He should call it quits now. Stop it while they're ahead, keep them from falling into this rabbit hole, just bring it to an end before it can inevitably fall apart. But there's a selfish squirming thing in his chest that wants it to go on, that wants Simon to fall headfirst into loving him--the way he'd loved Clary, or more so. 

Just on that principle alone, Jace needs to stop it. He can't do that, not to Simon. It's just not  _ right.  _ Simon deserves someone who isn't so selfish that they'd let him fall head over heels without the promise of catching him. And he can't promise that, much as he wants to. It's just that he doesn't know  _ what  _ he feels, if he feels that deep at all. 

Simon makes a small sound and finally looks at him. His eyes are wide with a sheen of tears, and Jace's entire heart starts rioting, knocking around wildly in his chest like a caged hummingbird. He's frozen on the precipice of something, stuck there, immovable. This is a turning point, a deciding factor, and Jace can't fucking  _ react.  _

"Say something," Simon prompts, his words weak and escaping in a croak. "Anything." 

Jace rasps out a quiet, "Simon, I--" 

And that's as far as he gets. 

"Okay." Simon clears his throat and blinks hard, looking down at the ground. "Yeah, that's--it's fine. No, I knew the risk. So, I think it's best that--that we just… We should--" 

"Please don't cry," Jace whispers, his stomach lurching at the visible tear tracks on Simon's face. 

Simon chokes out a laugh that's not exactly a laugh, and he scrubs at his face as he looks up. "Wow, I didn't expect this to hurt  _ this  _ much. Maybe I was in deeper than I thought." 

"Simon, stop. This isn't--we don't have to--" 

"No, no, this is it. I opened my big mouth, and now I have to deal with it.  _ So.  _ So...we need to…" 

Simon seems at a loss, so Jace says, "It's--there's no expiration date, okay? We can wait, or--" 

"I'm not going to be able to do it. I'm an idiot like that," Simon blurts out, sniffling and rubbing a hand over his mouth. "Even if I know it's better that I just get it over with, I just...can't." 

"That's okay. We don't have to, Simon." 

"You're going to have to do it." 

Jace goes very still, gaze catching on Simon's, and there's a bit of a challenge there. "You...want me to break up with you?" 

Simon bobs his head, just once. "Yeah." 

Jace abruptly feels backed into a corner. Why is it  _ his  _ responsibility? He's not the one who decided to do this. If Simon doesn't want to be with him, he should just end it. Except, Jace knows that's precisely the problem. Simon  _ does  _ want to be with him; it's Jace who's making things difficult. 

But Jace doesn't want to end it either. He doesn't know what that means. What is it to want to be with someone, but not have feelings for them? Is that possible? He thinks it is, out there somewhere, but he's pretty sure that's not a box he fits into. Which leaves one singular thing; one he isn't quite willing to accept right now. 

Jace doesn't love Simon, he  _ knows  _ that. But that doesn't mean he  _ couldn't.  _ And the possibility that he could, that maybe he's starting to, has him sticking around and unwilling to let go. 

Just like Simon. 

"I don't love you," Jace tells him slowly, watching Simon's chest expand on a sharp inhale. "And I don't know what I...feel. But it's not casual, alright? It's  _ not,  _ and I wish it was, because that's not enough. A chance isn't enough, Simon." 

Simon's chest relaxes and he smiles, his tear tracks crumbling around the crinkles around his eyes. "Are you kidding me? A chance is  _ everything."  _

Jace shakes his head. "You deserve more than that. I can't promise you anything. That's all I got, and that offer is  _ shit.  _ You should leave it."

"One man's trash is another man's treasure," Simon tells him sagely, his smile growing wider. "I'm gonna take it, and you're gonna let me, because you want me to have it." 

"Yeah," Jace mutters with a defeated sigh, "I guess I fucking do." 

Simon flashes forward, just a blur of movement before he stops right in front of Jace. "So, I was right. This isn't casual anymore." 

Jace holds his gaze, mouth going dry. "Fine, you were right. It's not." 

"Ya know, if you'd just have admitted that to begin with, we wouldn't have had to go through all of that. All I wanted was a mutual acknowledgement that neither of us stuck to the plan," Simon tells him playfully, his eyes bizarrely bright with joy. 

"I guess I don't work like that." 

"You complicate things and I self-sabotage." 

Jace huffs a laugh. "What a pair we make." 

"Mhm," Simon agrees, his gaze flicking insistently down to Jace's mouth. "So, listen, I'm kinda flying high on the relief of all of  _ that,  _ and I'd appreciate it if we could go somewhere and give each other blowjobs after a truly  _ amazing  _ amount of kissing." 

"You wanna make up?" Jace teases, raising his eyebrows, amusement making his lips curl. 

"Yep," Simon chirps. 

Jace chuckles and flicks his gaze over Simon's shoulder pointedly. "Well, that's still your apartment. I wonder how uncomfortable we could make that asshole feel if we be as loud as we please." 

Simon stares at him for a moment, then he presses forward to kiss him quickly, just a peck. When he pulls away, his eyes dance with undiluted excitement and he breathlessly asks, "Remember how I  _ just  _ said that I could love you?" 

"Uh...yes?" 

"Getting closer by the second." 

Jace can't help but laugh freely as Simon starts yanking him back towards the apartment. He tries not to put too much weight to Simon's words, but they still manage to invade his chest, curling up close and warm next to his heart. 

He finds himself echoing the sentiment. 


	14. we knew this was a bad idea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's pretty angsty, I'll admit. But hey, it's some top-shelf shit if I do say so myself. There's sort of explicit smut in this chapter, and it's a doozy, folks. 
> 
> Enjoy :D

Simon has been missing for roughly twenty-six hours. 

He'd been at a gig, Jace had been at work, on mission with Clary and Izzy. He should've known, should've immediately started searching the moment Simon didn't text back, should've been there to start with. It's been twenty-three hours since Jace realized that Simon isn't going to respond, that something is severely wrong, and he hasn't stopped moving since. 

Literally, he doesn't sit down, can't stop pacing, can't take one moment to pause. They've all been to the apartment, searching to see if Simon was taken from there after the gig--he wasn't. They all went to the coffee shop Simon has a semi-permanent job at, but all the manager could say was that Simon disappeared out the back door to load up after his set and that's all she saw. They try to trace him, can't get a hit. They try and track his phone, it's off. They go back to the institute to plan, to treat this like any other case, and Jace paces. 

"Jordan's here," Maia announces, like maybe she's attuned to him without even trying, her whole body going tense like hackles rising. 

Sure enough, Jordan comes walking into the ops room like a man on a mission, and Jace doesn't--he doesn't really know what happens next. 

Suddenly, Jordan is flat on his back, Jace has his hands around his throat, and people are yelling. Jordan's eyes flash green, but Jace doesn't care--he's yelling too. There are spots in his memory, distorted things he doesn't understand, where he's throwing a punch one moment and suddenly wrapped up in Alec's tight grip the next. Jordan's nose is bleeding, growls rumbling from his chest, even as he clutches his throat and glares at everyone. 

"Where  _ were  _ you?" Jace spits, shoving out of Alec's arms to point an accusing finger at Jordan. "You're supposed to protect him, you're supposed to be watching him! You had one fucking job!" 

Jordan shoves to his feet, swiping the blood from his already healed nose. "I took a call, just one, and he was gone. This isn't on  _ me.  _ It all happened within the blink of an eye, not that any of  _ you  _ were there to notice!" 

Maia walks over, growling with a deeper timber, far more dangerous, and Jordan's eyes flick to the ground like it's instinct. Her eyes glow green, and Alec's trying to catch her arm to stop her, but she bares her teeth and keeps right on going. She's short and small, but when she invades Jordan's space, getting right into his face, he flinches back and shrinks into himself, not meeting her eyes. 

"Don't you  _ dare."  _ Maia's whole body trembles, fists clenched tight. "You do  _ not  _ get to pin this on any of us, least of all Jace. If you aren't going to help, get the fuck out." 

Jordan does not get the fuck out. 

They don't really have anything to go on, not really. Simon was there, then he's just gone--just like that. No one saw anything; there's no trail to pick up, and no one has any idea where to even begin. The only comfort they have is the fact that his phone is still on, even if he doesn't answer it.

Thirty hours roll around, and it's Izzy who brings the problem to everyone's attention. "If they're not feeding him, he's going to starve," she says. 

Jace turns right around and throws up all over Alec's boots, exhausted and sick with that thought, and everyone stares at him in horror. This is the first time he's stopped moving, but it's against his will. He slumps into Alec's body, fist clenching his shirt, and he releases the contents of his stomach all over his shoes. Alec just sighs and rubs his back, urging him over to Magnus, who escorts him out of the room to get some water. Magnus passes him gum on the way back, Jace tries to smile in thanks, and fails. When they get back, the floor and Alec's boots are completely clean, and no one meets his eyes. 

After thirty-two hours, there's a breakthrough. 

Izzy gets a text from Meliorn that just says:  _ there's a daylighter by the docks, we handled the seelie.  _

Why Meliorn suddenly has a phone, no one stops to think about. They take the tip and decide to investigate later; saving Simon is priority. 

The problem is, there's a hell of a lot of docks to explore, and Meliorn hadn't been very specific. So, they split up into three teams. Jace goes with Clary, the they fall in line together like it's natural, and maybe it is--they've both had a  _ thing _ with Simon romantically, and it ties them together in a way that would be strange if they were to stop and think about it. Magnus, Izzy, and Alec split off and go their own way, while Maia and Jordan--the only team of two--go in the opposite direction. 

Jace wants Simon to be found, wants it so desperately he can't even think straight with it. He knows that Simon hasn't eaten since the night before the gig, which rounds the amount of time he could have gone without blood to a dangerous number of hours. And that means, whoever finds him could have a feral vampire on their hands, a vampire who, as fate would have it, won't really care who's neck he throws himself at. Jace wants him to be found, but mostly, he wants to be the one to find him. 

It's nearly thirty-four hours before Simon is found. 

It's not as bad as he expected, it's worse. 

Whoever took him locked him in a storage container with no way out. Jace breaks the lock with shaky hands, listening for sounds of anything, but it's eerily silent. Sharing a look with Clary, he slams inside and comes to a screeching halt. Simon's chained to an industrial-type steel plate in the floor, deathly pale and worryingly still. 

"Oh god," Clary whispers. 

Jace releases a soft, choked sound. 

He doesn't hesitate, just snatches up his dagger and marches over while he slits one wrist. It's a terrible idea, Jace knows that, but he does it anyway. Just sinks to the floor and cups his wrist to Simon's mouth without a second thought, his heart thundering wildly in his ears. He's silent, even while he internally pleas for Simon to wake up, for Simon to drink, for Simon to just  _ be okay.  _

It takes maybe two drops of Jace's blood into Simon's mouth before his fangs drop; his eyes snap open mere seconds after, wide and wild. Someone else, someone  _ smart,  _ would be terrified by the monstrous hunger in Simon's eyes, but Jace can only feel relief. And when Simon snaps one hand up, his grip so tight on Jace's wrist that his bones grind, he should be petrified by the thought that he'll be devoured, but he's completely and utterly willing. He'd let Simon bleed him dry, just to see those eyes open one more time, and that's--it's what ruin should be, but Jace feels built all the way back up. 

It's a mockery of the first and last time, yet not quite. 

Simon's fangs pierce his wrist, stinging and sweet, and Jace releases a soft sigh of pure bliss, tossing his head back as a tear rolls down his cheek. It's everything and nothing, peace and strength and joy he wasn't aware he could feel. 

Objectively, it is one of the filthiest things he can think of--to lay yourself out like nothing more than prey for a predator, folding yourself into a blood bag for bliss. Except, this is Simon, this is wonderful, this is perfect. Nothing matters but that source of contact, that tether that feels like pure ecstasy, and Jace wants to exist there for the rest of his life--even if his life is drained because of it. 

Jace had never been able to fathom what was so addicting about these bites, about a pair of fangs breaking skin, but the moment it happens to him, he doesn't understand how he hasn't spent his whole life doing this. It's a rush of exhilaration, pure power and strength filling him to the brim, but it is also peace, a calm lull in his mind that leaves him feeling something he's never experienced so starkly. In this moment, he feels cherished and loved, feels as if he's found his true purpose in life. He's light and  _ pure,  _ his life helping another live, and he can conquer the world if this just keeps happening a little longer.

"Simon!" Clary's voice breaks through briefly, shaking and pleading. "Simon, please, you have to--you need to stop. You're killing him!" 

Jace wants to tell her to shut up, wants to slam a door in her face and shut her out, wants to exist in this moment forever. Simon gives a hiss into his skin, gulping from his wrist as he sits up, and Jace sinks back, eyes fluttering closed. The lips leave his wrist, just for a second, and Jace whimpers at the loss. Fortunately for him, in less than a second, there's a solid weight in his lap, chains pressing down on his chest, and lips brush his throat before fangs sink in. 

Then, as sudden as anything, the chains rattle as the weight leaves his lap and the fangs disappear. Jace scrambles after it, jerking up and swaying around a fuzzy mind, eyes snapping open to search out the source of his ecstasy. Simon is leaned up against the far wall, sounding like he's choking, eyes wide with fear as he stares at Jace. 

There's blood all around his mouth. Jace doesn't think he's ever seen something so beautiful. 

Hands press into his throat and wrist. It's Clary. She's staring at him with wide eyes. "Jace," she croaks out, "are you okay, are you-" 

"Oh my g- oh no. No, no,  _ no."  _ Simon stumbles forward, still with a collar around his neck, chained to the floor, and he comes to an abrupt halt when Clary jerks away from Jace to steps in his path. 

Jace can't see her face, but she's in her battle stance, body pulled taut and unprepared to move. Protective. Protecting  _ Jace.  _ From Simon. 

Simon looks confused and crumpled. 

"I'm gonna unchain you," Clary says slowly, her voice steady. "You need to go home, drink blood there. Don't--if I let you free, you've got to go. Can you-- Simon, can you do that?" 

Simon gives a jerky nod, eyes wide and horrified. As soon as Clary breaks the chain on the floor, he's flitting away with the sound of clanking chains. Jace watches him go, then very abruptly passes out. 

* * *

When Jace wakes up, he's in the infirmary. Alec is sitting in a chair beside his bed, arms folded, lips pressed into a thin line. Jace blinks rapidly and takes in a deep, ragged breath. 

It comes back to him, all at once. 

"Don't," Jace croaks out, already knowing  _ exactly  _ what Alec is going to say. 

Alec clenches his jaw, then releases a slow breath, some tension easing from his body. "I'll debrief first, fuss you out second." 

Jace pushes himself up with a little huff--fuck, he's so  _ sore,  _ but he figures that anyone would be if they'd gotten bitten twice by their vampire boyfriend and drained of blood. 

"Go ahead then." 

"It was a vampire, seelie team-up situation. The seelie wanted to take him to the Queen to make up for something he'd done wrong, plus the vampire wanted to become a Daylighter. They figured that if they starved him, he'd eventually come clean. He didn't, by the way." 

"Fuck," Jace mutters, throat working as he processes the implications of that.  _ "Fuck."  _

"I'm not done." Alec holds up a hand, his mouth twisting bitterly. "Jordan wants to put in and have him moved, take him somewhere remote. It'd be funded by the Praetor Lupus; they'll sign off on it." 

"Absolutely  _ not,"  _ Jace snaps, jerking up in the bed, his heart jolting in his chest. "They can't  _ do  _ that!" 

Alec heaves a sigh. "You're right, they can't, not exactly, not in this situation. Simon would have to agree to it." His eyes shift away. 

Jace feels like his heart just fell in one sharp dive, sailing to the floor in pieces. It doesn't take a genius to work out what Alec isn't saying. In fact, Jace doesn't even need to be told. This is  _ just  _ the kind of selfless thing Simon would do in some kind of attempt to keep Jace safe from him, like he's some kind of monster that Jace needs protecting from. 

"Where is he?" Jace means for his voice to come out strong and steady, but it cracks. 

"At the apartment," Alec murmurs, pausing to bite his lip for a moment. "Jace, I'm not going to lie to you; maybe it's for the--" 

"Shut up," Jace cuts him off harshly. "Seriously, shut the fuck up. It's not--  _ Don't  _ say it." 

"I'm going to say it, because someone has to. He nearly killed you, Jace. No one could have stopped him, not without getting hurt, and if he hadn't stopped when he did--" 

"But he  _ did."  _

Alec takes a deep breath, sitting forward to press his fingers to his temples. When he speaks, his voice is carefully tempered to a neutral tone. "He's dangerous. You  _ know  _ that. He knows that." 

Jace swallows thickly; he feels as if he's about to vibrate out of his skin. "So am I," he insists a little desperately, hands twisting in his lap. 

"No," Alec says, "you're not." 

"Alec," Jace whispers, twisting around to face him, blood rushing loud in his ears, "I  _ love  _ him." 

The words feel like fire as they slip directly from his heart, up his throat, and out of his lips. 

That makes Alec pause. He drops his hands from his face and stares at Jace, eyes flicking over him, assessing with a quiet calmness that makes Jace feel as if he's being reduced to shrivels before Alec's very eyes. The moment stretches out, flimsy with unrepentant emotion, and there's an understanding glint in Alec's gaze. 

"I'm sorry," Alec replies softly, and he sounds like he really is. 

"This can't be happening," Jace says forcefully, shaking his head. "This is  _ bullshit.  _ He didn't even--this isn't his fault! He didn't ask for this. Hell, Alec, he hasn't done anything wrong." 

"I know that, I really do. He's--he's a good person. It's just…a tough situation." Alec sighs heavily, looking tired to the bone. "He wants to go, though. Just until all of this can blow over." 

"And if it doesn't?" Jace snaps. 

Alec winces. "It's his decision, Jace." 

"It's a stupid fucking decision! Has he told Jordan anything yet?" 

"No, not yet, but he seems set in stone; he's already told everyone goodbye. He wants to wait to talk to you first, refuses to give Jordan an answer until then, but he's already packed." 

"This isn't happening." Jace jerks off the table and searches around for his boots, anger burning hot through his veins. "I'm not letting this happen. That fucking  _ asshole.  _ Man,  _ fuck  _ him. He's not--he isn't going anywhere, over my dead body, fuck that." 

"Jace," Alec hisses, reaching out to grip his shoulders and stare at him with a sad gaze, "listen to me. You can't interfere; if he doesn't agree to go, they'll make it official business at the Clave. He--he nearly  _ killed  _ you. They'll see him as a threat, take him in, handle him on their own. Letting him go is the best case scenario." Alec drops his hands and swallows thickly, shoulders hunching in. "I'm so sorry." 

"Who reported it?" Jace rasps out, one boot on his foot, the other dangling limply in his grasp. 

Alec bites his lip. "The Seelie Queen. She had to report the rogue seelie, couldn't really avoid Simon's part in it. The Clave doesn't know absolutely everything; we need to keep it that way." 

"We can lie." Jace drops his boot carelessly, reaching out to grip Alec's arm. "Alec, please, we can just--we can tell them we're handling it here, keep everything quiet. He doesn't have to go, he really doesn't." 

"I would, in a heartbeat, you know I would," Alec tells him gently, eyes full of regret and seriousness, taking a deep breath. "Unfortunately, Simon's already made his mind up." 

"I'll change it. I can change his mind." 

"Maybe. But Jace…you shouldn't." 

Jace is right back to being furious. "Fuck you," he growls out, shoving his other foot into his abandoned boot. "What if it was Magnus? What would you do? Don't you tell me I shouldn't." 

"If this gets out of control, he could end up in a much worse situation than having to move away. I'm being  _ practical,"  _ Alec hisses taking a step to block his path to the door. "I know it's hard, but I have his best interests at heart, okay?" 

"And I don't?" Jace argues incredulously. 

Alec jerks his head sharply. "You can't; you're involved. You were right about one thing. If it was Magnus, I'd be the same, but you'd be in my position, telling me the same exact thing." 

Jace feels suddenly as if he's cracking apart, folding into himself until he only has the space to feel heartbroken. Because, yeah, Alec is  _ right.  _ And it hurts, hurts so fucking bad. He wants to curl up and cry, or go back in time and not let Simon leave for his gig, or fight through every obstacle and just keep Simon here with him. If he'd known, if he'd had any idea, he'd have just suggested they never get out of bed the night before all of this. He'd leave right now, given half the chance, never even look back if it was a choice between that and losing Simon, but the thing is… Jace knows Simon, knows that Simon won't ever agree to such a thing, not anymore. 

This isn't fair, this is--it's  _ wrong.  _ They're supposed to end this on their own terms. Simon can't just up and leave, not after everything, not after all the promises they've never made, but vowed to anyway. But Simon will. He'll just pack himself right up and send himself away, hating every moment, but gritting his way through it anyway because he thinks that'll keep those he loves safe. 

And Jace thinks, like warped metal and whistling chimes, that he's been in love the entire time. 

"Don't make me do this," Jace pleads, unable to say anything else, past caring about shame. Because he can't do this,  _ won't.  _

Alec's eyes flicker closed, face tightening with fucking  _ pity,  _ like he's forgotten how much Jace hates to see it. He takes a deep breath and says, "There isn't anything else to do." 

Jace walks out the room, leaving Alec hanging his head behind him, their parabatai rune itching with the discomfort of shared pain. 

* * *

Simon doesn't get two words out before Jace has him pinned to the wall. Simon doesn't tense, but Jace knows why. This isn't an attack, this is a surrender. 

"Don't go," Jace whispers into Simon's mouth, immediately licking into the space between Simon's lips, swallowing his muffled sound of surprise. 

Simon tears himself away. "Jace, Jace, wait, we should talk about--" 

"Please don't," Jace chokes out, dropping his forehead to Simon's shoulder. 

"Jace," Simon says gently, tone completely  _ obliterated  _ with pain, "I--I almost killed you." 

Jace pulls back, blinking rapidly. "I know, but--but you  _ didn't.  _ And I wasn't stopping you, I  _ wanted  _ you to, I would have let you." 

"You can't  _ do  _ that," Simon snaps, eyebrows folding together in displeasure. "That's not--it isn't okay." 

"I know." Jace reaches up and touches Simon's cheek, searching his eyes. "It's not what you think. I don't want to die, Simon. I just--I want you to live, even at the expense of myself; I always have, even before we became close. I'm just--I'm built that way, I can't help it. For Alec, Izzy, Clary...I'd do the same." 

Simon jerks his finger up to his mouth, eyes alight with anger. "But this is  _ different!  _ I have this freaking bite and no one could have stopped me without hurting themselves in the process." 

"You stopped you," Jace shoots back flippantly. 

"You have  _ serious  _ self-preservation issues." 

"And you think you're more dangerous than you are. You're not, Simon. You're just...you."

"I'm not going to hurt you or anyone else," Simon insists firmly, taking a deep breath. "I'm a ticking time bomb; tonight  _ proves  _ that. I can't stay here and endanger anyone like that, especially not you, especially while the vampires are targeting me. If it's not a bite, it's someone getting hurt while everyone's working to save me." 

"I'm not letting you break up with me. We already talked about this in reverse." Jace stares at Simon, gaze unyielding. "We only do it if we want, that's it _ ."  _

Simon lets his head tip back and hit the wall with a dull thump. "You can only hurt me in one way, Jace, and even if you wanted to, I don't think you would. But me? I can hurt you without even meaning to. It's not the same." 

Jace swallows, heart thumping unevenly in his chest, picking up a painful pace. "So, that's it? You're just going to end it? You're leaving, just like that?" 

"What else am I supposed to do?" Simon asks in a rasp, blinking around the sheen of tears in his eyes, lifting his head to stare at Jace with a hopeless echo in his gaze. "I have to, Jace." 

"Don't," Jace suggests weakly, hating the crack in his voice, hating that he's begging, "please don't." 

"You can hate me, if you want," Simon tells him softly, reaching up to lightly rub his thumb under Jace's eye, even though there aren't any tears to swipe away. "You can be mad, resentful even, just as long as you're alive; that's all I want." 

Jace glares at Simon. "Fuck you.  _ Fuck you.  _ I can't hate you if I even want to, you fucking asshole." 

Then, Jace is shoving forward and kissing Simon hard, all bite and clacking teeth, and Simon shudders against the wall. Jace doesn't ease up, doesn't stop gulping down Simon's moans, just reaches down and hikes Simon's legs around his waist, whirls him away from the wall and carries him to his bed. 

It's rough and a little harsh, fingers gripping a bit too tight, clothes being ripped rather than carefully removed. Simon has a dazed look on his face, chest heaving as he buries his hand into Jace's hair and arches up against him, gasping like he actually needs oxygen to get through this. He fumbles for the lube they've invested in, shoving it into Jace's hand, staring up at him with a weighted look. 

They've never gotten this far, not that Jace minds. It's usually just hands and mouths, that's just fine, feels fucking amazing as is. They have talked about going farther, looked into how and explored with fingers, but never have they actually went all the way into it. But Simon is leaving, Jace wants to tether himself to him in some way, keep him here forever, and Simon looks like he wants the same damn thing, and that's just--it's tragically immaculate, is what it is. 

Simon opens him up soft and careful, watching every single thing happening beneath him, while Jace breathes slowly. He wants to sink into Simon's skin like a scent, always lingering, never going away. Simon reaches out and holds onto him tight enough to bruise, like maybe he's scared to let go, and Jace wants the bruises, wants them to ink themselves in his skin as a sharp reminder that Simon has touched him, lest he forget. 

He'll never forget. 

Simom keeps right on going until his fingers glide in and out with ease and Jace is garbling out sounds that sound vaguely like  _ seriously, just--come on, I'm ready, Simon, I'm ready.  _ And he is ready; Simon has made sure, maybe drawing it out for as long as possible as some kind of additional punishment on top of leaving in the first place.  _ Could be quicker about it,  _ he thinks,  _ could be, if he didn't have to savor it, seeing as this is the first and possibly last time.  _

Jace is so ready that Simon bottoms out in one push, which seems to knock the air out of them both. Jace curses sharply and has to take a moment; it's so tight and full, wet from the lube, and Simon's wheezing like he's a mundane again. 

"Move, move, move," Jace chants, eyes fluttering, hands twisting in the sheets. 

Simon pulls out, sucks in a sharp breath, says, "Shit, yeah. Okay. Yeah.  _ Shit,"  _ and pushes his way back in. 

It starts slow, gentle, careful. Simon takes very good care of Jace, kisses him sweetly, strokes him at a nice pace, and Jace moans happily like he's never been so pleased before. This is how it starts. 

It changes swiftly. 

Emotion is a very fickle thing. Now is not the time to remember that Simon will be gone, and yet. Jace clutches Simon just a bit tighter, not even meaning to, and pulls him forward with a little more force than he'd planned. Jace would feel bad, except Simon's hand in his hair spasms and yanks as he lets out a garbled croak, asking Jace if he can  _ please do that again.  _

Jace tries to mold himself into Simon, wants this to brand itself in their skin, etching into their minds and never,  _ ever _ disappearing. Simom buries himself into Jace and sets up a punishing pace, slamming into him, moaning loudly when Jace bites his shoulder hard enough that the imprint of his teeth will buzz pleasantly for at least a day or two, and Simon fucking  _ loves it.  _ He tugs on Jace's hair, a sure sign that he's a little gone, and he scratches down Jace's sides, leaving marks that will burn every time he moves for the next few days. They moan into each other's mouths, swapping breaths rather than kissing, gasping their way through the intensity of it all. 

Jace knows when Simon comes, not only because he can feel him spilling into him while he fucks him at a relentless pace, but because Simon releases a high-pitched whine and chokes out, "Holy shit, holy--oh my fucking-- Holy fuck!"

And right there, Simon finds release in Jace's arms. 

Jace follows embarrassingly quick, spilling over Simon's fingers that work him at a harsh pace. He goes boneless immediately, a little lightheaded and dazed as he slumps beside Simon. They curl together without talking about it, naked skin pressed together, Jace's sticky from sweat, Simon's a regular, cool vampire temperature that feels amazing right now. 

"You said you were getting closer," Jace points out after he catches his breath, blinking at Simon. 

Simon reaches over and pushes one sweaty portion of hair off Jace's forehead. "I did." 

Jace can't hold back a shaky exhale. "Do you?." 

"Yeah, Jace, I do."

"Me too," Jace admits in a rasp. He leans forward and presses a kiss to the corner of Simon's mouth. 

Simon chokes out, "I love you so much." 

"You have no idea what--what that means," Jace whispers, his eyes stinging as his chest feels like it's being cracked open. Fuck, this isn't supposed to be like this. "I love you too, Simon, more than you can ever know." 

Simon smiles, but it is bleak. "I think I've got an idea, if it matches up to how much I love you." 

Jace takes a deep breath. "Stay with me?" he asks hopefully. "Please?" 

"Just for a little longer, yeah," Simon agrees, scooting forward to press his forehead against Jace's, taking a deep steadying breath. 

Jace feels vulnerable and weak, broken open and laid bare, but he's in too deep. He reaches up and breathes slowly, pressing his fingers to Simon's cheek, committing this feeling to memory. He's so tired, spent and relaxed, but he's scared to sleep, scared that when he wakes, Simon will be gone. 

"I won't hate you," Jace mumbles, eyes still closed, a lump in his throat. "I don't think I can. But I'm not going to be okay if you go, so please don't go." 

Simon is silent for a long time, long enough that Jace is getting even more sleepy, and when he finally speaks up, he sounds calm. "You're going to be okay, Jace, I know you will." 

And Jace thinks, half-asleep and devastatingly hopeful, that what Simon means by that is that he's not going anywhere, so Jace  _ will  _ be okay. He drifts off to sleep with a light feeling in his heart, Simon pressed against him, and he doesn't have not one fucking nightmare. 

Not all nightmares happen when you sleep, however. 

When Jace wakes up, it's to daylight pouring through the slats of Simon's blinds and no one in the bed beside him. There's a note on the pillow next to him, and upon seeing it, Jace learns what it means to have his heart broken,  _ truly  _ broken, for the very first time. He doesn't even have to read it to know what it means, but he's a bit of a masochist, so he shakily picks it up and scans the note. 

** _Jace,_ **

** _I meant it, you know. You'll be okay. Just give me some time and I'll be back before you know it. Think about it as a vacation. Jordan says I can't have anything electronic, so we can't talk, but maybe we can write letters, if you want. _ **

** _Okay, I know that's unfair. I'm not going to ask you to hold your life up for me, not when we don't know if I'll be back anytime soon. I'm not doing this right, I should have planned this. Fuck. Too late now. _ **

** _Look, I love you. I'm gonna miss you. Just keep going, right? We started this casually, maybe we can pick it back up that way too. Until then, I'll be off somewhere probably doing cool shit while things even out. If things work out and you still want to, I'll say, "Right Now," and we'll be kissing like fools in love in no time._ **

** _All my love, _ **

** _Simon_ **

  
  


Jace rereads that note four times, then rips it into tiny little pieces and curls around Simon's pillow, staring at the wall. With the faint scent of Simon drifting in his nose, tiny pieces of paper that feel like a dagger to his heart, he realizes that he'd been terribly wrong about one thing. 

Turns out, Jace  _ can  _ hate Simon. 

And he does. 


	15. this isn't what I asked for

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's technically Thursday, but only by like an hour, so it still counts. I was editing this chap past midnight, but now it won't burn your eyeballs out when you read it. Probably. 
> 
> Anyway, this one should be fun, folks! It's Simon's POV, and Simon gets to hit someone, and there's totally a training montage 👀 heh. 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Simon is officially tired of being polite. He's kept his mouth shut and his inquiries on the inside of his skull, but he's reached the end of his rope. There's only so much he can do before he feels like he's seconds from bursting out of his own skin. 

To be fair, Simon has lasted twenty-eight days. That's nearly a whole month without pushing anyone's buttons--three weeks of biting his tongue and forcing smiles and acting like he's not second-guessing whether he's made the worst decision of his life or not. Honestly, that's a record. 

He's been living on some secluded ranch about an hour out from Brooklyn--he hadn't even been aware that there are ranches in New York--and he's going stir crazy. There's a stable full of horses, but they don't really like him and are pretty much fully suspicious of him, skittish even when he tries to feed them treats. There's at least four other people here besides Jordan who are  _ "watching over"  _ him, which is just a nice way of saying they're his prison wardens. There's no Wi-Fi, no electronics, not even a TV. All he has is books to read, but so many are just murder mysteries or YA novels about teens who are shoved into the world of the supernatural, and both of those hit a little too close to home for him to enjoy them. 

Simon sleeps a lot. 

He's read at least a third of those books anyway, even if they leave a sour taste in his mouth. He's walked the entirety of the ranch, covering the grounds any which way he can. And his  _ only  _ relief is that they let him continue his music, but he only has a grand piano and an acoustic guitar to play with; he's getting better at the piano, at least. 

Mostly, Simon just wants to go home. Nothing about this place makes him feel like he's comfortable. His bed is too hard, his room too bare, his clothes still in his suitcase--just in case he can leave at any moment. He misses the city, missed the abundance of activity and faces, even if he didn't often partake in the hustle and bustle of New York. 

More than all that, he misses his friends. He misses Izzy, misses her kind smiles and playful teasing. Magnus, who often gave him sage advice with a light insult tacked on the end to keep his reputation--even if everyone knows how soft he is. Even Alec, who he rarely interacted with, but saw often enough to miss his face. And fuck, he misses Clary so much that it's almost insane. His best friend, his companion through life...just gone. He knows, logically, that she's out there, doing her thing, but he wishes he could talk to her, hug her, see that smile. 

Of course, Clary isn't the only gaping hole in his life at the moment. Simon's only mildly surprised by the force of his feelings regarding Jace. Not  _ too  _ stunned, however, because he's not an idiot. He's always been good at admitting to himself when he's in love; the problems usually lie with admitting it to the person he's head over heels for. 

Simon's thankful that he's already gotten over that hurdle and told Jace he's in love with him, though he doubts they're better off for it. Nothing good can come of it  _ now,  _ not after being apart for nearly a month. That's a lot of yearning to deal with for anyone, let alone Jace, who doesn't handle any form of strong emotion as people usually do. 

And it's not like it's easy for  _ Simon.  _ He's consistently hit with a sharp pang, right around his unbeating heart, when he thinks about Jace. He misses him in a way that's borderline problematic. Sometimes just  _ thinking  _ of Jace can put Simon in bed with no urge to move for days; he'll lay there and sink into the swirling feelings that surround Jace, and he'll wonder what he's doing, if he's okay, how he's handling things. Simon will think of Jace's hair, or smile, or laugh, and he'll be taken out like those women from the olden times who everyone thought were fainting from being in love, but were actually just being restricted by corsets--for Simon, it's both, he's faint from love and he feels like there's a corset tightening impossibly around him as more time passes. 

Simon has written him three letters, but he hasn't gotten a response. He doesn't know if he'll be able to write another. And honestly, he's not sure he can go for much longer in this hellhole. 

So, that's why he asks, "So, uh, what's the plan?" 

"Excuse me?" Jordan asks, looking up from his special Praetor Lupus notes that only he can see. 

"Ya know." Simon flails his hands around awkwardly, clearing his throat. "What are you guys doing about my situation? Can I help in any way?" 

Jordan stares at him for a long moment, his lips tipped down in a frown. "This isn't something that we go on the offensive for. Our only  _ "plan"  _ is to lay low and stay on the defensive. We've put in the requests; we just have to see if anything will come of it. As for you, all you can do to help is stay out of the way and let us handle it." 

"Requests?" Simon's eyebrows crumble together as he tries to process everything Jordan just said. "Wait, what requests? I don't--" 

"The knowledge of you being a Daylighter has spread quickly and will continue to do so. There's no way to stop it now, so our only option is to try and halt the problems before they can arise." Jordan pauses for a moment, sighing. "We've reached out to the Vampire Clan leaders and asked them to grant you blanket protection. To promise not to harm you over this status, to step in if another vampire is, and to keep their clan from interfering with your life." 

Simon's eyes bulge. "You did  _ what?  _ Are you--you're insane! You just put a big target on me! They'll kill me the moment I set foot back into town." 

"If they don't agree, possibly," Jordan admits a tad sheepishly. "But the hope is that they will. If they do, they won't break their vow; you can always trust a vampire to their word if they're promising they way we're asking them to." 

"They're not gonna agree," Simon breathes out, swaying on his feet. "I can't ever go home. You--this can't actually be happening." 

"Simon, the Praetor Lupus have a lot of influence in the downworld. It's not only lost werewolves that we help; if you're smart--and many clan leaders are--you don't get on our bad side. Negotiations will be had, and we won't simply tuck tail and run if we get an initial refusal." 

"I've already been here for nearly a month! How long does it take to get a yes or no? Why--why aren't you  _ doing  _ something? There has to be some way to speed up the process, or something that you can do to--" 

"To what?" Jordan interrupts coldly. "To prevent your death? You may be immortal, but you're not indestructible, and we can't protect you every second of every day. That's already been proven." 

"Then--then teach me," Simon blurts out, swallowing thickly as he stares wide-eyed at Jordan. "Even if they do all agree, there's still a risk, and--and you're right. I can't depend on people to protect me all the time, but maybe I can learn to protect myself." 

Jordan eyes him in consideration. "Fine." 

Simon gulps. 

* * *

Jordan is an asshole. 

Well, that's already a given. But  _ this?  _ This just makes things ten times worse. Jordan is possibly the worst person on the planet, Simon thinks. 

Simon is, unfortunately, woken up every morning before dawn--which is just  _ indecent,  _ really--and has to be subjected to various versions of torture. Being a vampire is only helpful in so many ways. Speed isn't an issue anymore; he can run faster than the eye can see, and he doesn't get out of breath because his lungs don't actually need to be working. His strength is heightened from what it was before vampirism, but it's clearly something that has to be honed. His endurance, however… Well, that's just a joke. 

He's not sure  _ why  _ his body still gets sore. He can run for days, no problem, but taking a hit hurts as much as it did before he died. He still feels pain (even if it doesn't linger all that much), still gets bruises (even if they don't stay very long), and still can obtain injuries as any other would (even if they heal a lot quicker). 

And that's not even to mention his technique and how he basically has none. 

Simon has a lot of work to do. 

He regrets asking for this almost immediately, but Jordan seems firm in his decision. They train all day, for so long, and by the time Simon goes to bed, he's so tired that all he can do is fall asleep instantly, just to wake up and do it all over again. He wishes it was like some cool training montage, but it's really not. It's just a grueling process, day in and day out, and Simon is in a perpetual state of aches and exhaustion. 

Jordan seems to enjoy it all very much. And to his credit, it's not just Simon's suffering that he likes so much--though he certainly  _ does,  _ the asshole. He also has an ease about him as he teaches, as he corrects Simon's position, as he shows him how to move and step and lunge and strike and and and…

At first, it's all a blur, like some indecipherable language that Simon will never grasp. He doesn't understand most of it for a long time, not really sure how to transform his flailing body into some cohesive fluidity. He stumbles a lot, messes up over and over, and takes so many "lethal" hits with a rising sense of frustration as Jordan, without fail, always hits him and softly mutters, "Well, now you're dead. Again." 

But, over time, he manages to get better. Every morning, he works with the rise of the sun, stopping only when the sun retires below the horizon. He picks things up, learns the best way to move, figures out how to dodge imminent death. And he's not  _ great,  _ probably never will be, but he gets better. 

It still sucks, and he's constantly wiped out, but at least he's increasing his survival chances. 

There is one thing, however. He's always training, always busy, always focused…which means he doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about his friends. His mind rarely wanders to Jace, as impossible as that seems. He doesn't really muse about what Clary's doing anymore. Hell, he doesn't even try and think about whether any of them miss him or not. He doesn't write another letter, and he doesn't mope in his bed, and he doesn't...ache. 

Sure, he misses them, and they're constantly a presence in his mind, but it's almost...background now. He can ignore it, at least. 

And he wants to. He's  _ tired  _ of hanging on so hard that it hurts. It isn't fun to sit around and feel constantly sad; hell, it's not  _ healthy.  _ He needs the distraction, needs to keep himself focused, and it makes things just a bit easier. He hasn't forgotten them or moved on, not by a long shot, but he also isn't sitting around with a gaping whole in his chest either, always feeling like everything hurts. 

This pain, the ache of honing his body into something useful, is preferable. 

Still, as much as he's convinced himself that he's not lingering on thoughts of the ones he left behind like a man grieving too deep, he can't really deny the dreams. At night, he always finds himself dreaming about them. About Clary's laughter, or Izzy's bright smile, or Magnus' playful wink, or Alec's soft gaze when he's genuinely happy. And Jace, always Jace, in some form or another. 

Jace is in every dream, even if he's just next to Simon, holding his hand. Sometimes, his dreams aren't nothing more than a slide show, a presentation of all of Jace's greatest hits--his smile, his hair, how he tosses his head back when a laugh rips from him unbidden, how he looks with sun behind him, how his hair flutters in a light breeze, how he stands tall and prepared, how he looks when he's staring at Simon. And sometimes, Simon dreams of naughty things starring his ex-boyfriend--Jace moaning, Jace arching up, Jace sighing into their kiss, the give of Jace's body when Simon slides into him. 

Simon tries to erase the dreams from his memory, even while he cradles then close like something to be cherished. 

* * *

Things get better with Jordan, right up until it all falls apart like a bridge collapsing. 

Simon hasn't really  _ wanted  _ to get along with Jordan, because he's an asshole, but they find an easy medium. As much as he despises Jordan for the things he put Maia through, he isn't one to hold a grudge for someone who doesn't want it. Maia had made it very clear that she wanted Simon and Jordan to be at least cordial to each other, and Simon's not really willing to deny her that.

They're not  _ friends,  _ not exactly. Simon likes to think of it as mutual toleration. He puts up with Jordan's jokes and teasing, gives a few sharp retorts of his own that Jordan seems to find hilarious. They stay in constant contact because of the training, and that can sometimes get intense, but Simon usually just brushes it off. And they talk plenty, either to just fill the silence or to discuss the training. 

And that's perfectly fine. 

What's  _ not  _ fine is Jordan abruptly hauling off one day in the middle of training and smacking one on him like they're even close enough to do that. 

Jordan just wraps his hand around the back of Simon's neck and draws him in, leaning forward to mash their lips together. No warning, no lead-up, no  _ nothing.  _ At first, Simon's brain can't really work out what is happening because it's the last thing he expects  _ to  _ happen, but then he figures it out all at once, just in time to jerk back as Jordan traces the seam of Simon's lips with his tongue. 

Simon slaps the absolute  _ shit  _ out of him. 

It's pure instinct, just an instant reaction. He doesn't register what he's done until he's wringing his hand out in hopes of removing the sting. The crack of the hit still echoes in his mind, and Simon's guilty for all of two seconds. Hitting people isn't nice, he knows, but kissing someone with not even a  _ hint  _ of them wanting it is way worse, in his opinion. 

Jordan just rests his hand over the cheek that Simon hit and says, "Well, that didn't go as I'd hoped." 

"Yeah, I'd say so," Simon grits out, glaring at Jordan as he takes a step back. "Why the fuck would you do that?" 

"I'm not sure. I--I wanted to, I think. I guess I just thought that we...had something," Jordan says lamely, eyebrows drawing down. 

Simon stares at him in shock. "Are you--you've got to be joking! What about anything we've done has made you think that we  _ had something?"  _

"I just thought you liked me," Jordan replies, words slowly getting thick with annoyance. "I suppose I was wrong, but that's my mistake." 

"Yes, it is," Simon snaps. "I don't know if you've forgotten, but I kinda have someone back home? Plus, I have done absolutely  _ nothing  _ to suggest that I like you like  _ that."  _

"Do you, though? Have someone, I mean?" Jordan sounds a little angry now. "Forgive me for saying, but you've seemed to move on, and Jace doesn't seem the type to stick around and wait for anyone. Perhaps I was just trying to provide some relief." 

"What I feel for Jace, and vise versa, is none of your business," Simon says roughly, though his stomach drops at Jordan's words. 

Simon averts his eyes, swallowing around a tight throat, the sound clicking dryly in the sudden silence. He knows he hasn't moved on, even if he acts like he has--an act is all it is, one he clings to so he can convince himself that he's okay. But he also finds some semblance of merit in Jordan's words; Jace really doesn't seem like the type to wait around for anyone. And he hasn't written back…

"Simon," Jordan says awkwardly, sounding suitably apologetic for all the wrong reasons. 

Simon turns around and runs. 

* * *

Clary's the only number he knows by heart, and he hopes against all hopes that, in the last two months, she hasn't changed it. The kind lady at the front desk of the library--three towns over that Simon had blew into without much thought--smiles at him. 

Three rings, and whaddya know, Clary  _ hasn't  _ changed her number, because she picks up with a quiet and confused, "Uh, hello?" 

"Clary?" Simon breathes out, eyes sinking closed in relief almost instantly. 

"Simon? Oh my god, Simon!" Clary yells over the line, sounding so  _ thrilled.  _ "Holy shit, what are you--" 

"I'm at some library in a small Podunk town somewhere away from Brooklyn; I didn't even know New York  _ had  _ small towns like this," he blurts out quickly. "I need you to come get me. Or, no, I don't know. I can get to you quicker, but I don't know which way to go, and I don't have a phone, and--" 

"Hey," Clary interrupts soothingly, her voice softening, "it's okay. I'm actually with Luke right now, so we can be on the way in five minutes. Just stay where you are. What's the town called?" 

An hour and a half later, Simon picks his head up from the top of his knees as Luke's black SUV comes swinging into the parking lot. He hops to his feet immediately, face breaking into a grin when Clary comes sailing out the passenger seat to launch herself at him with quiet laughter. 

"Hey, Clary," Simon breathes into her hair, leaning into her and squeezing as she holds on for dear life, like maybe he'll disappear. "Man, it's so good to see you, you have no  _ idea."  _

Clary pulls back to smile brightly at him, her eyes brimming with tears. "No, I think I have at least one. God, I've missed you so much. Are you okay? What happened?" 

"Not--not now." Simon glances to the car, where Luke is obviously waiting. "I just want to put as much space between me and this place as I can. I want to go home." 

"Okay," Clary replies automatically, her face softening as she urges him to the car. 

He slides in the back and Clary follows in behind him, opting to leave the front seat open. Luke offers him a smile, and he looks like he wants to say something, but Clary demands they leave before he can so much as open his mouth. As they hit the road, Simon presses his head back into the seat, closes his eyes, and releases a deep breath. 

"Thanks, Luke," Simon mumbles. 

"You know I'll always be here for you, Simon," Luke replies instantly. A pause. Hesitantly, he says, "Is everything okay? Did...something happen?" 

"You could say that," Simon murmurs, and he feels Clary reach out and take his hand. He rubs his thumb over the back of her hand. "It's been a little over two months, and I just couldn't take it anymore. There was a falling out with Jordan, and I just--I can't do it. I'm not going back there." 

"Simon," Luke says slowly, "you probably--"

"You can do whatever you want," Clary cuts in firmly, her tone sharp. "If you don't want to go back, you don't have to." 

"I'm not sure if all the vampires agreed to keep from killing me, but at this point, I don't care," Simon admits, opening his eyes and staring out the window. He feels Clary tense beside him. 

"Wait, you're not safe yet?" Clary asks. 

"I think most of everyone agreed to keep their hands to themselves, but I know we were still waiting on at least a few more clans," Simon admits, clearing his throat. "But that's a lot less people who want to kidnap me, so I'll take it. Plus, I've been doing some training, so I'm not  _ completely  _ defenseless anymore." 

Clary relaxes. "That's good. Okay, I can work with that. We can keep training with you, if you want." 

"You should," Luke agrees. "I can help." 

"Thanks," Simon repeats, watching the blots of green from the trees whip pass as Luke drives them down the winding roads. 

"I'm so glad you called," Clary says quietly, squeezing his hand. "I have missed you a crazy amount. We have so much to talk about! I've been busy, let me tell you. God, you won't  _ believe _ some of the shit I went through while you were gone." 

Simon frowns at the trees. "What'd I miss?" 

"So," Clary says, her tone suggesting that Simon needs to strap in because this is definitely going to be a doozy, "it turns out that I have a brother. Well, you know about Jonathan and how Jace wasn't him, but apparently Jonathan was alive the whole time. Uh, there was a guy named Sebastion, but he wasn't really Sebastian at all. It was really weird because it was my brother and he was trying to, ya know, get with me. But uh, Izzy had her suspicions and exposed him not too long after you left. So we spent the better part of a month fighting him and failing before we managed to actually send him back to hell. I--I tried do save him because he was my brother, you know? But Valentine had fucked him  _ all  _ the way up, so there wasn't much I could do." 

That was, in fact, a doozy. 

Simon blinks. "Jeez, Fray, you can't have one normal family member, can you?" 

"What am I?" Luke mutters. "Chopped liver?" 

Clary snorts. "Excluding Luke, I don't think I've ever had a family member who did right by me." 

"Jocelyn--" Luke starts. 

"--lied to me and had my memories erased," Clary finishes calmly. 

There's silence, then Luke sighs. "Fair enough. She meant well, anyway." 

"Yeah," Clary murmurs, "I know." 

"Good on Izzy, though," Simon says quickly, not willing to let this get into sad territory. The last thing he wants is everyone to get sad. "I'm glad she figured it out. Probably saved everyone a lot of trouble. Um, speaking of--of everyone, how is...how are they?" 

"Yeah, she did amazing," Clary agrees lightly, her smile widening. "Still have no idea how she  _ knew,  _ but whatever. And everyone's good. Alec moved in with Magnus. Oh, and Alec is the new Head of Institute! He's actually really great at his job. Jace wasn't." 

Simon slowly turns to stare at her.  _ "What?"  _

"Right." Clary coughs and shakes her head. "You've missed a lot. Well, Valentine eventually went onto sentencing after the trial to, you know, get  _ handled.  _ And they basically interviewed him all over again with the soul sword, where they somehow found out that Jace is actually the Inquisitor's grandson. He's a Herondale, apparently, which is basically like Shadowhunter royalty or some shit. She came to the Institute when everything with Jonathan was going on, and then she found out that Jace was her grandson, so she made  _ him  _ Head of the Institute before leaving. Only, he turned right around and gave it to Alec instead." 

Simon feels like his head is spinning. "Fuck, I've missed  _ everything.  _ Is--is he okay? I know that's a lot to find out, and I'm sure that it wasn't really easy." 

"I don't know, I think it made him happy," Clary murmurs. "He never really...knew his parents, so finding out seemed to help. He needed some good news after--" 

"After?" Simon prompts, urging Clary to finish where she cut herself off. 

Clary gives him a  _ look.  _

Simon gets it. 

There's a bittersweet feeling that comes with the unspoken knowledge that Jace actually missed him. A horrible part of Simon  _ thrives  _ on that information, relaxing into it in relief. He doubts it will happen, but he allows himself a moment to imagine what the reunion could be--Jace yanking him into a kiss, just as before he left, demanding he just  _ stay.  _ Simon figures that's farfetched; at most, Jace might just hug him, or maybe go off to avoid his feelings. 

"Anyway, a lot of things have happened, but nothing has really...changed," Clary says. "I mean, I guess it feels that way  _ now.  _ We've all had time to adjust." 

"Catch me up anyway, even the little stuff," Simon demands almost desperately, eager to know absolutely  _ everything.  _

Clary looks at him with a sad smile, but she starts talking, telling him as much as she can recall with as many details as she can remember. Simon listens intently and tries not to be bitter that he wasn't here to experience it all with them. 

He's bitter anyway. 

* * *

Luke takes them to the Institute, as per Clary's request. She needs to be dropped off anyway, and she wants to let everyone know that Simon's back so they can all meet up tomorrow. Luke graciously offers to let Simon sleep on his couch until he can get back into his apartment, or back into the boathouse, or--if Luke can manage to convince him--with Magnus, as a favor. So, Simon has no intentions of getting out of the SUV when they pull up at the curb, on the edge of the wards outside the Institute. 

That is, of course, until Clary catches sight of a few recognizable people at the wards and starts smacking his arm while making high pitched noises. 

Simon only has a few moments to get a glimpse of Izzy's long black hair, Alec's tall figure, Magnus' glowing hands, and Jace's golden hair before Clary's yanking him a bit too roughly out the vehicle and yelling, "Hey, look who's here!" 

The group all turns as one as Simon stumbles out of the SUV and lands flat on his face, because of course he does. Clary makes a small sound of distress at his current position, dipping down to help him up while he brushes dirt and gravel off the only pair of clothes he has at the moment. When he looks up, the first person he looks at--of  _ fucking  _ course--is Jace. 

"Simon!" Izzy yelps happily. 

But Simon barely hears her. His gaze is locked onto Jace's, trapped almost, and he can't seem to tear his eyes away. He's utterly struck by what he sees. 

Simon had been prepared for anger, for yelling. He'd expected Jace to walk away, to just remove himself from the situation altogether. Or, less likely, for Jace to cry, get emotional. And of all the possibilities, the least likely in Simon's mind had been for Jace to be stunned, to rush into his arms, to go for a kiss like they never even stopped. But Jace does none of those things, doesn't even allude to them. 

Instead, he surprises the fuck out of Simon and does  _ nothing.  _ There's no reaction, complete nonchalance, like he's not affected at all. He just looks at Simon like he's looking at a stranger. 

Simon's gaze is abruptly forced away by Izzy wrapping her arms around him--when had she walked over for a hug? He blinks rapidly, immobile heart doing some death-defying squeeze in his chest. He clears his throat and squeezes her possibly too tight, but she doesn't mention it when she pulls back. 

The others come bounding over in open interest, and astoundingly, it's Jace who breezily asks, "So, you're back now?" 

Simon nearly chokes as he answers, "Yeah."

And that, apparently, is that. Jace doesn't seem to care one bit, bobbing his head like the answer is fine, like he feels nothing on the subject one way or the other. Everyone else seems awkward, clearing their throats, shifting in place, and Simon kind of wants to die all over again. Or cry. That might work. 

"That's good," Izzy says with a forceful smile, like she's trying to make everything okay by the flash of all her teeth. "We're--we're all so glad." 

"Yeah," Simon whispers, "I can see that." 

"Hey," Clary says softly, "I'm sure you're--you must be really tired, huh? Go to Luke's, get some rest. We'll see you tomorrow, okay?" 

Simon's throat actually hurts from the thick lodging in it, so he just nods, doing his best to get himself under control. He spent the better part of a month avoiding his emotions, but he clearly hasn't picked up the skill of doing it while surrounded by all the things that provoke the feelings he'd tried to ignore. His eyes prick with hot tears and he doesn't even fully understand  _ why.  _

"Okay," he manages to croak out, then immediately fumbles his way back to the car without looking up from the ground beneath his feet. 

He feels like the whole world has just been yanked from beneath him; he can't afford to look away now, not without falling flat on his face all over again. 

Simon climbs into the SUV and Luke wordlessly drives them away, politely ignoring the sound of Simon sobbing into his arm. 

Luke's nice like that. 


	16. we are never, ever, ever getting back together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...So, uh, hi. 
> 
> Heh, sorry for missing like SO MANY updates, but the truth is...I kinda hyped up the ending to this story in my head and got super anxious about the rest of the chapters. Then I got hella anxious about the fact that I wasn't updating, which didn't help matters. And so I had to take a step back to sort my brain out about this fic. But hey, now we're back! And trust me, you probably don't want to see whatever my brain could've created under distress, so the break was necessary. 
> 
> I apologize deeply and hope y'all enjoy what's coming next! Thanks for the support and love, y'all have no idea how much I appreciate it! 
> 
> Without further ado...enjoy ;)

"You should go see him." 

Jace heaves a deep sigh and puts down the sword he'd been training with, sweeping his hand up through his hair. Alec leans in the doorway, just watching him calmly, looking all for the world like he hasn't just said something stupid. And Jace really doesn't need clarification on who  _ he  _ is. 

"Who?" he asks anyway. 

Alec shoots him a flat look and pushes into the room, closing the door. "You know who. Simon." 

"Why would I want to do that?" Jace murmurs, shrugging nonchalantly. 

"There's some things you need to clear up with him, and we both know you miss him," Alec tells him without batting an eye, apparently not pulling any punches when it comes to this subject. 

"There's nothing to clear up." Jace pointedly ignores the other comment. "We were together, then he left, and now we're not." 

"You know, Izzy wanted to talk to you. Clary, too. Magnus just wanted to watch, but I told him no. And I decided to be the one to have this conversation with you simply because you can't lie to me." Alec taps his parabatai rune. "Not about this." 

Jace sighs and turns towards Alec, lips tipped down, crossing his arms. "What do you want, Alec?" 

"I want you to get up off your ass and do something about this," Alec replies blandly. "That's what you'd tell me to do, isn't it?" 

"No, I'd leave you be and respect your decisions." 

"Yeah, okay, tell me another lie." 

Jace scowls. "I don't need to go see him, okay? He's going to be at the Hunters Moon tonight, so I'll just see him there." 

"And what are you going to do? Ignore him the whole night? Treat him like you're still not hopelessly in love with--" 

"Alec!" 

At Jace's outburst, Alec's face softens. "Look, I know this is hard for you, but it's better now, right? You were so upset that he left. Well, he's back now, so just...stop being so stubborn." 

"You're  _ great  _ at pep talks, did I ever tell you that?" Jace asks sarcastically. Alec's expression doesn't change, so Jace lets out a deep breath. "Look, I don't want to get back with him." 

Alec rolls his eyes. "And there goes lie number three. That's the threshold I have for it, so let's just talk freely from here on out, okay?" 

"No, Alec, I'm serious," Jace says firmly, looking up into Alec's eyes, holding his gaze. "He  _ left.  _ He made the choice to go, even when I begged him not to. And I don't--I  _ refuse  _ to fall back into anything with him. Maybe you're right, maybe I am still head over heels for him, and that's not something I get to choose. But just like he made his choice to leave, I can decide not to get back together with him." 

_ "Why?"  _ Alec looks so baffled. "I don't understand. I know how much you love him, even if I don't understand it. So why are you fighting it?" 

"Because the last time I  _ didn't,  _ I ended up getting my heart broken." Jace releases a bitter laugh and shakes his head. "Listen to me, I sound like some--some kind of romance novel character. You wanna know what it is? Really? I've just had enough of Simon fucking up my life, that's all." 

"If it was Magnus--" 

"It's  _ not  _ Magnus, Alec! Simon isn't him, and I'm not you. We're not the fucking same! You can devote yourself to someone all you want, and that's  _ fine,  _ but I'm not doing it." 

Alec heaves a sigh. "So what are you going to do? Avoid him? Treat him like shit? You know why he left Jace; he felt like he  _ had  _ to. He was scared and he wanted to protect you." 

"Didn't need protection," Jace mutters. 

"No, but he did. Clary said the Praetor Lupus managed to make some progress into keeping Simon safe," Alec says calmly. 

Jace nods. "Good for him, I'm glad." 

"You're being callous." 

"No, I'm being serious. Even if I don't want him, I don't want him to die." 

"But that's the thing," Alec insists with a frustrated huff, "you  _ do  _ want him. And he wants you. He wrote to you, Jace, and he looked devastated by your reception to his return. You two want  _ each other,  _ and avoiding that will only end up hurting you anyway, and  _ him.  _ You deserve better than that." 

"But he doesn't." Jace crosses his arms and tilts his chin up. "He said I could hate him; it looks like he got his wish. You think I'm supposed to, what, just forgive him? Just like that?" 

"He'd forgive you," Alec says softly. 

Jace looks away, those words hitting him hard. Alec's right about that, more than he can know. Simon would forgive him if the roles were reversed because he's good like that. Selfless, kind, understanding. And he loves softly, gentle and forgiving. 

Unfortunately for them both, that's not Jace. 

"Fine, I'll go talk to him," Jace declares, straightening his shoulders. "But I'm not going to forgive him, and I'm not taking him back." 

Alec arches an eyebrow. "Sure you're not." 

  
  


* * *

  
  


Simon looks surprised when he opens the door to Luke's apartment and sees Jace standing there. Jace slaps on a polite smile and waits. 

"Jace," Simon breathes out, blinking rapidly. 

"Simon," Jace replies steadily, leaning forward to peer in the apartment curiously. "Is Luke home?" 

"No, he--he's at work, on a shift." Simon clears his throat and takes a step back, looking hopeful. "Do you maybe--I mean, if you want, you could...you could come in. If--if you want." 

"Well, I didn't come over to stand outside," Jace mutters, rolling his eyes and pushing his way inside, brushing past Simon. 

This turns out to be a huge mistake because Jace can hear Simon's sharp inhale at their contact, can feel the way he twitches. The worst part is, Jace's bodily reaction comes out of nowhere, just smacks into him in a way that he'd forgotten about. Yearning swells in him, making his skin come alive and tingle where they touch, and he wants so badly to touch  _ more.  _

Fuck, Alec was right. 

Jace rips himself away from Simon as quickly as possible, hurrying into the room and working to get his heartbeat to slow down--no doubt Simon can hear it, which is unfairly incriminating. 

"So, uh, why  _ did  _ you come over?" Simon asks after an awkward beat. "Not--not that I'm not glad you're here, because I am, but you seemed… Well, I just figured you wouldn't want to--" 

"See you?" Jace prompts, whirling around with a simple smile in place. "Whatever gave you that idea?" 

Simon bites his bottom lip. "Do you--aren't you angry at me?" 

"Should I be?"

"I dunno. Maybe. Yeah, probably." 

"Why?" Jace asks calmly. 

"I--I--" Simon looks deeply uncomfortable, anxiety twisting his features. "Is that a trick question? I don't know what to--to say. I mean, you should be angry because I left. Maybe? I'm--I'm sorry about that, Jace, I really am." 

"To be angry at someone for something they did, there's a requirement for you to care about them, right?" Jace murmurs loftily, keeping his stance loose and relaxed despite wanting to punch something or maybe hug Simon. 

Simon takes in a deep, shaky breath. "Yes," he whispers. 

"You can keep your apologies, Simon. I'm not angry at you, and I forgive you," Jace tells him softly, his words low and quiet, pleasant almost. But he can feel his face transforming into a cold, cruel expression against his will. "Truth is, I don't care. I think I stopped caring about two weeks in. So don't worry your pretty little head over it." 

Simon flinches and ducks his head. The motion is a beat too late, allowing Jace to see the pain that twists his face, like maybe he's going to cry. 

Jace expects to feel validation or relief at causing Simon the same pain he's been feeling since he left, but it just makes him feel...shitty. That's not supposed to happen. This isn't revenge, exactly, but it's supposed to sever whatever the hell they have between them. If they can hurt each other enough, maybe one of them will fucking let go. 

Jace has tried to let go, and he'd mostly convinced himself that he had, right up until Simon came stumbling out of that SUV, looking like a fool and everything Jace has ever wanted as he fell flat on his face. So, no, he hasn't succeeded, and he desperately wants them to be over,  _ officially  _ this time. If he can't do it, then Simon will have to. 

The plan is to make him move on. And maybe get a little revenge in the process. Except that hurting Simon doesn't feel good like he'd expected it to. 

Jace has to forcefully bite back an apology as Simon lifts his head, lips trembling as he rasps, "Okay, that's--that's fair, I guess. You don't have to care about me, Jace, I'm not expecting you to. I mean, I hoped you would, but--no, that's not the point. The point  _ is,  _ I care about  _ you.  _ That doesn't require reciprocation. Just--just know that I… I still--" 

"Shut up," Jace snaps, the room taking on a sudden golden glow as his runes light up. 

Shit, they only do that without him meaning to when his emotions are high and he can't control it. 

"Woah," Simon chokes out, eyes going wide. "That's new. Jace, what's--what  _ is  _ this?" 

Jace grunts and closes his eyes, focusing as he calms himself, tucking the rising power within him away until it's necessary. He opens his eyes and glares at Simon. "None of your business." 

"You know Clary will just tell me, right?" 

"It's--it doesn't matter, okay? I just have some extra powers because of Valentine's injections." 

Simon shifts a little closer, throat bobbing. "It's beautiful.  _ You're  _ beautiful." 

"Shut up," Jace grits out, jaw clenching. 

"You don't want me to say nice things to you," Simon murmurs, looking hurt by that, like he's wanted nothing more for the past two months. 

Jace's stomach clenches. "I don't want you to say  _ anything  _ to me." 

"Ah," Simon says, huffing a bitter laugh, "there's the anger I was waiting for." 

"No, no, there's no anger, remember? Anger suggests I care, which I  _ don't."  _ Jace takes in a deep, calming breath. "I've moved on." 

"Really?" Simon asks warily. "To who?" 

Jace grimaces. "Well, not--not to someone else, exactly, but I did. So what if there hasn't been someone else? I don't  _ need  _ someone to… Why am I telling you this? It's none of your business." 

"Seriously? No one?" Simon perks up, visibly biting back a smile. "Jace, no offense, but you are practically the definition of using someone else to get over someone. That's, like, your thing, isn't it?" 

"I've never had to get over someone, so it's  _ not  _ true. Fuck you very much," Jace grumbles, crossing his arms and swallowing thickly. "It doesn't matter. There will be some girl, or some guy, somebody at some point. Could go see Victor." 

Simon jerks up straight and his fangs slide out so fast that Jace is a little stunned by it. That definitely touches a nerve, and he's so stupidly thrilled by that before he can remember why he shouldn't be. He doesn't even know why he brought Victor up--he hasn't thought about him since they left that restaurant months ago. But Simon needs no reminder of who he is, and he's openly pissed about it, which should  _ not  _ please Jace, but it really fucking does. 

"Jordan kissed me," Simon blurts out. 

"He  _ what?"  _ Jace barks, irrationally angry in less than two seconds flat, taking a step forward without even knowing what he's planning to do. 

It's Simon's turn to look pleased as his fangs slide back into place. "Thought you didn't care?" 

"Don't," Jace says sharply, forcing himself to relax, everything within him on edge. He wants to know why Jordan kissed Simon, how it was received, if Simon kissed him back, if they did more. Despite his best efforts, he's  _ angry.  _ But he reminds himself that it's not his place, that he's not getting involved, that he's not doing this again. "Like I said, I don't care. It doesn't matter now. You're free to do whatever or  _ whoever  _ you like, just as I am." 

"The thing is, I don't...really believe you," Simon tells him awkwardly, shrugging. "Not to be the guy who's unwilling to back off--because I  _ hate  _ that guy--but you're kinda sending me mixed messages here. I think you missed me, and I think you're upset with me--which is completely fair--and despite your best efforts, I think you still love me." 

"Are you fucking  _ joking?"  _ Jace spits, taking yet another step forward, this time in threat. 

Simon holds his ground. "I thought you'd moved on at first, actually, but then you came here. Jace, I don't know if you forgot, but I can hear your heartbeat, and I  _ know  _ you. You were jealous about Jordan, and you were trying to make me jealous with Victor--which worked, by the way--and you won't let me say the loving things that I want to." 

"I don't care what you think you know," Jace hisses, moving forward again, anger pulsing harsh in his chest. "Let me make something very clear, I want you to back off. I don't want to get back together, I don't want to talk to you, and most of all, I don't want to give you the chance to mean something to me ever again. Because you don't seem to know how to handle that properly; you  _ ruined  _ it, ruined  _ us,  _ and that's on you. You can't make up for it, Simon, you can't just apologize and pretend I still want you. That's not how these things work." 

"Okay," Simon whispers, swallowing thickly as his mouth twists. He's on the verge of tears. "Do you want me to leave again?" 

Before Jace knows what he's saying, the word wrenches out of him in a horrified about. "No! By the Angel,  _ no.  _ Don't--don't leave again." 

"Mixed messages," Simon tells him, looking up through his wet lashes. "You need to tell me what you  _ want,  _ Jace. What you really want." 

"I want you to stay," Jace admits, clearing his throat and stepping back. "Not for me, but for everyone else. No matter what, you're still their friend, and I won't fuck that up for them. Outside of that, I just want you to leave me alone." 

Simon looks incredibly sad. "Is that what you  _ really  _ want? Because I--I'll do that, if it is." 

"What I  _ really  _ want is for us to never have happened, for me to  _ never  _ have come up with the idea to--to casually date, but I can't change that." Jace takes a deep breath and ignores the squirming protest in his chest with all his might. "So I'll just have to settle for you leaving me alone now. Think you can handle that without fucking it up?" 

"Yeah, Jace, I can do that," Simon says softly, averting his gaze as he swipes at his cheeks, wiping tears that glint in the light. "Anything else?" 

"No, that's all I'll ever need from you," Jace tells him firmly, turning around and heading to the door. Over his shoulder, he mumbles a soft, "Goodbye, Simon." 

"Jace," Simon calls out, making Jace pause with his hand on the doorknob. There are tears in Simon's eyes and his lips tremble around the smile he's doing his best to hold in place. "I love you." 

Jace closes his eyes, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, freezing in place. Those three words  _ terrify  _ him because they have so much fucking power over him. With just that, he wants to forgive Simon, wants to turn back around and kiss him, wants to fuck him so good he'll never be able to formulate a thought about leaving ever again. 

Instead, he wrenches the door open and stomps out, slamming it shut behind him. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


"What did you  _ do?"  _ Izzy hisses, snagging Jace by the arm and yanking him in her room. 

Jace blinks at the sudden change of pace. "Uh, what? Iz, what the hell are you talking about?" 

"To Simon." Izzy crosses her arms, cocks her hip, and arches an eyebrow. "He just called me and apologized because he says he can't make it tonight. We're all going there for  _ him,  _ and he knows that. So what did you do?" 

"Nothing!" Jace scowls when Izzy narrows her eyes at him in suspicion. "Seriously, we just had a talk, one that was long overdue, that's  _ all."  _

Izzy groans and puts her face in her hands. "Oh, Jace, please tell me you didn't." 

"Didn't  _ what?  _ We just talked!" Jace insists. 

"No, you idioto, please tell me you didn't sabotage your relationship with Simon before you two could even fix it," Izzy snaps, looking up to glare at him. 

"There isn't a relationship to sabotage," Jace says seriously, crossing his arms. "We're  _ not  _ getting back together." 

"Well, you might not be able to  _ now,"  _ Izzy mutters, tossing up her hand. "Look, Alec probably went easy on you about this, but--" 

"Uh, in what world do you think that  _ Alec  _ would go easy on me?" Jace asks flatly. 

Izzy rolls her eyes. "He always goes easy on you. But I won't. It's called tough love for a reason. Listen to me, Jace, you need to be smart about this. It may not seem like it right now, but you love him  _ so much.  _ He hurt you, and I get that, but I need you to realize that he didn't do anything  _ wrong."  _

Jace's eyes bulge. "Are you serious?! Izzy, he fucking  _ left  _ when I--" 

"Yes, I know he left! We all know he left. And it broke your heart, but you have  _ got  _ to let that go. He didn't leave  _ you,  _ Jace, he left because he was scared that he'd hurt the people he loves." 

"Yeah, that just makes everything okay." 

"Maybe not," Izzy says carefully, "but can you honestly say you wouldn't have done the same? Jace, you  _ have  _ done the same. You left with Valentine because you were scared he'd use you to hurt us. What he did may have hurt you, and that's not okay, but it  _ is  _ forgivable." 

"Not to me," Jace growls out, jabbing a finger at his own chest. "You all act like I'm supposed to just--just act like I'm not fucking  _ pissed,  _ like he didn't do anything wrong. You wanna know why I'm so upset, Izzy? He fucked me, told me that I'd be okay when I wasn't, and he--he--" 

"Okay, hey, shh," Izzy whispers, her face softening. 

Only then does Jace realize that his breath has hitched, that his face has screwed up, that he's about to start fucking  _ crying.  _ He tries to stop it before it can happen, but Izzy reaches out and draws him into a hug, and that's about all the strength he has. As soon as she tucks his face into her neck, everything comes out, and he's crying ugly and loud into the soft strands of her hair. She holds him through it. 

After awhile of sobbing like an idiot, Jace sucks in a sharp breath and pulls away, reaching up to scrub his hands over his face. He avoids Izzy's sympathetic gaze and whispers, "He made me love him and then he left me to deal with that alone." 

"For two months," Izzy tells him, reaching up to grasp his shoulders, staring into his eyes. "It was only two months, Jace. Two months that he spent with people he didn't know, alone without us and you, all because he wanted to protect us from  _ himself.  _ He was scared, Jace. He probably still is." 

"I'm so  _ angry."  _

"You have all rights to be, but remember what mom always used to say? The strongest emotion is often bred from the deepest connections. Anger is probably the strongest emotion you have, besides love. Both of which you have focused on Simon right now. What does that tell you?" 

Jace looks away, eyes sinking closed as he swallows thickly. "Something I don't want to hear right now." 

"Okay," Izzy murmurs, reaching up to cradle his cheeks and force him to look at her. "No one is asking you listen to it, not until you're ready. But maybe don't fuck up the chance before you decide you want to pull the cotton out of your ears." 

"Fine," Jace croaks. " _ Fine."  _

"Thank you," Izzy says with a small smile, watching him with a fond expression. "Oh, and go handle this situation, okay? Simon better be there tonight." 

He sighs and turns around, walking out of the room as he pulls his phone out of his pocket. As heads to the training room, needing to keep his head clear, he types out a simple message. 

**Jace, 2:14pm: come tonight before Izzy kills me**

**Simon, 2:16pm: I was trying to leave you alone. **

**Jace, 2:17pm: not the way to do it, Simon**

**Simon, 2:20pm: More mixed messages, great. How else am I supposed to leave you alone? **

Pausing outside the training room door, Jace considers how best to reply to that. He wishes it was as simple as never wanting to see Simon again, but the thing is...he kind of wants to see Simon  _ all  _ the time. Which really sucks because he almost can't stand to be in the room alone with him, in more ways than one. Maybe it's wrong to send mixed messages, but Jace's whole fucking mind is scrambled when it comes to Simon, so they'll just have to be confused on this together. 

**Jace, 2:27pm: figure something else out. can't leave me alone at the expense of our friends. and you don't have to keep your distance**

**Simon, 2:30pm: I figured that keeping my distance WAS leaving you alone. **

**Jace, 2:32pm: i don't want you to leave me alone like that. **

**Simon, 2:33pm: So you want to see me?**

**Jace, 2:37pm: just be there tonight**

**Simon, 2:39pm: Sounds like you want to see me. **

Sighing, Jace shakes his head and pockets his phone. Simon is relentless, which shouldn't be so fucking endearing. A huge part of Jace just wants to let Simon do whatever it is that he wants, his own groveling or however he wants to make things up to him. But Jace isn't ready for that, may never be, despite what the others think. 

Whatever, he's not about to waste one more second letting this get to him. He stomps into the training room and picks out a staff, willing himself to try and put Simon out of his mind. 

It doesn't work, but he tries. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, chanting: I always promise a happy ending, I always promise a happy ending, I always promise a happy ending, I always--
> 
> Y'all: WHERE THE HELL IS IT??? 
> 
> It's coming, I swear. 
> 
> Thank y'all so much for reading. Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I really adore them! 
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


	17. every little thing's gonna be alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Muahahah, I have planssss. I wonder who will call it first 👀
> 
> Yeah, that's right, I'm bringing it all together. Tune in, folks, the ride is getting wild. 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Alec, despite everything, is a very good parabatai. When Jace asks for an extra shift on patrols, he wordlessly agrees to it. That gives him an extra hour to avoid going to Hunter's Moon, which is worth standing out in the cold and staring mindlessly out into the night, waiting for something that he knows won't come. 

Things have been quiet since Jonathan was handled a few weeks back. There's the regular cases of course, but a lot more downtime in their lives since Clary walked into it. Jace doesn't particularly like having nothing to do, so he finds ways to eat up his time. 

Still, he gets relieved from patrols and has no choice but to go to the bar. Izzy will kill him if he doesn't show up at all. Plus, somewhere deep down, he really does want to spend time with his friends and family, even if that means he'll have to put up with Simon. 

And maybe seeing Simon isn't...so bad. 

When he finally makes it into Hunter's Moon, he instantly catches sight and sound of his group. They're all laughing and talking together, shoved into a corner of the room out of the way, right next to the pool tables. There seems to be a game going on, and Jace takes a moment to watch. 

They're in teams. Magnus and Izzy against Clary and Alec. Simon is watching from the sidelines, grinning when Clary pockets a striped ball, and Alec peers at her in impressed approval. Clary goes to line up her next ball, and Izzy leans against the pool table, hiking her dress up minutely, making Clary fumble and miss her shot. Magnus snorts into his drink. 

For a long moment, Jace doesn't even want to go over. They seem to be having a good time, and he knows the tension between him and Simon will ruin that. Things will get awkward, laughter will diminish, and Jace suddenly feels like a kid again--terrified to join the Lightwood family, sure that his mere presence will ruin things. 

But then Clary catches sight of him when she looks away to hide her blush, and her face splits into a grin as she throws up her hand and calls out, "Jace!" 

Everyone else immediately looks over, multiple loud whoops sounding out, waving him over, and Simon is among them. They all seem happy to see him, reeling him in without missing a beat. Magnus sinks the eight ball with a flourish that can only mean he's done it on purpose. 

"Oh, looks like we'll have to start a new game," he says, which earns him an amused glance from Alec. 

Jace reaches out and throws his arm over Izzy's shoulder. "I wanna be on a team with Iz; clearly she knows how to play dirty." 

Clary coughs and blushes profusely. 

"Then I'll just join Alec and Clary," Simon says easily, sharing a grin with Clary--though hers is more bashful due to Izzy winking at her. 

Jace breaks away to go pick out a pool stick, swiping his hand along the white substance that will keep the polished wood from catching against the skin between his fingers. When he looks up, Simon is quietly picking out his own pool stick, weighing them in his hand, not saying a word to Jace. 

Silently, Jace steps up beside him and starts weighing his own. They don't say anything, but he can feel Simon glancing at him every now and again. Helplessly, Jace peeks at him when he's not looking. He misjudges it after a moment, and they end up staring at each other, frozen in place. Simon gulps. 

Jace turns on his heel and walks away, pool stick in hand, ignoring the way their group suddenly start finding ways to look busy. Nosy assholes. 

"Alright, we're up first since Magnus lost last time. Clary?" Alec says once Simon reaches the table. 

Clary shoots Izzy a warning look. "No cheating." 

Izzy blinks innocently at her. "Whatever do you mean? I haven't done anything." 

Jace snorts when Clary looks away, lining up her shot with a blush lighting her cheeks yet  _ again.  _ Poor thing. Izzy's just playing with her now, and he has no idea why they're not together yet. 

Clary breaks apart the balls and sinks a solid, then she misses her next shot. Magnus steps up fluidly, winking at Jace before bending low over the table, getting two stripes in without missing a beat. Alec doesn't even pretend he's not checking him out, and Jace wrinkles his nose at his parabatai. 

Magnus misses his third shot, which leaves Alec to step up next. He points at Magnus, waving him a safe distance back, apparently unwilling to be distracted in any way. Magnus rolls his eyes. 

"Don't miss, darling," Magnus calls out just as Alec takes his shot, making him miss entirely. 

Alec slowly stands up, eyes narrowed. He glances at Clary and Simon. "Alright, fine, if that's how you all want to play, then we shall." He arches his eyebrows, nodding at his teammates. "Win at any cost." 

Clary grins sharply, and Simon just sighs. 

Izzy waves Jace forward, letting him take a turn, and his eyes find Simon's against his will. Out of everyone, Simon's the only one who has any kind of power over him at the moment, and he hopes that Simon isn't going to take Alec's words to heart.  _ At any cost.  _ Jace might actually lose his goddamn mind if Simon flirts with him in any way. 

He has an easy shot to take, so he dips down and takes it, watching in satisfaction when the ball goes in. His next shot is just showing off, jumping a stripe over a solid and sending it into the pocket with a sharp crack. Clary whistles low between her teeth and Alec groans. Jace moves around the table, surveying the next possible shot, and he finds it quickly enough. It just so happens that where he needs to go is next to Simon, but he's not about to forfeit the game because he currently has an aversion to being anywhere near Simon. 

He doesn't look at Simon when he stoops down, just eases the pool stick back and forth over the dip between his thumb and forefinger. 

Just as he goes to take the shot, Simon dips down next to him, his voice soft and quiet right next to his ear as he says, "You look pretty focused." 

"Shit," Jace curses sharply as his grip slips and the pool stick goes slipping to the side, missing the white ball entirely. He blinks stupidly at the very easy shot he just missed, then scowls as he slowly stands up, ignoring the laughter of his friends. "That was bullshit, Lewis, and you  _ know  _ it." 

Simon holds up his hands in surrender. "Just making an observation, Lightwood, my bad." 

Jace grunts and narrows his eyes, internally baffled that Simon's calling him  _ Lightwood.  _ Some people still call him Wayland, and it's common knowledge that he's actually a Herondale now. No one's ever called him a Lightwood before, not even Izzy or Alec, but he finds that he likes it...a lot. Trust Simon to know that, to know  _ him.  _

"Back off," Jace warns. 

Simon sighs. "Fine." 

The beginnings of uncomfortable tension starts to bleed between them, like a pulsing wound of emotions and unsaid things, and Izzy breaks it by stepping over to the table. She doesn't even glance at Clary, just lines up her shot and takes it. As she goes to take a second, Clary steps up to the table and places her hand boldly on the dip of Izzy's back, just above her ass where she bends at the waist. Izzy's ball just  _ barely  _ misses the pocket and she turns her head, hair falling over her shoulder as she stares at Clary with an arched eyebrow. 

"You--you had something on your shirt," Clary says weakly, clearing her throat and pulling her hand away. "Just, you know, looking out for you." 

Alec smirks. "Simon, it's your turn." 

"Of course it is," Simon mutters, throwing a cautious look at Jace before moving around the table to look for what shot to take. "I feel like this is a good time for me to mention that--oh, hey! I could make that!"

Simon's face lights up as he catches sight of a ball lingering close to the pocket. It's unfairly cute, and Jace forces himself to look away. Like traitorous things do, his eyes slip right back, fixated on the sight of Simon leaning over the table, torso hovering above the surface, tongue poking between his lips in his concentration. Izzy steps on his foot, and Jace jolts as he realizes he's meant to distract Simon. 

"Hey, Simon," Jace calls. 

Snapping up straight, Simon gives up his shot entirely, his pool stick waving to the side and lightly tapping the eight ball, which ever so gently rolls into the corner pocket. He keeps on watching Jace expectantly, a barely disguised glint of hope in his eyes, and it takes him a moment to realize that Magnus and Izzy are cackling while Alec and Clary bemoan their sudden loss. Jace is simply staring at him, unable to look away. 

"Well," Magnus says triumphantly, clapping his hands and winking, "that's game." 

Jace clears his throat and shoved his stick at Alec, averting his eyes. "I'm going to get a drink." 

He bolts, putting as much space between himself and Simon as he can. Things are...more complicated than he expected them to be. In the matters of the heart, Jace hasn't exactly been weak-willed, and he finds this sudden  _ ache  _ for--for something to be...fucked, really. This isn't him, has never been him. 

"Alright?" the bartender who isn't Maia asks, and Jace just grunts at him. 

Waving a hand, Jace brushes the concern off. "Just fine. Can I order?"

The bartender nods and proceeds to pour out what Jace requests, eyeing him warily. Jace pays him little mind, turning his gaze to the bartop, doing his best to empty his mind. He doesn't want to think right now, as his thoughts seem to be little shits hellbent on focusing on Simon. 

Shit, he's so  _ tired  _ of thinking about Simon. 

"Jace, right?" the bartender asks cautiously, lingering awkwardly in front of him. 

"Yeah," Jace says, looking up with a frown. He glances at the bartender's nametag. "Sterling?" 

"Yeah, that's--well, I wasn't actually able to protest the name at the time," Sterling says with a small smile, his blue eyes brightening with amusement. He offers his hand across the bar. "My mom swears she was on drugs and my dad named me, but my dad swears it was my mom--which I'm inclined to believe because whoever named me was clearly high as shit." 

Jace is surprised by the laugh that breaks past his lips, and he smiles as he shakes Sterling's hand. "Can't blame your mom for that, can you? She was on drugs from giving  _ birth.  _ Besides, Sterling isn't that bad. Sounds like a strong name to me, man." 

"I would have preferred something simple." Sterling wrinkles his nose and chuckles. "Ah well, we gotta make the best with what we've got. Looks like that's what you're doing tonight. Everything okay?" 

"Just fan-fucking-tastic," Jace says with mock cheer, sarcasm lacing his voice. He takes a gulp of his drink, hissing at the burn in his throat, and he smiles tightly at Sterling. "So, bartender, what's your story? You're new here, right?" 

Sterling nods. "Sure am. Just got hired on last week. Things are different up here in the big city." 

"You're not from here," Jace notes, nodding. He'd already picked up on the strong southern accent, thick as it is charming. "You moved here recently?" 

"Yep," Sterling confirms, his smile warm and kind, almost goofy. It's kind of cute, actually. "Had to make a trip out of the sunny parts of Georgia. Always wanted to go to New York, so I reckoned now was as good a time as any." 

"You made the trip on your own?" Jace asks in slight surprise. "Seems like a pretty big change." 

Sterling grins. "Oh, you bet. I'm still adjusting, but I think I'm getting used to it. I mean, I didn't really have much of a choice, but I'm taking it in stride." 

Jace tilts his head, taking another gulp of his drink, eyeing Sterling curiously. "You had to leave?" 

"There were more opportunities for me here," Sterling admits, shrugging awkwardly. "I figured, hell, why not, right? Life's too short." 

"Yeah, yeah, it is," Jace agrees, lips tipping down as he looks down at his glass, thumbs following the grooves of it. He clears his throat and looks up once more. "Well, Sterling, you've got a really good attitude, so I'm sure you'll do fine." 

"Things are looking up!" Sterling beams as he reaches down to pick up the bottle, pouring Jace another drink with a wink. "Way I see it, I already made a friend. That's progress." 

Jace can't help it, he chuckles. Sterling's positivity is contagious, sweet, familiar. He doesn't know why, but he feels a strange yearning for it. "Well, if that's how you want to look at it, sure. So, when do--" 

"You're drinking again?" Simon is suddenly right next to him, sitting in the barstool beside him, his eyes wide with sadness. 

Jace's smile drops. "No, Simon, I'm not drinking again. Relax." 

Simon looks pointedly to the drink in his hands, his eyes in nearly wide and full of some kind of internal guilt, like this is his fault. "Looks like you are." 

"You know, I never said I'd quit drinking." Jace grimaces and waves a hand. "Or maybe I did. But the point was that I stopped getting  _ drunk.  _ This is just a couple of drinks, Simon, nothing more." 

"You drinking something?" Sterling asks calmly, his eyes kind as he looks at Simon. 

"No," Simon says, then instantly dismisses him. 

"Well, not to be a buzzkill, buddy, but you're gonna have'ta move along," Sterling tells Simon with a wince. "The boss don't like customers hogging the seats meant for the patrons buying a drink." 

Simon slowly turns to looks at Sterling, his eyes narrowing. "I never heard that rule before." 

"Simon," Jace says wearily, sighing heavily and scrubbing a hand over his face. "Come on, just--just go back to the others, okay? I'll be over soon." 

"It's not because of me, is it?" Simon goes back to ignoring Sterling, his warm brown eyes fixated on Jace, wide and soft with regret. He swallows thickly, leaning forward. "Tell me it's not because I--" 

"Fuck, Simon, it's just a couple of drinks," Jace snaps, slamming the glass down and glaring at him. "And even if I  _ was  _ spending all my time getting wasted, that isn't any of your business anymore." 

Simon blinks and jerks back, his breath hitching. After a bleak moment where it looks like he's been told horrible news, he nods. "No, you're right, I'm sorry. I'm just--I worry, I guess. But I--I get it." 

"Hey," Jace says, catching his wrist as he goes to leave, his voice softening, and Simon stares at him with bright eyes. "Don't--don't get upset about it, alright? It's not like what you're thinking, and it really  _ is  _ just a couple of drinks. You didn't--well, I haven't broken my promise, okay?" 

"Oh," Simon whispers, then nods. "Okay, yeah, thank you. I mean, I just--I'm happy that you're not...ya know. If--if you want to, I don't know, maybe--" 

Jace drops Simon's hand, leaning back, heart thumping unevenly in his chest. "I don't want to talk about anything. I'll be over there in a few minutes." 

Simon says nothing, just ducks his head and walks away. Jace watches his retreat and does his best not to feel bad for it. He knows why Simon's worried about him drinking, and after his mom, it's completely fair. Truth be told, he had gotten horrendously drunk after Simon left, just the once, and then felt seriously guilty for it--even amongst his anger that Simon left at all. He hasn't had more than three drinks at a time since, and he won't. 

"Well, uh, that sure seemed bad," Sterling comments with an awkward huff of laughter. 

Jace jolts, having already forgotten Sterling is standing there. "Oh, yeah, you have no idea." 

"Ex-boyfriend?" Sterling asks warily. 

"Yes." Jace arches an eyebrow. "You have a problem with that, Sterling?" 

Sterling chuckles, his whole face lighting up as he leans against the counter. "Nah, not at all. Where I come from, down in the bible belt, it ain't so popular, but I'm the last one to judge." 

Jace's eyebrows raise. "Is that the reason you left?" 

"One of 'em." Sterling waves a lazy hand. "Kinda hard to be gay as a two-dollar bill when there ain't any guys around who are on the same wavelength. Our little group of gays were...well, very little." 

"Well, things are very different here, in that department," Jace assures him. 

Sterling hums. "I can tell. So, you and that fella, huh? Looks like a messy breakup." 

Jace taps his nose and nods. "Yeah, you got it." 

"He, uh, sure seems to care about ya a whole lot. Kinda hard to miss," Sterling says, and he sighs when Jace grunts and looks away. "Now, look, I know it ain't any of my business, but--" 

"You're right," Jace cuts him off, "it isn't." 

Sterling rolls his eyes. "Oh, come on now, don't be like that. You didn't even let me finish. What I was  _ gonna  _ say was that he seemed like a nice guy, sure, but it ain't his right to tell you what to do, whether y'all are together or not." 

"The drinking?" Jace frowns and looks down at his glass again. "No, that's--it isn't like that. It's a little complicated, and honestly not all my business to tell, but he's not...he isn't wrong, exactly."

"Ah, I see," Sterling says with a gentle smile. He taps the counter. "Who dumped who?" 

"He--well, that's complicated too. He left me, but only because he felt like he  _ had  _ to, and maybe he actually did, except that doesn't really make up for the fact that he left," Jace admits, heaving a sigh, inwardly wondering why he's spilling his guts to a virtual stranger. 

But Sterling seems like a nice guy, and it's almost a relief to talk to someone who doesn't know every facet of the situation. And there's something about him that feels...comfortable, like a well-worn shirt or the homely feeling of a place he frequents. Sterling smiles at him, kind and welcoming, and Jace finds himself smiling back. 

"Ya know, maybe I ain't the best person to talk to about that." Sterling shakes his head and sucks on his teeth, shoulders drooping. "I left my fella back home when I moved 'cause I had to, and--and I probably understand where your fella is coming from more than you." 

Jace sighs, taking another swallow of his drink, clicking his tongue at the harsh burn in his chest, another familiar feeling. "You regret it?" 

Sterling's smile turns drawn and regretful, his eyes dimming as he stares at Jace. "Have been every day since we split. We ended it about five months ago, long before I actually left, and I had to live with that. It ain't easy." He gives a rueful laugh, eyes growing distant as he bites his lower lip. "Oh, he had the prettiest eyes. Brown, but almost golden when the light hit 'em, kinda like whiskey. And he had this little scar above his lip. When we first kissed, I bit it, and he jerked back. Ya wanna know what that fool said to me?" 

"What?" Jace asks, half-indulgent and half-curious. 

"He told me that everybody thinks scars means the wound is done healing." Sterling's smile turns into a frown and he sighs. "Said that won't true at all. 'Cause scar tissue still hurts, ya see, even more than the injury did to begin with, and it always will. So, if you're hurt,  _ truly  _ hurt, it don't ever heal...it just seems like it does, and you gotta get used to the ache of it. When we were fightin' before I left, he asked me to bite that scar, said he wanted to feel that pain instead of what I was putting him through." 

Jace swallows thickly, chest aching for the story Sterling is spinning. His heart twinges in his chest, and he feels...a deeply painful understanding. He gets the man that Sterling is describing, connecting to him without ever knowing him, and it hurts in a way he isn't prepared for. 

"Did you?" Jace rasps, blinking rapidly. 

Sterling jolts, broken from the spell his own story put him under. He clears his throat and eyes Jace with a sad smile. "Nah, I didn't bite him. I woulda done whatever he asked besides staying and besides that. I couldn't hurt him more than I already had." 

Jace releases a deep breath, then knocks back his drink in one deep swallow. "Oh," he says after, settling into the burn in his chest. 

"Shit, that got depressing real fast, huh?" Sterling grimaces and waves a hand by his own head. "Sure is a good way to run off my first friend. Tellin' him all my tragedies and shit." 

"Relax," Jace says with an easy laugh, "I've definitely heard worse, and dealt with more. You couldn't run me off if you tried; I go where I want to." 

Sterling laughs loudly, dimples flashing in his cheeks, blue eyes lit up with humor. "Hell, you sound like my ex. Remind me of him too. All that brooding in a corner, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders bullshit. He was like that too, but you're all the same, ya know? Got a weakness for the bumbling, awkward idiots you pretend not to be fond of." He pauses and jerks his chin towards Simon. "And it looks like he's your biggest weakness." 

"And that's enough for me," Jace declares with a short laugh, putting his glass down on the counter and sliding it to Sterling. "Well, this has been fun, really, but I should get back to my friends." 

Sterling looks over Jace's shoulder. "That them? With your not-boyfriend?" 

Jace glances back. "Yeah, that's them." 

"Why are all of you ridiculously attractive?" Sterling mumbles, eyebrows rising. 

Jace snorts. "That one with all the jewelry and makeup is my brother's boyfriend; my brother is the one hugging him. The girl with the dark hair is my sister, and the redhead is her--well, not yet, but her soon-to-be girlfriend, if you ask me. She--the redhead--also happens to be my...ex-something of a sorts; we had a  _ thing.  _ And my ex-boyfriend is her best friend--the redhead, I mean." 

Sterling stares at him, his eyebrows flying up in surprise. "That's a whole lotta relationships for a group of friends to have. Must be tight-knit." 

"You don't know the half of it," Jace admits with a small laugh, shaking his head. 

"Alright, well, I'll let you get back to your folks," Sterling says with an easy smile, tapping the counter and nodding. "Suppose I ought to get back to work. Come talk to me again sometime, Jace." 

Jace smiles at him. "I will, I promise." 

* * *

There's a certain calm he feels when trains. A gentle peace that makes him forget his worries for just a bit, turning his mind off and letting his body do the work. It reminds him of sex, except not as satisfying. Shit, Jace misses sex. Misses it with--

And nope. 

This is why Jace trains. It helps. 

He spends a few hours putting his body through hell, just trying his best to accept that bone-deep ache of exhaustion that will help him move on. Or try to. Or something like that. He doesn't really know what he's doing anymore, and frankly, he doesn't have a strong desire to figure it out. 

He misses Simon when he's not around, has since he left, but he's just as angry when he does show his face. Jace  _ despises  _ how easily his body reacts to him, even now after they haven't touched intimately in a few months. He can barely relieve himself without having to swallow Simon's name in a pathetic whimper, and his thoughts are rebellious entities he can't control. As soon as he gets his hand on his own dick, his mind  _ instantly  _ turns to Simon. 

He's not sure what the fuck is going on with him. He misses the time when he had himself fooled into believing that he actually didn't care about Simon, that he genuinely moved on. Now, he knows without a doubt that he's just been lying to himself. That doesn't mean he's happy about it, though. 

Worse still, Jace misses before  _ all  _ of this, more than anything. He dreams about moments from before Simon ever left, about holding him close as sun streams into a cell, about kissing him in the rain, about holding his hand and never wanting to let go. He remembers crying when he left, sobbing into his pillow and praying that Alec wouldn't acknowledge his pain through the parabatai bond. He can easily recall how his pain turned sour and bitter, causing many arguments with Clary, who always stood up for Simon without fail. And the worst is revisiting the memory of rereading each and every letter Simon sent to him, heart in his throat and a pang in his chest, and when those letters stopped coming, how much that had hurt too. 

Jace sometimes wishes he could forget, but he's always grateful, deep down, that he can't. 

Training is the only time that he can spend not thinking about things he'd rather not have to deal with. Not facing his problems always clears his head, even just briefly, and he welcomes it. Tonight, he really needs it because Simon hasn't been around for a few days, and he's starting to invade Jace's mind. Of course, just as he's relaxing into his training, getting a moment of reprieve, Izzy comes walking into the room with her arms crossed. 

"Okay, don't freak out," she says, and that's not a great way to start a conversation _ at all.  _

"Well, now I have to." Jace opens his arms and sighs, tossing his staff aside. "What is it?" 

Izzy bites her lip. "Simon's here, and he's going to be staying for a few days." 

_ "Why?"  _ Jace blurts out, astounded and fucking  _ terrified.  _ "He can't stay here. This is--it's the Institute, Izzy. He can't just--" 

"He can, if the Head agrees to it. Should a member of the Shadow World need refuge, it's within Alec's right to offer it," Izzy explains gently. 

"Why does he need refuge?" Jace snaps, heart thundering in his chest. "Is this another fucking plan to get me and him to--" 

"Not everything is about you, Jace," Clary hisses as she stomps in the room, a whirlwind of fury. She makes a beeline for Izzy, grasping her arm and staring at her with wide eyes. "I'm going to get him.  _ Now.  _ He--he can stay in my room, and I'll… Well, if you're still offering, I could stay with you." 

Izzy smiles gently. "There's guestrooms, Clary." 

Clary deflates. "Oh. Right. Yeah, okay." 

"Go get Simon," Izzy says softly, lifting a hand to brush a long red curl behind Clary's ear, her gaze soft and warm. "I'll wait up for you." 

"Thanks." 

Jace watches Clary dart out the room, looking harried, and he swallows thickly. "Is he--is something going on?" 

"Jordan was sent by his superiors to take Simon back where he fled from." Izzy flips her hair over her shoulder, staring at Jace with a frown. "He wasn't supposed to leave when he did. But Simon doesn't want to go back, and...well, Alec's helping." 

"So he'll be here for...how long?" Jace asks warily, swallowing thickly. 

Izzy levels him with a glare. "Just until Jordan leaves after being unable to find him. Do you think you can manage to play nice for at least a week?" 

"Yeah, of course," Jace says softly, chastised, ducking his head. "No, I'll--if I can help, I will." 

"Oh, Jace." Izzy releases a soft sigh and looks at him with something startlingly close to pity. "I know this won't be easy for you, but Simon's going through a lot right now too. Just--just don't forget that, okay? And try to remember how you two were  _ before  _ he left. He was your friend, Jace, and you cared about him. Right about now, he could use that support." 

Jace doesn't say anything, just casts his gaze to the floor, and he holds back the words that float--bittersweet and loud--through his mind.  _ I don't have to try to remember; the problem is that I can't forget.  _

Izzy sighs again, soft and sad, and she walks away. Her heels click determinedly as she goes, a disappointed  _ tip tap tip tap  _ that Jace can hear echoing in his head. What does she know, anyway? She's the one who just turned down a chance to share a room with the girl she's very obviously into. Izzy is a disaster, so her words don't hold merit. 

Jace decides to do this his way. And he will. For now, he wants to go back to acting like nothing is going wrong, so he picks his staff back up. 

This is fine. It's all fine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for being so patient and supportive, it honestly means the world to me. I love these two fools, and I'm happy to share this fic with y'all! Thank you ❤
> 
> Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I do so love them.
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


	18. like a tidal wave

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pssst, anyone gonna guess my plan yet? let's see who gets it first ;)
> 
> Also, this one should please some of you. 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

This is not fine. This is the exact opposite of fine. 

Simon is smiling and it's--fuck, it's cute. There's paint on the very tip of his nose because Clary swiped her paintbrush at him, and he surely could have dodged it, but he'd been having too much fun to do that. The streak is bright purple and unfairly distracting; it takes everything within him not to rudely tell Simon to clean his fucking face. 

Jace has been keeping himself scarce. It's about as kind as he'll manage to be, considering the circumstances--if he's not there, he can't be an asshole. He splits his time between missions, hiding in his room, or visiting Sterling or Maia at the bar. Occasionally, such as now, he has no choice but to put up with Simon existing in his space. 

Being adorable and shit. Who does he think he is? 

"Are you coming over this weekend?" Magnus asks, drawing his attention, looking amused. 

Jace clears his throat and nods. "Yeah, I've already finished the chapter." 

Magnus' eyes light up. "Oh, it was good, wasn't it? Fully expected it to go a different route, but Silas was apparently done with Finch's shit." 

"Oh man, Silas  _ snapped,"  _ Jace agrees with a huff of laughter, leaning forward. "I can't believe they actually fought. They've been, like, best friends throughout this  _ whole  _ quest; you'd think they wouldn't let someone like Marina tear them apart." 

"Are you two talking about your little book club again?" Alec asks with a sigh, rolling his eyes. 

Magnus tuts and waves him off. "It's just starting to get good. See, Jace thinks that Silas is going to find out that Wren framed Marina, but  _ I  _ think that Wren's going to come clean. There's hope for her yet, and she is incredibly in love with Finch." 

Jace wrinkles his nose. "You know how that's going to go. Silas would turn her to ash." 

"Wait, I know what book you two are talking about," Simon abruptly calls out, darting over to sit beside Jace, that stupid paint on his nose. He's smiling still, bright and wide. "I read it while--well, when I was away. Anyway, you're at the fight between Silas and Finch? Oh, you aren't  _ ready  _ for what Ronan drops on those two." 

"Ronan?" Magnus mutters, eyebrows furrowing. 

Despite his hesitance to interact with Simon, Jace finds himself equally intrigued by the new knowledge. "Why is Ronan even involved? Isn't he obsessed with finding his mom? I mean, I figured he kinda had a thing for Wren, but--" 

"Really?" Magnus interrupts. "I actually assumed he was gay. He kept thinking of Finch as  _ beautiful."  _

"Yeah, but everyone thinks Finch is hot," Jace says with a roll of his eyes. "That's just common knowledge, apparently. And I think Ronan likes Wren because they had that moment in the chapel." 

"The point  _ is,  _ what Ronan makes them aware of really keeps Finch and Silas at odds," Simon tells them, laughing when Magnus gasps. 

_ "No,"  _ Magnus snaps, "don't tell me they break up." 

"Not technically together," Jace interjects. 

"Oh, please." Magnus rolls his eyes and waves his hand lazily. "Everyone can see how they  _ want  _ to be. That's why Wren hates Silas." 

"That's what you  _ think,"  _ Simon whispers. 

Jace whips around to frown at him. "Wait, Wren doesn't hate Silas because she wants to be with Finch? So what about her kicking his ass in the water after he spent most of his time flirting with Finch?" 

Simon shrugs innocently. "Not telling."

"Oh, come on." Jace slides a little closer, slapping on a smile. "I'm totally okay with spoilers." 

"Uh uh, not giving it away. It's a really important plot point," Simon says seriously, shaking his head. 

"You can tell us, we  _ want  _ to know," Magnus insists, leaning forward on his elbows. "Jace, work your magic and bat your pretty-boy eyelashes at him." 

"Hey," Alec says, affronted. 

Magnus leans over to kiss him. "He may be pretty, dear, we all know that, but  _ you,  _ my love… You're the most gorgeous thing to exist on this earth." 

Alec melts instantly. "Jace, do what he says."

Simon snorts, standing up from the table and rolling his eyes. "That stopped working on me a while ago." 

Jace watches him walk away, mouth falling into a frown. He doesn't know  _ why _ it bothers him that Simon's implying that Jace has no effect on him anymore, but it really does. Maybe it's because it feels unfair;  _ Simon  _ still has an effect on Jace, so who does he think he is just--just being so  _ aloof?  _

It takes a lot not to yell. 

"You're still staring," Alec points out. 

Jace pushes himself to his feet. "Fuck you both." 

Magnus cackles as Jace walks away, heading for the door, refusing to allow his eyes to land on Simon as they wish to do. He bursts out of the cafeteria area, heading for the entrance with a scowl firmly in place. He can't remember the last time he was in a good mood, and it's starting to feel like he walks around with a bleak cloud trailing behind him. 

Izzy keeps telling him that he'd feel better if he'd just make up with Simon, even just as friends, but Jace keeps waving her off. Maybe she's right, maybe she isn't, but he's not going to entertain her ideas when he knows he won't follow her advice. 

There's only one place for him to go these days if he wants any kind of peace away from Simon's face. Outside of missions and isolating himself in his own room, he pretty much frequents the Hunter's Moon. Either Sterling or Maia is there for him to talk to, and he can waste a few hours there, nursing a couple of drinks. He rarely talks about Simon to Maia because he knows better--she's still his friend first and won't put up with his shit--but Sterling is always down to listen to what he has to say. 

As soon as he walks through the door, his shoulders loosen in relief to see Sterling working the bar tonight. He's just the person Jace wants to see; the perfect guy to complain to. 

Jace  _ is  _ mildly surprised that he considers Sterling a friend at this point. He's not sure how Sterling came to work at Hunter's Moon--he seems like a regular guy, and when he'd asked, Maia had told him that he isn't a werewolf. He knows about the Shadow World for some reason, but doesn't seem to care about it all that much. He's just as happy to serve drinks and talk to Jace most of the night, and--well, he's a really nice guy. He reminds Jace of Simon in a lot of ways, well-meaning and kind. 

Sterling's story is even more heartbreaking once he gets the details of it. Much more than leaving the south because he's gay and felt safer in a different part of the country. Even more than just moving on a whim to follow whatever opportunities wait for him outside of the bible belt. And worse, even, than having to leave the guy he loved behind. His mom had passed away before he left, and his dad--who basically disowned him--ran him off. He'd had nowhere to go, no support system, and his own boyfriend had refused to come with him. Jace feels for the guy, he really does. 

"Jace!" Sterling's face lights up in delight as Jace settles down at the bar. "Now, what brings you blowing in to see little ol' me?" 

"Do I need a reason?" Jace asks in amusement. 

Sterling chuckles and grabs a glass, pouring Jace the ale he likes. "Nah, I definitely ain't complaining. Any night I get to see that pretty face of yours is a good one. You sticking around for awhile?" 

"I just might." Jace takes the glass with a nod of thanks. "You working all night?" 

"For...two and a half more hours," Sterling says, glancing at his watch. He smiles wide. "It's been a pretty slow night, and I've only worked an hour so far, so I might find some kind of trouble to get into after."

"I mean, you're getting off at ten, so your options are wide and vast," Jace jokes, glancing at the clock on the wall. 

Sterling shrugs. "We'll see. So, is your fella still hanging around your house?" 

Jace rolls his eyes. "You're such a gossip. If you must know,  _ yes.  _ But he should be free to go away within the next couple of days." 

"You gonna capitalize on that?" Sterling asks, waggling his eyebrows. When Jace shoots him a glare, he holds his hands up in surrender. "I'm just sayin' is all. I mean, if you don't, I just might. Is that breaking bro code? He  _ is  _ very pretty." 

"Don't you dare," Jace says seriously, narrowing his eyes, pointing at him in warning. 

Sterling smirks. "Because he's  _ yours,  _ right? Ya know, that ain't right. You won't have him, but can't no one else get him either. It's a damn shame." 

"Sterling, shut up," Jace mutters. 

"Oh, come on, you know I'm just fuckin' with ya. Only got eyes for you, babe." Sterling winks at him and leans on the bar. "Seriously, you doin' okay? You're starting to get bags under your eyes." 

Jace grunts. "Haven't been sleeping well." 

"'Cause your fella is a few rooms over?" 

_ "Sterling."  _

"Alright, alright," Sterling bursts out with a loud laugh, blue eyes bright with humor. "Come on then, talk to me 'bout your problems; I know that's the only reason you come and see me." 

"Not the  _ only  _ reason," Jace replies easily, snorting when Sterling perks up. "But since you're offering, settle in; it's going to be a long two hours." 

Sterling laughs. 

* * *

"And that's it, I'm officially off the clock."

Sterling throws his arms wide and steps around the counter, beaming. Jace tries not to show how disappointed he is by that. It means he'll have to go back to the Institute, where Simon is, where he'll automatically go back to thinking about Simon on a tortuous loop. It's exhausting. 

It must show on his face anyway because Sterling's smile falters and he blinks, arms dropping back down to his sides. He opens his mouth like he's about to say something, but Jace waves him off. 

"Don't mind me," he says with a fake-smile. "Go have fun and tell me about it later." 

Sterling bites his lip. "Do--do you wanna come with me? I mean, I'd be happy for ya to tag along. We should hang out anyway if we're friends, right?" 

"No, no, you go do your thing and--" 

"Jace, seriously, come on. I don't have any other friends here. I  _ want  _ you to come." 

"I mean…" Jace hesitates, biting his bottom lip. But it's either this, or going back home to try and avoid the guy he can't get off his mind. "Ah, fuck it. Sure, where are we going?" 

Sterling's face breaks into a bright grin. "Well hell, since you're with me, we can go get into some  _ real  _ trouble. You ever been to a gay stripclub before?" 

"Uh…no." Jace blinks. "I'm not sure if--" 

"Ah, come on, it'll be  _ fun,"  _ Sterling insists, reaching out to snag his elbow and bodily drag him outside. 

Jace sighs. "Do you have a car?" 

Sterling shoots him an amused look. "I'm a southern boy livin' in a big city; hell  _ no,  _ I ain't got no car. We're taking the train. Fuckin' love city transportation, man." 

"So, what's so  _ fun  _ about a gay stripclub?" Jace asks as they stroll along, his gaze darting around to take in the people on the street--always a Shadowhunter at heart, checking for potential threats. 

"Three words." Sterling holds up three fingers, grinning broadly. "Half-naked men." 

Jace can't really argue with that. If it's your thing, then it really would be fun. Just so happens, it kind of is his thing--right along with half-naked women and everything in between. Even still, he's not so sure if he  _ wants  _ to go look at half-naked people. Loathe as he is to admit it, the only person he really wants to see half-naked is...well. 

Fuck, he needs to move on. He  _ really  _ does. 

As they board the train, Jace admits, "Sterling, I'm going to be honest--because I kind of  _ have  _ to be--and tell you that I'm not exactly...jumping at the chance to see anyone. I mean, I know I  _ should,  _ and maybe that would make things easier, but--" 

"Hey, it ain't like that." Sterling offers him an easy smile, but his eyes are sad. "Ya wanna know why I'm going to do this? Not 'cause I'm over Montey, but this is just a step in that direction. Strippers ain't exactly obtainable, right? We can look, but we ain't obligated to want 'em. It's just...a little fun with no pressure. But if you don't want to go, we can find something else to do. I know this really cool hookah bar that lets you smoke--" 

"No, this is--it's fine. It's good, actually." Jace sets his shoulders and straightens up. "You're right. Besides, I can't stay hung up on Simon forever." 

Sterling frowns at him. "Ya know how I feel about that. Still think you should forgive him." 

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" 

"It's just the people that care about you, right? Maybe they tell you that because they can see how much it hurts you. They just want you to be happy." 

"Aw, you care about me?" Jace asks playfully, lying his hand over his heart, deflecting from what was actually the point. 

Sterling's face softens. "Yeah, 'course I do."

For some inexplicable reason, that makes Jace feel embarrassed. He waves it off, coughing around a laugh, but it makes his chest warm to hear it. There's a strange relief that comes from having someone completely unconnected to his family that genuinely cares about him. It makes him think that maybe he's less of a burden, less of an obligation. 

They spend the rest of the night having a great time. The stripclub is similar to one with women, except with men with glistening chests and go-go shorts. He and Sterling spend most of their time drinking jello shots (which Sterling gags through, hilariously enough), laughing at the absurdity of letting loose, and talking about anything and everything. 

They don't come stumbling out of the club until close to three in the morning, and they're laughing loudly, leaning into each other as they wobble their way down the street. And  _ maybe  _ Jace had a little more to drink than he'd planned, but it's not unhealthy consumption, and he's not breaking a promise. This isn't drowning his sorrows; this is having a good night with a friend. 

"Gotta go home," Jace mumbles as they walk arm-in-arm down the street, blearily looking up at the dark sky, not a star in sight. 

Sterling snorts. "Not happenin', captain! You don't need to be walking alone like this. My apartment ain't too far from here; you can crash at mine." 

"Shadowhunter, remember? I can handle myself." 

"Yes, yes, I know. Big, scary Shadowhunter, ooooh. Whatever, just come on." 

Jace is kind of ready to pass out anyway, so he doesn't put up much of a fight. He lets Sterling drag him up the street, only for them to get lost because Sterling still hasn't learned to navigate the city on his own. It takes them another half-hour to find the apartment, which is sad because it's only three streets over from where they started. For some reason, they both find this hilarious and stumble into Sterling's apartment with uproarious laughter. 

His laughter comes to an abrupt stop, however, when he sees Sterling's apartment. It's practically a wasteland, barren and empty. There's a mattress on the floor, a beat-up chair in the small kitchen area beside a stack of crates with a large cardboard box laying over them--it's his make-shit  _ table.  _ There's no pictures, his clothes are folded neatly in an opaque bin in the corner, and there's a tiny pride flag taped to the wall above the smallest stand he's ever seen beside a mattress. The place is empty and hollow; the only thing that looks even close to quality is the mini-fridge shoved into the depressingly tiny closet space--a closet without a door, sadly enough. 

"Shit, Sterling," Jace mutters, abruptly sobering up enough to feel bad. 

Sterling chuckles weakly. "Yeah, I know. It's not so bad. At least I'm happy here." 

"Fuck." Jace swallows thickly and frowns, looking around the space with a hollow feeling in his chest. His eyes land on the ceiling, halting on the well-worn string dangling down. "An attic?" 

"Yeah, not much space up there." Sterling heaves a sigh. "You can barely turn around in there, barely even stand up, let alone use it for storage. But hey, like I said, I'm happier here." 

For some reason, this feels like a slap to the face, like reality hitting him at full speed. Here Sterling is, an amazing guy just living his life, striving to be happy after so many things have tried to keep him from it. And it's probably terrifying, and it's definitely not easy by the looks of things, and yet… 

Jace thinks about Simon, thinks about what exactly he's throwing away, and he wavers slightly. Just for a moment, just for one split second. He looks around this room with nothing in it, and he thinks about Simon's smile, about how his eyes crinkle when he laughs, about his steady loyalty to those he loves. And Jace allows himself to feel--just for that one moment--what he's been shoving away; a deep yearning for someone he wants and has deemed it necessary to push away. Shoving away happiness simply because he's been hurt. 

Sterling isn't doing that, and perhaps he's more entitled to it than Jace is, but he's decided to chase happiness no matter how many times he gets knocked down. He gets back up, and he keeps on going, and Jace admires that. 

"You got a computer?" Jace mumbles. 

Sterling blinks at him sluggishly, yawning wide as he stumbles over to his bed. "Mhm, over there on the counter. M'gonna hit the hay. Sprawl out with me when you're ready, man." 

Jace grunts an agreement, walking towards the laptop that Sterling waves a hand at. He slides it over to himself, opening it, blinking when he sees the background. It's Sterling with a farmer's tan; it looks slightly strange since he's paler now out here in the city, working night shifts. He's beaming into the camera, a dark-skinned man kissing his cheek--must be Montey. Thankfully, there's no password, and Jace immediately hits the the search bar, throwing the dozing Sterling a fond look. 

See, the thing is, Jace is rich--very much so. As a Herondale, he has a trust fund, and as a Shadowhunter, he has frequent income he doesn't really spend that often. He fumbles for his wallet out of his pants, then starts ordering whatever crosses his mind. The address bar is easy enough, seeing as the option is already saved to the computer, and Jace has Sterling a dresser, a table, and various other pieces of furniture on the way before he can think twice about it. Only once he's satisfied does he go crashing towards the bed, slumping in the open spot beside Sterling, drifting to sleep almost immediately.

* * *

"Jace!" 

Simon is at his side in a heartbeat, crossing the hefty distance across the institute to grab his arm, looking at him with soft concern. Jace winces and pulls away, rubbing at his temple. Okay, so maybe he's a  _ little  _ hungover, no big deal. 

"I'm fine," Jace murmurs. 

Simon's fingers carefully reach out again, grasping his arm. "Are you sure? Where were you? Alec was so worried. You didn't answer your phone, and we--" 

"Seriously, I'm fine." Jace shakes his head and blinks rapidly. He's only been awake for a little bit, still recovering from stumbling out of Sterling's empty apartment--apparently Sterling had woken before him and slipped out for some reason. "I was just out with a friend, that's all." 

"A friend?" Simon relaxes. "Oh, that's good. Who?" 

"Sterling," Jace replies without thinking. "You know that guy from the bar? Him." 

Simon is no longer relaxed; his shoulders tense and he swallows thickly. "Jace, I--I don't think you should hang out with him. He's not--" 

"Hey, don't start that shit," Jace snaps, jerking his arm from Simon's grip. "He's a  _ friend.  _ Besides, me and you? We're not together anymore, so whatever misguided jealousy you feel isn't fucking necessary."

"Okay, I  _ know  _ we're not together, but I--I still care about you," Simon whispers, a brief flash of pain passing through his gaze. "I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I don't think you have the full story. Let me just--" 

_ "No,"  _ Jace growls. 

Simon's face shutters, a rare anger settling on his expression. Jaw clenched, he does the last thing that Jace expects from him. He snags Jace's arm once again and yanks him forcefully down the hall, blatantly ignoring Jace's protests and roughly shoving him into his own room. Simon slams the door shut so hard that it the echo of it sounds like a gunshot, and he whirls around with a harsh glare. 

"I am  _ so  _ tired of you acting like every single thing I do has some motive towards getting us back together. I get it, okay? Jace, you've made it  _ very  _ clear how you feel and what you want." Simon tosses up his hands and lets out a bitter laugh. "I know I messed things up, I  _ know  _ that, and I respect that you don't want me anymore. Fine, that's--that's just how things are now, and I have to deal with that. But don't you  _ dare  _ act like I'm not allowed to care about you outside of our past. Just  _ don't."  _

Jace's lips part and  _ holy shit.  _ He realizes he's not breathing a beat too late, and Simon must be able to hear how his heart beats like a trapped hummingbird in his chest, frantic and loud. This is entirely too much for this early in the morning, especially when he hadn't anticipated the sudden encounter. He's not at all prepared for this. 

"Simon…" Jace murmurs, eyes wide. 

"And another thing!" Simon raises a finger, taking a step forward. "If you  _ ever-- _ and I mean this--use our history as an excuse for you to--" 

The thing is, Jace has never been this turned on in his entire fucking life. Not only has he been without any form of release from his desire for Simon for literal  _ months,  _ but he's also blown away by the righteous anger on Simon's face, and he's stupidly weak-kneed in response. All of his want comes slamming against whatever guards he's put up, knocking into them with fervor, finding the flimsy parts and ripping them open. 

He's not really to blame for what happens next. 

It's worth noting that Jace went into this situation wholly blindsided. He's hungover, horny, and desperately in love with the man he's been doing his best to push away, the same man who's taken it upon himself to shove Jace around like a rag-doll and lecture him--which should not be so hot, Jace knows, but on Simon...it really,  _ really  _ is. 

Right in the middle of Simon's sentence, just as his voice raises into a near-yell, Jace feels all the air exit his lungs as if its been punched out of him. He doesn't even know he's moving until he's got one hand hooking around Simon's neck, dragging him in. Simon's words cut off on a choke, and then they're kissing, just like that. 

_ Just like that.  _

Jace's mind goes blank instantly, heart wrenching in his chest. It's been so long, too long, and he lets out a low moan at the contact. He's not even thinking, just going with it, so fucking _ eager  _ that he barely cares about how this is the exact opposite of what he's supposed to be doing. Simon goes loose immediately, whatever anger he's feeling disappearing, and he shoves his hands into Jace's hair as he steps forward to get even closer, a happy grunt escaping his lips for Jace to swallow. 

The kiss deepens effortlessly. This is easy, they know how to do this. In no time at all, Jace is licking into Simon's mouth, tracing his teeth with his tongue, and Simon is walking him back towards the bed with a stumbling gait. They gasp into each other's mouths, hungry and hot and desperate, and their hands flutter over each other, trying to touch everywhere all at once without breaking the kiss. 

It's as intense as it always is, and Jace gives into it with a mindlessness he'd be embarrassed about literally any other time. But that time is not now. Shamelessly, he whimpers when Simon nips at his bottom lip and slides off his jacket with shaking hands. And okay, they're doing this, they really are, consequences be damned. 

"Jace, we have--" 

Death. The ground opening him up and swallowing him whole. The world ending. All of these are viable options that he's wishing for as Simon jerks away from him with a squeak. 

Alec stands in the doorway with an eyebrow arched, shock melting off his face, settling into an unimpressed expression. Jace lets out a rattling breath and presses his trembling fingers to his swollen mouth. And all he's able to think is  _ shit.  _

"Alec," Simon chokes out, standing like he's been caught doing some horrible crime, eyes wide as his hands slowly drop away from Jace. 

"What is it?" Jace barks, grimacing at the rasp in his voice, arousal thick in his throat. 

Alec sighs and shakes his head. "Hate to interrupt,  _ really,  _ but we have an issue." 

Jace straightens instantly, pushing down the emotions that cascade through him. "What's wrong?"

"Jordan is here." 


	19. bridge the gap and hold me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm posting a little early because I'm SUPER excited. This might be my favorite chapter. Dropping even more clues about upcoming plans, wonder who'll get it first ;)
> 
> Y'all deserve this, let me just say that. 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Jace's fist collides into Jordan's jaw with a satisfying  _ smack  _ that he instantly feels reverberate up his arm. He watches Jordan's head snap to the side, deeply pleased as he swings his hand out with a hiss, gratified when Jordan slowly looks back over, ever so slightly rubbing at his jaw. 

Good. 

_ "That's  _ for kissing my fucking boyfriend," Jace snaps, glaring at him. 

"Oh?" Izzy asks lightly, sounding delighted. 

Jace shoots her a warning look. "Shut up." 

"No, that's--I mean, it's a valid question," Simon mutters, shrugging awkwardly when Jace throws him a glare in response. "Now isn't the time, but man, we have  _ got  _ to work on your communication skills. Talk about mixed signals, dude." 

"Look, mate, I didn't mean anything by it, and anyway, he seemed open to it at the time." Jordan shrugs easily, unbothered when Jace takes another step forward, fists clenched. 

Simon scoffs. "Yeah, I was  _ really  _ into it," he mutters sarcastically. "What gave you that idea? When I slapped the shit out of you or ran away immediately after? You need to reevaluate what you consider to be  _ open to it  _ because you're way off." 

Jordan rolls his eyes. "I mean  _ before  _ that. I just thought we had a connection, that's all. It was a simple mistake, I know that  _ now."  _

"I'm telling Maia," Simon mumbles, frowning at him. "She's gonna kick your ass." 

"Yeah, probably." Jordan sighs, his shoulders sagging as he crosses his arms. "But you're not going to have to worry about me much longer." 

"He hasn't been worried about you at all," Jace snaps, not out of jealousy, of course not; he doesn't get jealous. "Why are you here? Who let you in?" 

Alec clears his throat. "That was me." 

_ "What?"  _ Clary blurts out, anger taking over her expression immediately. "Alec, why would you--" 

"Hey," Jace cuts in, "back off." 

"Just hear him out," Alec says, jerking his chin towards Jordan pointedly. 

"Would rather not," Simon mutters, heaving a sigh and clapping his hands together, "but sure, let's do it. What do you want to say?" 

Jordan sweeps out a hand and sarcastically says, "You're off the hook, Simon. I didn't come here to drag you back kicking and screaming; I'm here to tell you that the Praetor Lupus has done its job, as it always does. You're yet another downworlder we've saved, so thank Luke for calling us." 

Silence descends on the room. Clary's anger melts off her face, Alec examines his nails, Izzy shifts awkwardly, and Simon looks stunned. Jace frowns, looking down at his shoes. Despite how much he absolutely does  _ not  _ like Jordan, he can't help but be thankful that Simon's officially safe to live in the city without fearing that someone will come for him for being a Daylighter. Somehow, him leaving had  _ actually  _ turned out to be a good thing, even if Jace hates to admit that, even internally. 

"So...so, I'm okay?" Simon lets out a deep breath, eyes wide. "All the clans agreed to it?" 

Jordan nods. "With the help of Raphael Santiago, you're officially a protected vampire. No one within any clans here will harm you; to do so will be punishable by death. And should anyone outside of a clan harm you, the clans will help in aiding you." He pauses, glancing around at everyone. "I have a feeling you'll be well protected anyway, but you don't need to worry about being targeted anymore. Or, not by the vampire clans here, at least. Continue to be vigilant, of course, but...well, it's all that can be done." 

"Raphael?" Simon blinks rapidly, standing up straight in shock. "He--he helped you?" 

"Yes," Jordan answers simply. 

Simon bites his lower lip. "Shit, that's--jeez, now I'm going to have to thank him." 

"You're no longer the Praetor Lupus' problem, which means I'm going to take on another case, probably in a different state altogether." Jordan purses his lips, then sighs. "Before I go, to  _ apologize  _ for the inconveniences I've caused for you  _ and  _ Maia, I'm going to leave the apartment to you. It's paid up for the next six months, and what you do with it after is not my problem. Good luck." 

"Wait!" Simon jolts forward as Jordan turns around to go. He freezes when everyone looks at him incredulously, and Jace tries to ignore the way his chest squeezes at the sight of Simon stopping Jordan from leaving. Simon cringes slightly. "Can't believe I'm actually saying this to you, but...thanks." 

"You know, should you ever change your mind--" 

"Uh no, I--I definitely won't be doing that. It's never going to happen. You--you can leave now." 

Jordan chuckles warmly and shakes his head, turning to go once again, and no one stops him this time. He disappears the way he came, and Jace's tension eases out of him immediately. He cracks a small smile when Simon fistpumps the air and laughs brightly as Clary launches herself at him, both of them celebrating at his sudden freedom. 

"This is perfect!" Clary declares happily, shoving at Simon's shoulder and beaming. "Can't believe  _ Luke  _ called him, but I guess it worked out in the end. You're gonna be okay, Simon!" 

"And I've got an apartment," Simon announces, his smile so wide that it's like looking at the sun. "Fray, do you know what this means? I--I can turn Jordan's old room into a studio, and I can practice my music enough to actually land more gigs. I mean, unless you want to be my roommate, which is fine, but I kinda figured you'd want to stay here, but you're always welcome, you know that, and--" 

"Simon,  _ Simon,"  _ Clary laughs, reaching out to grasp his shoulder, eyes crinkling, "breathe, okay? I'm not coming to live with you, no, but I'm sure I'll crash on your couch. But do you know what we need?" 

"No, what?" Simon asks. 

Clary grins sharply. "Housewarming party." 

"Oh, babe, you're speaking my language," Izzy says with a warm smile, winking when Clary blushes at the pet-name. "I'll call Magnus."

"Oh, hell no, Magnus and I have plans," Alec interrupts forcefully. "Do  _ not  _ get in the way of that, Izzy, or I'll--" 

Izzy waves her phone at him, grinning. "It's already ringing. Oh, Magnus, hey! Yeah, yeah, good news. But first...how do you feel about a party?" She looks Alec dead in the eye, triumphant. "Oh, you'd love to plan one with me? Really? Well, in that case…" 

She saunters off, victorious, and Alec sighs in detection. Jace pats his shoulder. 

He's doing his absolute best to melt into the background, not saying a word, drowning in his own thoughts. He can't forget that, a mere few moments ago, he was doing his best to get Simon naked. He has no idea what the fuck that means, equally unsure why he'd done it to begin with. Well, he  _ knows,  _ but he's also not sure if he should be going along with it just yet. Is he doing this, for real?  _ Again?  _

Fuck, he wants to, wants to accept Simon back in like he never even left, but he's fucking  _ scared.  _

Like he's suddenly summoned by Jace's thoughts, Simon quits whispering with Clary and  _ looks  _ at him. There's wariness in his gaze, hope too, and he takes a careful step forward. Clary bites her bottom lip and clears her throat, gently shoving Simon forward again before leaning over to snag Alec and drag him away, ignoring his protests. 

As Simon steps closer, a veiled look of hope on his face, Jace feels alarms blare in his mind. He knows what comes next, and his entire  _ being  _ protests it. He doesn't know why; he just...can't.

That's why, when Simon opens his mouth to say something, Jace interrupts him to simply croak out, "Nope," before turning on his heel and fleeing. 

* * *

Jace walks around the city aimlessly. 

There's something peaceful about the calm strolling he's taken to, no particular direction or destination in mind. It has little to do with the actual walking, he knows that, and it's more about the fact that he's giving himself some time to think. 

His hangover is long gone, and Jace considers stopping somewhere to get a drink as he puts more hours between himself and what happened back at the Institute. He eventually shoves that idea away, recognizing it as a bad one, and he decides to just find somewhere to sit down at. 

He ends up at a hot dog truck, ordering a small meal that he can eat at his leisure, and then he walks over to the open community area that people crawl around like ants. He finds a bench in the shade, sits down, and starts eating. 

This is nice. 

As the sun slowly starts to set, Jace faces the problem currently at hand, much as he doesn't really  _ want  _ to. He's not exactly looking forward to the unresolved feelings he has for Simon, least of all actually  _ resolving  _ them. Maybe, if he can. He probably can. 

The thing about his situation with Simon is that the whole thing would be entirely different had Simon stayed. If he'd done that, Jace is pretty sure that they'd be at Magnus-and-Alec levels of love and devotion at this point. Stupidly, he finds himself aching for that universe--the one where Simon had stayed, where they'd allowed themselves to progress properly, where everything had been fine. 

Except, of course, it  _ wouldn't  _ have been. 

He hates to admit it, but Simon leaving has actually proven to be...a good thing. Ignoring his own issues from it, the dip into the Praetor Lupus has turned out for the better--with Simon  _ safe.  _ And sure, maybe that's not why Simon left to begin with, believing himself and the target on his back to be a danger, but Jace is hard-pressed to find anger about the details when Simon is finally  _ okay.  _

Forgiving Simon for leaving is sudden and abrupt, but not too surprising. He feels like it's always been existing just beneath the surface since he woke up alone in bed to a letter that ripped his heart out of his chest. He's been waiting for it, almost, so relieved by the bitterness surrounding the event evaporating and smoothing over. It feels like coming up for air, finally, after drowning for so long. 

Simon left, and that hurt, but Jace forgives him. 

If only that was the only problem. 

The thing is, Jace is more than just  _ angry  _ with Simon. In fact, that's probably not even the most pressing thing he feels about this Simon issue. 

He's hurt. He doesn't do well with being so brazenly hurt, unwilling to grant someone that much power over him. Very few people have the ability to hurt him deeply, and until Simon,  _ no one  _ had been able to hurt him in this way. Love like this, and everything that comes with it...he's never had it grip him so hard, and Simon hadn't been gentle with it. The moment Jace had actually settled down into the ride, accepting it, Simon had basically snatched the wheel and  _ immediately  _ crashed them. 

Of fucking course Jace is wary to get in the metaphorical vehicle again, not easily welcoming the idea of going for another ride. 

Except...well, now he kind of wants to. After all of that, in spite of it all, he has a deep long to just swing himself back in and buckle his own seatbelt and see where they'll end up this time. He doesn't know if that makes him insane. He  _ does  _ know that it makes Simon right, back when he'd said that, despite his best efforts, Jace is still in love with him. 

There's only so much fight he's willing to put up. When it comes down to the nitty gritty of it, he has feelings for Simon that aren't going to go away. He either has to live with them as he has been, which feels like  _ torture,  _ or he has to face them. 

Maybe Simon hadn't earned a second chance, maybe he has. Hell, maybe Jace has been going about this all wrong, maybe he should have forgiven Simon the moment he returned. He doesn't know, and it doesn't really matter. Because at the end of the day, they're both just  _ people,  _ two guys who want each other, who have hurt each other, who can't go back after making one very,  _ very  _ stupid decision to casually walk into love with their eyes wide open--yet still so blind to it, not even anticipating it. And that's life sometimes. 

It isn't going to be easy, he doesn't think, but he's mostly sure it's the right call. 

Pleased, pretty much decided, Jace shoves away his nerves and stands up from his seat. His limbs are stiff, and the sun has officially gone down, draping the world in the first starts of darkness. He's spent all damn day--or most of it--just  _ thinking  _ about what the hell he's going to do with Simon. 

Inwardly rolling his eyes at his own dramatics, he stuffs his hands in his pockets and heads home. Hopefully Simon will be there, and they can finally talk. Jace thinks they--

A phone ringing cuts off that thought, and he warily pulls it out. He blinks in surprise to see Sterling's name on his screen. 

"Hey," Jace answers easily. 

Sterling sighs loudly in his ear. "I can't take this stuff, man. You--you need to come get it." 

"Oh, yeah, forgot about that." Jace huffs a quiet laugh and shakes his head. "Sorry, I can't. I don't have anywhere to put it, so just keep it." 

"Now, you listen here," Sterling says firmly, "I ain't no charity case." 

"No, of course not," Jace agrees. "Just keep the shit, okay? I've got plenty of money." 

"It ain't about the damn money!" Sterling snaps harshly, sounding well and truly pissed. 

Jace blinks. "Woah, hey, I--I was just trying to do something  _ nice.  _ And, to be fair, I was pretty drunk. Now, I'm not taking any of that stuff, and I want you to keep it, but I'm sorry if you're upset about it." 

"I don't need this." Sterling's voice grows weaker, sounding defeated. "I don't need this, or you, or--or anyone. I can… I can do this on my own." 

"Yeah, I know that," Jace soothes, his chest twinging in sympathy. "You said we're friends, right? This is what very rich friends do. Actually, this is probably  _ less  _ than what they do. I could have bought you a better apartment, or a car." 

Sterling chokes. "G--hell, Jace, don't you ever do that, y'hear me? That ain't what I want from you." 

"Promise I won't," Jace swears, lips twitching. "Do you like the stuff, at least?" 

Sterling is silent for a long time, then he mutters, "Yeah, yeah, I really fuckin' do. Wish you wouldn't be so--so  _ nice.  _ Jace, thank you...really." 

"No problem," Jace says easily. He squints as he takes a turn. "Hey, where'd you get off to? By the morning, you were just...gone." 

"Oh, yeah, I had to go get my address changed on my ID. Normal stuff. Sorry I disappeared like that." 

"It's cool, just...leave a note or something next time, man. In my life, disappearing friends isn't a good sign. I was kind of worried." 

"You got it." Sterling pauses, then chuckles warmly, sounding amused. "And you tryna tell me that you'll be in my bed again at some point? Why, Jace, you didn't have to buy me all those nice things just to get into my pants. Coulda asked." 

Jace snorts. "As fun as I'm sure you'd be, that's not going to happen, and we both know it. You're still hung up on Montey, and I've got  _ something _ with Simon, and we're  _ friends.  _ Besides, I'm not the type to buy people. If I wanted to fuck, we'd be fucking." 

"You self-assured son of a gun," Sterling blurts out with a loud bark of laughter. "You may be pretty, but your arrogance is  _ wildly  _ off-putting, dude. Might wanna work on that or Simon ain't gonna look at ya twice no more." 

"Actually, you'll be delighted to know that Simon and me are probably going to be...okay," Jace admits, biting his bottom lip to tamp down on the giddy, hopeful laugh he wants to give. 

Sterling makes a small sound of excitement. "Oh shit, y'all are getting back together! Did y'all fuck? I'm tellin' ya, sex can clear up  _ a lot  _ of problems." 

"We--we did not." Jace rolls his eyes when Sterling clicks his tongue in disappointment. "Well, we almost did, but that's not why I think we'll be okay. Maybe I just realized that...well, I think it's better for me to just accept it, right? I love him.  _ Fuck,  _ I really love him. And--and yeah, he hurt me, but he's a good person. It'd be stupid not to try again." 

"Jace, I'm happy for you, man." Sterling sounds genuine. "I've been tellin' you to forgive him. But don't go forgetting your friends, alright? I still wanna hang out with ya some." 

Jace nods, even if Sterling can't see it. "Trust me, I'm not going to drop you, Sterling. Weirdly enough, you've been a really good friend to me lately. You're actually one of the reasons I'm going to give it another shot with Simon." 

"Oh? I am?" Sterling asks, sounding delighted. 

"Yeah, you are. Guess I just saw how life has been tossing you around, but you just...keep on going. I respect that. It also puts things into perspective," Jace admits, looking up at the Institute with a small smile, heart racing in his chest as he approaches the lawn. Simon's going to be in there. 

Sterling is silent for a long time, just breathing, and when he speaks again, there's emotion thick in his throat. "I wish life won't the way it is. I'm ashamed to what it's pushed me to do, to  _ be,  _ but...but I ain't got much a' choice besides keepin' on keepin' on."

Jace stops, frowning. "Hey, no, come on, man. You shouldn't be ashamed. After everything you've been through, you're just doing what you can." 

"Yeah," Sterling rasps, "yeah, you're right." 

"Usually am," Jace says easily, slowly walking up the steps outside the entrance to the Institute. "Listen, I need to go talk to Simon, but we'll talk more later. Actually, hey, Simon has a new apartment, sort of, and there's probably going to be a little party there in the next few days. Do you want to come?" 

Sterling clears his throat. "Well, I don't see no reason why I shouldn't. Hell, why not?" 

"Alright, I'll let you know. Bye, Sterling." 

"Bye, Jace." 

He slips the phone in his pocket, stops outside the door, and takes a deep breath. Okay. He's going to do this. Okay. After a brief moment where he shakes out his nerves, severely hoping no one's at the monitors watching him on the cameras, Jace pushes his way through the door and makes his way inside. 

He's hoping that Simon is still here, rather than at his old apartment already. If he is, he's going to be in the guest room right down the hall from Jace's own--which didn't go unnoticed by him when Alec assigned it to him. He heads that way now, nodding at the various people he passes. Magnus is here, standing off to the side with Alec, and they both wave at him as he goes barreling past them. 

So eager to get to Simon and just  _ talk,  _ he isn't really watching where he's going. He gets five steps down the hallway, moving right towards Clary's room, and he collides into someone just as they come out. He reaches out to brace them, stumbling himself, and his heart  _ immediately  _ starts racing when he sees that it's the very guy he's been looking for. 

His tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. 

For a long moment, they just look at each other. Simon's surprise melts off his face, slowly settling into an awkwardly endearing spasming that suggests he's thinking a lot of things all at once. Jace bites his lip and drops his hands from Simon's arms. They stare at each other some more, utterly silent, then both open their mouths to speak at the same time. 

"I'm in love with you." 

"We should probably just be friends." 

Jace blinks, lips parting as he takes in Simon's words. They're the  _ last  _ thing he expects to hear, and Simon looks like he's experiencing the same shock at Jace's words. But shit, if Jace is going to do this, he's going to  _ do it.  _ Except, maybe not because Simon's declaration that they should just be friends doesn't really inspire confidence. 

"Oh," Jace mutters, clearing his throat. 

Simon shakes his head quickly. "Nope, no, that's--I didn't mean that. I mean, I  _ did,  _ but I didn't have all the facts. I didn't know you were going to say that." 

"I didn't know  _ you  _ were going to say that," Jace whispers, swallowing thickly. "Simon, if that's how you feel, then we should just--" 

"I don't. I  _ really  _ don't." Simon reaches out and grabs Jace's hand, tugging him back into Clary's room and shutting the door. No one's here, and Jace wants to know why Simon had been here before. Instead, he focuses on Simon's next words. "I only said that because I thought that's what you wanted to hear." 

Jace clears his throat. "Probably the last thing I wanted to hear, actually." 

Simon's eyes soften. "Sorry, I'm--I just don't really know what you want from me anymore. It's actually starting to--to bother me? And I'm not trying to act like you being hurt isn't okay, but it's not fun being jerked around like this."

"Okay, let me start from the top." Jace takes a deep breath and steps up close to look Simon right in the eyes, holding his gaze. "I have been  _ suffering.  _ You smile, or you laugh, or--or you're just  _ there,  _ and I'm fucking hooked on you, Simon. And I made the decision when you left to move on because I don't really like the way we ended up. I don't want to go through that again." 

"But?" Simon presses, his eyes wide. 

_ "But,"  _ Jace says, releasing that deep breath, "I can't keep doing  _ this,  _ either. The best and worst thing that has ever happened to me was suggesting we casually date. It...spiralled really quick, and I'm just kind of dealing with it now. Simon, I don't think I've wanted someone the way I want you." 

"You--you're saying that you want...that you want to try again?" Simon whispers, swallowing thickly. 

Jace nods slowly. "I'm  _ saying _ you were right when you said that I  _ am  _ angry at you, because I care so fucking much that I don't know what to do with it. You were right when you said I missed you, and I did; Simon I missed you  _ so much  _ that it honestly hurt. And you were right when you said that, despite my best efforts, I'm still so fucking gone on you that it's kind of pathetic. I don't know how to stop any of it--the anger, the love, the fucking  _ want.  _ I can't make it go away, and I'm shitty for fighting it so hard and for so long...but I should have known I wasn't going to win. I'm not built to win this kind of war." 

"Jace, I know that me leaving was something that messed you--and us--up, and I'm genuinely sorry for that." Simon takes in a shaky breath and reaches out to lightly grip the zipper of Jace's jacket, fiddling with it nervously. "Before we do this, I need you to know that--that I still feel like I did the right thing. And I  _ know  _ how you feel about--" 

"You did," Jace interrupts firmly. "I don't think you were dangerous, still don't, and I hated that you just...left. But you did the right thing. You were trying to protect all of us, and I respect that. Just so happens that because of your choice, you're safe now. There isn't a world where that's not more important than my own hurt feelings." 

Simon looks stunned, his breath escaping him on one great exhale, and his fingers clench Jace's jacket tight. "Shit. Jace, where in the hell is this coming from? I--I thought you'd hate me forever." 

Jace huffs a short laugh. "Couldn't hate you if I tried, and trust me, I did. I guess I just… I don't know. Everyone knew this was coming, even me, I think. I put it off and fought it every step of the way, but I knew from the moment you left that I'd take you right back if you ever showed up again. Didn't want to admit it...but yeah." 

"So stubborn," Simon murmurs, his lips curling up. He bites his lower lip, his whole face radiating excitement. "So, uh, you wanna tell me again?" 

Fondness hits Jace square in the chest, and he lets himself feel it, doesn't try to shove it away. It makes him breathless, like a balloon has swollen too big and very warm in his chest. It feels like waving a white flag and ending a bloody battle, settling in  _ finally  _ for some peace. 

"What?" Jace leans forward, lowering his voice, biting back a grin. "That I want you back? That I'm so in love with you that my very strong anger and hurt didn't stand a chance? That I--" 

_ "Jace,"  _ Simon chokes out, jerking back to look at him in the eyes. "You gotta stop, I might cry." 

"Don't do that." Jace shakes his head and reaches out to tug on the strings of Simon's hoodie. "No point in crying now. Wastes time." 

Simon grins and ducks his head, tugging Jace's zipper up and down, and they're both fiddling with each other's clothes--wanting to touch, but reluctant to break the moment. This is enough, for now, and neither of them take that extra step to get their hands on each other. There's a time for sex and a time for talking, and they haven't nearly said all that needs to be addressed. 

"How do you want to do this?" Simon looks up at him in amusement. "Are we going to casually date again? Not--not that I'm complaining, but--" 

"Not a chance in hell. If we're doing this, there's nothing casual about it," Jace says firmly, snorting when Simon perks up. "I'm all in. And you?" 

"Jace, I've been all in from the first kiss, I think," Simon mumbles, incapable of blushing but exuding the energy of one in waves. He shakes his head, rolling his eyes. "Should have known I'd end up so hung up on you. Jeez, I'm such a cliche." 

"Yeah, we kinda are," Jace allows, lips twitching. "But hey, at least we're admitting it." 

Simon looks up at him through his lashes, tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip. "Do you want to go on a date with me? Tomorrow, before the housewarming party?" 

"Yeah, yeah, I do," Jace says softly. 

"Really?" Simon asks, blinking in surprise. 

Jace winces. "I, uh, really did a number on your confidence, huh?"

"What little I had of it...yeah, a bit," Simon admits awkwardly, shrugging. 

"I'll fix it. We'll--we can just work on all of it. We have plenty of time," Jace swears, rarely so serious as he is now. "And...I'm sorry." 

"Jace, you're  _ apologizing?"  _ Simon jokes, eyes bright with humor, soft with love. "I'm shocked." 

"Don't get used to it," Jace quips back instantly. 

Simon's lips curl up into a grin. "There he is. Shit, I've missed this...missed  _ you."  _ His smile falls and he releases a soft sigh. "You know I'm sorry too, right?" 

"Yeah, Simon, I know." Jace ties the strings of Simon's hoodie into a loose bow, smiling at him, unable to contain it, stupidly happy. "We'll make it right. Just have to, you know, actually try." 

"You have no idea how happy I am right now," Simon whispers, eyes shining like he might actually cry after all. "This--this is all I've wanted since...since forever, it feels like." 

Jace blows out a deep breath, eyeing Simon a little warily. "Didn't mean to keep you waiting, except I guess I sort of did. And I don't really know where to go from here, actually." 

"I do." Simon steps forward, a serious glint in his eyes as he drops Jace's zipper to lay his hands over his hips, drawing him in. Softly, he says, "Two words, Jace.  _ Right now."  _

For a split second, Jace has no idea what those two words mean, and then that second passes and his heart kickstarts in his chest, wildly thumping. His throat goes dry, and he's shocked to feel tears prick at his own eyes--the humiliation of that barely even touches him. He's so caught up in his relief that he doesn't even care. 

He never thought he'd hear those words, that demand, again. It breaks his heart and heals it in one fell swoop, shocking him to his core. It makes him want to laugh freely in delight or curl into a ball and cry; he doesn't know which, maybe both, and they're equally likely options. Those two words push all the air from his lungs, sends him reeling with just two syllables, and he's a fucking wreck in no time at all. 

Overwhelmed, he releases a shaky laugh and steps forward, curling his hand around Simon's neck to drag him into a kiss. 

They're lips meet, and Jace  _ swears  _ the rest of the world ceases to exist. His breath hitches as their lips glide softly together. They keep it light and soft, unwilling to let heat and passion ruin the severity of this moment. This is everything. Jace cherishes it, nearly bowled over by the calm that settles within him from this simple act of commitment. 

When they break away, foreheads resting together, Jace breathes out a soft, "I love you." 

Simon hums happily. "I love you too. And I'm gonna say it again… Right now." 

Chuckling, Jace indulges him once more, heart swelling in his chest, the feeling that everything is right in the world washing over him. It's okay now, everything's going to be okay. 


	20. giving you power, use it well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is just 3/4ths Smut. I'd apologize, but you knew what you were getting into. After all they've been through, I think these two deserve some good sex. 
> 
> Should note: We're getting closer and closer to the end!
> 
> Enjoy! ;)

Simon's keys clink as they slip into the bowl on the counter, settling at the bottom with the two pens and packet of post-its. Clearing his throat, Simon reaches in his pocket to grab his wallet and let it sit in there too, his eyes cutting over to Jace warily. 

"So…" Simon says awkwardly. 

Jace eases out of his coat slowly, looking around the apartment. He hasn't been here since he woke up alone after Simon left. He remembers storming through here, heart aching in his chest, fresh waves of tears slipping down his face. That seems like a lifetime ago now, and it doesn't really hurt that much anymore. Things usually don't when they work out in the end, and this has. 

Simon clears his throat again and scratches at the tabletop, eyes darting away from Jace and right back. He looks like he wants to say something but can't figure out how to. His throat works as he swallows, and he finally gives up pretending he's not watching Jace, just flat out staring at him. 

"Tonight was nice," Jace comments flippantly, hanging his coat up and strolling towards the couch at a casual pace. 

Despite the aloof words, tonight _was _nice. They'd went on a date. Well, more of a stroll around the park, talking the whole way. Just to spend time together, to have a reason to hold hands, to take a moment and just talk like they used to. Four hours of teasing, heavy discussion, playful shoves and short kisses. Jace had enjoyed himself immensely. 

"Yeah?" Simon clears his throat and slowly moves around the counter, his hand dragging over the top as he walks around. "It was good. We'll have to do it again sometime." 

Jace hums and slowly lowers himself down on the couch, watching Simon inch closer and closer, his hand eventually dropping when he runs out of counter space. He leans back against the cushion, simply looking over the back of the couch to watch Simon's deceptively casual approach. 

When Jace says nothing, Simon coughs lightly and once again says, "So…" 

"So," Jace agrees, lips curling up as Simon inches closer, "are you going to fuck me? Or are you--" 

The couch skids back a few feet on the floor with the force of Simon darting around it and coming to a halt in Jace's lap. Hands are in his hair in a heartbeat, and Jace doesn't get to finish what he's saying because Simon fucking _kisses _him. Kisses him hot and heavy, tongue swiping out, teeth digging into his bottom lip, and Jace moans obscenely as he reaches up to get his hands underneath Simon's t-shirt. 

Simon's apparently desperate because he breaks away from the kiss with wide eyes, looking at Jace like he's witnessing a miracle. In a flash, he's off Jace's lap, gone in a blur, then he's right back. He's shirtless too, which Jace is very much on board with. He shows his appreciation by raking his nails ever so gently up Simon's naked sides, catching him behind the neck, tangling his fingers into his hair and dragging him in for a filthy kiss. 

For a long time, they just do that. Making out like a couple of rowdy teenagers, wrapped up in each other, swapping groans like gifts. Simon keeps one hand in Jace's hair, lightly yanking to angle his head the way he wants it, and Jace finds himself whimpering at that. He's so hard that his pants are becoming too restricting, and the solid weight of Simon in his lap is making his head cloudy with inappropriate thoughts. 

"M'gonna take such good care of you," Simon mumbles against his mouth, sounding drunk almost, his words more of a moan than anything articulate. 

Jace tilts his head back, breathing hard. "Yeah?" he rasps. _"Prove it." _

The sound that leaves Simon's mouth is pitiful, and Jace huffs a short laugh at his whine. His laughter abruptly cuts off when Simon leans back and reaches down to slip Jace's shirt over his head in one smooth move that is inhumanly fast, leaving Jace blinking rapidly as Simon trails cool fingers down his naked chest. Simon is staring at him, drinking him in, lips slightly parted, his breathing shallow, and Jace...well, he's just happy that they're both closer to being naked. Fuck, he wants to be naked _so _badly. 

"I got this," Simon murmurs, holding up a bottle of lube, waving it under Jace's nose. 

Jace licks his lips. "Good idea. Smart." 

"G--_fuck, _take off your freaking pants," Simon stutters out, scrambling off his lap and the couch to follow his own orders. 

Jace doesn't even stand up, just lifts his hips and shoves at his pants and boxers, kicking them off. He stares at Simon and strokes his own length, a flush spreading down his entire chest. He's so _hot, _feeling alight with desire and need, so horny that he can barely think. He _wants _Simon, so much so that he's not above begging if he has to. He's been perpetually in this state for the past five months, and right now, he's doing nothing but thinking with his dick. 

"Simon," Jace breathes out, his free hand reaching out towards Simon's dick. 

Simon catches his wrist and tugs on it, pulling him to the edge of the couch, popping the bottle of lube with his free hand and pouring lube onto Jace's fingers. With that, he kicks his leg up and stands in front of Jace with one foot on the floor, the other on the cushion beside Jace's leg, and his dick waving right in front of Jace's face. 

"Open your mouth," Simon whispers, dropping the lube mindlessly and carding his fingers into Jace's hair, fisting his hand and holding Jace there. 

Jace does as he's told, letting his mouth fall open, eyes raising to look at Simon. They make eye contact as Simon guides his dick into Jace's mouth, slowly pushing in with a low moan, and Jace breathes through his nose. Simon guides Jace's hand between his legs, behind his balls, between his asscheeks, and Jace takes over where Simon can no longer reach. 

Simon fucks his mouth slow with short jerky movements, sucking in sharply between his teeth, and Jace gently opens him up with one careful finger. 

By the time Jace is adding a second finger, Simon has him by the hair and is guiding his head on and off his dick, groaning out Jace's name, his head tipping back. Jace's eyes are pricking with tears as Simon makes him go faster, makes him take more of his length, and it feels so _good. _His head gets fuzzy, making him drift slightly, but Simon has wordlessly given him a task that he refuses to fail. 

"Okay, okay, _fuck," _Simon chokes out, snatching Jace by the hair, pulling him off with a wheeze. "I don't want to come yet." 

Jace breathes out shakily, staring up at him as he works his fingers in and out of Simon, his free hand digging into his quivering thigh. "Let me, let me just--" 

"Oh, look at you." Simon bites his bottom lip and rubs his thumb over Jace's, inhaling deeply when Jace wraps his lips around it and sucks it into his mouth. Simon breathes hard, hips grinding down slightly, and he pulls his thumb from Jace's mouth, only to push it back in, pressing down flat on his tongue. Jace keens, eyes fluttering shut. "Pretty. You're so fucking _pretty, _Jace. And good. So good." 

Jace sucks on Simon's finger more insistently, wishing it was Simon's dick, but desperate to please him all the same. When Simon pulls it out, Jace opens his eyes, lips parting like he's waiting for whatever Simon will slip between them next. 

Instead, Simon reaches back and tugs his hand away, dropping his foot from the couch and bending down to scoop up the lube again. He pours a healthy amount over Jace's dick, smoothing cool fingers over him. Then, with a rough shove, he pushes Jace back against the couch and crawls into his lap, knees bracing either side of his legs as he lifts himself up. Carefully, Simon reaches down and guides Jace's dick into his body, holding his breath as he inches himself down torturously slow. 

"Simon, _Simon," _Jace chokes out, reaching down to grip the cushions, hips trembling with the strain not to buck up into him. "Please move. Please, please, _please." _

"How do you like it?" Simon whispers, leaning forward to put his lips directly beside Jace's ear. He reaches down and grabs Jace's hands, putting them on his hips. "Show me how you like it." 

With conviction, Jace whimpers, _"Fuck." _

He starts slow, just carefully pushes at Simon's hips, making him rock back and forth. The movement is enough to make him groan low in his throat, but he becomes greedy quickly. Not even moments later, he's tugging Simon up and down on his dick, leading tight heat to encompass him over and over, faster and faster, grinding down harder and harder. 

Simon braces one hand on the back of the couch while the other drags up and down Jace's chest, plucking sharply at a nipple, nails scraping down his sternum, a thumb pressing into Jace's pulsepoint. 

Jace ducks his head, gasping for breath, his hair falling into his face, and Simon reaches up to push it away, knotting his fingers into his hair and pulling sharply. Jace is forced to tip his head back with a choked-off moan, his whole body shuddering as he watches Simon sensually writhe up and down. It's glorious and perfect, and Jace can barely fucking _breathe _from the sight of it. 

"Put your hands in between the cushions and don't lift them," Simon says roughly, his words broken by a few grunts, the rise and fall of his body never stopping as Jace does as he's told. 

Simon let's go of his hair, using both hands to brace against the couch, and then he speeds up. The movement of his body picks up in increments, making Jace's mouth go slack as his eyes roll back. The feeling of Simon fucking him so quickly, making the friction reach heated levels, it's almost too much. Jace can feel his orgasm already, how it starts tingling in his toes, making them curl. 

Then Simon's body becomes a blur as he goes inhumanly fast, fucking onto Jace so quickly that the wood panel beneath them splinters with an audible _crack. _They sink down, but Jace doesn't even care, and Simon doesn't so much as stutter. Jace's heart races in his chest, his entire body feels on fire, and the speed of Simon slamming down over him sends his orgasm right over the edge. 

"Simon, I'm--I'm gonna--" Jace comes with a shout, his whole body arching as he knocks his head against the back of the couch. He's so surprised by his abrupt release that his eyes fly open as all the air punches out of him at once. 

Simon keep right on going, pulling one hand down to tug on his own length, his hand a mere blur of flesh as he matches his own pace. Jace is _still _coming, his shout ending on a gasp of Simon's name, just as Simon slows and comes all over Jace's chest. 

"Oh my g--holy shit," Simon breathes out, slumping forward to press his face into Jace's throat. 

Jace breathes deeply, trembling as his dick twitches in Simon's ass. "I love you," he thinks he whispers, but he can't be sure because he drifts off on some cloud of pleasure that he truly adores. 

Some time later, Jace comes around to find himself splayed out on the couch, a blanket thrown over his naked body. The mess has been cleaned off both his chest and his dick, and he blinks blearily when he sits up. He sees Simon in the kitchen, hair damp from a shower, making a sandwich with a small self-satisfied smile curling his lips. As he sits up, the couch groans worryingly and dips in, making him hold his hands out to keep his balance. 

"Yeah, we broke the couch," Simon tells him with a snort, carrying over the sandwich and a bottle of water as he walks over. 

Jace raises his eyebrows. _"We?" _

"You weren't complaining at the time," Simon tells him, chuckling warmly when Jace rolls his eyes. 

"Yeah, well, I wasn't actually all that focused on the couch, Simon." 

"You did seem preoccupied." 

"Just a little." Jace's lips twitch when Simon holds the plate and bottle out to him insistently. "You know, our friends will be over later tonight. They're going to notice the couch." 

Simon reaches back to scratch at the nape of his neck, clearing his throat. "Maybe they'll just assume Jordan did it." 

"Sure they will," Jace says sarcastically. 

"We can get a new one," Simon suggests. 

Jace pauses in taking a bite of the sandwich, slowly lowering it back to the plate. "You're doing it again. Saying _we, _involving me in things that are on you." 

"Well, I mean...not really." Simon averts his eyes, picking at a stray string on the blanket. "Don't think I'm, like, trying to get you to move in, because I'm _not, _but if you need it...you always have a place here. With me. Like, I'm just saying that--"

"Simon," Jace murmurs, "just say what you mean." 

Taking a deep breath, Simon shoots him a furtive look, lips tipped down. "You _can _stay with me, if you want. Now, or whenever you decide to, or never if you don't want to. I just--after being apart, I'd like to think we'd benefit from...you know. And, if all else fails, you should still help me pick out a couch _anyway, _since you're a part of the reason it's broken."

"You want me to move in?" Jace asks carefully. 

"I...want you to sleep with me in my bed every night. If moving in entails that, then yeah," Simon admits with a sheepish smile. 

Jace looks at him for a long moment, watching him squirm under the scrutiny, and he smirks. "Okay," he says simply, then takes a bite of his sandwich. 

"Oh." Simon breathes out, blinking rapidly, and his whole face splits into a grin. "Yeah, okay." 

"Shouldn't you be--" Jace waves the sandwich around and waggles his eyebrows, "--getting ready for the party in a few hours." 

Simon frowns. "Yeah, I do have to make Clary's favorite dip. _You _should get dressed." 

"I like being naked." 

"I like you being naked, but I can guarantee that the others won't agree with me."

"Clary might," Jace muses. 

"That's because Clary is a heathen," Simon teases, standing up from the couch. He pauses, head tipping as he makes a considering expression. "Well, I don't know. She's probably not into anyone being naked besides Izzy at this point. She looks to have moved on, bud, sorry to tell you." 

Jace lays a hand over his heart and flatly says, "Oh no, however will I cope?" 

"Fuck her best friend?" Simon asks lightly. 

"Solid plan," Jace agrees, smirking. 

Simon points at him, backing up towards the open kitchen. "Get dressed." 

"Let me finish my sandwich first, at least." 

"Fine. But immediately after."

Jace gives him a two-fingered salute. "Yes, sir." 

_"Shit," _Simon hisses, dropping the bag of chips on the ground that he'd pulled down from the cabinet. He throws Jace a wide-eyed look and coughs as he scoops them up. "Um, that's--I was just…" 

"Oh, wow." Jace tips his head, surveying Simon curiously with the sandwich half-raised to his mouth, amusement curling in his chest. "You liked that, didn't you? Oh, that's _hilarious." _

"I hate you," Simon mutters, whirling away and pulling the avocados from the fridge. 

"I don't believe you for a second," Jace says sensually, waiting a beat before tacking on, _"sir." _

Simon's shoulders tense, and he releases a very deep sigh. "Jace, please, I'm trying to do something, okay? We _just _had sex. We can't just--" 

"But _sir," _Jace says, biting back a smile as he sits the plate and water bottle on the coffee table, "I'm not doing anything at all." 

"Jace," Simon warns, throwing him a look over his shoulder, even as he grabs a knife and starts halving the avocados. 

"What?" Jace asks playfully, his expression the epitome of innocence. "What is it about that word that gets you going? Me acknowledging you as a figure who has power over me? How I--"

Simon slams the knife down and whirls around, eyes narrowed into slits. "Dude, I have less than two hours to make this place presentable. You being a _tease _isn't helping. Yes, I--I like that, okay? No, I don't know why. Drop it." 

"Or what?" Jace leans back on the couch, draping against the cushions, his dick growing heavy against his thigh. "What will you do if I don't...sir?" 

"Fucking_ fuck." _Simon is across the room in a flash, pressing Jace harder into the couch, ignoring it when it cracks a little further. He snatches the cover away and dips down to kiss him yet again, hard and with more bite than usual. Jace arches up into it with a moan, the sound sliding into a whine of complaint when Simon pulls away. "Jeez, we can't seriously be doing this _again. _We just--" 

Jace reaches up starts yanking roughly on Simon's shirt. "With all due respect, sir," he breathes out, huffing a small laugh when Simon moans at that, "we are young, we _just _got back together, and we're probably going to spend most of our time having sex. Deal with it." 

"We're never going to get anything done," Simon mutters, but his protests are severely lacking. 

"Fuck me this time," Jace whispers, leaning back to bat his eyelashes and smile too sweetly, very aware of what that's currently doing to Simon. "Please, I would _really _like it if you would, sir." 

Simon groans and fumbles for the lube. 

They do not, in fact, get much done. 

* * *

Jace answers the door with his chest heaving. He tries to not look so much like he just finished getting fucked _very _thoroughly, but he's pretty sure he doesn't succeed. His clothes are thrown on haphazardly, his hair is mussed from where Simon yanked on it, and he probably _reeks _of sex. 

Magnus arches an unimpressed eyebrow. "Wow, you look...thoroughly debauched, my dear." 

"By the Angel, Jace," Alec says in disgust, "you look like a _mess. _Come on, really?" 

"Sorry, I was just...um." Jace clears his throat, deciding against telling everyone that he'd just been fucked within an inch of his life. "We're, uh, a little behind schedule. Just...just come in." 

Clary rolls her eyes. "Tell me he at least finished the dip?"

"He actually just started," Jace admits with an apologetic wince. "Sorry, that's my fault." 

"I think it's cute," Izzy says with a warm laugh, pushing past Jace to march into the apartment. "Stop judging them, they're just getting reacquainted."

"Don't sit on the couch," Simon blurts out when Izzy makes a beeline for it. 

"Why?" Clary asks, following Alec and Magnus into the room with a look of confusion. 

Simon clears his throat. "We, um...well, we broke it."

Izzy takes a solid step back. "Wow," she mutters, sharing a look of amusement with Clary. 

"I could be in Cuba right now," Alec says mournfully, frowning at Magnus. "You said family and friend time was important, but this is just… Ugh."

"It _is _important, darling," Magnus says with a small smile. He flaps his hand at Alec. "Now, help Jace move the couch out of the way while me and the ladies finish the snacks. Chop, chop. Also, Simon, I brought alcohol--even you a couple of literal Bloody Mary's, just to make it feel authentic." 

Simon beams. "Oh, cool." 

Alec heaves a sigh but walks over to the couch, arching an eyebrow at Jace. They both take one side and lift it, walking it slowly across the room to sit in a vacant corner. Once it settles, it groans once again and cracks even louder, fully dipping in like it has finally given up. Jace clears his throat and shrugs when Alec wrinkles his nose at him. 

"Oh, shut up," Jace mutters, rolling his eyes. "Like you haven't broken furniture with Magnus." 

Alec's face blooms with red and he points warningly at Jace. "That's none of your business." 

"Hey, Jace," Simon calls out, doing whatever task Magnus has him doing, "can you take that blanket back to my room? It's the one off the bed." 

Mindlessly, Jace seamlessly--without even an ounce of hesitation--replies, "Yes, sir." 

Simon curses sharply and fumbles with the dish he has in his hands, dropping it. Izzy and Clary both dive for it at the same time, going down in a tumble of limbs as Magnus snaps his fingers and freezes the dish in midair. Mortified, Jace stands very still, his eyes wide, not budging an inch. 

"Oh my fucking g--" Simon reaches up and covers his face with his hands, looking as if he'd like the floor to open up and swallow him whole. 

Jace can relate; he'd like to join him there. 

"Well." Magnus clears his throat and leans over to grab the dish. "Perhaps something less involved for you, Simon. Just help the girls up." 

Simon uncovers his face and glances down, his embarrassment pausing for a second. "Uh," he says awkwardly, "maybe now isn't the best time. They're just, um, kind of kissing?" 

"This is the worst day of my life," Alec declares. 

Jace reaches over and grabs the cover, holding it up and clearing his throat. "I'm just gonna--uh, yeah."

With that, he escapes to Simon's room for a breather. He takes a moment to sit on the edge of the bed and question his life decisions. In the grand scheme of things, he knows things could be a lot worse; he could be without Simon, rather than just embarrassing them both with accidental sexual slip-ups in front of their friends. Even still, he is just as mortified as he is amused--calling Simon _sir _has become too easy far too quickly. 

However, once the chagrin had passed, he mostly just sees the humor in the situation. He pushes himself to his feet and heads back inside the room, snickering quietly to himself as he goes. 

When he returns, Alec is sitting at the counter, helping Magnus with the drinks while Simon dumps the chips into a plastic bowl. Clary and Izzy are off the floor now, but they're both grinning and sharing covert looks, red-faced and pleased. Jace lightly taps the couch as he passes it, winking at Simon when he looks over, still self-conscious. 

"We're going to have too much food," Magnus muses. "Simon, you'll have to throw it out." 

"I'll eat it," Jace says easily, leaning on the counter and stealing a chip. 

"I meant after tonight," Magnus clarifies. 

Jace nods. "Yeah, me too," he tells him, leaning on his elbow and grinning sharply as he circles a finger to encompass the whole space. "This place? Yeah, so I live here now." 

Alec's head whips around, eyes bulging. _"What? _You're moving in with Simon?" 

Jace tosses the chip into his mouth and chews obnoxiously before swallowing. "Mhm. He said he wanted me to sleep in the bed with him every night. Easiest way to do that is move in, right?" 

"Is it really that easy?" Alec cuts Magnus a sharp look. "Do you even _know _what I had to do to get Magnus to let me move in? And I practically lived with him already." 

Magnus rolls his eyes. "Alexander, you know why I was so hesitant. It was very early in our relationship. Besides, you live with me _now, _so why be upset?" 

"M'not," Alec grumbles. 

"He's envious." Jace laughs brightly when Alec makes a swipe at him. "Oh, you know I'm right. But hey, think about it like this. Simon and I only had to date each other for a few months, then break up for five, and _now_ we can live together." 

"I would never have this issue," Izzy comments, smiling widely at Clary. 

Simon snorts. "No, but the person you want to be around all the time is already _literally _living with--ow! Clary, what the hell was that for?" 

"Not very discreet, Simon," Jace murmurs, face softening when Simon pouts. 

"Well, _excuse me," _Simon snaps, throwing Clary a glare, "they were just making out in my kitchen. I didn't know we were still pretending." He throws his hands up in surrender and makes a face. "I take it all back. Go on, Izzy, tell us why you'd never have this issue while we act like it's not because--" 

"Next time, it's your knee," Clary warns, smiling too sweetly, her eyes nothing short of glaring daggers. 

Simon rears back. "Jeez, Fray, I was just kidding, damn. Okay, okay! Shutting up now."

"My day has moderately improved," Alec comments, genuinely entertained by Clary threatening Simon. 

"Yeah, me too." Jace cracks a smile when Simon shoots him an offended look. "What? I can't ever get you to shut up. You only stop taking when--" 

_"Okay," _Magnus interrupts, "we should probably get this party started. Though, it's much more of a get-together, isn't it? I stand by what I said earlier. There's too much food." 

Simon sighs and shrugs. "I invited Maia, but she had to work tonight. I don't actually know many other people that eat." 

"I...could invite Sterling," Jace says casually, holding his ground when Simon frowns at him. "I've already talked to him about it. He's a good guy." 

"Wait, that guy from the bar?" Clary asks, her eyebrows raising as she looks at Simon. "What, you don't like him? He seems nice."

"He _is _nice," Jace insists. 

Simon frowns harder. "I don't trust him." 

"He's harmless," Jace says with a sigh, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "If you're jealous--" 

"I'm not." 

"If you _are, _don't be. We're just friends." 

"You trusted him far too easily, Jace," Simon mutters, looking genuinely upset. "When I try to figure out what's so suspicious about him, I just _can't. _It's--it's like something is there, but I can't see it." 

"Sounds like you're jealous to me," Alec says, grinning as he throws a chip into his mouth. 

Magnus chuckles. "Unfortunately, Simon, it does. If there isn't anything you can find wrong with him, then perhaps there's...nothing _to _find." 

"I'm serious," Simon insists. "There's something off about him, okay? I--I can't put my finger on it, but I know it's not right." 

Clary reaches out and squeezes his shoulder. "Hey, okay, we believe you. Relax, Simon." 

"I'm relaxed," Simon snaps. 

"Alright, so maybe I'm not inviting him." Jace gives Simon an easy smile. "I stand by what I said. Sterling really is harmless. _But..._if he makes you uncomfortable, then I won't make you spend time with him. No big deal." 

Simon deflates slightly. "Thanks." 

"Come on," Izzy says softly, grabbing her drink and smiling wide. "Just the six of us is more than enough. Simon, why don't you put on some music? Clary, you find a good mundane board game, and the rest of us will move everything to the coffee table. Good?" 

"Good," Simon confirms with a small smile. 

With that, the party commences. 

* * *

Jace is ready to fall into bed and pass out by the time the door closes on the rest of his family filing out. It's been fun, that's for sure, but he's exhausted in the best way. He's had a _very _long day, a couple of rounds of sex, and in his deepest of desires, he just wants to curl up beside Simon and sleep until morning. 

Simon rewards him with a small smile, walking the dishes into the kitchen and watching him. "You look dead on your feet." 

"I could still kick your ass," Jace replies through a yawn, not sounding as nearly intimidating as he means to. He waves a hand lazily. "Maybe tomorrow though, I am pretty tired." 

"You're...cute." Simon tilts his head, then shakes it and laughs softly. "You're actually freaking cute." 

Jace gazes at him through half-lidded eyes. "You're probably the only person who can get away with saying that without getting shit for it."

"Because _I'm _cute, right?" Simon asks, smiling at him as he starts running water to do dishes. 

"You're something, alright." Jace's smile slips into a frown. "Hey, no, do that tomorrow. It's just a few dishes. Come to bed." 

Simon shoots him a stern look over his shoulder, tutting lightly. "It _is _only a few dishes, that's why I'm doing them now. I'll be right behind you." 

"Don't make me pull out the big guns," Jace teases, biting back a laugh when Simon rolls his eyes. He moves closer to Simon, sliding his arms around his waist, leaning against Simon's back and hooking his chin over his shoulder. "Sir, won't you come to bed with me?" 

"Jace…" Simon cautions, going still even as his voice goes a little breathy. 

Jace kisses the side of his neck. "You can fuck me again. Put me right to sleep. I'm still ready from when you fucked me before. You can slide right back in, fuck me slow and easy…" 

"You are _really _persuasive, you know that?" Simon slowly turns around, shifting in Jace's arms, biting his bottom lip, his eyes soft. "You can probably get anything you want from me. Jace, you have _no idea _how much I love you." 

"I'm going to have to disagree with you, sir," Jace says with faux seriousness, warmth stirring low in his hips when Simon gives a full-body shudder at the title. "I think I know _exactly _how you feel because I love you just as much."

Simon reaches up and touches Jace's cheek, releasing a deep sigh. "You're so _sweet _when you want to be." 

"You tell anyone that, and I'll cut up all your shirts." 

"Annnnd you ruined it." 

Jace chuckles and leans back slightly, peering at Simon curiously. "You like it when I'm sweet, huh? When I give you something I won't give anyone else? Just like when I call you _sir, _giving you authority over me in a way no one else has ever had. It turns you on, doesn't it? Makes you feel good, feel _powerful." _

"Yes." Simon swallows thickly. "That's--that's exactly it." 

"Well," Jace whispers, softening his voice, looking up through his eyelashes, "won't you take me to bed and fuck me to sleep, sir?" 

"Fuck," Simon chokes out, his hands spasming against Jace's side. "I--I know you're just indulging me, but _shit, _that is wildly effective." 

Jace smiles sharply and hooks his hand around Simon's neck, pulling him closer to murmur low and rough in his ear. "Who says I'm just indulging you? Maybe I like it as much as you do, _sir." _

Simon inhales sharply and pulls back, looking at Jace in blatant amazement, his lips parted and his eyes wide. Jace holds his gaze, and he releases a huff of laughter when Simon starts pushing at him, leading him urgently to the room. They stumble together blindly, lips locking and breaking apart, excited to kiss and get to bed, but lethargic from the day. Along the way, Simon's shirt is lost and Jace's gets ripped off, and they're out of their pants by the time they finally make it to their destination. 

"Turn over," Simon murmurs, leading him to the bed, fumbling for the lube they've been using all day, the bottle they'd barely had time to put up before the others had arrived. 

Jace rolls onto his stomach, canting his hips up and sighing when Simon's cool fingers slowly pushes his legs apart. "Come on, you don't need to--" 

"Shh," Simon says softly, "let me take care of it." 

"Yes, sir," Jace mumbles, dropping his head to mattress and tucking his arms beneath it, one cheek pillowed in the crook of his elbow. 

Simon shifts him around, shoving a pillow between his hips, making his dick grind against it, the sensation a soft glide that feels good. Then he opens Jace up even more. He doesn't actually _need _to, having been fucked only earlier today, but the added lube and stretching certainly ensures that there won't be an ounce of discomfort, even if Jace usually prefers that twinge of pain. 

Sure enough, when Simon deems it time, he slides right into Jace without an ounce of resistance. They both let out a synchronous moan, and Simon leans down to drape himself over Jace's back. Slow and gentle, Simon fucks into him, sliding one hand up to tug Jace's arm from underneath his head. He presses his fingers through the crevices of Jace's, holding it from the back, and Jace sighs at the feeling. 

This is how Simon fucks him. Cradling him from behind in every way possible, mouthing at the back of his neck and shoulders, whispering sweet nonsense, slowly dragging out his hips and tenderly rolling them back in. Each slight tug and push makes Jace's dick slide up and down against the pillow beneath him, making him warm and tingly from pleasure. He holds onto the fingers pressing through his, whispering Simon's name, sighing in bliss. 

This is sweet, caring, intimate. It's almost too much, and if Jace wasn't feeling so fucking _good, _he'd be overcome with emotion. As it is, tears prick at the corners of his eyes anyway, and he sinks into the moment with a freedom he so rarely grants himself. 

His orgasm approaches slowly, like a calm incoming tide, washing through him. He grasps Simon's hand and moans through it, gasping for breath as it slowly overtakes him. Simon fucks him through it, and keeps fucking him, just as slow and sweet as before, and Jace whimpers when he relaxes. 

"Do you want me to come?" Simon murmurs, gently nibbling on the shell of his ear. 

Jace shudders and pushes up on his elbow with his other arm, shifting slightly so he can rock back on Simon's dick. "Just keep going. I want to feel you. I don't want this to stop. _Ever." _

Simon hums in approval and keeps seesawing his hips. In… Out… In… Out…

Jace is sensitive, of course he is, but the brush of his half-hard length against the pillow isn't too much, and the full feeling of Simon within him encompasses everything else. He starts putting in some work, fucking back onto Simon to meet him halfway, body trembling and twitching from the hypersensitivity that's just on the edge of discomfort. He can tell when Simon gets close, can hear his moans drag out, can feel it when his hips stutter ever so slightly on the push back in. 

"I'm so close," Simon rasps, his voice low like he doesn't want to break the little bubble they've created for themselves. "I'm gonna--" 

"Please, sir," Jace breathes out, clenching around Simon and rocking back onto him. 

Simon comes immediately with a small sound in the back of his throat, like he's been gutted, a whimper more than anything, a soft keen. He clenches Jace's hand a little too tight and rides the release, pulling out and coming what little bit he does on Jace's ass. As soon as he's done, he lets Jace's hand go and wipes the mess, sliding back up his body to fall beside him, humming in contentment. 

Jace curls in close, reaching out for Simon and pressing his face into his throat. He clenches his eyes tight and fights the urge to cry. 

In all his life, with any partner, he's never had sex like _that. _It's not what he's used to. He knows he loves rough sex, loves the naughty filth of it, loves someone fucking him senseless. Simon provides that, fucks him like no other, makes a mess of him just like he enjoys. But this… Fuck, no one has ever been so gentle with him, so--so _loving. _

"Jace?" Simon murmurs, fingers reaching out to brush at his cheeks, inhaling sharply when he feels the tears there that Jace couldn't stop. 

"It's fine," Jace croaks, inwardly wincing at the crack in his voice. "It's--no one's ever…" 

Simon seems to get it. "Oh, Jace," he says softly, reaching out to tug him closer. "I'm always going to give you just what you need, I promise." 

"I know," Jace chokes out. "I love you for that and so much more. You--you can't even _begin _to understand what the fuck you do to me." 

"The feeling is mutual," Simon tells him, brushing his lips over Jace's forehead. "Get some sleep, okay? I'll be here when you wake up." 

Jace doesn't reply, can't really, because his throat is thick with a lump of emotion. The last time he laid in this bed with Simon, he'd woken to find him gone, and now…

Fuck. 

He almost doesn't want to sleep, but the lull of Simon's breathing makes him drift off. They curl into each other, limbs wrapped up, tangled together as close as possible. Jace ends up falling into deep, restful sleep without dreams. 

When he wakes, however, he's surprised to find Simon gone yet again. He'd panic about that more, except he's more focused on the fact that he's not in bed at all. He jolts up, sucking in a sharp breath as he slaps his hand against the concrete floor, eyes going wide as he looks around. 

Jace slowly takes in his surroundings, his heart dropping as he looks around the cell he's in. Bars that he's far too familiar with wrap around him, the room lit only by one dull, yellow lamp. For a split second, he's so disoriented that he's not sure what's real or not. Is any of it? Did they ever leave this cell to begin with? Will the Moving Mountain come rumbling its way in? Has this all been a dream? 

Except--and here's the kicker--Jace is naked. Very much so, and cold, and still a little slick in the ass. Meaning he's _definitely _had sex recently, which means that he's just been kidnapped _again, _taken back to where he was hidden away in the first fucking place. 

"You look as confused as I feel." 

Jace sucks in a sharp breath and whirls around, heart kickstarting in his chest when he catches sight of Simon in the corner of the cage, his lips tipped down in open wariness. There's a thick collar around his neck, and he only has on a pair of black jogging pants. 

"Simon?" Jace mutters. "What the hell happened?" 

"I...don't actually know," Simon admits awkwardly, holding up a wad of fabric and tossing it over to Jace with a grunt. "I remember falling asleep, then I woke up back here. There were some pants here for us. Guess our kidnapper doesn't want us to be naked."

Jace fumbles to get the pants on, grimacing against the tug of his own collar that sits heavy and frigid around his neck. "Someone got into the apartment, got us _out _of the apartment, and we didn't notice?" 

"Looks like," Simon mutters bitterly. 

"Someone who knows about this place," Jace murmurs, looking around the room with a frown. 

Simon crosses his arms over his naked chest, tipping his head back against the bars. "Valentine?" 

"What? No, he was executed in Idris while you were, uh...gone. Can't be him." 

"So, most likely someone after me." 

"Maybe." Jace shrugs and sighs. "Why is it always us? Is this like--like our _thing?" _

"Shit, I hope not," Simon says with a hollow laugh, lips quirking up without humor. "Though, I should tell you… It's been a full year since we were kidnapped by Valentine. Any chance this is the others playing a really mean trick on us?" 

"Highly doubt it," Jace admits. 

Simon's shoulders slump. "Can't ever be anything simple. I--I should have just stayed away. You'd be safe, you wouldn't have to--" 

"Oh, shut up, Simon," Jace snaps, tossing him a harsh glare. "Just shut the fuck up. I'm not dealing with your high-and-mighty bullshit. If you think for one second that I'd rather live without you than die with you here, then you're fucking insane. You are _not _leaving me again, you hear me?" 

"I hear you," Simon whispers, his face softening as he looks at Jace. "I'm sorry anyway." 

"I know." 

"I love you." 

"I know that, too." Jace sends him a sharp look, waving a hand. "Perk up, butter cup, we aren't dead yet. And frankly, I don't want to deal with you being all oh-woe-is-me over something that isn't your fault. Just--just stay positive, okay?" 

Simon huffs a small laugh, the sound weak but full of effort, and Jace appreciates that immensely. He opens his mouth to respond, but the door opens with a dreadfully familiar clang that Jace doesn't actually enjoy hearing again. They turn to watch whoever their captor is enter the room, and they both suck in a deep breath of shock. 

Well, Jace sure as hell isn't expecting _that. _


	21. how did it go so wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, fellow humans (and other various creatures who have landed themselves here), I am so looking forward to sharing this chapter with you. This is a pretty big reveal after a cliffhanger on the last chapter, and I am VIBRATING with excitement. 
> 
> I also now know for sure that there will be three more chapters after this one, so we're so close to the end of the ride!
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Kidnapping and lack of proper care for those who are kidnapped
> 
> So, without further ado...
> 
> Enjoy!

At first, he barely recognizes her. It takes him a moment to even realize that she's familiar, then even longer to fathom why. Blinking rapidly, he takes her in from head-to-toe, stunned. 

Her hair is tied in an elegant knot at the top of her hair, golden even in the dim room. The red lipstick is bright against her pale skin, matching her  _ very _ high heels and nails, and her black dress stops just below her knees. Though it hugs all of her curves, she looks classy, and that's precisely why it takes so long for Jace to realize who she is. 

The last--and only--time he'd seen her, she'd been dressed in a much shorter blue dress that was more fit for a club than anything. Her hair had been just as golden, but not as full, resembling straw rather than holding the volume she has now. From what he can recall, her make-up had been loud--false eyelashes and bright pink lipstick--and she hadn't had any poise in how she walked in her heels. She hadn't been pale either, her skin painted with a tan that she clearly hadn't earned. 

The woman standing before him now doesn't even remotely resemble who he first met. 

_ "Charity?"  _ Simon blurts out, sounding so baffled that it would be amusing under different circumstances. 

It's her. Jace knows it is, though he's struggling to wrap his mind around it. The last he'd seen her, she was just Reginald's pet and source of food; he can still remember her ear-splitting screech as Simon killed Reginald without mercy. 

Charity walks closer to the cell, reaching out with one hand to wrap her fingers around one of the bars, peering at them. "Not what you were expecting?" she asks, raising one perfect eyebrow. 

"Honestly?" Jace mutters. "No." 

"That's fair." She tips her head and smiles slightly, flashing white teeth. "Last you two heard, I was being wiped of my memories and sent on my way." 

"Let me guess," Jace says dryly, "it didn't actually happen like that?" 

Charity laughs then, the sound of it like tinkling bells, her face criminally pretty for someone capable of being horrible. "No, it did happen like that. A vampire took my memories and I was relocated to an entirely different state." 

"So--so why are you here?" Simon asks in confusion. 

"Well, I died." Charity's smile slips, and her fingers tighten on the bar. "I was enjoying my new life--or, well, no, that's not true. My new life was...dull. I was so sad all the time, and there was this--this deep yearning for someone I didn't even know." Her lips tip down and she sighs. "I dreamt of him often, just a silhouette, just an impression of someone I could no longer remember. I knew I loved him, even if I didn't know him, and I was heartbroken." 

"Reginald," Jace murmurs, heaving a sigh and leaning his head back against the bars, eyeing Charity with a small frown. 

"My poor, poor Reggie," Charity croons, sounding more like Jace remembers her for a moment. She scoffs and rolls her eyes. "What a fucking idiot, right? Letting himself get killed by the likes of you, too caught up in a half-cocked plan. Of course, I was just his little blood bag back then, so I didn't really get a say in what we did--not that I had much  _ to  _ say, mind you. I didn't care about anything outside of the bites. But Reggie had a soft spot for me above all else, and he...gave me a gift, you could say." 

Simon shifts, his chains clanking as he plops down, shaking his head and jostling his collar. "He gave you some of his blood. He was planning to turn you into a vampire, wasn't he?" 

"It was more of a failsafe than anything. He liked having me around." Charity waves her free hand and rolls her eyes. "On the off chance that he accidentally killed me when he was feeding, he wanted to make sure I wouldn't  _ stay  _ dead." 

Jace stares at her. "How did you die?" 

"About a week after I was relocated, I was going to work. They got me a job as a dishwasher, can you believe that?" Charity says, openly offended. She huffs and wrinkles her nose, waving her fingers, red nails flashing. "A truck driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit me head on. I was killed on impact. My piece of shit mother was called, and since she didn't want anything to do with me, she had the funeral arranged in that state, away from family. I was buried in a cemetery with no gravestone, no grieving people at my plot of land, not even a freaking  _ flower."  _

"Jeez, that's horrible," Simon says, grimacing, and he shrugs helplessly when Jace throws him a look. 

Charity hums. "My mother is religious, you see. Despite thinking I was her heathen child doomed to hell, she still believed I had to be buried. Thank goodness for that because the next night, I was crawling right out of my grave, born again. I almost wish she could have seen it. She would have  _ definitely  _ shit her pants." 

"You were alone, you had no one," Jace snaps, glaring at her. "How did you--" 

"Survive?" Charity asks sharply, raising her eyebrows, lips twisting bitterly. "It wasn't the easiest thing I'd ever done. Thankfully, I knew quite a lot from Reggie. You pick up things when you're a vampire's main source of nourishment. And since the vampire who took my memories specified that I wouldn't remember anything for as long as I was alive...well, the memories were mine once more." 

"And, what?" Simon asks fiercely, frowning at her, his fingers clenched together in his lap. "The first thing you did was figure out how to get here? You've waited so long. Why take us  _ now?"  _

"That's not the  _ first  _ thing I planned to do," Charity tells them with a sultry smile, pulling away from the bars, heels clicking as she slowly prowls back and forth in front of the cell. "I knew I wanted revenge on you two, obviously. I said I'd kill you, and I meant it. But, unlike my dear Reggie, I'm much better at making plans." Her laugh fills the room, sweet and tinkling. "So, I asked myself, I said,  _ 'Charity, how are you going to get those two without ever raising suspicion?',  _ and you know what? I cooked up myself a very nice plan, indeed." 

"I don't give a fuck what your plan was," Jace tells her harshly, lip curling up. "However smart you think you played this, you're  _ wrong,  _ and we aren't interested in hearing it."

"Oh, but I think you are." Charity winks at them. "I figured out early on what exactly I wanted to do and how to do it. I knew I wanted to take you two and have my way with you, but I also knew I needed to succeed where Reggie failed. It just wouldn't be right to let his death be in vain. Personally, I don't miss the sunlight, but I can see the appeal of having the chance of walking in it again." 

"If he failed, what makes you think you won't?" Simon asks defiantly, eyes narrowing. 

Charity chuckles. "Well, I knew I had to learn about you two. Figure you out. Get close. Understand what makes you two tick, what you two want, what  _ really  _ drives you. But I was aware you'd never let me get close enough to do that.  _ So,  _ I enlisted some help." 

Jace tenses, his heart stuttering in his chest. Help? From  _ who?  _ He thinks over anyone he can recall poking around in his business, anyone who seemed like someone to align themselves with  _ her.  _ He can't think of anyone, and he shares a wary look with Simon, who looks ready to throw up. 

"You--you hired someone?" Simon chokes out. 

"No, no, nothing like that. I'm very broke, baby-cakes. I only had my wits, and I knew I needed someone who'd do whatever I told them, who didn't have a choice." Her smile turns sharp. "I found a nice young man in love, turned him into a vampire too. Right there in the state. Taught him how to  _ be,  _ explained to him that he could live a normal life with his lover one day, if he only did what I said." 

"You ruined some innocent's life and  _ blackmailed  _ him?" Simon blurts out, aghast and disgusted. 

Jace's mind does a record-scratch. "Wait," he says slowly, heart dropping in his chest. "W-what state were you relocated to?" 

Charity focuses on him, her red lips curling into a devious smirk. "Georgia, baby.  _ Georgia."  _

"No…" Jace can  _ feel  _ his face fall, just as his heart takes a sharp dive to his stomach.  _ "Sterling."  _

"Wait,  _ Sterling?"  _ Simon's mouth falls open and he sits up with a jolt. "I freaking  _ told  _ you there was something off about him!" 

"Simon," Jace says softly, shaking his head, swallowing thickly, "not now, please." 

"Cute little fledgling, isn't he?" Charity turns on her heel and starts pacing the other way, crossing her arms and sighing. "It's a shame he's gay." 

"How didn't we realize he was a vampire?" Jace murmurs, staring at his knees blankly. 

Charity laughs brightly. "That's the brilliance of it. This world of vampires, Warlocks, werewolves...there's always magic to those who know where to look for it. Find the right Warlock and pay them all your dishwasher savings, and maybe they'll put a spell on your fledgling that will make suspicion slide right off him. Works like a dream." 

Jace closes his eyes and clenches his jaw, mixed emotions hitting him square in the chest. Sterling. He'd  _ lied.  _ But Jace knows why, knows he'd done it by a misguided hope to get back to Montey. Things suddenly start to make sense. His disgust with the jello shots, his inability to say god, his story about refusing to bite the love of his life, how he was forced to leave and wanted nothing more than to be with the man he's in love with. How he knew that standing up in his attic was hard, how he disappeared during the day, how he knew about the Shadow World at all. 

It's horrible what Sterling has done, but Jace  _ gets it.  _ He hates to think it, but he's not sure he wouldn't have done the same to try and get back to Simon. No, that's not true--he'd never help get two people killed. But he'd want to, secretly. What hurts, though, is that where Jace never would, Sterling  _ is... _ and Jace had assumed he was better than that. 

"Jace," Simon murmurs, "it's--it isn't your fault. You didn't know. And--and he's just trying to get home to his boyfriend. You were  _ right,  _ he isn't a bad person."

Jace looks up, staring coldly at Charity, breathing harshly through his nose. "How did you know about this place? Who told you?" 

Charity waggles a finger at him. "Now  _ that  _ is an interesting story. See, when I finally made it back to New York with Sterling in tow, I knew I needed somewhere to hole up. Somewhere secure, somewhere I could bring you two when the plan inevitably worked out. There were whispers of the last place Valentine was--where he got caught--and the stories of how he kept you two locked up for so long weren't exactly a  _ secret.  _ Shadowhunters are a gossiping bunch, did you know? I followed as many leads as I could, and it took some time, but…" She grins and spreads her hands out like  _ tada!  _ "It's very poetic, right? For you two to die in the same place that you became so close?" 

"So, that's it? Just like that?" Jace gives a bitter laugh and shakes his head. "What, you're going to--to threaten to kill me unless Simon tells you how he became a Daylighter? Then kill us anyway? Do you  _ honestly  _ think that will work?" 

"Come on, I'm a little more creative than  _ that."  _ Charity rolls her eyes and starts backing up against the door, banging on it loudly. "No, I have you two all figured out, remember? I know what motivates you, and  _ surprisingly,  _ it's not the thought of dying together. You two must believe in love in the afterlife, huh?" 

The door shudders open, and Jace sucks in a sharp breath when Sterling comes into the room, eyes downcast. Now that Jace knows and is looking, he can see all the things he hadn't been able to before. Looking back, his immediate trust in Sterling  _ was  _ weird, and all those things he'd brushed off seem so obvious now. He feels like a fucking dumbass. 

Charity casually walks over to the corner of the room and grabs a chair, dragging it to the center beneath the dull lightbulb, waving Sterling over. He slowly sits down, an unhappy set to his mouth, and he doesn't look up. Charity steps up behind him and starts rubbing his shoulders, her pale hands looking more like the entrapment of a guillotine than anything comforting. Sterling's shoulders sag. 

Jace leans forward. "Sterling," he says sharply, "look at me. Look at us. What you're doing to us." 

"I didn't have a  _ choice,"  _ Sterling rasps, looking up with tears clinging to his eyelashes. "W-what was I supposed to do, Jace? Montey wasn't ever going to be able to accept me living a half-life. He--he deserved better than some...some  _ monster."  _

"Right," Simon says dryly, harshly, "because being an accomplice to kidnapping, maybe torture, and probably murder is  _ definitely  _ something your boyfriend wouldn't consider monstrous." 

Sterling's head snaps to the side, his lips twisting bitterly as he glares at Simon. "You don't  _ get  _ it. You have everything! You have someone who loves you and understands why and what you are. You can walk with him in the sun, you can have a mostly normal life, you--you don't  _ have  _ struggles! Do you have  _ any  _ idea what I would give to have your life?" 

"This, apparently," Jace rasps out. He's feeling a lot of things, but at this moment, his disappointment shines the brightest. "You know, I think the worst part is how much I actually believed in you." 

Sterling flinches. "Jace, I'm  _ sorry.  _ You--you have to understand where I'm comin' from though, man. Don't act like you wouldn't do the same." 

"I  _ wouldn't,"  _ Jace hisses, his anger winning out against his disappointment. "You know how much I love Simon. You have to, since it was your fucking  _ mission  _ to learn everything about me. But you clearly failed if you think that I'd actually do this, or that I'd want Simon to. You think this will fix all your problems, but it won't. If Montey  _ knew _ what you were doing, he'd be more horrified about this than finding out you can't be in the sunlight." 

"He ain't gonna know." Sterling clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath, tensing when Charity starts petting his hair. "I'm doing what I gotta do. Again, I'm sorry, but--but I didn't have a choice." 

Simon slaps the concrete ground, making Sterling jolt in his chair. "There's  _ always  _ a choice," he snaps, lip curling in disgust. "You think that I have it  _ easy?  _ That being a Daylighter made my life so much better? You don't know  _ how  _ I ended up here, how it affected my life and those I love, and you don't know a freaking thing about love if you think doing this in the name of your boyfriend absolves you of the guilt. It won't." He leans forward, eyes blazing, the collar around his neck clanking. "This is going to stay with you for the rest of your life, and you're going to have to live with the fact that you're a monster, not because you're a vampire, but because of  _ this."  _

Sterling leans forward with a snarl, and Charity grips his shoulder, slamming him back into the chair roughly. She clicks her tongue chidingly. "Now, now, don't listen to them. You're doing this for your lover, sweetie, and that's  _ honorable."  _

"Yes, ma'am," Sterling breathes out, closing his eyes and exhaling slowly. "For Montey." 

"Mhm," she coos, caressing his cheek before whirling to the cage with a sweet smile. "So, boys, this is how it's going to go, k? Me and my little prodigy here are going to leave for a little while. He has a plan to set in motion, I have business to attend to, and you can just sit tight and wait for us to get back. Could take a while since the sun is coming up soon. In the case of an emergency...well, you're screwed, fellas. Have fun being uncomfortable!" 

With a wink and a soft laugh, Charity pulls Sterling to his feet, and they both blur out of the room. 

* * *

Jace is  _ really  _ thirsty. 

Being back in this stupid cell is making him want to rip the fucking place apart. He can't believe, after everything, he's right back  _ here.  _ It's not even as accommodating as last time--no clothes besides pants that don't actually keep him warm, nothing to drink or eat, and he can't even touch Simon. 

Not that being kidnapped usually  _ is  _ comfortable. But this is just...undignified. Jace is shivering. He can hear his own teeth chattering and he's curled into a tight ball to try and conserve warmth. Simon, of course, doesn't feel the temperature and simply watches Jace in sympathy. 

Just like last time, he has no sense of time. It seems like Charity and Sterling have been gone a long time, but they could have left five minutes ago for all he knows. Time is a broken construct in here. 

Jace really wants to punch something or someone. Sterling, preferably. He's just so fucking  _ pissed off.  _ He's cold and humiliated. The floor is frigid against his ass, the collar around his neck feels like an icy vice, and the bars he's propped up against seem to be seeping all the warmth from his body. His stomach is gurgling loudly in the silence and his mouth is so dry that every time he unsticks his tongue from the roof of his mouth it makes a tacky smacking noise. 

He and Simon haven't really said much. Intermittently, Simon checks on him, but he always just says he's fine. It's a blatant lie, but Simon thankfully doesn't call him out on it. 

How the fuck are they supposed to get out of this one? Surely by now, someone knows that they're missing, but who's going to look for them  _ here?  _ No one's going to think of Charity, and no one will glance twice at Sterling due to the spell he has on him. It looks like it's up to them, which isn't encouraging because they're literally in chains in a fortified cell with no options. 

"We're probably going to die," Jace huffs out abruptly, reaching that conclusion with a frown. 

Simon just sighs. "Yeah, that's what it looks like. Probably after a long time of being tortured. You know, for a couple of veterans at being kidnap victims, we still somehow have no backup plans." 

"Well, it's not like we saw this coming." 

"We need to be better prepared. Like...maybe Izzy can put a tracker in me or something that only she has access to. Or, oh! Maybe only I can activate it, and it'll notify the others." 

"Great idea," Jace admits with a grunt. "Too bad you thought of it  _ after  _ we were kidnapped." 

"Hey, we probably can survive. Maybe." 

"It's...highly unlikely. Everyone thinks Charity is some human living out a different life. And Sterling is...well." 

"Yeah," Simon says softly, "I know. Jace, you don't need to blame yourself for him, okay? His intentions aren't great, but he's just--his heart is in the right place. Sort of. Blinded by love, bitter with the life he was dealt. Charity is the one who ruined things.  _ She's  _ the one who dragged him kicking and screaming to this point. He's as much of a victim as we are." 

"That doesn't make what he did and what he's doing okay," Jace argues wearily. 

"No, it doesn't," Simon agrees. He kicks one leg out, stretching it towards Jace, waving a bare foot. "Hey, stop blaming yourself. You didn't  _ know."  _

"You tried to tell me." 

"Okay, yes, I did. And next time you'll listen to me."

"If there is a next time," Jace murmurs. 

Simon snorts. "There won't be, not if I have anything to do with it. As  _ soon  _ as we get out of this, I'm making Izzy put some kind of tracker in me." 

"It would help if we knew exactly what Charity the basketcase is planning." 

"I don't really want to explore the options, but we both know what they are." 

Jace wraps his arms around his knees, lying his head over on them, peering at Simon with a frown. "You can't give in to her, no matter what they do to me. Simon, I mean it. If--if she tortures me, don't you fucking  _ dare  _ give her what she wants." 

"Right back at ya," Simon says weakly, his face drawn with exhaustion and dread. "I, um, don't really enjoy pain all that much, so I'll more than likely do a lot of screaming. Just--just ignore that, okay?" 

"My pain tolerance is pretty high. I won't scream. But, whatever she does, don't watch." 

"I don't think I'll be able to." 

"Hey," Jace whispers, his voice softening, "it's going to be okay. We'll get through this just like we get through everything else."

Simon swallows thickly. "What if she bites you? What if she makes  _ me  _ bite you?" 

"You can," Jace replies instantly. "You always can, you know that. I know I'm not supposed to tell you that, but I'd let you. I always will." 

"I guess it's lucky that it's  _ me.  _ I refuse to take advantage of your enjoyment and openness to being bitten. I won't do it willingly." 

"I know. And...you know it's not the biting that I'm open to, right? I--I get sick at the mere thought of anyone else biting me, but you? I'd let you drain me dry simply because it's  _ you.  _ The crazy part is that I know you never will." 

"Your faith in me is astounding." Simon shakes his head, but his lips curl up in pleasure. "That still doesn't answer my question about what we're supposed to do if she bites you." 

"We need some way to make sure she doesn't. If her or Sterling does...I'll get high off it. If they keep doing it, I'll get hooked on it. I'll do anything for it. I don't know what will happen to us then." 

"We'll think of something." 

Jace hums and closes his eyes. "You know, I'd say that it's kind of sweet to be back in the place where we got so close if it wasn't a fucking  _ cage.  _ The trajectory of our relationship is so fucked." 

"I think it's fitting for us. Happy first kidnapping anniversary, by the way." 

"Did you get me anything?" 

"I can blow you a kiss, but that's about all I have to offer at the moment. If we make it out of this, I'll give you the other key to my apartment." 

"I'll take it. And the key, if we make it back." 

Simon is grinning when Jace opens his eyes and peeks at him. He clears his throat and sits up like this is very important business indeed. With the seriousness he rarely puts into anything, Simon blows him a kiss. It makes Jace snort and roll his eyes, even if his chest blooms with warmth. 

"No, no, you have to catch it."

"Catch what?" 

"The kiss. Reach out and grab it. If you don't, then it just keeps on floating right by. Here, I'm going to do it again." Simon eyes him sternly, but his lips twitch up in amusement. He points at him in warning before blowing Jace a kiss again. "Catch it." 

Everything in Jace protests this. It's that sweet bullshit that's almost syrupy and saccharine, the very kind he usually detests with everything in him. But they're kind of in a situation where a little bit of gag-worthy softness can be accepted. 

Jace rolls his eyes and catches it anyway. 

Simon beams, looking delighted by such a small thing, and Jace's heart  _ aches.  _ Here they are, yet again, facing another dire situation together, and Simon is still finding a reason to smile. Jace loves him so much that it hurts. When things get hard--because, inevitably, they will--this is the moment that Jace will cling to. If Charity tortures them, this is what he'll recall, this and every other positive thing that's ever happened between them. 

He's not ready for his minor discomfort to transition into hopeless agony, either at the expense of Simon's screams or his own. He's not ready to lose Simon, to let him go so soon after only just getting him back. They have so much to do, so many moments they need to experience, and it's not  _ fair.  _

But he doesn't really have a choice in the matter. Simon had said that there are always other choices, but he clearly hadn't anticipated this. 

Jace hates that he was wrong. 

* * *

Sterling comes in first. His movements are jerky and stilted, shame clinging to his frame. He shuts the door with a clang and moves over to the chair, sinking down into it and slumping forward, putting his head in his hands. 

Jace almost feels sorry for him. 

"I don't know what I'm doing," he whispers, his breath hitching on a sob. "I wanna go  _ home." _

"That makes three of us," Simon says sharply. 

Sterling lifts his head with a sniffle, mouth twisting as he looks at Simon. "You know, I fuckin'  _ hated  _ you. Envied you. What you did to Jace, he didn't deserve it. You  _ left  _ him,  _ you  _ did that, it was your decision. You gave him up, and for what?" 

"Honestly?" Simon asks calmly, waiting for Sterling to nod jerkily. "I felt like I was a danger to him. Because of me, he kept getting hurt. Over and over, all the time, and I was the reason." 

"Simon," Jace says warningly. 

Simon holds up a hand. "I know  _ now  _ that I made the right choice in the grand scheme of things. But I've also learned that danger is going to follow us no matter where we go. It's not like his life wasn't threatened while I was away. My absence just ensured that I wasn't there for him through it. So, you're right, he didn't deserve it." 

"I tried to go back to Montey after I was turned. I went home, and--and Charity let me go 'cause she knew I'd come back." Sterling lets out a bitter laugh and shakes his head. "I--I wanted to kill him. Just rip into his throat and drain him dry. I was so fuckin'  _ scared,  _ y'all have no idea. I made myself go, and he begged me to stay, but he didn't know what I was. He  _ kissed  _ me, and he told me to bite him, and it took everything in me  _ not to."  _

"That lessens with time, but not by much," Simon tells him bluntly. "It's always there in the back of your mind. If you get even a  _ drop  _ of his blood, you're going to crave it every single second. Being a Daylighter doesn't change that." 

Jace blinks rapidly and stares at Simon in surprise. He hadn't known it was like  _ that.  _ Simon never acts like it, and he doesn't seem to be constantly on edge with bloodlust. Jace definitely hasn't seen any signs that Simon always wants to bite him, and Simon has literally bit him not once but  _ three times.  _

"I've never bit anyone," Sterling confesses softly, looking at Simon with wide eyes. "I'm scared if I do it, I won't be able to stop." 

Simon nods in understanding. "You won't want to. The first person I bit...I would have killed him if I hadn't been pulled away. I  _ wanted  _ to. After, I bit him again and again, and that craving only grows stronger each time." 

"How do you stop?" Sterling asks. 

"The secret is that you have to care about the person's life more than your own," Simon tells him gently. "In that moment, when you're biting someone, you feel alive for the first time since you died. It's--it's the most euphoric experience you'll ever have as a vampire. Stopping and pulling away feels like dying all over again, and you have to be willing to do that for them." 

Sterling takes in a shuddering breath and rakes his hands through his hair. "I didn't ask for this." 

"Neither did I," Simon murmurs. 

"Just  _ tell  _ me what made you a Daylighter," Sterling hisses, his eyes wide as he leans forward. "Please, and I'll let you go. Charity won't have to know." 

"I'm sorry," Simon tells him, "I can't tell you. I've said it to everyone who's asked, I  _ don't know."  _

Sterling leans back and slumps in the chair, making a muted sound of horror. "You  _ have  _ to know. Simon, I'm literally begging you, man,  _ please."  _

"You're going to let Charity torture us for information we can't give you," Jace grits out, glaring at Sterling. "It's all going to be for nothing. Our blood will be on your hands and you'll still live in the shadows. Can you live with that?" 

"She...she ain't gonna torture you, Jace," Sterling mutters, swallowing thickly. "You really think I'd agree to that?" 

"What else am I supposed to think? You helped her kidnap us. You're going to stand by while she kills us. But  _ torture  _ is a hard limit?" 

"Believe it or not, I actually care about you, Jace. You--you looked out for me. You were my  _ friend."  _

Jace scowls at him. "Yeah, and all that got me was a collar around my neck and the promise of death. It doesn't matter what you  _ say,  _ Sterling, it matters what you're doing. And right now…" 

"She won't hurt you," Sterling tells him seriously, his legs bouncing. "It's the only reason I agreed to help." 

"Well, if not that, then what's her plan?" 

"She--she told me about her background, you know. About being a human blood bag for her old fella. About how  _ good  _ it felt to be bitten by him, how she'd do anything for it, how she'd tell him anything he wanted to hear…" 

Jace's heart sinks. "So, that's what she's going to do. She's going to turn me into an addict desperate for another hit. And what makes you think  _ I  _ know what she wants to hear?" 

"Well," Charity calls out as the door bangs open, her lips spread into a pretty smile as she comes sashaying in, "you probably don't, if Simon is as smart as he looks." 

"You think I'll tell you what you want to keep you from doing that to him?" Simon croaks out. 

Charity laughs, pacing towards the bars, her eyes bright with amusement. "You'd be a terrible boyfriend otherwise, in my opinion. See, we have you two all figured out, remember? I know about your reluctance to let my dear Reggie feed on him. I was  _ there,  _ if you can recall." 

Jace shivers and it's not just from the cold. The mere thought of Charity doing this makes him feel like he's going to throw up. The thing about it is...the plan would actually  _ work,  _ and he knows it. Just a few bites and some time without it, and he'll be willing to give her whatever she wants. Simon won't be able to watch that. The only problem with  _ that  _ is...the solution to that situation is telling them how he became a Daylighter to begin with, which leads to  _ more  _ biting of Jace. It's counterproductive, a lose-lose situation, and Charity has no idea. 

Simon is silent for a long moment before he clears his throat and sits back. "Okay," he says casually, his entire posture relaxed. "Bite him if you want. In fact, I  _ encourage  _ it. Both of you should." 

Jace's brain record-scratches. His head whips around and he stares wide-eyed at a completely calm Simon, who looks to be telling the truth. He actually looks like he genuinely wants them to bite him, and Jace is fucking  _ shocked.  _ This is not the plan. This is pretty much the exact opposite of the plan. 

Charity looks taken aback for a moment, her perfect eyebrows jumping towards her hairline. Even Sterling looks uncomfortable and blown away in his confusion. Obviously they hadn't been expecting that response, and Jace can relate. 

"Seriously?" Charity asks slowly. 

Simon nods. "Yep. Go for it. Jace, give her your wrist. I prefer you  _ not  _ to bite his neck; that's a little too intimate for my comfort." 

Jace gapes at him. "Simon, I'm not just--" 

"Do it," Simon says sharply, his tone firm, words an order that Jace isn't meant to refuse. "Now." 

Jace's heart skips a beat in his chest and his mouth goes dry. Simon is  _ not  _ joking. Like...not even a little bit, and he's exuding so much domineering presence at the moment that Jace forgets why he shouldn't be going a little weak in the knees. This is possibly the worst time for him to be getting turned on by Simon taking charge,  _ especially  _ when he's being told to offer his fucking wrist to a vampire that  _ isn't  _ Simon. 

He hesitates. Warily, he mutters, "Simon, I--" 

_ "Now,"  _ Simon commands, leaning forward to stare right into Jace's eyes,  _ daring  _ him to refuse. 

It's insane but instinctual. Fingers shaking, Jace lifts of his wrist above his head, offering it between the bars, and he whispers, "Yes, sir." 

"Good," Simon praises, nodding at him in approval as he slumps back. He cuts his eyes over to Charity and Sterling, waving a hand encouragingly. "Well? Go ahead, have a good drink. Both of you." 

Jace flinches when cool fingers curl around his wrist, the breeze from Charity darting forward ruffling his hair slightly. He closes his eyes as her nails dig into his skin, his heart thundering in his chest. What is Simon  _ doing?  _ And why isn't Jace fighting it? 

After a pause, Jace feels hot breath ghost over his pulse. His eyes snap open, watching Simon's expression. He still looks calm, not at all bothered by this, and Jace doesn't know why. He trusts him, even now as lips that aren't welcome brush his skin with Simon's permission. The sound of Charity's fangs flicking out makes Jace tense up, and  _ fuck,  _ this is actually happening. Simon's  _ letting  _ it happen. His lips curl up into a smirk as he watches avidly, and Jace can only think that he looks good. 

"Alright," Charity says suddenly, dropping Jace's hand and backing off, "what's your deal?" 

Jace releases a shuddering breath of relief, sinking down slightly, but keeping his hand up like the crazy person he apparently fucking is, all because Simon hasn't told him to drop it yet.  _ Fuck,  _ there is something massively wrong with him. 

"What do you mean?" Simon asks lightly. 

"We've been studying you  _ and  _ Jace. We know you, we know what scares you, what pushes you to desperation. Nothing we've learned about you suggests that you enjoy sharing him. So, why?" Charity asks accusingly.

"Oh, come  _ on,  _ you don't really think that we didn't have a backup plan, did you?" Simon snorts and rolls his eyes. "We've been kidnapped so many times at this point and have had this same threat used against us. Of course we have a failsafe, we're not  _ idiots."  _

They are, in fact, idiots because Simon is fucking  _ lying,  _ but Jace keeps his mouth shut about that. 

Charity hums. "What did you do?" 

"Well, after what happened with Reginald, we figured it was best to make sure we'd never have that issue again. You're not the only one with connections to a Warlock. Thank one Magnus Bane for cooking up the potion that turned Jace's blood into poison for Vampires," Simon says smugly. "Go ahead, take a big bite out of him. You'll be dead in a day or two when you do, so by all means...enjoy it." 

"You're  _ lying,"  _ Charity hisses, openly furious about this, meaning she actually believes it. 

Simon smirks and leans forward, his eyes fixated on her in victory. "I'm not, actually, but go ahead and test your luck. I  _ dare  _ you." 

Jace can barely refrain from grinning like a fucking lunatic. Simon is amazing _ .  _ If they get out of this, Jace is going to fuck him within an inch of his life for this spark of genius. He deserves it, honestly. 

"Sterling," Charity grits out, "a word, please?" 

The door bangs open and slams shut as they leave, and Jace lets out his delirious huff of laughter, staring at Simon in awe. 

"You can let your hand down, Jace," Simon tells him softly, and he takes a deep breath, eyes sinking closed as he visibly sags in relief. 

Face heating up, Jace quickly brings his hand down and clears his throat. "That was…" 

"My best performance yet." 

"Well, yeah. That, and it was  _ incredibly  _ hot." 

Simon's eyes fly open. "You cannot  _ seriously  _ be thinking about sex right now." 

"I have a few ideas," Jace admits shamelessly. 

"Jeez." Simon shakes his head and smiles, but it falls away only a moment later. "Sorry about, uh, using the strong tone on you. I just--I needed you to listen." 

"And you knew I would?" 

"You always do when I do it." 

Jace narrows his eyes. "I hope you know that won't work on, like, little shit. You can't just order me around to clean up or something and expect me to say  _ yes, sir  _ and do it." 

"That's because you're a brat." 

"I'm  _ not  _ a--" 

They both shut up when the door opens yet again. Jace turns to watch Charity and Sterling walk back in. She's visibly upset, and it's clear that Simon's reveal has thrown a wrench into her plans. 

"Alright," Charity declares through clenched teeth, "I'll admit that this has...complicated things.  _ But  _ I didn't come this far to give up now. So, what I'm going to do now is probably not as effective, but I'm sure it will get the job done." 

"Let me guess," Jace says flatly, "torture?" 

Charity clicks her tongue. "I was very much on board with that, but Sterling isn't agreeable. He'd betray me if I turned to that, and while that annoys me, I can respect his determination to stand his ground. No, I have something else in mind." 

"Which is?" Simon asks warily. 

"It should only take a few more days before you're starving and feral, Simon. Since feeding on Jace will  _ literally  _ kill you, we'll leave him your only source of food," Charity says way too pleasantly. "I also recall your reluctance to bite Jace yourself. So, I'll make sure that you'll be rabid when I let you at him. You'll kill him without even noticing. I have blood bags to offer should you wish to tell me how you became a Daylighter. Think it over." 

Simon's eyes bulge. 

"No one's telling you  _ shit,"  _ Jace spits with much more confidence than he feels. 

Charity shrugs. "Alright. We'll wait a few days and see how you feel. Have fun, sugar plums. Come along, Sterling, let's give them time to stew in it." 

Once again, they leave with a small gust of wind and the sound of the door opening and closing behind them, leaving Jace and Simon alone. 

This is...not good. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHHHH *screams forever*
> 
> So, what did we think? Another cliffhanger, I know, but how are we feeling with what our boys have to face? Also, Charity was a bit of a surprise, eh? 
> 
> Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought, pleaseeeeee 😍


	22. mark me, I'm yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, folks, we're getting closer and closer to the end!!! 
> 
> Enjoy! ;)

Simon's too pale. 

There's a waxy pallor to his skin, a sheen of sweat over his ashen face, and his lips are chapped. He looks sick, almost. He has his eyes closed tight and his hands sit in his lap, fisted so hard that his knuckles are stark white. He breathes raggedly through his parted lips, each inhale measured, each exhale shuddering out of him. 

Jace watches him and waits. There's nothing he can do to help him, and having to see this is like torture in its own right. The only thing that can help him now is well out of reach. 

He has no idea how long it's been since Sterling and Charity left. It feels like a while because Jace has already slept, and he's starting to get really hungry, on top of exhausted from lack of water. It makes his head throb and definitely doesn't help the stress--he thinks that's that maybe they'll both die from thirst before Charity comes back. Maybe he's growing a little delirious, but he's starting to entertain that idea as something that might actually be better. 

"Simon," Jace whispers in fatigue, "you should get some sleep." 

"Can't," Simon rasps out, his voice hoarse. 

Jace sighs and reaches up to tug at the collar, despising the unwelcome weight around his neck. It makes him feel...trapped. "Maybe some sleep will actually do you some good. If you rest--" 

_ "I can't,"  _ Simon hisses out aggressively, surging forward until the collar around his neck stops him and jerks him back. He releases an exhausted sigh, his anger draining, and he settles once more. "M'sorry, that was--I shouldn't have snapped at you." 

"You're starving." Jace swallows thickly and clenches his fingers tight around the collar at his throat. "And I'm weak from lack of substance. If you bite me--" 

"I won't," Simon says seriously, blinking open heavy eyelids, his gaze sincere. "I refuse." 

Jace bites his bottom lip for a moment. "Will you be able to stop yourself?" 

"I--" Simon cuts himself off, averting his eyes. His face crumbles and he looks dreadfully close to tears, lips trembling. "Jace, I--I don't  _ know."  _

"What you told Sterling, a-about craving me all the time...was it true?" 

"I crave everyone. That's just what being a vampire  _ is.  _ I've learned to control it, but--but it was a lot harder in the beginning. But  _ you,  _ Jace...I want you like I want no other, even before we got together. The moment I bit you for the first time, I knew I'd never taste anything as good, and it keeps  _ happening _ . Sometimes, when you're in my arms, I can smell your blood, and I...I want it  _ so bad."  _

"But you never bite me unless you're forced to." 

"Because I care more about _ you  _ than what you taste like. Call me cheesy, but I'd rather you be  _ you  _ than someone addicted to my teeth. I want you to be happy and healthy, and I don't want to hurt you, I never want that. So...I just  _ don't  _ bite you." 

Jace huffs a small laugh. "Instead, you just sniff me like a weirdo." 

"Yeah," Simon agrees in a croak, his cracked lips curling up. "You smell the sweetest when we're having sex, and even sweeter when you come." 

"Thank you," Jace says softly, abruptly serious, "for not getting me hooked on you, I mean. You're truly a good person, Simon. One of the best in the world." 

"I think...at first, it was because I was so scared of what I was capable of. I  _ knew  _ you'd let me, and--and a really horrible part of me wanted to take advantage of that, of  _ you.  _ But I knew it was wrong and I was so fucking  _ terrified  _ of what I could do to you, what you'd  _ let  _ me do to you." 

"Is that why you like it when I call you sir? When I let you order me around? When I put myself in your hands and trust you not to destroy me?" 

"Yes," Simon admits. "There's no fear in that. I can take care of you, I  _ know  _ I can. I want to. So, I just--I enjoy the ease of it, the control. I know I'll never hurt you when we're like that. I trust myself because you trust me, and it's the only time I don't crave your blood. I just crave you." 

"I hate that you're scared any other time. I trust you no matter what, Simon. In  _ and  _ out of the bedroom. You know that, right?" 

"Yeah, I know. Like I said, it was scary  _ at first.  _ Over time, though, I saw how much you believed in me, and it stopped scaring the shit out of me. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, Jace, and I have no doubt that I'll never hurt you. I can't. Hurting you would be like dying all over again." 

Jace's breath punches out of him. "So, you're not worried about--" 

"Oh no, I am," Simon whispers, eyes flicking over to take Jace in like he's scared he'll never see him again, swallowing dryly. "The problem is...whoever they let loose might not be  _ me.  _ The hunger could take over, and I'll--I might not be able to fight it. I'm not just worried, I'm fucking  _ terrified."  _

"Hey," Jace murmurs, "it's okay. If--if it goes bad, like Charity wants...then I forgive you." 

Simon's eyes glitter with tears, the corners of his lips trembling as his breath hitches. "What if I can't  _ stop,  _ Jace? What if… Fuck, if I wake up and you're--you're not… Jace, I can't live with that. I--" 

His words choke off as he starts crying in earnest, raising shaking hands to cover his face, shoulders hunching in as he sobs. Jace's heart throbs in his chest, aching at the sight of Simon breaking down. He wishes he could get ahold of Charity and put his blade through her heart, just for this, just for knowing exactly how to ruin Simon. 

"Listen to me, Simon," Jace says fiercely, scrambling up to his knees and scooting as close at the chains holding him back will allow. "Hey, look at me, shhh. Yeah, that's it." He swallows hard when Simon bites his lower lip and drops his hands, revealing teary brown eyes that are beautiful and fixated on Jace in open desperation. "If it gets that far, you will  _ stop.  _ I know you will. I have complete faith in you." 

"Don't tell me that," Simon whispers, face crumbling further. His breath hiccups out of him. "It'll only make it worse if I lose control and  _ can't  _ stop." 

Jace nods. "Okay. Then, in that case, know that I won't blame you. If you kill me, then--then you do, and that's all there is to it. I love you anyway, in spite of that danger, maybe a little bit  _ because  _ of it. You keep going, and you keep living, and you don't for  _ one second  _ think you're at fault." 

"If you don't make it out of here alive," Simon tells him, tears falling down his cheeks, "then you have to know that I won't either." 

"I don't want you to die." 

"I don't want to kill you." 

"So, let's just...not do either of those things, okay?" Jace asks gently, settling back down, hugging his knees close to his chest, still so fucking  _ cold.  _

Simon looks like he might reply, but before he gets the chance, he folds in half with a groan. His hands swing down to clutch at his stomach and he gasps as his eyes fly open, fangs flicking out with what probably isn't his permission. He looks like he's in agony, and Jace jerks forward as if to help him, even if he can't actually reach him. 

"Stay back!" Simon moans and pushes backwards against the bars, whole body shuddering as he clenches his eyes closed. "Just--just stay away from me, Jace,  _ please.  _ I--I can smell you." 

Helplessly, Jace scoots all the way backwards to the other side of the cell, his heart racing in his chest. Everything within him yearns to help, to do something to ease Simon's pain, but his mere presence just makes things worse. He shoves himself back against the bars, naked back protesting at coming in contact with the cold cage. With nothing else to do, he curls in on himself and shivers, watching Simon rock back and forth with mindless agony. 

Jace is incredibly conflicted. Because, on one hand, he wants Charity and Sterling to come back to put a stop to Simon's discomfort. On the  _ other,  _ he'll be what they use to do that, and he's not exactly looking forward to being Simon's last meal. 

He has no idea how long this has gone on for, but Simon's whimpers and groans grow muffled as he eventually drifts off into a fitful sleep. Jace watches him, feeling pathetic, scanning his twisted features with a pang in his heart. In this moment, he'd offer his wrist to Simon without hesitation, consequences be damned. He just can't _reach_ him. 

He feels so  _ useless.  _

That, of course, transitions right into anger when the door clanks open and Sterling comes inside, shutting it behind him. He approaches warily, looking between Jace and Simon with wide eyes. 

"What's happenin' to him?" Sterling whispers, drifting close to the bar, looking horrified. 

"What the fuck do you think?" Jace glares at him, hands balled into fists. "You're  _ starving  _ him." 

Sterling's eyes snap over to his. "N-no, he can eat, he just has to tell us how--" 

"He's not going to!" Jace pushes to his feet, ignoring the tug of the collar. "He won't tell either of you because he doesn't fucking know! And if he  _ did,  _ he wouldn't tell you or Charity  _ anyway.  _ What do you think happens after all of this, Sterling?" 

"I get to go home to my Montey," Sterling whispers, taking a deep breath. "Me and Charity walk away, free to live in the sun, to--to be mostly normal." 

"And what about  _ us?  _ If Simon doesn't kill me when she lets him go to feed on me, if he doesn't die because of that, what do you think she's planning to do with us after?  _ Think about it."  _

"I--she said that...that everything would be right as rain. I'd be able to go home and--" 

"How selfish  _ are  _ you?" Jace spits, reaching out to grip one of the bars. "To act like what you're doing isn't wrong just because you're doing it for love. Montey would  _ hate  _ you." 

"Maybe," Sterling rasps, blinking hard. "But at least I can offer him a better life with me." 

"With a murderer." 

"I ain't killing y'all, Jace." 

"Just because you're not kicking the bucket from beneath our feet doesn't mean you're not guilty for slipping the noose over our necks," Jace hisses out sharply. "I  _ trusted  _ you, Sterling. You--you made me believe that we were friends." 

"You were, you  _ are."  _ Sterling looks at him in guilt, lips pulling down at the corners. "You were the only friend I had here. My best friend." 

"Is this how you treat all your friends?" Jace asks harshly, gesturing to his own body. "You lead them to their death and find any excuse to believe that you're not a part in it?" 

Sterling jerks forward with a growl, smacking the bars with his eyes narrowed. "This wasn't supposed to be my life! I got the raw end of the deal, Jace! I'm just doin' what I can with the cards I was dealt!" 

"It wasn't supposed to be his life either!" Jace shouts, jabbing a finger towards Simon's slumped figure, his chest heaving. "He was thrown into this  _ just  _ like you! The same fucking way. A woman turned him and used him for her own personal gain, and he was  _ terrified  _ of her, and his life was ruined! And you know what? Do you know what he did, Sterling? HE DIDN'T LET IT TURN HIM INTO A FUCKING MONSTER!" 

Sterling jerks back, his eyes wide, lips parting on a shaky inhale. He looks like he just got slapped in the face. "He didn't lose--" 

"You don't know what he lost," Jace hisses, his words sharp and unforgiving. "He lost  _ everything.  _ More than his own life. All because he loved one girl, one who loved him  _ so  _ much that she couldn't bare to lose him, a thing I'm so thankful for that I can't even begin to explain it. You think that you and Simon are so different, but you're  _ not.  _ The only difference right now is that you let your misfortune turn you into something that  _ belongs  _ in the shadows, while he didn't and got to walk in the sun."

"I don't know what else to do," Sterling croaks out, face screwing up as tears form a sheen over his bright, blue eyes. "Jace, I--I'm so  _ scared."  _

Jace's anger falls away in one fell swoop, making him swallow. He sighs and glances over at Simon's sleeping face. "If it was you and Montey in here, how would you feel?" 

Sterling pales even more, his mouth snapping shut, one fat tear losing grip on his bottom eyelid and sliding slowly down his cheek. He says nothing. 

"I thought you were a good man, once," Jace tells him softly, disappointed and weary. "I just hate that I was wrong about that." 

With that, Jace sinks back down to the ground, turning his back to Sterling, putting his elbows on his knees and tucking his face into the space there. 

* * *

Jace jerks awake with a snort, heart  _ instantly  _ racing in his chest when he feels fingers on his throat. He swings his fist up immediately, but a cool hand catches it and stops it in mid-air. 

"Shh," Sterling hisses. "Don't move." 

"What?" Jace mutters. 

There's a clunking sound and the weight of the collar disappears around his neck, making Jace blink rapidly in surprise. Sterling gently sits the collar down and covers his lips with one finger, his blue eyes full of caution. Jace rubs at his neck. 

"The others are on the way," Sterling whispers, leaning forward to put his mouth right next to Jace's ear. "I tried to beat Charity back here, but I didn't. She's in the office right now, and the others aren't too far behind, so  _ stay quiet."  _

Jace is trying to process this new information, but it's taking a depressingly long time to make any sense. His head is  _ pounding,  _ and he's so thirsty that his muscles are aching. He can barely stand without Sterling's help and he feels like he's going to pass out. As soon as he's on his own two feet, mostly steady, Sterling darts away. 

Following his destination, Jace sees Simon still slumped over on the ground, far too still. He's deathly pale, so white that even his pale lips stand out, and he doesn't appear to be breathing. Sterling dips down and starts fumbling with the collar, and Jace watches intently. By the time he sees it, just the barest twitch of Simon's finger, it's too late. 

Jace tries to stop him. "Sterling, wait, don't--"

The collar hits the ground and Simon is on his feet instantly, eyes open and focused right on Jace, fangs slipping out with an inhuman hiss. There's not even a second that passes before he's over to Jace, slamming him hard against the bars, burying his fangs into Jace's throat without hesitation. 

Jace sucks in a sharp breath that exhales on a loud moan, his body going limp in Simon's grasp automatically. He gives himself over to the pleasure without a fight, careless to how savagely Simon tears into him, even reaching up with one weak hand to cradle Simon's head, urging him to drink  _ more.  _ Simon grunts in pleasure, one hand pinning Jace in place on his stomach, cool fingers splayed wide, while the other has him by the hair and yanks his head to the side for more room to feast. 

"No!" Sterling shouts frantically, darting forward. 

Simon's hand that rests between Jace's hips comes flying out, catching Sterling mid-run, fingers wrapping tight around his throat and lifting him clear off the ground. Sterling wheezes and flails, both hands coming up to claw at Simon's wrist, trying to get him to let go. But Simon is stronger. 

Faintly, Jace moans. 

"S-Simon," Sterling chokes out, feet dangling and kicking out, "you're…k-killing him…" 

Jace doesn't feel like he's dying. He feels...floaty, actually. Lighter than he ever has before, like he'll just drift away the moment Simon lets him go. If he  _ is  _ dying, then this is exactly how he wishes to go. 

Simon's lips against his throat makes a gurgling sound, drinking his fill, and his fingers tighten on Jace's hair, yanking his head farther to the side as he pulls away. Jace moans in disappointment, feeble hands trying to lift and pull Simon back in, though it's not necessary. As soon as more of Jace's skin is at better access, Simon dives right back in. 

Sterling's struggles are starting to lessen. "Y-you have to...to die f-for him, remember? Simon, you... _ love  _ h-him," he manages to wheeze out, his eyes fluttering. "It's  _ Jace,  _ S-Simon." 

Jace feels suspended in nothingness, barely aware of his own body at all. Simon suddenly goes rigid against him, letting out a low whine of disappointment before oh so slowly pulling away. Jace gasps like he's coming up for air after drowning, eyelids desperately trying to close, and he fights it. He wants to look at Simon, wants to beg him to keep going, to never stop. 

Simon's face is covered in blood, fangs dripping, and the cloudiness of his eyes fade. He stares at Jace in horror, pure fear entering his warm, brown gaze as he looks at Jace. Almost frantically, he drops Sterling and lets Jace go, flinging himself back with muted sound of terror. He reaches up to cover his mouth with shaking hands, only to pull it away and examine the bloody fingers, eyes wide. 

"What is going on here?" Charity blurts out sharply as the door opens to let her march in. She surveys them and sucks in a sharp breath. "Sterling, what have you  _ done?"  _

Sterling coughs and hacks as he shakily pushes to his feet, clutching his throat that bares the bruises Simon's hand left behind, sluggishly healing. "I did the right thing," he rasps out defiantly. 

Charity is a blur of movement, letting out a screech as she flings open the cell door and makes right for Jace. He doesn't even defend himself, barely managing to not sink to his knees, panting as he rides the high of Simon's bite--battling the feeling of unconsciousness and possibly death approaching. Her nails just  _ barely  _ scrape his skin before Simon has her by the hair, jerking her back with a yelp, shifting to put himself between her and Jace. 

"Don't  _ touch  _ him," Simon growls out, broadening his stance, his chest heaving. 

"I'll kill you," Charity declares, "I'll kill you all!" 

A fight ensues. Jace tries to keep track of it, distantly aware that he should be helping, but it's nearly impossible to cling to lucidity at the moment. His entire body yearns for Simon, and deep down, he's scared that this is it. That this is what did it. One bite too many, and he's fucking hooked for good. 

Most of the fight is in a blur of limbs and the sounds of hissing, and Sterling is in the midst of it. Jace leans against the bars for support, trying to make sense of who's winning and who isn't, but all he can make out is the sight of Simon roughly shoving Charity back as he advances on him. There's no weapons for anyone, so it's all just hits and scratches, and there's more blood that isn't just Jace's. He can only hope it's not Simon's. 

Things get...fuzzy. 

Jace is pretty sure that he blacks out in short increments. He doesn't know when he arrived, but Alec is there. It's such a relief to see him that Jace tries to move towards him. Warm hands push him back, and that's Clary, trembling fingers pushing his hair back. Her mouth is moving, saying something to him, but he doesn't hear her. 

There's still a tussle and Jace's sluggish brain can't figure out  _ why.  _ Charity is clearly outnumbered. By  _ a lot.  _ Izzy is here, as well as Magnus, and so is Raphael for some reason. He's not fighting, though; no, he's got Simon by the shoulders, wiping his face with a handkerchief, lips moving as he talks to him. Simon is just staring at Jace, his face blank. 

Another black out. 

Must be, because Jace is suddenly sitting in an SUV, Alec standing right in front of him, looking pale and shaken. His hands are trembling too as he waves a stele over Jace's healing rune. Izzy is beside him, lips parted in shock, her hands  _ also  _ shaking as she dabs at his numb neck. They're not talking, and Jace's ears are ringing so loudly that he doubts he would have heard them if they were. 

He's still intoxicated, but this is a different type of reaction than he's used to. This doesn't--it's not  _ good.  _ It's like a bad trip or something. His body is in the midst of a civil war--trying to feel the effects of the bite while also shutting down from the repercussions of it and captivity. One moment, he feels perfect, and the next, he feels like he'll be sick. 

Woozily, he leans his head into Alec's palm, not even sure when he started touching his cheek, but it feels so nice for someone else to hold the weight for him. His eyes slip closed and he forces them back open, stomach swooping as he searches around frantically for any sight of Simon. 

He locates him a few feet away, standing beside Clary, Raphael, and Luke, shoulders shaking as he cries. Jace makes a weak attempt to stand and get to him. Simon shouldn't cry; he should  _ never  _ cry. 

When Alec pushes him back down firmly, Jace's auditory processors come back at full force. The sound of Simon's weeping is the first thing he hears. Luke and Clary are murmuring to him quietly, but it's indistinct. Izzy is speaking. 

"--be a scar," she's telling him, looking at him in concern. "There's only so much that could be done." 

Jace swallows, throat clicking dryly. "Water," he rasps out. 

Another black out. He comes back to himself to feel water sliding down his throat, Alec carefully pouring it into his mouth while holding his limp head up. Jace raises a hand and grasps his wrist, guzzling the water, brazenly parched and desperate for it. 

"Okay, okay," Alec says softly, pulling his hand away, cutting Jace off. "Not too much too soon. That's better, right? Magnus, do you have--" 

"Of course," Magnus says from somewhere to Jace's left, out of sight except for the hand that suddenly holds out a packet of crackers. 

Alec takes it. "Thanks. Here, Jace, eat this, okay?" 

Yeah, Jace can do that. He slumps over against the seat and fumbles to get the crackers open. Okay, so he can't do it. Izzy gingerly takes it from him and opens it, passing it back over. There, now he can. 

Jace nibbles on the cracker, watching as Luke walks away from Simon, moving to the lone figure off to the side. Sterling. He looks fine, overall, except there's a haunted look on his face, like he's experienced the horrors of the Shadow World for the first time. Strangely, Jace pities him. 

Things suddenly start to feel better. The water has helped and each cracker makes him feel less like he's going to throw up. The throbbing in his head decreases quickly, almost alien now that he's unused to what it feels like to have a clear head. He still feels weak, but now he's in enough mind to stubbornly fight it, which is precisely what he does. 

"No," Izzy says firmly when he makes to stand. 

Jace waves her off, grunting as he puts his feet on the ground and sways a little. "Simon," he calls out in a croak, taking a step forward, pleased when he can. 

Simon's head snaps up and swivels towards him, eyes brimming with tears. "Jace," he chokes out, pulling away from Clary and Raphael. 

"C'mere," Jace says, pushing at Alec to get him to move out of the way, working not to stumble as he tries to get to Simon. "What the hell are you doing all the way over there?" 

"Sorry." Simon is next to him instantly, his throat bobbing. His eyes drift down to Jace's neck and he flinches. "Jace, I'm--I'm so  _ sorry."  _

Jace reaches up to cup his neck, wincing at the tender skin. "It's fine. It's probably not as bad as it looks. What happened?" 

"Charity is dead," Simon whispers, eyes cutting over to Sterling. "He--he killed her. I don't think he actually meant to, but she started talking about Montey, and he just--he snapped, I think." 

"Are  _ you  _ okay?" Jace mumbles, reaching out to touch Simon's arm, staring at him warily. 

Simon's eyes fixate on Jace's neck again. "I almost killed you. Again. What do you think?" 

"Yeah, but you didn't." Jace steps forward, fingers sliding down to grasp Simon's hand. "You stopped, just like you always do." 

"There's going to be a scar," Simon admits weakly, eyes downcast like he's expecting to be chewed out for it. "It's--it's going to be pretty big and obvious."

"Scars are sexy, right?" 

_ "Jace.  _ I--I fucking  _ scarred  _ you. This is serious." 

"Simon," Jace murmurs, stepping closer and lowering his voice, very aware of the people blatantly watching and eavesdropping, "I don't  _ care.  _ So, what? I have a scar now, and you gave it to me. It's like a really aggressive permanent hickey." 

Simon chokes out a wet laugh, sniffling as he raises his free hand to rub over his face. "G--fuck, you're so  _ stupid.  _ I mean it this time, Jace, I am  _ never  _ biting you again. Izzy's already agreed to put a tracker in me, so if we get taken again, they'll find us immediately. It's never going to come to this again." 

Jace ignores the pang of disappointment he feels at never getting the bite again. He shoves it away violently, doing his best to rely on his extra special angel blood to fight off the yearning for it. That's not what they're about--Simon is so much more than his fangs, and that's the parts Jace wants. 

"Good, that's good," Jace says as earnestly as possible, trying to sound like a sane person who doesn't want to be drained dry. "It's going to be fine, okay?  _ We  _ are. We'll deal with it." 

"You're going to hate me when you see the scar," Simon declares solemnly. "Seriously, it takes up most of your neck and some of your shoulder. I, um, really had my way with you." 

"Yeah, you did," Jace agrees. "It's over now, don't worry about it. And I'll still look as good as I always do, just more badass now. No Shadowhunter worth anything doesn't have a scar." 

"At least it's not over your rune," Simon mutters. 

"Yeah, that would have been annoying." 

"Because a scar isn't." 

Jace waggles his eyebrows. "No, because you gave it to me. You  _ marked  _ me. You have to admit, that's actually kind of hot." 

"Really?" Simon says flatly. "You're  _ already  _ thinking about sex? We  _ just  _ got rescued and you can't really walk without getting winded." 

"I'm nothing if not resilient." Jace gives him a grin and winks, leaning into Simon to take some of his weight, tired despite himself. "Speaking of rescues, how long were we in there?" 

"Four days," Alec pipes up from behind him, inviting himself into the conversation. "Well, four nights, technically. It was a close one." 

Jace's eyebrows jump. "I went four days without water and didn't die?" 

"It's the angel in you," Magnus tells him with a heavy sigh, like he's also tired. "Were you a regular human, your chances of survival would have been precarious. Frankly, I'm more surprised that Simon was able to refrain from killing you after four days without blood." 

"Magnus," Simon mumbles, embarrassed. 

"It's true," Raphael says smoothly. "That level of restraint is rarely seen. A vampire will kill even the most valued person in their life when they're on the brink of starvation. He's lucky to have just gotten off with a scar." 

Jace squeezes Simon's hand. "See, you did good. Don't start feeling sorry for yourself now." 

"What's going to happen to me?" Sterling speaks up suddenly, his words hollow, eyes wide and distant. 

"Well, you're coming to the Institute where you'll remain until the Clave replies on taking you in for a trial. The reports will take a while to be read, so it can take a few days," Alec tells him, his eyes cold as he surveys Sterling. "What happens to you then will be out of our hands." 

"Are they going to kill me?" Sterling whispers. 

"Probably," Magnus says bluntly. 

Sterling falls silent, gaze dropping to the ground and staying there, all the fight leaving him at once. 

Alec sighs. "We need to go, all of us. Jace needs to get to the infirmary, Simon needs to eat some more, and we  _ all  _ need rest." 

No one argues with him. 

Magnus makes a portal, Luke leads Sterling into his SUV, and everyone heads home. Simon holds Jace up, a tightness to his expression, softening only when he looks at Jace, and their hands stay clasped. 

They don't let go. 


	23. come home to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe there's only one more chapter left. I'm shook. Enjoy this y'all. :)

Jace stares at himself in the mirror. 

So, the scar is...a lot. It's not something he's going to be able to hide, even under a jacket. Simon had  _ literally _ ripped into his neck. The marred skin is raised and snaking up the left side of his neck, reaching all the way down to the junction of his shoulder. He reaches up and runs his fingers over the healed skin, pursing his lips. 

He's not angry like Simon expected. It doesn't take away from his beauty, and even if it did, he honestly wouldn't care. He feels a sense of pride when he looks at the scar--it's an ode to Simon's love for him, so strong that he'd done the near impossible. 

"Don't worry, you still look perfect," Clary says softly from behind him. 

Jace's eyes snap up in the mirror to see her leaning in the doorway, her arms crossed. He turns around and faces her, leaning back against the sink and crossing his arms too. "I know. What are you doing here?" 

"Well, Simon's still with Raphael, so I figured I'd stop by and check on you," Clary tells him, her lips curling up. "You eat today?" 

"Sure did, and kept it down while I was at it." Jace flashes her a grin and winks. "I'm recovering fine. Tell Alec that--I know he sent you." 

"I volunteered, actually. I just… I guess I'm worried about how you're handling all of this." 

"Because of a  _ scar?  _ Clary, this really isn't a big deal. I don't know why everyone is so worried." 

Clary shakes her head, smile falling. "No, it's not just that. With this whole Sterling thing and Simon being gone again, we're just...playing it by ear." 

"It's only a few days," Jace murmurs, giving a shrug that doesn't convey how unhappy he actually is with Simon's absence. "Just some time to make sure that he's okay. I'm not upset about that." 

"Raphael really stepped up, you know? Taking him in again, making sure his bloodlust hasn't been resorted back to dangerous levels, like vampire therapy." 

"Yeah, I'm just hoping that it puts Simon's mind at ease. He's worried what he'll do if I cut myself in front of him or something. I don't know  _ why.  _ He's bitten me before and we were fine." 

Clary's face screws up. "When he explained it, he said it was like...going too far, you know? Like he crossed the line and now knows what it's like to do that. He said even when--when you fed him the first time, it wasn't like this." 

"It wasn't." Jace reaches up and cups the scar, clearing his throat. "It'll be fine. I trust him, he just doesn't trust himself right now."

"And Raphael is helping him to do that." Clary shakes her head and sighs. "Now, don't avoid this thing with Sterling. You know the Clave should be replying any day now." 

Jace lightly rubs his fingers over the scar, weirdly comforted by it. He sighs and drops his hand, tipping his head back and staring at the ceiling. "I don't know what you want me to say. He was at fault too, just as much as Charity was, even if he helped us escape and killed her. It--it doesn't excuse anything."

"I'm not saying it does," Clary says carefully, eyeing him seriously when he drops his head and frowns at her. "I just know that what the right thing is doesn't always coincide with our feelings, and it sure as hell doesn't hold up against the law every time." 

"He was  _ innocent,"  _ Jace admits in a whisper, jaw clenched as he stares at her in shame. "Charity brought him into this. It's--it isn't fair." 

"Makes me think of Simon," Clary mumbles.

"Me too."

"Are you going to fight it? Because, listen, if you want to plan a break-out mission, I'm always down for going against the law. We just won't tell Alec."

Jace snorts. "No, it's not like that. Even if we tried, we wouldn't be able to. He's under Alec's supervision and Alec does  _ not  _ skimp on these things. No one's getting broken out under his nose." 

"We could talk to him?" 

"Sterling is part of the reason I nearly died. I'm Alec's parabatai. He's not going to let that go." 

"If you asked…" Clary trails off and sighs, shaking her head. "Do you even  _ want  _ Sterling to get off from this with no repercussions?" 

"No, not at all," Jace admits bluntly, remembering in stark clarity the pain that Simon had been subjected to. "But I don't think he deserves to die." 

"Maybe--" 

"Clary, it's the  _ Clave.  _ They'll put him on trial, and he'll be either jailed for at least one life time, or just killed. I can talk to Imogen, and she might try her best to keep him from being killed, but even then...he'll be imprisoned for  _ decades."  _

"Jace," Clary says softly walking over to squeeze his arms and peer at him with gentle compassion, "if that's all you can do, then that's it. He made his choices, and maybe he's not at fault for everything, but I'm finding it hard to have sympathy when I see what he had a hand in doing to you and Simon." 

Jace swallows. "I have to do that, at least." 

"Do what you can, and don't feel guilty for any of the rest," Clary tells him, her hand dropping from his arm. "Alright, I actually have a date with your sister to get to, so as long as you're  _ okay…"  _

"I'm fine, go." Jace huffs a small laugh and lightly pushes at her shoulder. "Go on, go woo my sister. She doesn't like real flowers, by the way. When they wilt, it makes her sad. Get her a chocolate rose; she loves those." 

Clary's eyes brighten. "Oh, that's good information. Thanks, Jace." She pauses in the doorway, her eyes tender with some kind of emotion. "You--you know I love you, right? I love you as a person, I love you with Simon, I just...love you." 

"Love you too," Jace replies with a smirk and bark of laughter, shoving her towards the door. "Now,  _ go.  _ Don't keep Izzy waiting." 

She heads out with a bright smile, looking radiant and happy, and Jace follows her out. He shuts the front door behind her and shakes his head, overly fond. Sometimes, it genuinely takes him by surprise just how much Clary means to him. 

His smile slowly falls as he walks through the empty apartment, the place seeming hollow without Simon there to liven it up. Jace surveys the living room, eyes falling on the couch in the corner that they broke. Well, the one  _ Simon _ broke. And shit, that feels like a lifetime ago rather than just a week. Everything feels slightly different now, shifted just a bit.

He's never going to be able to walk into Hunter's Moon without thinking about Sterling. He's never going to be able to look in the mirror without remembering how his scar got on his neck. He's never going to be able to see a woman with pointed bright red nails without thinking of Charity and how one simple mistake led to so many things. 

It almost seems like stepping into a new chapter of his life. Just like sending Valentine to the Clave to eventually be executed. Like killing Jonathon on that bridge, still heartbroken and bitter over Simon having left. And now this, another threat eliminated, almost so simply that her entire plan seemed pointless. Ruining Sterling's life and putting Jace and Simon through hell, and for what? Just to die as quick as she set her plan into motion. 

Jace can't grasp how  _ anyone  _ lets hate and revenge fill them so deeply that they would go careening right into ruin for it, would destroy their own lives just to fail in the end. It baffles him, and he  _ thinks  _ that's something that makes him a good person. If he is. 

And maybe, feeling so fucking  _ horrible  _ about Sterling's situation that it eats him up inside. He can't help it. Sterling isn't a bad person; he just did bad things for what he believed were the right reasons. All for Montey, and now… Now, Sterling will never see Montey again. 

Jace's heart lurches in his chest. 

Fumbling for his phone, he leans against the bar and grips it with one hand while the other scrolls through his phone. He holds his breath as it rings, and when it clicks, he releases it. 

"Hey, Jace, what's up?" Luke asks, sounding slightly confused and wary. "You okay? Is  _ Simon  _ okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine. Or, I am. Simon's with Raphael right now, doing some kind of vampire therapy or something. But that's not why I called. I actually need a favor, but you might have to pull a few strings down at the precinct…" 

"Tell me what you need." 

* * *

Alec keeps looking at him warily, his fingers twisting together in front of him. There's a cautiousness to his gaze that Jace doesn't appreciate. 

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Alec asks. 

Jace frowns at him. "Maybe not, but it needs to happen. If I can...I have to." 

"You don't, though," Alec mutters, sounding vaguely annoyed. "You shouldn't feel like you owe him anything. What he did to you, to Simon...I'm not sure if he deserves this." 

Jace doesn't answer. Maybe Alec's right, maybe he's not. At this point, he doesn't really care what the right thing to do is. He's just doing what  _ feels _ right, and this? This feels like doing something really good, giving back where his guilt tells him that he has to. He's had a role in all of this too, even if he hadn't been the catalyst to the circumstance. No, that goes to Reginald, the really lackluster reason behind all of this, and that fact irks Jace to no end. 

They stride down the hall that holds the rows of cells that people are forced to wait in until the Clave finds time to do something with them. Thankfully, they hadn't put Sterling in the one Valentine had been held in, and Jace finds himself weirdly relieved by that. Connecting all of this back to Valentine gives him a headache, makes his stomach churn. 

He hates that Charity brought the ghost of Valentine back into his life. He'd thought that he laid him to rest in his mind, moving on after his death, but being kidnapped and hidden in the same place Valentine had taken him to seems to have brought some residual issues to the surface. He's having nightmares about him again, and frankly, it's pissing Jace off. He wants Simon to be back home, to sleep next to, that way the nightmares can't reach him. 

Coming to a halt in front of the cell, Jace sucks in a sharp breath, all thought leaving his mind. Sterling looks  _ terrible.  _ He's slumped down in the corner, head tipped back, eyes open but unseeing. There's a weight settled on his shoulders, a numbness shining on his face, and he just looks...empty. 

Jace suddenly  _ knows  _ he has to do this. 

"Let him out," Jace whispers. 

Alec sighs but does as he's told, moving to the cell to open the door and step in, walking over to Sterling and clamping reinforced cuffs on his wrists. Sterling doesn't protest, doesn't do  _ anything.  _ He gets up when Alec urges him to his feet and he follows him out when Alec waves him along. 

"He just ate," Alec tells him. 

Jace nods. "Are the cuffs necessary?" 

"Yes. And  _ no,  _ I'm not budging on this." 

"Fine." 

Sterling is silent and still, just  _ waiting.  _ He looks like he's given up on everything, hollow, barely a ghost of himself. Jace can't help but feel the pity that settles in his chest with a pang. He swallows thickly and starts walking, checking over his shoulder to make sure that they're following him. 

The walk through the Institute is dreadfully silent and full of tension. Alec has his fingers wrapped around the bow that sits around his torso, ready to fire at a moment's notice, even though Sterling doesn't seem to have much care to even  _ try  _ and run. Jace bites back so many things that he wants to say, unsure how to break the tension, inwardly wishing Simon was here to help with that. 

Jace holds open the door, waving Alec and Sterling through, inhaling deep as the cool air fills his lungs. It's fairly dark out, but one wave of his stele lets him see as clearly as if it was daylight. Alec and Sterling wait at the bottom of the stairs for him, and Sterling actually starts to show emotion, looking mostly confused as he looks around. 

"What's happening?" he asks quietly. 

"You'll see," Jace says, walking purposefully across the yard, past the wards, towards the SUV waiting for them at the curb. "Alec, come on, at least let him have use of his hands." 

Sterling heaves a sigh. "No, it's fine. You don't have to trust me. I wouldn't trust me either after what I did. Just--just leave 'em on." 

Jace sends Alec a sharp look over his shoulder. Alec rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh as he jerks Sterling to a halt, watching him carefully as he works to take the cuffs off. Sterling just looks even more confused. 

"Let me make something abundantly clear," Alec says firmly, just before he pulls the cuffs away, "if you make even the  _ hint  _ of a move in the wrong direction, I will not hesitate to subdue you in any way necessary, regardless of our audience. If you run, I will personally make sure you're found, and when you are, I will  _ ensure  _ that whatever punishment you receive is more severe for the misconduct. Clear?" 

Sterling swallows thickly. "Crystal." 

Alec nods at Jace. "Alright, do it." 

Jace bites back the small smile he wants to give. Alec's such a natural born leader, and Jace is always amused by it and proud in equal measure. He rolls his eyes as he marches over to the SUV, leaning against the driver door when Luke rolls down the window. Jace leans in and looks at their guest, taking in his wide eyes and wary expression. 

"What the hell is going on?" he asks nervously, shifting in the seat. "Come on, man, it was only a little bit of weed. I--I--" 

"You're going to Raphael after this?" Jace asks Luke, ignoring the tangent from the backseat. 

Luke nods. "He said he'd handle it." 

"Thank you," Jace says softly, pulling back to slide over to the back door, opening it and reaching in to pull out the surprisingly sturdy man that struggles valiantly in his grip. 

However, when Sterling chokes out,  _ "Montey,"  _ the struggles come to halt altogether. 

"Sterling?" Montey blurts out, his eyes bulging as he takes in Sterling standing a few feet away. He takes a few stumbling steps forward, not seeming to care how he got here or who anyone else is, his focus entirely on Sterling. "Oh my god, y-you're actually here. Christ on a cracker, get  _ over  _ here." 

Sterling bounds over to him immediately with a wet chuckle, slamming into Montey so hard that they sway a little, arms coming up to grip at each other's shirts. Jace closes the door and leans back on it, crossing his arms and watching with a sad smile. He does avert his eyes, however, when Montey pulls back slightly to grip Sterling's cheeks and kiss him like a drowning man desperate for air. 

Even Alec looks at the ground, trying to give them a little privacy as they reunite for the first time in months. Luke lets the tinted window back up. 

"How are you  _ here?"  _ Sterling breathes out when they break apart, his fingers caressing Montey's cheeks, his voice full of awe and wonder. 

Montey huffs a small laugh. "Baby, I don't even  _ know.  _ I got pulled over on my way home from work, and you know I was scared as fuck. They didn't arrest me, but they shoved me into a car and drove me for  _ hours,  _ until that guy picked me up right outside New York and brought me here. Is--did you do this?" 

Sterling slowly looks over at Jace, lips trembling as tears cling to his eyelashes. "This was you?" 

"Yes," Jace admits. "A joint effort between me, Luke, and Alec anyway. You should be able to see him before...well, before." 

"Before what?" Montey looks around in confusion, eyebrows dipping together. "Who are these people, Sterling, and why are they dressed so weird? This how the folks dress up here in the north?" 

"Yeah, sweetheart, that's how they dress," Sterling lies, letting out a shuddering breath. 

Montey frowns at him. "What's going on? You look...scared. Are you coming home?" 

"Don't worry about it, don't worry about a thing." Sterling leans forward and presses his forehead to Montey's. "Just--just be here with me." 

"You're freaking me out," Montey mumbles. 

Sterling makes a small sound in the back of his throat, reaching up to grasp Montey's cheeks and kiss him fiercely, coming alive with it. Montey seems surprised by the intensity of it, but eventually gives in with a moan. Jace and Alec politely look away once again, studying the ground. 

When Sterling pulls away, he manhandles Montey into a hug, hooking his chin on his shoulder, tears streaming down his face. Jace can only see that for so long, his heart wrenching in his chest at the mixture of relief and pain on Sterling's face, the reunion so much of both sides of bittersweet that it's palpable. Montey seems mostly confused, but he must sense that something's wrong, so he doesn't try and fight how hard Sterling clings to him. 

"How long do I have?" Sterling whimpers, his eyes closing tight, hands fisted in the back of Montey's shirt like he never wants to let go. 

"An hour, at most," Alec answers for Jace, somehow sensing that Jace won't be able to give the news. 

Sterling cries harder and Montey makes an alarmed noise, blatantly shaken up and uncertain by everything that's happening around him. 

"Okay," Sterling chokes out, ripping himself away from Montey with a sniffle, his smile trembling as he forces it. "Okay, that's--that's more than enough. Can--can we walk?" 

"Yeah," Jace tells him before Alec can protest. "We'll follow behind. To the end of the perimeter and back, no more and no less."

Sterling nods and grabs Montey's hand, eyes scanning his features, drinking him in. They start walking, murmuring to each other, and Jace falls into step beside Alec as they trail behind. 

The time seems to pass too quickly. Montey has a lot of questions that Sterling straight up admits that he can't answer, which doesn't exactly go over well. But Sterling's tears and visible heartache seems to hold off most of Montey's frustration, and they spend most of their time alternating between kissing or just talking. Sterling gets to apologize for leaving, gets to tell Montey that he loves him, gets to hold him close and breath him in. It seems to settle him, bringing him a sense of relief that Jace realizes he's never seen him have before. 

It's tragic, but possibly the best thing he could have done for Sterling. They look very good together, both handsome and equally wrapped up in each other. Their hands--dark twined with pale--joined together makes Jace feel like he's simultaneously plummeting to the ground and soaring above the clouds. 

The hour comes to a close far too quickly, and it ends much the same way as it began, with Montey and Sterling clinging to each other in front of the SUV. They kiss through tears, and Montey doesn't understand why he has to go, and it looks like it's ripping Sterling in half to watch him leave. Jace's throat is thick and his chest pinches as he watches Montey steal one more kiss as Sterling sobs and ushers him into the SUV. 

Luke lets down the front and back window, not subtle at all. His own face is open and relaying his own sadness at the events he's had to witness. Montey leans out the window and kisses Sterling one more time before they pull off, looking stricken as they break apart, possibly aware deep down that he'll never see Sterling again. 

Sterling watches the SUV until it takes a corner and disappears, and as soon as it's gone, he sinks down to sit on the curb and weep. 

This is the part that Jace has been dreading, the moment that had him hesitant to do this at all. He knows that it's better in the long run, but right now, another loss on top of the first could be detrimental. He doesn't know how to apologize, so he simply walks over and clasps Sterling's shoulder, squeezing it tight, trying to convey  _ something _ with the touch. 

It takes some time, but Sterling eventually stops crying, his distraught demeanor shifting slowly. He drifts into a melancholy state, almost introspective, and he looks up at Jace with tears shimmering in his eyes. There's a mixture of emotion there, swirling in the blue eyes, bright with unshed tears. 

"What's going to happen to him?" Sterling croaks. 

Jace sighs softly. "A trusted vampire is going to take away his memories of this visit. He'll only be able to remember that you left. I'm sorry. But I told Luke to make sure that the vampire fixes it so he knows you loved him and that you're sorry you had to go." 

"Thank you for this," Sterling tells him, slowly pushing to his feet. "I--I don't deserve it, but thank you. I can't ever thank you enough." 

"Your trial is tomorrow." Jace clenches his jaw and takes a deep breath. "I talked to someone who's going to make sure that you're not executed for your crimes, but you'll probably be imprisoned for a long time. You may never see him again, or he'll be very old, so I just-- You made a lot of mistakes, Sterling, but you're a good man." 

"No, I don't think I am." Sterling reaches out to grab Jace's shoulder without the scar. "I think I'm just a desperate man. But you? Simon? Your friends and family? You're all good people,  _ truly  _ good people. I hope life does right by all of you from here on out." 

Jace gives a weak smile. "Me too." 

* * *

His skin is pale in the moonlight that drifts through the window. The dim light drapes over the sheets and his skin, almost fascinating in a strange way. Jace rubs at the scar on his neck and stares at his own skin, chewing on his bottom lip. 

Fifty years. 

Sterling got fifty years, and Jace recognizes that the sentence isn't as bad as it could have been. He's seen worse. Objectively, Sterling kidnapped not only a fellow downworlder but also a Shadowhunter, who just so happens to be the Inquisitor's long-lost grandson, so it could have been  _ a lot  _ worse. Jace still feels like shit anyway. He thinks he might for a while, even if he won't let himself focus on it. 

Like Clary said, Sterling made his choices, and Jace had done everything he could. 

Jace sighs and presses into the raised skin at his neck, playing with the scar tissue, slightly appeased by the hint of remembered pain it gives him. He thinks about what Sterling had told him, about Montey saying that scars require getting used to an ache that won't ever leave. He's not wrong, is the thing, but this isn't an ache that Jace detests. He's fond of it, even, proud of what it represents. 

Ah fuck, Jace misses Simon again. He nearly rolls his eyes at himself. Seriously, Simon has only been gone five days. It's not like he won't be back. It's so--

That thought process comes to a halt when he hears the distant sound of the front door opening and closing. The problem with  _ that  _ is Jace is stark fucking naked on the bed--because it's his apartment, technically, and he can--and he's not at all prepared for a fight if there's an intruder. 

He sits up, still rubbing his scar, and goes still when Simon appears in the doorway, coming to a blurred stop at the foot of the bed. 

"Oh," Simon says, sucking in a sharp breath as he blinks rapidly, taking Jace in. "You're naked." 

Jace's heart starts racing in his chest, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. "And you're back. For good now?" he whispers. 

"Yeah, I'm home," Simon says with a small smile. 

"Do you feel better?" 

"Much." 

"Enough to kiss me?" Jace asks, not even ashamed at how hopeful he sounds when he says it. 

Simon's eyes soften. "Yeah, Jace, enough to kiss you."

"In that case," Jace murmurs, lifting his gaze to Simon's, swallowing thickly as he considers this role reversal, aware he's never said this before, " _ right now."  _

"Right now?" Simon repeats, his lips breaking into a grin, eyes bright with joy. 

Jace crooks a finger, laying back against the pillows, whispering once again, "Right now." 

Simon goes slow and doesn't use his enhanced speed, instead crawling on the bed, up the length of Jace's body. He hovers above Jace, just looking at him with a warm brown gaze, then he leans down and kisses him. It's soft and sweet, leisurely like they have all the time in the world, and it feels like they do now. 

Jace reaches up and cards his fingers through Simons hair, sighing softly when Simon pulls away to look down at him with fondness. With the pads of his fingers, Jace traces his hand down to brush over Simon's face. Trailing across his hairline, tracing the shape of his eyebrows, lightly pressing into the soft skin beneath his eyes. He pokes the tip of his nose, which makes Simon wrinkle it, then drags his thumb over his lips. Finally, he uses his entire palm to cup Simon's cheek, eyes drinking in his features, studying them with intent. 

"What?" Simon asks quietly. 

Jace slightly shakes his head. "Nothing," he says softly. "You're beautiful." 

"You really think so?" Simon murmurs, looking goofily delighted by this information. 

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." 

"You've turned soft in my absence. I should leave for a few days more often." 

"I'd rather you didn't," Jace admits. 

Simon eases himself down, laying along his side, peering up at him. "I probably shouldn't tell you this because your ego doesn't need the boost, but you're the most beautiful person in any room. You always have been, even when we weren't on the best of terms. It used to drive me  _ nuts."  _

"How romantic," Jace says flatly. 

"Oh, you want romance?" Simon pushes himself up on his elbow, staring at Jace with a grin. "I'll give you romance. You make my undead heart feel like it can still race. When you smile, it's so beautiful I could cry. I doodle your name with hearts around it without even meaning to. Your first name only, though, because your last name is still unclear, to be honest. But still, I do it--your name is all over my music sheets, all the way from back when we were casually dating. It's how I knew I was falling in love with you. Because you're all I think about, even when I'm not thinking about anything, and--" 

"Okay, okay," Jace cuts him off with a laugh, reaching over to shove at his face. "I fucking hate you. You're horrible." 

Simon hums. "Must be opposite day. Didn't get the memo." 

"You wanna know how I knew I was falling in love with you?" Jace asks him curiously. 

"Yes, please." 

"Everyone kept telling me I was. Can you believe that? I was  _ so  _ transparent that everyone could just  _ tell.  _ I was supposed to break up with you to stop from getting in too deep, but then I just...didn't. Couldn't." 

"I'm glad you didn't." Simon reaches up and trails his fingers over Jace's jaw. "We've come a long way and been through a lot. I think, for the first time, I can honestly say that we're free to just be  _ us.  _ No more kidnapping, no more biting, no more leaving." 

"The simple life, huh?" Jace asks in faint amusement, crossing his eyes when Simon trails a finger down the bridge of his nose. "Is that all you want?" 

"For now, yes. I could do with some simple. After everything we've been through, can't you?" 

"I'm actually looking forward to it, just  _ dating  _ you."

"And living with me." Simon's lips twitch as he pinches Jace's lips between his thumb and pointer finger, making them poke out. "I made you another key, by the way. One of the vampires in Raphael's clan showed me how to use a bar of soap to do it, and she helped me put a print on it. You're going to flip your shit when you see what I put on it." 

Jace sighs, breaking Simon's hold around his lips as he goes to speak. "What did you do?" 

"I used the design of the Captain America shield." 

"Wow. You fucking  _ nerd."  _

"Yeah," Simon agrees with a snort. "But it's distinct and it's yours. You live with me now. Which means we'll need a new couch, and you're going to start having to pull your weight around here. We're splitting rent because I'm a struggling musician." 

"Simon, I could literally buy this entire apartment complex if I wanted to, and you don't have to pay rent for another six months," Jace says flatly. 

"Jeez, how rich  _ are  _ you?" 

"Rich enough to buy you whatever you want. I could be your--what does Maia call it?--Sugar Daddy." 

"Oh my g--" Simon chokes on a laugh, burying his face in Jace's shoulder as he shakes with the force of his chuckles. Jace grins in response, laughing with him, and it takes a moment for Simon to gather himself. When he does, he clears his throat and lifts his head, eyes bright with humor. "That is hilarious and I'm now telling everyone that you're my Sugar Daddy, but also, never buy me anything you wouldn't buy for yourself." 

"Fair enough," Jace says with a smile. 

Face softening, Simon says, "I'm glad to be home with you. Raphael really helped me. I'd say we send him a gift basket, but he'd probably hate it." 

"That's precisely why we should do it." 

"Oh, stop. Seriously, he helped out a lot, like in the background and stuff. Even though he wants to be a Daylighter too, possibly as much as everyone who kidnapped us did, he never  _ actually  _ hurt me." 

"Well, what does he like?" Jace asks curiously. 

Simon shrugs slightly, jostling them both. "His suits, I think. Books, but I don't know what type." 

"I could buy him a new suit. Magnus will know his measurements," Jace says easily, lips twitching. "You can deliver it and everything. I'll make sure it's really expensive and fancy so he can't refuse." 

"So you're going to be  _ his  _ Sugar Daddy," Simon muses, arching an eyebrow. 

Jace grins at him. "Just the once. Unless he swoops in and helps you again. There's not much I wouldn't do for someone if they help you." 

"Oh, jeez." Simon's face softens, practically  _ melting.  _ "You're being  _ really  _ sweet today. What the hell has gotten into you?" 

"Guess I just missed you," Jace mumbles, staving off his embarrassment, mortified to feel a blush heating his face--Simon looks  _ overjoyed.  _ "Shut up." 

"I missed you too," Simon says gently, leaning forward to press a quick peck against his lips, fingers lightly holding his jaw. "Are you sure that's all it is? You seem… I don't know. It's like you're a little tender or more emotional, or something. I mean, it's fine, that's not  _ wrong  _ or anything, I'm just--"

"Seriously," Jace says dryly, "shut up. But you're not wrong. Sterling, uh, had his trial tonight." 

"Oh." Simon frowns, abruptly serious. "Did--is he… Do you want to talk about it?" 

"I pulled some strings with Imogen. Probably underhanded to use the grandson thing, but I couldn't just stand by and let him get killed." Jace sighs and reaches up with one hand to lightly play with Simon's curls. "He still got fifty years." 

"That seems bad, but Jace, the alternative would have been  _ death.  _ You saved his life." 

"It still feels like I had a hand in destroying it." 

"I get that. I mean,  _ I  _ killed Reginald, which is why Charity went off the rails. But, then again, Reginald is the one who kidnapped  _ us.  _ It's a domino effect, and unfortunately, Sterling was just another piece in the line up that got knocked over." 

"You're right. I know you are. I just--it doesn't make it any easier." 

"I know. I'm sorry." Simon strokes his cheek, looking unhappy that Jace is unhappy. "I was there when they brought in Montey. You did a good thing with that, Jace, I hope you know that. Giving them that closure and letting them see each other again." 

"I did everything I could," Jace admits in a rasp, swallowing thickly. 

Simon leans forward to kiss his forehead, careful not to displace Jace's fingers in his hair. "He knows that. You did the right thing, you always do."

"So do you," Jace tells him, watching him pull away with a solemn expression. However, when he processes Jace's words, he smiles. "Sometimes, I can't even wrap my head around how  _ good  _ you are. Me? I've had my fair share of time being a bad person, and I do my best not to be what Valentine tried to turn me into. But you? Simon, you're the only person I've ever met who is  _ truly  _ pure at heart."

"You can't keep saying nice things to me," Simon croaks out, blinking hard and swallowing, "I  _ will  _ spontaneously combust." 

"Give it some time, I'll be back to my old self soon."

"I like you like this, though. Soft and sweet." 

Jace huffs a small laugh. "For you, in secret, I  _ might  _ be able to afford to let myself be like that every now and again. But still, don't get used to it." 

"I wouldn't dare." Simon's smile breaks around an abrupt yawn that makes him shudder with it. He blinks in slight surprise. "Right, we should probably get some sleep." 

"That'd be nice," Jace admits, pleased as Simon sinks down into his side with a soft sigh, giving Jace better access to pet his hair until they fall asleep. 

"I love you," Simon whispers, blinking slow as he looks up at Jace, fully just snuggling into his side now shamelessly. 

Jace pulls him in closer. "I love you too." 

Before they drift off together, Simon makes sure to kiss his scar with the softest brushes of his lips, and that night, Jace doesn't have any nightmares. 


	24. and we're in it forever now, boys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, a big huge major shout out to TobyTheWise for betaing this and for making me feel 1000% better about posting. 
> 
> And, second of all, I would like to point out that I had like half of this written and came back to it to finish it up and added like 4k? This was supposed to be 7k max, and then words kept happening, so now you all get a longer chapter/epilogue. Yeah, I've got ZERO. SELF..CONTROL. We know this. 
> 
> Lastly, I just want to say thank you to all of you lovely people who've been reading the story. This fic has been...a journey. That's putting it mildly. I've taken y'all through twists and turns, plot twists, introduced characters from my own head, and everyone was so gracious about everything. I even hit a slump in the middle of this fic, and everyone was literally so lovely about it, which I cannot stress enough how important it is to support your content creators. Without y'alls support, I probably wouldn't have jumped back into this with such gusto. Again, thank you all so much for being freaking awesome. 
> 
> Without further ado, I won't drag this out any longer: 
> 
> Enjoy ;)

Living with Simon is… Well. 

"Jace, I swear to fucking g--" Simon cuts himself off with a growl. "If you move my keys  _ one more time--"  _

"Well, maybe don't leave them right on the table where I clean my weapons  _ every night,  _ and I wouldn't  _ have  _ to move them, and we can stop having this conversation." 

"This isn't a conversation, this is a full-fledged argument, and I am  _ right.  _ Stop moving my keys, man! I put them there for a reason!" 

Jace scoffs and rolls his eyes as he kicks his feet up on the coffee table, muttering, "Why? Because you're a fucking spaz and lose shit all the time?" 

"I heard that!" Simon yelps from the room. There's a pause. "And get your feet off the table!" 

"Make me!" Jace calls back, swiping the remote with a huff, frowning at the black screen, trying to get into the mindset to actually  _ enjoy  _ television. 

Simon's head appears around the corner, face morphing into a scowl. "Jace, where are my keys? You have  _ got  _ to stop hiding them. I'll just call a cab." 

"Dunno," Jace says flippantly, waving a lazy hand and staring straight ahead. "Forgot where I put 'em." 

"Jace, come on, I'm going to be  _ late."  _ Simon sighs and tips his head back, pushing himself around the corner to toss his hands up as he ducks his head and stares at Jace seriously. "You're pouting. You're  _ literally  _ pouting right now, you fucking brat." 

Jace huffs and mutters, "Not a brat, but okay." 

"Feet  _ down,"  _ Simon says firmly, darting across the room to forcefully push his feet off the table, only to sit right in the vacant spot and look at Jace with narrowed eyes. "Keys. Where are they?" 

"Like I said--" 

"Jace.  _ Keys."  _

And the stare-off commences. Jace honestly doesn't know why he participates; he loses every single time. There was a time that he went into these little challenges truly believing he could stare Simon down and get whatever he wanted, but he's long since stopped fooling himself into thinking that. Just like every other time, Simon quirks an eyebrow, and Jace caves like a shaky stack of cards in the middle of a storm, except with much more dramatics as he huffs and slumps back against the couch. 

_ "Fine."  _ Jace glares at Simon and flicks his fingers to their fridge. "They're in the freezer." 

Simon shoots him a flat look. "Really? The freezer this time? Jeez, you're getting desperate." 

"You know all my other hiding spots by now." 

"And now, the freezer is on my mental list." 

"I'll find somewhere else next time," Jace says casually, tossing the remote from hand-to-hand, frowning at Simon when he pushes to his feet and heads to go retrieve his keys. 

"Or, maybe  _ don't  _ hide my keys next time," Simon suggests, rolling his eyes as he pulls his keys out of the freezer, not bothered by the temperature of them in the least. "You're being ridiculous." 

Jace tips his head back to lean against the top of the couch, gazing at Simon with what he  _ knows  _ is a pleading gaze. "Don't go." 

"Not gonna work," Simon tells him, waggling a finger at him. "I know you're faking." 

"Please don't go?" Jace tries weakly, groaning when Simon rolls his eyes again. "Why do you have to do this  _ every fucking week?  _ Do you know what I go through when you're gone? Magnus and Alec come over, or Clary or Izzy, or sometimes  _ all  _ of them. And our neighbors  _ know  _ you're gone, so they--" 

Simon grimaces and waves a hand quickly. "Don't actually want to know." 

Jace scowls. "We're in a current war with our neighbors, Simon. To see which couple can have louder  _ sex.  _ We can't actually win that if we're not having sex! And--and you leaving me alone with...with  _ Malec  _ and  _ Clizzy _ is my idea of hell." 

"You're whining," Simon says, lips twitching. "And you're also full of shit. You adore  _ Malec  _ and  _ Clizzy,  _ as you so dorkily put it. What does that make us? Sace? Simace? Jamon? J--" 

"Please stop," Jace mutters, flinging one hand back to outstretch it towards Simon, "and please stay. Why do you have to go  _ anyway?  _ Can't Raphael handle all the new fledglings on his own?" 

Simon sighs and walks over, standing behind Jace and peering down at him. "I've told you this so many times. You don't ever listen to me." 

"I listen to you, but I just don't understand how it's  _ your  _ responsibility to help with--" 

"Jace, there's  _ six  _ new fledglings because of that rogue vampire. Three of them are more annoying than  _ me.  _ Raphael would chew them up and spit them out, and besides, he's been good to us." 

"Our neighbors bring out like six fucking vibrators at one time and use, like, paddles or something. Do you have  _ any  _ idea how hard it is to sleep when Steve is calling his wife a slut at the top of his lungs?" Jace asks flatly, arching his eyebrows. 

Simon cringes. "Okay, that's a big yikes, I'll give you that. Wonder if she actually  _ likes  _ that, or if they're just doing it because--" 

"Simon, I really don't want to ponder whether Karen likes being called a slut or not." 

"Hey, don't knock it until you try it." 

"Call me a slut." Jace arches an eyebrow. "I  _ dare  _ you." 

"Slut," Simon says instantly, lips twitching as he backs out of the way when Jace swipes at him. "Okay, seriously, I have to go or Raphael will kick my ass. I'll be back tomorrow, and I'll make you scream all night long if you want to piss off the cookie-cutter perfect heterosexual middle-aged couple next door." 

"We should move away," Jace says conversationally, wiggling his fingers to get Simon to step closer, twisting his fingers into Simon's shirt. "We could buy a house. Something modest. No neighbors." 

"You mean  _ you  _ could buy a house," Simon says in amusement, reaching out to frame Jace's face with his hands and peer down at him. 

Jace hums. "Buy  _ us  _ a house, but yes." 

"You serious?" 

"Very." 

Simon looks down at him with a curious glint in his eyes. His lips curl up. "I'll think about it." 

"You do that," Jace says. 

"Alright, I really have to go," Simon insists, but his tone is softer now. He dips down to press a quick kiss to Jace's lips before backing away. He grins and waves before slipping out the door, calling out, "Love you, slut, see you tomorrow." 

Jace throws a pillow at him, but it hits the door as Simon shuts it with a bright laugh. 

Heaving a sigh, Jace picks the remote up again and states at the blank screen with a small frown. There's no point in even trying to start a show, he knows, because it won't be long before those fucking assholes right next door start going at it. The only time they  _ don't  _ is if he calls the others to come over, or more often, the others just  _ show up  _ because they know he's alone and has food in his fridge. 

He loves them all, collectively and separately, but when they come over in pairs or all at once, he finds himself missing Simon more than he likes to acknowledge. It feels fucking pathetic, and he is  _ not  _ that guy who clings to his lover, thank you very much. Except, well, he is...a little. 

He can't  _ help it.  _ He just...likes Simon. It's one thing to fucking love him--Jace is happy to think that he didn't have much of a choice in that, firmly believing it's sort of impossible  _ not  _ to love Simon, even though Alec manages pretty well, but that's...besides the point. The point  _ is  _ that Jace fell in love with Simon, and that was a whole thing, and he accepted it, and that was  _ fine.  _ What's not fine is just much he's come to genuinely  _ like  _ Simon. 

And you'd think that Jace would be happy to  _ like  _ the man he's in love with, and he is, but this is a little different. For someone who enjoys his space and being an asshole who takes his brooding time very seriously, Jace doesn't actually want to  _ do  _ those things anymore. He's just as happy--or, actually, even more so--to spend all his free time with Simon, and he rarely ever cares to brood anymore, though the asshole trait is still going strong and doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. 

It's just that Simon makes him  _ laugh,  _ and Jace finds that he likes how he feels whenever Simon is around. He also likes being in a relationship, funnily enough. After all that shit with Clary and the problems him and Simon have had in the past, he'd expected to have some hang-ups. He doesn't, though. He's pleased with it, with being  _ Simon's,  _ with dates and living together and the spikes of having sex and even the lows of having none. 

It feels  _ good.  _

So, now that Simon is basically helping Raphael run his little clan of new vampires--thanks to the rogue vampire that went around and turned a  _ bunch  _ of people, and even more had died in the process thanks to him. Jace remembers in vivid technicolor how Raphael had ripped the vampire's heart out for daring to be such a bad representation of what a vampire  _ is.  _ He'd then respectably took it upon himself to handle the new fledglings, only to drag Simon into helping him do that. 

Which, Jace is  _ fine  _ with that, he really is. It's just… Well, this is stupid, but he  _ misses  _ Simon when he's gone, and he hates that feeling. 

A knock at the door makes him jolt in surprise, and for a split second, he perks up with the thought that it might be Simon. Only for that hope to be crushed when he realizes that Simon wouldn't  _ knock.  _ Nor would any of the others, either. 

Jace narrows his eyes and pushes himself to his feet, moving over to the door to yank it open. He frowns slightly when he sees a man at the door, a package sitting at his feet, blank expression on full blast as he holds out a clipboard. 

"Mr. Lewis?" the man asks in a bland voice. 

"Um," Jace mutters awkwardly, clearing his throat, something funny happening in his chest, "yes?" 

The man pushes the clipboard towards him. "Got a package for you, Mr. Lewis. You're gonna have to sign for it, man." 

Jace takes the pen and glances down at the package with a frown. It's not a huge box, but it's certainly not small either. He can't imagine what it is that Simon's ordered, but he figures it's best to just bring it in. Grabbing the clipboard and signing on the dotted line, he scribbles his first name and stops. 

Shit, he's supposed to be Simon. Fuck. The man doesn't look like he cares in any way, but he has no idea how the mundies handle someone pretending to be someone else. 

Well,  _ actually,  _ the man just asked if he was Mr. Lewis, so if he lied a little, surely no one would know. Shrugging, Jace finishes by tacking Simon's last name next to his own first, and he blinks at it in vague surprise. His heart's doing that funny thing again, but he hasn't quite worked out  _ why  _ yet. 

_ Jace Lewis.  _

It looks...weird. Yeah, it's weird. Definitely  _ weird.  _

With a small frown, Jace forces himself to rip his gaze away from the name and pass the clipboard back over with a quiet, "Thanks." 

"Have a good night," the man mutters, not even handing him the package before taking his leave, looking officially done with the world as a whole. 

Jace grabs the box and closes the door, distracted and feeling  _ off  _ for some reason as he carries the package over to the table. He sits it down and taps it, chewing his bottom lip as he stares down at the stack of post-it notes they always keep on the counter--bright orange this week. 

Life is often busy for them, Jace doing his shadowhunting and Simon booking gigs or helping Raphael. Even outside of that, they sacrifice time with each other to spend with their respective friends. Simon still has movie nights with Maia and has days specifically scheduled for Clary, and Jace makes it a point to spend time with Alec and Izzy  _ without  _ Magnus and Clary. There are some weeks where they only see each other a few hours out of every day, which is slightly annoying, but they manage it well enough. 

The post-it notes are usually Simon's choice of communication, if not just a quick text. A simple note stuck to some obvious surface before he goes to a gig and Jace gets home, something cute and honestly a little sickeningly sweet, which always makes Jace smile even if it's slightly embarrassing. The first time Alec found a note on the fridge that Jace hadn't caught yet--one that was gag-worthy in all honesty--he hadn't let Jace live it down since. 

Jace still keeps every post-it note, though. They're all in a shoe-box at the top of his closet that Simon for sure does not--and never will--know about. 

But, for right now, the post-it notes look tempting for an entirely different reason. He frowns down at them, side-eying the pens Simon leaves laying around in a clump on the counter. Somewhere deep down, there's a tiny voice that tells him not to go down this road. But, unfortunately for that voice, there's an even louder one that eggs him on. 

Before he knows what he's doing, he's grabbed a pen and a post-it pad, very carefully writing out  _ Jace Lewis  _ in his neatest handwriting. 

"It's weird," Jace says out loud, even as he tilts his head at the letters. "Right?" 

The sound of a loud moan jerks him out of his very important musings, making him grit his teeth and breathe out slowly. Listen, he's having a  _ moment,  _ okay? Something serious is happening, and he doesn't really know  _ what,  _ but he has enough sense to know that whatever he's discovering about himself at this particular moment is important enough that his neighbors interrupting will  _ not  _ fly. 

The moans pick up, headboard thumping against the wall across the hall, loud enough that Jace grips the pad a little too tight. He ignores it. 

_ Jace Lewis  _ stares up at him, and really, it's actually not that weird in retrospect. He's had a variety of last names at this point, so many that they stop meaning so much to him anymore. Wayland, Morgenstern, Lightwood, Herondale. All these names mean something, sure, and they all highlight an important phase in his life, but none of them represent who he is  _ now.  _ Which doesn't really mean all that much. It's not like people can just go out and get new last names. Not that he knows of, anyway, and--

"Yes, take it, you dirty whore!" 

Jace grinds his teeth, heaving a deep sigh and smacking the pad down on the counter. The obscene sounds from across the hall are especially grating, and he's  _ trying  _ to work something out over here. 

"Fuck me, baby, fuck me!" 

It sounds like something out of a cheap porno. Worse than that, even. He wonders, vaguely, if he's ever sounded like that. Shit, he hopes not. 

Not the point.  _ Jace Lewis  _ is the current focus. He looks down at the name again, pursing his lips as he runs his thumb over it. The more he stares at it, the less weird it seems. He oh so slowly starts thinking that it actually looks...nice. Nice in the same way that Lightwood-Bane had looked on the wedding invitations last year. 

"You like that? Huh? Do you like it, you filthy slut? Like it when I fuck you so hard?" 

"Yes, yes, YES!" 

"Take it! Take it like the whore you are. I'm so good, and you're just my bitch, aren't you?!" 

"Oh god, oh god,  _ oh god!" _

Okay, that's fucking  _ it.  _ Jace has had enough. Now is  _ not  _ the time for interruptions. He's on the cusp of working something out, and he can't fucking do that when the worst neighbors in the world are having what sounds like fake, scripted sex. 

This war has gone on long enough. 

To be  _ completely  _ fair, Jace and Simon were  _ not  _ the ones to start this war. Steve and Karen are related to the owner of the apartments, and they got a very nice deal on the only one on this floor right across from them. They'd seemed  _ so  _ nice, right up until they found out that Jace and Simon were more than roommates. 

They're not outright  _ rude  _ about their differing opinions in the whole  _ man loving another man  _ subject, not that Jace or Simon would much care if they were. Instead, they're very passive-aggressive, very  _ "oh, that's...sweet, but have you heard how it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, haha",  _ and every time Clary or Izzy come around, they go on and on about how cute Jace and Clary would be, or Simon and Izzy. Which, to be fair, that is very true in some other world, but obviously  _ not  _ this one. 

They make comical expressions of poorly veiled distaste when Magnus comes around, clutching of pearls that aren't there and all, while Alec attempts to glare them into oblivion. 

And the first time Simon and Jace had overheard Steve and Karen having sex, they'd been a little horrified by it. The entire experience had been very pointed, basically them shouting how good it was for a man and a woman to have sex. So, Jace had made it a point to very loudly express just how much he enjoyed having sex with Simon. It had escalated from there, to the point that they're just now competing to be louder than the other, and when they bump into each other in the halls, it's with tight smiles and burning eyes full of blatant dislike. 

Jace has been dealing with it so far, but this is  _ seriously  _ not a time to fuck with him. The not-so weird name glaring up at him from the post-it note feels very fucking significant, but he can't figure out  _ why  _ with surround-sound sex from the shittiest neighbors this world has to offer. 

"Gonna make you scream. Go ahead, scream for this dick, you nasty slut!" 

Karen screams. Loud and high-pitched, she screams, alright. Screams like a wailing cat, drawn out and full of wanton moaning that's blatantly fake. 

And Jace...well, he fucking  _ snaps. _

Shoving away from the counter, he bangs his way out of his apartment and across the hall, slamming his hand against the door. He beats on it aggressively, officially at his wits end, literally  _ so close  _ to a breakthrough with this whole  _ 'Jace Lewis'  _ thing if they'd just shut the fuck up. 

For a split second, there's blessed silence. Like a beam of light through dark clouds, a rainbow after rain, there is absolutely no sound as he bangs on the door to their apartment. Then, very fucking  _ deliberately,  _ the noises start right back up, louder this time. Jace lets out a growl of anger and beats on the door louder and harder, to the point that it shakes slightly in the frame, but Steve and Karen only grow in volume and more obscene. 

Yeah, no, Jace is done with this bullshit. 

He reaches that point of rage where he's no longer thinking, and that's his only excuse for why he takes a few steps back and solidly kicks the door open, sending it flying open and busting the lock. 

The scream Karen gives from the bedroom then is not at all a happy one. 

Patient, pissed-off, and prepared, Jace waits tense and silent in the hallway, but not for very long. Steve and Karen come barreling out of their room mere moments later, half-dressed and sweaty, gaping at their door that's half hanging off the hinges. 

"You--you broke our door!" Karen screeches. 

Steve gapes at Jace in shock. "Are you fucking  _ insane?  _ This is--this is breaking and entering!" 

Jace scowls at him. "No, this is  _ breaking,  _ but I haven't entered anywhere. Now, can you both kindly shut the fuck up? I am  _ busy."  _

"Karen, call the police," Steve orders. 

"The chief of police is named Luke Harroway, and trust me when I say he's going to take my side over yours." Jace smiles with all teeth. "He's dating my mom. They're  _ in love."  _

"What--but you can't just--" 

"Well, I did. Don't worry, I'll pay for your door. But only if you two learn to shut the  _ fuck  _ up!" 

Karen huffs and stares at him wild-eyed as she snatches up her phone. "No, this isn't--you're not getting away with this! I'm calling Josh!" 

Ah, shit. 

Jace suddenly doesn't know what to say to that. Josh is the owner of the apartments and also Karen's cousin, so maybe...this was a bad move on Jace's part. In the midst of his anger, he may have forgotten that little detail. This is...not good. 

"I should kick your ass," Steve declares, balling up his fists and standing to full height. 

Jace laughs. "Oh, yeah, you do that. See how well that goes for you, Steve." 

"Oh, Josh," Karen wails, abruptly crying all of a sudden as she talks into her phone. "You have to come! You just  _ have to.  _ Our neighbor, those loud boys we were telling you about--" 

Jace's eyes bulge. 

"--the blonde one with the bad attitude just kicked our door down!" she continues. There's a brief pause where she continues to cry, then she blurts out a frantic, "No, I don't know why! Steve and I were just sleeping, and he--" 

Jace's eyes are about to fall out of his fucking  _ skull.  _

"--just kicked it down! I was  _ terrified!  _ He probably would have come in if it wasn't for Steve running out so quickly. Well,  _ no,  _ he's bribing the police, so--" 

Jace can't even blink. 

"--it's not wise. Yes, yes, you need to come! We'll need a whole new door!" Karen cries some more, going on full method actress as she swipes at her tears and sniffles. "Thank you, Josh,  _ thank you."  _

When she ends the call, her entire face wipes clean of emotion and her tears stop altogether. Jace continues to stare at her with wide eyes, coming to the sudden realization that she is, in fact, fucking  _ insane.  _

"Nothing to say now, huh?" Steve taunts. 

Jace sighs. "I fucking  _ hate  _ mundies." 

* * *

When his torso gets slammed against the side of the cop car, Jace releases a grunt and squints at the flashing blue lights beaming right into his eyes. He sighs when metal clips around his wrist and the overly rough cop yanks him around. 

"And I want you both out by the end of this week!" Josh shouts from the doorway, a very smug Steve and Karen lingering behind him. 

"Oh, we fucking  _ will!"  _ Jace snaps back loudly. "And tell your fucking cousins that sex isn't a group activity! And Steve, your wife never even orgasms! They're all fake! Can't you tell that she's been faking everything?! I bet she doesn't even like to be called your dirty slut!"

"Shut up," the cop orders and jerks him around, knocking him into the side of the car again. 

Jace glares at him. "Not to be a complete cliche, but just you fucking  _ wait  _ until my adopted mom's boyfriend hears about this." 

When Josh had showed up and immediately flipped the fuck out, Jace had decided to make the appropriate calls. And since Josh had  _ insisted  _ on calling the police, he'd made sure to leave Luke a voicemail in the midst of getting in touch with Alec and Magnus, the two least likely to tell Simon what the fuck is going on currently--that being, Jace getting arrested. He hasn't quite worked out how to explain this one to Simon yet, so he's just as happy to put this off a little bit longer. 

"I don't care who your daddy is, boy," the cop growls out, reaching up to press his hand to the top of Jace's head and guide him into the car needlessly. "I don't give a shit if he's the queen of England." 

Jace looks up at him with his face scrunched up like this man is the biggest idiot alive. Again, he finds himself thinking how much he truly despises the mundanes of the world. Not all of them, obviously, since his job is literally to protect them. But, in truth, this calibre of mundane grates on his nerves so bad that he wouldn't actually be  _ that  _ upset if they got taken out by a demon or two. 

When the door slams shut, Jace leans his head against the window and closes his eyes. Fuck, Simon is going to  _ kill  _ him. 

That's  _ if  _ Alec doesn't get to him first. 

The ride to the station is held in complete silence, thankfully, and Jace just stares out the window with a small frown.  _ Jace Lewis  _ still plagues him, and on top of that, he now has to figure out how to convince Simon to move out within the week. He should probably just  _ tell  _ him what happened, but he's not at all looking forward to that conversation. Maybe this is one of those things he can put off until it's just funny, like that one time he spilt milk all over Simon's shirt and waited three months to tell him what happened to it, and it was mostly just something that Simon laughed at by that point. 

They've been together for nearly two years, if you include that little interlude in between, which they both do. It's been over eight months since that shit with Charity, and just about five months since Alec and Magnus got married. Not a day that's gone by has been boring, and maybe they're not all  _ amazing,  _ but Jace is just as in love with Simon as he has been since he fell for him to begin with. 

This, however, will probably be a fight. He's pretty sure it'll be a fight. Shit, he hates the fights. 

They're literally the worst. Arguing with Simon is different than just bickering with him. Playful banter that's borderline bickering is basically foreplay for them, but  _ fighting _ is a whole other ballgame. Jace is an asshole, and Simon is  _ very  _ sharp-tongued when he wants to be, so their arguments get downright harsh sometimes. It can get pretty ugly, and it always makes Jace feel like shit, to the point that sometimes he wishes he wasn't so stubborn so he could just apologize and move the fuck on. They always work it out, but in the midst of it…

Well, needless to say, Jace dreads the fights. 

He is officially in a horrible mood when he gets tossed in a holding cell before he'll get processed. He's hoping Luke will be here before that happens because he's not  _ technically  _ in the mundane's systems, seeing as he's pretty much supposed to walk around with his rune keeping him hidden from them at all times. But, since he's living with Simon, he doesn't actually do that anymore unless he's out actively on mission. 

It's really bright in the cell, and  _ very  _ quiet, so at least he's not forced to share with anyone. That's nice. Tolerable, at the very least. 

He plops down on the bench against the wall, leaning his head back against it and sighing quietly, closing his eyes as he pulls his legs up, letting his arms rest atop his knees. Maybe a nap. He'll probably get better sleep here than he would have at home with Steve and Karen being horrible human beings. 

He's actually just about to genuinely drift off when he hears shuffling up the hall. He peeks one eye open, only slightly curious, only for both eyes to fly open when a scowling Simon comes into view. An entirely separate cop shoves him into the cell with Jace, removing his handcuffs through the bars before walking off while shaking his head. 

_ "Simon?"  _ Jace blurts out, heart immediately racing in his chest, eyes bulging. 

Simon tosses him a sharp look. "I leave you alone for an hour, Jace. An  _ hour.  _ And you can't even behave for that long. Why are you like this?" 

"Says  _ you!"  _ Jace bursts out. "You walked in here in handcuffs, just like me. What are  _ you  _ in for?" 

"Well, Raphael made me go home after, like, thirty minutes because the others were going on a field trip with Pamela to order their own coffins. Anyway, I got home right as a cop car pulled off--with you, I'm guessing--and what do you know? My neighbors and landlord start losing their collective shit on me about my boyfriend apparently kicking their door in?" 

"Uh, yeah. That--that's actually true." 

"Jace, really?" Simon heaves a sigh and moves over to plop down beside Jace, staring at him. "Do you have any self-control whatsoever?" 

"Yeah, you're pretty much it," Jace admits shamelessly. He shrugs. "Told you not to leave." 

Simon narrows his eyes. "Wait, you didn't do this to, like, act out or something, right? Is this you being a  _ legit  _ brat, because if so, I swear I'm going to--" 

"No, it's not!" Jace huffs and extends his leg to lightly kick Simon's arm. "I'm not  _ that  _ petty. Hell, I didn't even know you'd come back. I was trying to  _ do  _ something, and Steve and Karen were being so  _ loud,  _ and I just...I snapped, I guess." 

"You kicked in their  _ door."  _

"We're lucky that's all I did." 

Simon considers that for a beat. "Yeah, okay, that's fair. In retrospect, you actually had some restraint, I'll give you that." 

Jace smirks. "Thank you. Now, what did  _ you  _ do?" 

"Oh." Simon clears his throat and shifts in place, shooting Jace a sheepish look. "Well, Steve may have said some unsavory things about you, and well, I guess  _ I  _ snapped. I think I broke his nose." 

"Shit, that's--actually, that's pretty hot. And also  _ extremely  _ unnecessary. I don't need you to stand up for me, Simon. Especially not to  _ them."  _

"Well, I didn't like what they had to say." 

"Which was?" Jace asks. 

Simon grimaces. "You know, the usual. That you were an asshole--" 

"I am." 

"--and that you're going to hell--" 

"Probably will at some point." 

"--and that your scar and  _ tattoos _ pretty much ensure that you're a bad person--" 

"Way off the mark on the details, but I'm not the  _ best  _ person, so I'll give 'em that one." 

"--and that you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me," Simon finishes through clenched teeth. "They were going on about how  _ nice  _ I am, how you're a bad influence, that bullshit." 

Jace snorts. "Well, to be fair--" 

"You're the  _ best  _ thing that's ever happened to me, so do not even start," Simon snaps. 

Jace can't help it, his lips curl up automatically in response to Simon's emphatic insistence. He ducks his head when Simon glances at him, doing his best to cover up the pleased smile, but Simon must see it because he sighs and reaches out to thread their fingers together. They sit in quiet for a moment, holding hands, Jace smiling down at his lap and Simon bouncing his leg up and down. 

Then Jace blinks around the cell. "Holy shit, we're in a fucking cell again," he blurts out. 

Simon snorts. "Well, at least we're not kidnapped this time. But yeah, looks like. Seriously, dude, we really need to stop meeting like this." 

"But it's our  _ thing,"  _ Jace teases. 

"How romantic. We fell in love behind bars." 

"Well, that's where it started, yeah. Come on, you've got to admit, it's pretty cute, right?" 

"Just freaking  _ adorable,"  _ Simon deadpans. 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Well,  _ I  _ like it. Just screams romance to me." 

"Oh, I'm sure. What's next? We're going to get married in a cell? Sign adoption papers for all our kids while being locked up? I wonder if setting really matters when major things like that happen," Simon muses, his mocking tone slowly draining into genuine curiosity. 

"Um." Jace blinks rapidly, feeling as if someone has hit him square in the chest. When Simon frowns at him, he clears his throat. "Sorry, just, you paired marriage and kids into the same sentence like it was normal, and I was not at all prepared." 

Simon opens his mouth, then snaps it shut as his eyes grow wide. He suddenly goes into a coughing fit and flaps a hand as he begins stuttering like someone who's just realized they've successfully backed themselves into every corner on the planet. It's admittedly kind of adorable. 

"I--well, I didn't… I wasn't trying to insinuate--I was just  _ saying  _ that--" 

"Simon, shut up." 

"Yep. Doing that," Simon chokes out. 

Jace is suddenly having his breakthrough, and he's not sure why it's happening right here or now, but after the shitty night he's had, he's more than ready to understand in full what the fuck  _ Jace Lewis  _ means to him. Well, he is right up until he actually does, and then his heart is slamming into his ribs when he finally grasps the entire fucking  _ point.  _

Oh fuck, he wants to marry Simon. He wants to  _ marry  _ Simon. Like, legitimately get married and take his name and be his fucking  _ husband.  _

"Oh, shit," Jace blurts out, swiveling around to let his boots plop on the ground, staring unseeingly over at Simon with parted lips. 

Simon's starting to look worried. "Uh, Jace, I didn't actually--that wasn't me  _ trying  _ to freak you out or anything. I mean, I'm--I'm okay with how things are now, and we haven't talked about--" 

Jace tunes him out, a skill that he's honed over the years that he's known him, one Simon hates and Jace is quite proud of. He doesn't actually do it as often as Simon thinks he does because he usually cares about what Simon has to say, but this is one of those moments that he can't actually listen to him right now, too caught up in his own thoughts. 

Okay, so. So, marriage. With Simon.  _ To  _ Simon. That's a thing that's weird, right? Being married to Simon would be--it'd be…

And just like with _Jace_ _Lewis, _the more he thinks about marriage with Simon, the less he thinks of it as weird. In fact, it's scarily enticing. He realizes that he _wants _to do that, to be married to Simon, to be his husband and have him as his in return. Sure, he could spend many more years as his boyfriend, and that's just fine, but it's not… Suddenly, as he unlocks this abrupt _yearning _for more, he realizes that being Simon's boyfriend for two more years won't measure up to his feelings. 

Simon's not just some relationship. It's not something that Jace is going to willingly let go of. He wants this for the rest of his life, and he wants all that could come with it--a home, a wedding, kids someday. Being Simon's partner is okay, just like Simon said, but being something more is probably one of the most surprising desires Jace has uncovered in this relationship, and that's including his discovery that he enjoys being tied up. 

Right. Okay, then. Well, that settles that. Jace takes a moment to accept this new shift, then turns to look at Simon with a small frown of consideration. He wonders if Simon at all feels this way, and what he'll do if he doesn't. Nothing, probably. Wait. Of course he'd wait. He'll wait forever if he has to. 

Ah fuck, he's in so deep. 

"Did you ever decide if you were okay with getting a house or not?" Jace asks Simon seriously, making some of Simon's obvious nerves loosen. 

Simon nods. "Oh, yeah, I'd already decided that would be a good idea by the time I was out the door. Good thing, too, since Josh informed me that we had to be out by the end of the week." 

"Right, sorry," Jace mutters distractedly, eyeing Simon speculatively. "So, you're just cool with buying a house with me?" 

"Uh, Jace,  _ you _ offered." 

"Yeah, I know. Answer my question." 

"Well, I mean, it's--it's not that big of a deal, is it? We already live together, so it's not like--" 

"It is a big deal, and you know that, but you still knew you wanted to do it after just a few minutes of thinking about it. Right?" 

"I mean," Simon says slowly, swallowing thickly, "yes, but that's not--" 

"There's something written down on the post-it notes back at the apartment." Jace takes a deep breath and sits up straight. "You got a delivery, and the guy bringing it asked me if I was Mr. Lewis. You weren't there, but I figured I'd bring it, so I told him yes without really thinking about it." 

"Identity theft," Simon jokes nervously, twisting his shirt with his free hand, the other gripping Jace's fingers so hard it nearly hurts. 

Jace just looks at him seriously. "He made me sign for it, so I automatically started writing my name, then remembered I was supposed to be Mr. Lewis.  _ So  _ I just signed it  _ Jace Lewis _ and took the box." 

When he pauses to let that sink in, Simon releases a shaky breath and averts his eyes, only to look right back at Jace with his bottom lip caught between his teeth, fingers tugging at his shirt obsessively. 

"I was, uh, a little confused about why that name wouldn't leave my head. I didn't really get it, so I wrote it down and just  _ stared  _ at it. I was fixating on it, and that's what I was doing when I broke down our neighbors door, trying to figure something out but couldn't because they kept interrupting. And usually, I can ignore it, but this was  _ very  _ important for some reason, and I...well, you know." 

"So--so you never figured it out?" Simon murmurs, clearing his throat. 

Jace rolls his eyes. "Took me an embarrassingly long time, but I did. So, quick question, how do you feel about letting me have your last name?" 

Simon blinks at him, his finger going still, his grip on Jace's hand going lax. "Like...legally?" he asks carefully, words a mere breath. "A name change, or--" 

"Simon, you know I don't know enough about the mundane world to know all the possible ways of getting someone else's last name. I know of only two, and I do  _ not  _ want you to adopt me." 

Simon stares at him, not saying a word, not even breathing. Jace just waits, willing to do that, faintly surprised by how he's inwardly freaking the fuck out about this. Here they are, in a fucking  _ jail cell,  _ and Jace is proposing to Simon in the weirdest fucking way possible, and it's possibly the scariest moment of his life. It should not be this nerve-wracking, especially when he's already prepared to just wait another year to ask again if Simon  _ does  _ say no. 

The problem is, Simon's not saying  _ anything.  _ He's just sitting there, silent. This is probably the longest he's gone without saying a word without being asleep, and frankly, Jace is starting to feel...awkward. Shit, that's his least favorite feeling in the world. He'd told Simon once that awkward catches, and it's true, because they're just  _ sitting here awkwardly.  _

Finally, after what feels like years, Simon whispers, "Just--just to be certain, you _ are  _ talking about--" 

"Marry me," Jace says, cutting him off, nearly vibrating in place as soon as the words leave his mouth. He means them, means them more than he means most things, and he searches Simon's gaze for any sign of rejection. He finds none, so he strategically tacks on a soft, "Please?" 

"Oh, that's--well." Simon coughs slightly and blinks rapidly, a very abrupt sheen of tears forming over his eyes. He fans his face and looks away, clearing his throat three times in quick succession. "Wow, I did not know how much I wanted to hear that until just then. I'm surprisingly emotional about this." 

Jace nudges Simon's leg with his hand. "I hear that happens when the best thing that's ever happened to you asks to be your husband. So, how about it? Kinda waiting on an answer here, Simon." 

"Right, sorry." Simon swallows thickly, taking in a shaky breath and looking over at him. "I guess I'm just shocked to find out that setting really doesn't matter when it comes to these things. I can't believe you just proposed to me in a jail cell." 

Jace scoots closer to him, reaching out with his free hand not already holding Simon's, and he cups Simon's face. Very carefully, with intent, he kisses him. It's a relief when Simon kisses him back, his whole body sagging, his other hand reaching out to lightly press against Jace's favorite scar, thumb gently passing over sensitive scar tissue. Reluctantly, he pulls away, watching Simon's eyes flutter open.

"See?" Jace whispers. "Romantic." 

"G--fuck, you're going to be the  _ worst  _ husband," Simon croaks out, huffing a weak laugh and staring at Jace with a watery smile. 

"Only one way to find out." 

"Ask me again." 

Jace's lips twitch. "Marry me?" 

"Yeah, okay," Simon says softly, lips curling up, eyes bright with emotion and joy. 

Relief floods into him so intensely that he can't even begin to stop the smile that splits across his face, but that's okay because Simon mirrors it. They both mutually go in for another kiss, though it's more of soft grins against each other's mouths than anything, but that's somehow better. 

They're so caught up in the moment that they don't hear someone moving up the hall, existing in their own bubble, only for it to be popped by someone smacking the bars. They jerk apart, abruptly yanked back into reality, and they turn in unison to take in the sour-faced cop unlocking the cell. 

"Alright, boys," he says bitterly, "looks like you're both free to go. Your  _ party  _ is waiting for you both out front already." 

Jace and Simon share a quick look, still smiling a little, but they both scramble to their feet and exit the cell. The cop heaves a sigh and waves them along, leading them up the hall. 

Simon leans forward to giddily whisper, "I'm engaged. Like, just now. Literally just now." 

The cop looks over his shoulder at them, eyebrows raising up. "Oh? That's, uh, nice?" 

Jace chews on the inside of his bottom lip to keep from grinning like a fucking maniac, his chest feeling light, pure excitement quivering within him. He's stupidly happy, so much so that his breath gets knocked out of his lungs every time Simon looks over and beams at him. 

They're led out of the back and towards the lobby.  _ Party  _ is the perfect description of what's waiting for them. Apparently, Magnus and Alec and Luke are, in fact, fucking blabber-mouths because basically everyone is here. Clary, Izzy, and Maryse are slowly pacing around as they approach. Even Raphael is standing stiffly in the corner, with Maia right behind him, apparently in a fight with the vending machine. 

"Oh, there you  _ are,"  _ Maryse blurts out, the first to see them. She shoots Alec a look. "I told you Luke would handle it." Her eyes cut over to Jace and then narrow into slits. "And  _ you.  _ Jace, what were you--" 

"We're getting married!" Jace blurts out, holding up his and Simon's twined hands, nearly breathless after the announcement. 

For a long moment, everyone stares at them in complete silence. However, that doesn't last very long. Everyone suddenly starts talking all at once. Asking questions, a mixture of confusion and determined congratulations, words and voices an indecipherable jumble. The tone of it is mostly happy, however, so Jace is grinning when everyone promptly rushes them both, talking over each other and trying to give them hugs. 

Faintly, from behind them, a cop sighs. 

* * *

The wedding is not as stressful as it should be, all things considered. They plan the wedding around buying a house, and a lot of it is done with Magnus and Izzy's help. In truth, Magnus and Izzy pretty much bring the whole thing together. 

Simon is very firmly against getting married at the Institute, and after Magnus and Alec already did it, the idea seems sort of like an old hat.  _ Instead,  _ they get married outside of the Institute, among the fluttering orange leaves and dipping branches. Magnus had spelled flowers to float through the air, and Izzy had single handedly built the archway that sat at the end of aisle they walked down--Luke walking Simon while Maryse walked Jace. 

Simon, ironically enough, had worked with Raphael to pick out the suits and the cake--which is literally split in half, one side for vampire consumption with blood infused into every ingredient of the thing, while the other side is a simple chocolate. His best man is, of course, Clary, with Raphael and Maia as his other groomsmen. 

Jace, on the other hand, had worked with Alec to help build the large background that sat behind the arch, which Clary had painted black with silver bars on it. But the front of it is covered in all the post-it notes he'd kept over the last year, which is actually a great number, and Simon fucking  _ cries  _ when he finally gets to lay eyes on it. Right in the middle is the orange post-it with  _ Jace Lewis  _ written on it. Alec, obviously, is his suggenes, with Izzy and Magnus up there as well. 

It's quite possibly the best day of Jace's life. He doesn't hide it, doesn't give a shit who sees him being as soft as he is. He says his vows with tears, he beams when they're allowed to kiss and Simon whispers,  _ "Right now,"  _ and he closes his eyes and sinks into the comfort of the first dance. 

From there, everything just gets  _ better.  _

Magnus has put up wards that keep everyone warm, plus keep out any untoward weather, which is just handy, really. So, when it starts snowing, everyone looks up to watch the white flutters glide down around them and disappear like popping bubbles of snowflakes because of Magnus' magic. Honestly, it's just  _ pretty,  _ and Jace is a little stunned by it. 

The reception isn't actually a very long affair, mostly because Magnus can do many things, but he can't control the sun. Even with the floating paper-lanterns decorating the area, the slow-approaching darkness doesn't exactly feel like a good time for a party, so an event that could take four or five hours only takes three. But, the secret is, that's pretty much how Jace and Simon planned it. 

They're more than excited to get on their honeymoon. Magnus has a portal scheduled after the reception to cart them off to Poland in Europe, the place Simon had desperately wanted to go to, and Jace had been more than fine with honeymooning there. They have a very nice room at an Inn already rented for two weeks, courtesy of Jace's very large wealth and Simon's gift of convincing people to do things by not shutting up until they agree. The poor inn-owner had ended up giving them the room simply to get off the phone from Simon jabbering his ear off. 

It seems like it took a long time to get here, to get to the whole getting married part, but it ends really quickly. As sudden as anything, they're married and that's that. It's soothing, in a way, to know that the build-up to this hadn't ended in some wild metaphorical explosion, but had rather drifted off like a ship finding its way home to a dock. A wild ride along the way, but an ease at the last part of the journey before finally being tethered. 

Before they go, everyone stops by to say goodbye and congratulate them. 

Maryse hugs him tight with tears in her eyes, beaming, and she says, "I'm so happy for you, son," and then moves over to hug Simon, too. Luke does the exact same, only he gives his hug to Simon first, and then Jace. 

It's a rotation, then. 

Magnus kisses his cheek, which makes him blush without even meaning to, completely blindsided by the sweet gesture. Magnus has always been more open with his contact with people, almost flippant in how he doles out his touches, but that particular peck on the cheek feels heavier than any hug could have. When Jace fumbles through it, Magnus laughs brightly and moves over to do the same to Simon, who takes the contact with a lot more grace. 

Clary is a fucking  _ wreck.  _ She can barely speak through her happy sobbing, and it's actually borderline gross when she hugs them. She's just so  _ happy,  _ and it's genuinely adorable. Jace kisses her cheek, and she sobs harder. 

Izzy, thankfully, handles her joy better than her girlfriend. Tears do glitter in her eyes, but she just sighs happily and drags them both into a group hug, yanking their heads down to kiss their foreheads. 

Raphael stops by, but does not hug them. He does, however, say, "Congratulations, you both look very good together," and he grits his teeth through it when Simon hugs  _ him.  _ Jace sees the opportunity to one, torture Raphael a bit and two, actually get the only hug from him that he'll ever be allowed. He doesn't actually really  _ yearn  _ for one, but he knows that's a chance rarely granted to anyone, so he moves forward to hug Raphael before the poor clan leader can make his escape. 

Maia punches them both in the shoulder respectively before hugging them separately, bluntly admitting, "Honestly, I didn't know if you two would make it, but hey, I'm glad to be wrong." 

Alec honestly is the biggest surprise of the night. Jace had anticipated their hug to be intense and full of shared joy, simply because of how much Alec is getting through the parabatai bond. And it  _ is.  _ But what stuns him is that he hugs Simon, too. Not only that, he initiates it, and he hugs him for a long time before pulling away to look Simon deeply in the eyes and sincerely murmur, "I wholly and completely trust you to take good care of my brother. Thank you." 

After that, they're being shooed off to go enjoy two weeks in Poland, with only each other as company. 

Jace is so fucking excited. 

* * *

"Are you comfortable?" 

Jace breathes out, feeling his chest contract as all the air slowly presses out of his lungs. He takes stock of himself, from the thick blindfold over his eyes that ensures he can't see shit, to the handcuffs that ever so slightly pinch his skin as they keep his hands pulled over his head, looped over the metal grate of the headboard. Being completely naked, unable to see, and mostly unable to move is…

Well, for a Shadowhunter who has been through some shit, it's shockingly exhilarating. Though, that has more to do with Simon being the one in control of everything than actually  _ liking  _ these kinds of situations. Previously being kidnapped shows just how much context matters. 

Actually, thinking about it, Simon kidnapping him would actually be pretty hot if it was--

"Jace, are you comfortable?" Simon repeats. 

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine." 

"You sure?" 

Jace smirks a little. "Yes,  _ sir,"  _ he purrs. 

Simon sucks in a sharp breath, but he doesn't say anything. In fact, he goes dead silent, so quiet that he can't even be breathing. Goosebumps break out along Jace's skin, his ears straining, anticipation making his stomach quiver and his breathing start picking up. When a finger lightly traces his ankle, he jumps slightly, his heart racing. 

"Jumpy," Simon comments softly. 

"A little," Jace admits with a small huff of laughter, shifting restlessly. "You try being still when you don't know what's coming." 

"If you're not still, I won't touch you," Simon says simply, humming in approval when Jace instantly stops squirming. 

Jace releases a shaky breath. "Fuck, you're going to torture me, aren't you?" 

"Wasn't that what you had in mind when we talked about this?" Simon sounds amused, his fingers slowly dragging up Jace's leg. "That's what I was thinking, anyway. It's no fun if you're not begging for it by the end, you know." 

"Maybe I won't this time." 

"Challenge yourself if you want. You know what happens when you do. The longer you deny yourself, the more likely it is that you'll cry. And you're actually really pretty when you're crying, did you know? Well, like this, you are. Crying from pleasure, mindless and pleading,  _ pretty."  _

Jace licks his lips. "It feels good when that happens. Like we both work together to push me that far. A joint effort in ruining me." 

"A new and improved take on self-sabotage," Simon muses, the sensation of the pads of his fingers disappearing to be replaced by the soft scrape of his nails along the inside of Jace's thigh. "I think that's the healthiest place to ruin yourself, plus I'd never let you push it too far." 

"I know," Jace murmurs, panting as Simon's fingers brush the base of his dick, a low moan slipping out when Simon's fingers keep right on going past. 

Simon hums curiously. "What? Something you want?" 

Jace groans and tips his head back. "Oh, fuck you." 

"Let's see how long you keep that up." 

Excitement races in Jace's veins. He is so ready to be fucking wrecked it's not even funny. Of course he'll need to be pushed to a certain point before he's a pleading, sobbing mess. However, Simon is  _ very  _ good at pushing him to that point, and this current setup is helping that along really easily. 

There's something so sensual about not seeing what's coming, not knowing where Simon will touch next, not being able to do anything but  _ feel.  _ And, for Jace, there's something so fucking thrilling about being unable to reach out and seek out his own pleasure. In all actuality, he could easily snap the handcuffs if he truly wanted to, just by activating his runes, but he makes a conscious decision not to. He  _ wants  _ to be splayed out at Simon's mercy, completely in his hands, his pleasure in his control. 

As always, Simon does  _ not  _ disappoint. 

It's a slow push to the point that Jace is always aching to get to, but never can on his own. Lingering touches, intense kisses, soft words. Simon opens him up slow and careful, and then he leaves him empty and aching. He edges him until Jace's balls are drawn tight, then he doesn't touch his dick again. He touches him all over, making Jace's skin tingle, making him desperate for more. 

Then, for what feels like forever, Simon lightly tugs at his nipples and gives random kitten-licks to the head of his dick, sporadically sucking his entire length just once to make Jace whine and yank on the handcuffs because it's  _ not enough.  _

It doesn't matter that this is his husband. He's not able to beg--seriously beg--until he's been pushed to desperation. He doesn't know why, and he doesn't really care, because that's the fun part. Sex isn't like this every single time, because a variety is good, but when it  _ is…  _ Fuck, it's so good. 

"Just fucking  _ touch  _ me," Jace chokes out when Simon licks a hot stripe up his dick, driving him fucking insane with just that. 

Simon rakes his hands down Jace's chest, nails digging in hard enough to make him moan. "Do you really want me to?" 

"Please?" Jace asks softly, sweetly. 

"What do you want?" Simon asks, crawling up the length of his body to press gentle kisses on his scar, tongue tracing the raised skin and sensitive tissues, sending sparks through Jace's nerves, pain and pleasure mixed up so badly at the moment that he gives a full-body shudder. "Just ask nicely, and I'll give you whatever you want." 

Jace whimpers, tipping his head back to give Simon better access to his throat. "I want you to fuck me. Please, sir,  _ fuck me."  _

Simon presses one more kiss to the column of his throat, right over his scar, then he moves back down Jace's body. He's already prepped, but Simon takes the time to prepare him further, fingering him open and applying more lube. Then, like Jace's entire body has been thrumming for, Simon slides into him easily, swiftly pushing in fully with a small hiss. 

Jace instantly groans, back arching at the sensation of being so full, mouth falling open as a relieved sigh slips from his lips. Only for that sigh to morph into a choked off whimper as Simon goes about doing  _ exactly  _ as he'd asked and  _ fucks him.  _

Sometimes, when they have sex, it's slow-going and gentle, so  _ tender  _ that Jace feels like his heart is going to burst from how  _ loved  _ he feels. This is  _ not  _ that, which is just as well--he can only take so much of that in increments. This, though, is just as fucking good and perfect for this mood. 

Simon fucks him hard and efficient, each thrust sharp and deep, stroking his prostate every single time. It sends sparks dancing up and down his spine, lighting up behind his covered eyes, making his toes curl. He can barely breathe, strung tight and tense in no time, spreading his legs as wide as he can so he's able to feel every delicious fucking inch. It's so good that he loses himself to it. He gasps and moans, snatching harshly on the handcuffs, whimpering out obscenities and crooning Simon's name.

Leaning down over him, Simon sucks marks into his chest, raking teeth over his nipples, pushing Jace farther and farther to the edge. He eventually drags his mouth to Jace's throat, lightly tonguing at his scar, trailing slick lips to nip at his earlobe and jaw, whispering into his skin.

"You're beautiful," Simon tells him, voice gruff with arousal, a little drunk with pleasure, but utterly sincere. "Hearing you moan my name, seeing you lose control for me, it's the best thing I've ever seen. You feel so good, Jace,  _ so good.  _ Doing this for you,  _ to you,  _ it's my pleasure, it really is." 

Jace groans and turns his head, seeking out a kiss,  _ needing it,  _ but Simon hums and turns away. He steadily fucks him, never breaking stride, using his thighs to press Jace's legs forward. His thrusts have become shallow and quick, still fucking him good from this angle, but not getting his prostate every time. That doesn't mean it stops feeling good--the opposite, in fact, and now he's aching for even more pleasure, desperate to be thoroughly fucked. But, even more than that, he needs Simon's lips on his like he needs air. 

"Kiss me," Jace whispers, gasping and straining towards Simon earnestly. "Just kiss me, Simon. Just kiss me. I--I need you to, sir, just--" 

His words fall off into a muffled moan as Simon kisses him fiercely, tongue instantly swiping out, teeth lightly nipping at his bottom lip, helping Jace settle into that shaky rise of need that swells within him. The worry of sinking into it, of letting himself go, of falling prey to the burning desire to just give himself over to the pleasure...it all becomes muted when Simon kisses him, like a reminder that Simon likes it, that he won't care if Jace gives in, that he wants to help Jace in doing that. 

Simon kisses him until he's lightheaded and whimpering, only pulling away fully when Jace doesn't immediately lean forward for more. Then he leans back, bracing his hands under Jace's knees, pushing them in, folding Jace to fuck into him deep and fast. Jace is gone from the first stab at his prostate, a full fucking connection that sends him reeling and frantically yanking on the handcuffs as he cries out. 

"Oh, you like this," Simon notes, a little breathless with delight at seeing Jace lose it. 

Jace's legs are trembling and he bucks up helplessly, feeling like he's been plugged in suddenly, and his fingers wrap around the metal grate to hold on for dear life as he chants, "Holy shit, holy shit, _holy fucking shit. _Don't stop, don't you _dare _stop, don't--" 

Which is, of course, precisely when Simon comes to a dead halt, making Jace squirm and groan at the sudden loss of movement. It's a stark reminder who is in charge here, and he should have fucking known better, he really should have, but  _ damn.  _

"I'm sorry, what did you want?" Simon asks in a tight voice, his hips trembling, no doubt wanting to move as much as Jace wants him to. 

At this point, Jace is too far gone to care what he's doing or saying. He needs whatever the fuck that was to continue right now, and he feels like he's been teetering on the edge forever. 

"Please," he begs shamelessly. "Keep going, sir. I--it felt so good, so good, so  _ fucking _ good. Please, Simon, please don't--just  _ please."  _

Simon shudders and fucks into him, making Jace shout. He's immediately swept up in the sensation of Simon dragging in and out of him from this angle, making his whole body feel like a livewire, every single inch of his skin feeling on fire. Every part of him feels on the brink of orgasm, like when he comes every muscle in his body will experience it. 

And fuck, he's so close already, even without Simon touching his dick. It's so good that he doesn't want it to end, doesn't want to come. He wants to exist in this mindless space of pure bliss for however long he can. The handcuffs dig into his skin, clanking against the metal, and his thighs are burning from the strain, and his entire body jolts from Simon fucking into him so hard. But none of that matters; he's simply lost on a sea of sensation. 

In truth, he could probably come from just this, find release on this and nothing else. It would probably take a bit longer, but he knows he could. 

However, with that being said, the moment that Simon reaches out to get his hand on Jace's dick, he's so very glad that he won't have to find out. He is not at all prepared for the simultaneous slam of pleasure from both points, getting fucked and Simon stroking him, and he shouts so long and loud that Simon has to smack a hand over his mouth to muffle it. That's counterproductive as all hell because that only makes Jace go even _ more  _ insane, the intensity of Simon gripping his cheeks and covering his mouth just yet another step into sending him to the edge. 

"Don't come yet," Simon murmurs, no doubt feeling Jace's body lock up and listening to him cry out beneath his palm. 

Jace whimpers pitifully, sharply yanking on the handcuffs, trying to stave off his fast-approaching orgasm. Simon fucks into him faster, harder, deeper, demanding he wait to come, and Jace feels like an over-tuned guitar chord. The need to let go, to finally come, clashes with his deep desire to please Simon, making his entire body tremble and twitch. 

Tears leak from his eyes, and he does not care. 

"Good, so good for me," Simon praises, stretching forward to put his lips right beside Jace's ear. His breath is hot and his words are soft when he says, "You can come now, you've been so good, come for me, Jace." 

Jace dazedly thinks  _ yes, sir.  _

His orgasm rips its way out of him, and it's a damn good thing Simon is covering his mouth. He doesn't shout, he doesn't cry out, he fucking  _ screams.  _ His back arches, head tossing back, body shaking as he comes all over Simon's fingers and his own chest. It's so good that he genuinely sees stars for a moment, his scream cutting off abruptly as his body locks up and everything goes tense and still as he reaches the peak of his release. The end of it is almost so good that it's sensitive, making him whimper and moan as he sags back down into the bed, twitching intermittently. Thankfully, just as his orgasm comes to an end, Simon pulls out with a low curse and follows after him in his own release. 

Jace lets out a soft hum when trembling fingers unlock his restraints, hands falling down limply to his sides. And then there's suddenly a warm washcloth moving over his skin? Then, after that, he's curled around a pillow, still twitching. 

It's nice. 

He drifts. 

Sometime later, he opens his eyes and realizes the blindfold is gone. His heart immediately drops when he doesn't see Simon on the bed beside him, just gone, not even there. He reaches out, frowning, making a small sound of discontent. 

"Simon?" he whispers. 

"Sorry, I'm here," Simon blurts out, sticking his head around the  _ very  _ tiny kitchenette in the Inn bedroom, smiling warmly at him. "I'm making you a sandwich." 

Jace shakes his head, suddenly exhausted. "Not now. Just--just…" 

Simon immediately puts the mayo down and grabs a glass of water before blurring across the room to sit right beside Jace, eyes cautious. "What's wrong?" 

"Nothing, I'm not hungry," Jace admits, knowing very well that Simon doesn't like it when he won't eat after taxing sex. "I'll have some water, though. And a big breakfast tomorrow, I promise." 

"All the water," Simon insists, passing him the glass, watching him drink it slowly with a fond gaze, lips curling up. "Crying can dehydrate you, you know." 

Jace grunts a short laugh as he swallows down the last gulp. "Yeah, I did a lot of that. Got pretty loud, too. That was, uh, really fucking good, Simon." 

"Oh, well it's mineral water, so--" 

"Not the  _ water,  _ Simon, the  _ sex."  _

"Oh, right." Simon smiles at him brightly, taking the empty glass and putting it on the bedside table, gaze flicking over Jace's features. "I'm glad." 

A tension Jace wasn't even aware of eases out of his body the moment that Simon kisses him, just a soft and sweet connection of mouths. It soothes him, somehow, and he hadn't even known that something was ever so slightly bothering him. But Simon knows, he  _ always  _ knows.

When they break apart, Jace presses his forehead to Simon's and says, "I love you so much." 

"I love you too, Mr. Lewis," Simon replies softly, giving him a small peck, smiling against his mouth. "Now, what do you need?" 

See? He always knows. 

"Sleep, honestly," Jace admits with a quiet laugh, reaching out to trail his fingers over Simon's skin, eyes fluttering shut. "Next to you. Maybe some cuddling would be nice, but if you tell anyone that, we're getting a divorce." 

"Uh huh," Simon says in amusement, nudging him backwards so they can both sprawl out against the sheets. "Come on, let's go to sleep. I'll hold you close, and I won't let you go." 

Jace scoots onto his side, relaxing as Simon curls up behind him. The last thing he remembers before falling asleep is the comfort of Simon lightly kissing the scar on his neck as he always does, and he thinks--just before drifting off into a restful sleep with no nightmares--that he's happy with every single moment that led him to here. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's another long fic over and done with. Naturally, this isn't the last you'll see of me because I have many other projects in the works, one I hope to be sharing with you soon. If you enjoyed this one, don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave me a comment telling me all about it; I adore every single fucking one. 
> 
> That being said, let me think you all again for being so lovely. And time to sign off for this one, but I'll catch you on the flipside of the next one, I hope ;)
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I really appreciate them. 
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


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